I don’t remember the exact quote, but on Twitter the other day, someone tweeted something along these lines:
“The problem with being a good listener is that people don’t know when to STFU.”
There were many, many likes to this statement. I, myself, am just an average listener. It is something that I have had to work on over the years. I have a tendency to get excited and to interrupt. That being said, I’ve always tried to be cognizant of not holding people as my captive audiences. Nobody wants to be talked AT. People want you to show genuine, reciprocal interest in their lives, as well.
People who are really good listeners are probably among the most used and abused people in this world. They are so rare, that once we have one in our realm, we all tend to assume that they like being our sounding boards, and we lap up their rapt attention to our own showboating. Recently, I’ve been trying to engage the best listeners in my own life, to talk more about themselves. Because honestly, in my experience, the people who don’t talk that much, when they finally do say something, it tends to be profound. Also, the problem with excellent listeners is that they are usually the more “quiet” people in our lives. And when the quiet people get fed up with the rest of us more flamboyant ones, they tend to exit quietly. They don’t slam doors. They don’t demand equal attention. The good listeners just silently and slowly pull back and slide away. And their loss in our lives is a great one, because they are such rare gems. What best listener in your own life deserves more of your attention? Can you ask them questions without interjecting stories about your own life? You don’t have to “charm” an excellent listener. They are already charmed by you. They have shown it to you, again and again and again. Give their ears a break. This action will be the best thing that you have done for both of you, in a long, long time. There is no better way to show appreciation to the good listeners in your life, than to actively and earnestly listen to them.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I can honestly say that any time I have dealt with a personal challenge or tragedy, I have come out, at the other side of it all, as a person with more depth. I like who I am now much better, having bore the brunt of scars and pain and fear from any of the struggles which I have experienced and I have survived, and even sometimes thrived through. I believe that all of our experiences, whether we deem them “good” or “bad” have brought beautiful hues and nuances to our overall beings, making us deeper, more interesting, more reflective, more empathetic, stronger and yet more sensitive, all at the same time. Our experiences and our reactions and responses to our experiences hone our creativity and our understanding of Love, like nothing else does.
Our collective humanity has been going through a shitstorm (for lack of a better word) in these last few years. We are taking our licks and we have been forced to watch the people whom we love and care about, take their own licks, which is sometimes even more painful than bearing our own wounds. There was another generation, that comes to mind, whose some members are even still alive. This generation absolutely got more than their fair share of tumult and pandemonium to deal with in their own young lives. They experienced World Wars, and the Great Depression, and The Holocaust and vast discrimination, without many of the technological advances, and the medical advances, and the rights, and the comforts and the conveniences that we so easily take for granted today. They are called “The Greatest Generation.” This Greatest Generation is widely known for their collective character, their foresight, their sacrifices for the greatest good of all, their work ethic, their integrity, and their commitment and loyalty to their people and their causes.
I have forgiven, but I have not forgotten the naïve, sometimes selfish, sometimes impulsive, uninformed, judgmental, know-it-all younger versions of myself. My life experiences have shaped me into a more authentic, honest, patient, introspective, self-aware person than I started out to be and I hope that I continue to grow in that direction, until my last living breath. I hate what we are experiencing right now in this world of the pandemic, fractured politics and crimes against humanity. However, I also have no doubt that it is fire that forges steel. I believe with all of my heart, that it is often the worst of circumstances that can bring out the best of humanity and of creation. I think that our world would definitely benefit from “The Greatest Generation” Version 2.0. Don’t you?
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
In the matter of less than six months, three members of our combined extended families have lost their spouses to sudden deaths. All three of these people who died were in their fifties and younger. This has been a lot to consider and to digest and to process. It has been a stark reminder to me of just how short life really is, and how important it is to savor all of it. In times of sorrow and of pain and of uncertainty, which since the pandemic started, seems to be more of the norm than it ever was before (at least in my own life), it really helps to be reminded of all of the good and the love and the wonder that still surrounds us. These two recent news stories filled me with hope for humanity.
The first was the story of the Polish women who left their strollers waiting for the Ukrainian refugee mothers who were coming into Poland, at the train station platforms. I am sure seeing those strollers meant so much more to these refugee mothers, than just the use of much needed baby strollers. It was a message of hope, and of love, and of empathy, and of unity, like nothing that we could ever convey in words:
The second inspiring news story is about a hotline created by a couple of teachers and their elementary students to uplift people who need to feel some hope and some joy. It is called “Peptoc.” I called the number this morning and I picked the option to hear children’s laughter. Is there a more beautiful sound in this world? I think not. The number is here: 707-998-8410 I may keep it on speed dial. Here is the article:
There is nothing stronger in this world, yet paradoxically more vulnerable than a mother’s heart. A mother’s heart holds so much. It holds so much love and pride and vision and fear and worry and resilience and a load full of understanding and empathy for all of the other mothers’ hearts. A mother’s heart rarely breaks, because it can’t. Mothers’ hearts are the webbing of humanity’s entire existence and this webbing cannot afford too many bottomless holes of despair. My prayer is for all of the hearts, of all of the mothers. May those of us who are stronger and safer right now, keep the beat for the other mothers’ hearts who are bleeding down to a faintly beat.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning, friends. Happy Friday! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! The above picture is from one of my only two favorites for the day. That picture above is of Apollo, who is an orphaned black rhino. Due to poaching and hunting, there are only about 5,000 wild black rhinos left in the world. Apollo is taken care of by the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, an organization that is dedicated to taking care of orphaned elephants and rhinos, in order that they can be released back into the natural world, to be wild and free. Learn all about the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust here, at their website and watch their delightful videos of the precious, resilient, tough, very much alive orphans. https://www.sheldrickwildlifetrust.org/
In times of trouble, I find so much solace in animals and in nature. Don’t you?
Remember, little ones have big hearts. Little ones are amazingly resilient, resourceful and full of life. It’s hard to keep little ones down. Little ones are our future. Let’s all do everything that we can do, to make sure that it is a beautiful future worth having.
“And though she be but little, she is fierce.”
– William Shakespeare
“Mighty things from small beginnings grow.”
– John Dryden
“The world is moved along by tiny pushes of each honest worker.”
– Helen Keller
“Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut, that held its ground.”
– David Icke
And this is my new favorite song. (I find a lot of solace in music, too. Don’t you?) This song is a lovely way to bring in the weekend. Have a wonderful weekend. We’re all under the same sun.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“I’ve asked many, many clients to name their personal strengths and it surprises me how many people don’t know them — or don’t consciously use them. They just leave them lying in a drawer, which is such a waste.
Our strengths — the things we’re good at (whether they’re innate or a skill we’ve developed) — are what make us unique in the world. And when we bring those strengths together, magic can happen.
So test yourself: Make sure you can name your top three strengths – along with recent evidence that you’ve used them.” – Karen Nimmo
Yesterday I wrote about an article that I had read by Karen Nimmo, a writer and a psychologist from New Zealand. The above excerpt was also in her article, and honestly, it made me do a lot of thinking and pondering. I’m going to spend a little more time with this challenge today, for myself, and I hope that you will do the same.
It is easy to point out other people’s strengths, but it really can be a lot harder to admit our own strengths. Sadly, I imagine that most of us could quickly make a list of our “faults” a lot easier than we could proudly list the things in which we are good at doing in this world. Sometimes, it seems that we have taken this lesson in humility, a tad too far.
Today, I am going to take Karen Nimmo’s challenge and I am going to spend some time listing my strengths. I am then going to narrow these strengths down to my top three. I may even make a list of some of my “faults”, in order to make myself feel comfortable, honest, and humble. I won’t be doing this on the blog, or any other public forum. This list will be between me, myself and I.
I think that it is quite important to know what we are good at, and how we can best contribute to our shared world. Imagine if we were in a dire place, such as in Ukraine right now. It is vital for the leaders of the country and of the military to understand and to play to their best of each of their strengths. Who is the best strategic planner? Who is the best fighter? Who is the best negotiator? Who is the best communicator? Who has the best ability to keep the morale of the people and the soldiers alive and inspired?
While I think that it can be useful to focus on our top three strengths, I believe that an honest inventory of all of our abilities and talents (even the ones which are unusual and easy to overlook) can give us a real overall picture of who we are, and why we should feel confident and purposeful and important to the overall scheme of things. Strengths come in all sorts of packages. For instance, my husband has this uncanny, unstudied ability to find things. If something is lost, 99 percent of the time, I know that my husband will find it. He has found jewelry at the bottom of large public swimming pools, long lost mobile phones in thick national forests, and my father’s glasses in the deep sand covered by the waves at the beach. The other day, I lost a small stud earring and try as I might, I couldn’t find it. I didn’t even mention it to my husband. As I was brushing my teeth, I noticed that my husband had placed the earring, which he had found, right by my sink. And I already knew that this would likely happen. I had comforted myself with that thought, earlier in the day.
From time to time, traits that are sometimes considered to be “faults” can also be our strongest assets. This is another reason why I think that a personal inventory of our strengths and our weaknesses can be extremely helpful in getting to know ourselves and our purposes better. There is a young man on my daughter’s tennis team who is on the spectrum for autism. His matter-of-fact personality is very much in line with Sheldon Cooper’s personality, from the TV show, “The Big Bang Theory.” I have found this young man’s candor to be off-putting at times (which says a lot, because I tend to be a blunt cookie myself). Sadly, I imagine that this trait of his, may have made him a victim of unfortunate bullying, from time to time. However, the other day when my daughter was playing an opponent, her opponent called my daughter’s serve out (and this player had done this a few times, making calls which seemed questionable to me). There are no referees at high school tennis matches in our area, so the players’ calls stand. I didn’t think that my daughter’s serve was out at all, but I kept mum. I didn’t want to be one of those hysterical, sideline stage moms (on that particular day, anyway, plus my daughter was handedly winning). My daughter’s Sheldon Cooper-ish teammate did not keep quiet though. Without anger, but with a clear and direct confidence, he loudly announced to my daughter’s opponent, “Just so you know, that ball wasn’t out at all. Be careful with your calls.” The opponent embarrassingly mumbled an apology, and she didn’t make any bad calls, after our team’s own Sheldon outed the player on what may have been her intentional cheating. After the game, I thanked my daughter’s teammate for standing up for my daughter, and I told him how impressed I was that he had the courage to do that act, and to do it without anger, and yet with no hesitation. He said matter-of-factly, but with a proud smile, “Well, the ball was very much in.”
Knowing your strengths and playing to them is vital to your family and to your job and to any entity that you are involved with, in order to make the most positive impact on our shared world. One of my dear friends works as a director at her church. She was telling me that they are starting a new program to help parents of special needs kids get a break, for a few hours once a week. There are so few of these programs around, that parents are willing to drive for over an hour, in order to drop their children at a safe, comforting space, so that the exhausted parents can get a few hours to themselves to regroup, and to run errands that otherwise might be too challenging to do with a special needs child in tow. My friend is a compassionate, smart, and lovely person. She is easily one of the most organized people whom I have ever met. I asked her if she was going to be one of the caretakers of the special needs children. “No, that’s not my strength,” she said to me. “But I will have the program up and running soon, with the right people in place, because it is such a needed ministry.” And there is no doubt in my mind that she will do this, and it will be amazing. God/Universe/Creation is using her strengths for Divine work.
Today, or sometime soon, I challenge you to take Karen Nimmo’s advice, and at the very least, list your three best strengths. Get reacquainted with yourself. Get reacquainted with your unique qualities which make you such a special and needed thread in our immense, beautiful, shared quilt of Life. By knowing yourself, you best understand your own purposes, and your life becomes more meaningful to you and to others, more than it ever has before.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I don’t believe that there is any decent writer who isn’t also an avid reader. Most days before I start writing, I do a fair amount of reading. Interestingly, no matter how randomly I seem to choose my reading materials in the morning: news stories, essays, book chapters, tweets, horoscopes, old journal entries of my own, text exchanges, magazine articles etc., a common theme often seems to evolve. Today, from my various readings, I jotted down these ideas that seemed to be “the message” which my most intuitive self was trying to bring to the forefront of my mind and into the guidance of my everyday life:
Don’t fixate on the negative.
Enjoy and fully appreciate the everyday modest delights in life.
Keep it simple.
One of my readings this morning included this quote:
“A multitude of small delights constitutes happiness.” – Charles Baudelaire
This morning, not long after I jotted the French poet’s astute quote down into another one of my almost full leather bound notebooks (On an aside, I consider these notebooks of mine to be some of my greatest treasures in life. These ever-evolving notebooks contain thoughts and wisdoms that provoke my own thinking, and they guide me and inspire me to my own innate wisdom and peace. These personal treasure boxes are available for anyone who can read and who can think and who can feel, to create and to accumulate and to savor. If you don’t have a “thought museum” journal/notebook/scrapbook, start one today. They are like potato chips. You won’t be able to stop at just one.), I started reading another excellent article by the New Zealander, Karen Nimmo. Karen Nimmo is a psychologist and a prolific writer and this particular excerpt from her article stood out to me, and enforced and validated this one main message that seems to be the theme of my reading today:
“Life is challenging, that’s the deal we all sign on for. But if you find one thing — one thing — that gets you excitedeven in small doses, one thing that makes you come alive, preserve it. Nurture it. Build it. Sneak back to it. Invest in it. Because it’ll be there for you all the days of your life.” – Karen Nimmo
I have often thought that if I am fortunate enough to grow old and feeble, I hope that I will always have the ability to read, and hopefully, even to write. (More than once, I have even pictured little old lady me, perched in her comfy bed, in the nursing home, reading to her heart’s content, all day long until it’s time for dinner, and then I even hope to be able to read, while I am eating my dinner.) Reading gets me excited, evenin small doses. So does writing. Writing makes me come alive. And so every morning, as Nimmo suggests, I preserve these activities. I nurture them. I prioritize them. I sneak back throughout the day to look at my blog, and to read any comments, and to read other various written communications that have caught my fancy. I invest in these activities on a daily basis, because they are an investment in my own happiness and fulfillment and feeling of purpose. My happiness and excitement and contentment is positive energy that spills out to my home environment, and to my family, and to my pets, and to my friends, and to my community and to my world. My investment in my deepest, truest self (even in small doses) ends up being my gift of joy to the world. Win-win. What is “that thing”, that “one thing” that makes you come alive? What’s that “one thing” that brings out your most beautiful, positive, alive and happy energy, so that when you do “that thing”, it only adds to the bank of positive energy that our world so desperately needs right now? Whatever that activity is for you, doing “that thing” is your gift to yourself, to your family, to your friends, to your community and to your world. You owe it to yourself, and you owe it to all of the rest of us, to do that thing that makes you feel the most alive, even if it is only in small doses. In a world where we are facing a horrific crisis that has absolutely no winners, we need loads and loads more of the magnificent, light-filled, uplifting, excited, loving, positive energy that is a “win-win” for all of us. As Nimmo says, find “your thing”. “Preserve it. Nurture it. Build it. Sneak back to it. Invest in it.” Do it for yourself. Do it for all of us.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’m sorry, friends. In light of what is going on in the world these last couple of days, I am not feeling my usual lighthearted, “let’s just focus on the material stuff” Friday mojo. Like so many of us, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on what is happening in the Ukraine. I’ve been noticing my feelings, and I have been spending a lot of time praying for everyone around the world who is suffering from pain, fear and disillusionment.
I’ve taken this current horrific situation going on, and I reflected on its “microcosm” that by now, at our ages, everyone has experienced at least once, in each of our lives:
“No one is coming to save you. This life of yours is 100 percent your responsibility.”
It’s a cold, hard truth and the first time that this truth smacks you in the face, it is so scary and dark and lonely and painful to fully realize this truth. It’s brutal. But then, the redemption occurs. This is the very moment that you learn to trust yourself. This is the very moment that you learn that you can rely on yourself. This is the very moment that you come to know your strength and your determination and your resilience like you never have before. You never feel more fully alive than when you fully realize your own worth. You realize that you are worth fighting for, that you deserve more than what you have been allowing, that you have people (and higher spiritual forces) who love you, and who support you, and who want to help you in your cause. This is the moment that you realize that you love yourself, and that you value yourself and there is no one who knows you, and what you need better than you. There is no one who will take better care of you, than you. This is the moment when you realize your own worth. This is when you experience your own personal freedom and victory. This is the day that you realize your greatest champion on Earth must be you. When this occurs, all the forces in the natural and in the supernatural are by your side, and the wind is at your back. You are filled with an energetic, wise knowing and confidence that you deserve to be the fullest creative expression of your truest self and you will let nothing will stop you from realizing your highest form of being.
Today is an excellent day to focus on your favorite being in the whole wide world, to focus on the person who was with you from the very beginning of your birth here, and who will be with you to the very last breaths of your stay here on Earth. Today is an excellent day to focus on your favorite being in the world who has been with you through every single up and down that you have ever experienced in every single day of your life. Today is an excellent day to be thankful to your favorite being for all of the experiences shared, the warm, supportive relationships created, and for the creative journey currently being experienced in the here and now. Today your favorite anything, should be YOU! Everything that you need, is inside of you. Your navigation system is forever connected to the Highest Loving Intelligence that exists. Trust this fact. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Your superhero is You. And you are more incredible and worthy and capable than you ever give yourself credit for being!
And also for today, my daily mantra on the blog is directed specifically to the warmongers in this world:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
My prayers are for the Ukrainian people, particularly the children. May their fears be snuffed out by the peace of a strong faith and the perseverance of endless hope. My prayers are for our world leaders. May these leaders only hear and react to the quiet wisdom and guidance that is imparted to all of us by the Divine, for the highest good of us all. May peace reign.
“You can’t separate peace from freedom because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom.” – Malcom X
“The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that its center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.” – Black Elk
“I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.” – Helen Keller
“Peace, commerce, and honest friendship with all nations… entangling alliances withnone.” – Thomas Jefferson
“Mankind must remember that peace is not God’s gift to his creatures, it is our giftto each other.” – Elie Wiesel
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Sadness is the soul’s way of saying this mattered.” – (from the video above), Jane’s “Ted Talk from Bed Talk”
I, like so many others, was a little bit soul-shattered to hear of Jane’s (Nightbirde) passing over this past weekend. I thought that Jane was incredible – the epitome of beauty, inside and outside. Her voice and her music were amazing, but her writing and her wisdom is what touched the depths of my being. I read recently that we all want to live a long life and to have a short death, and Jane didn’t get either of these. Still, Nightbirde persevered and she inspired millions all around the world, to do the same, and to remain in awe of the beauty in life, all around us. Jane often used the hashtag phrase, #SeeJaneWin. She did win. She won at life by living life fully, and honestly, and earnestly, and faithfully, and hopefully and authentically. She didn’t cheat herself from experiencing “the all of it All.” And she inspired so many others to do the same.
I’ve read a lot of the comments, outpouring on Nightbirde’s Instagram in these past hours after the announcement of her passing. Jane energized many people to keep on going, during their own trials, and health failings, and dark moments in their own lives. So many people testified to this fact. So many people consider Jane to be “an angel on Earth.” One person wrote R.I.P., RETURN IF POSSIBLE. I like that version of R.I.P. We need more Janes in this world. Jamal Edwards, a young, influential rapper, and writer from the United Kingdom recently passed in the last couple of days, as well. He is credited with this thought: “The goal is not to live forever, the goal is to make something that will.”
Our bodies will eventually turn to dust, and our things will be sold in estate auctions. Our only real, everlasting legacies are what and who we affected in this world. These actions are what create the ripples that move all across the waters that cover this entire world, and these collective actions form what we now call “history”. What we create, what we experience, and what we bring into fruition into this world are our gifts, and our endowments to the banks of inspiration, hope, wisdom, experience, strength, faith, beauty- all of the elements of life that others can draw off of, when needed. Our daily being is our one precious gift to this Tapestry of Life that is being created by all of us. We all have the ability to give the highest and fullest and truest forms of ourselves back to the banks of Life. That is our only goal: to give back to the world the only part of us that will last forever – Love.
