+ I just read an article about the average hourly rates for babysitters in each of the states. The range is roughly $20-$25 an hour for just one child. The rates go up with each additional child. I never wanted to be “that guy” talking about how cheap things were in “my day”, but here I go anyway: When I was a babysitter I got $2-3 an hour and the families I babysat for usually had at least three kids plus another family’s kid(s) staying over . I also had other chores tacked on to my babysitting responsibilities such as polishing silver (true story), and I survived almost having a heart attack one night, when one of the family’s elderly dogs started wheezing heavily, in an ominous way, in the other room, and I was sure that I was about to be the latest storyline for When a Stranger Calls horror films. Wah. Wah.
+ Yesterday I read an article that several studies have shown a remarkable correlation of reduction in your chance of developing dementia if you regularly play “brain speed” games. The articles mentioned a game called “Double Decision” by a company called BrainHQ that is supposed to be the best “brain speed” game out there. The game is harder than it looks. (you can try a free version online) The only thing that I did do extremely fast yesterday, was whip out my credit card to pay for a yearly subscription to BrainHQ. And now I have added yet another activity in my ever-expanding list of chores in my morning routine. I’ve noticed lately that my “morning routine” is quickly dribbling into my afternoons.
+ Here is a latest list of quotes/ideas I have jotted in one of my inspirational journals. I only add credits when I know who wrote them, so I apologize for the lack of credits for some of the quotes:
“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.” – Lauren Smallcomb
“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” – Alan Watts
“There’s more to life than more.” – from Superbowl commercial
“Action absorbs anxiety.”
“Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you will never be again.”
“The God of the mountains is the God of the valley.” (prayers for Nancy Guthrie and family)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
+ Before I finally get to this blank page where I can get to my writing, I get slogged with advertisements for gimmicks to turn my “visitors” into regulars and customers. You, my dear ones, are not visitors. You are not customers. You are my treasured readers and friends, free to come and go as often as you please. You are my treasured witnesses to my thoughts, my emotions and my experiences and I am so utterly grateful for you. You mean more to me than you know. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
+ From today’s reading of an article about Arthur Brooks, a famous and prolific researcher, these are the five pillars for a happy life: 1) Maintain your physical and mental health. Make them a priority. 2) Maintain healthy personal and intimate relationships. (there is not a specific number of relationships you need to have – I have always told my kids that when it comes to relationships, four quarters is better than 100 pennies. Just make sure that you have some level of connection in your life to people with whom you share mutual values and affection) 3) See and notice the beauty in art and in nature every single day of your life. 4) Maintain a reasonable standard of living and do some sort of work which brings you a sense of satisfaction and purpose. 5) Have a spiritual, religious or philosophical outlook which fosters resilience. In other words, believing in something bigger than yourself promotes hope and optimism, and both of these virtues have been proven to be excellent elixirs for your overall health and well-being.
+ I bought a cheapie knock-off of the Oura health ring for myself last month. (My husband calls it the “Poora”) This purchase is incredibly surprising to everyone who knows me. I would never, ever, ever (ever) be confused for a techie nor a gym rat. I have never owned an Apple watch. I frequently lose my cell phone. (We keep a landline primarily so I can call my cell phone to find it), and I tend to wear much blingier, gaudy jewelry than the Poora. Also, when it comes to my health, I can easily veer into the mindset of “what I don’t know can’t hurt me.” So surprising to everyone, and particularly most surprising to me, is that I LOVE my Poora health ring. I am particularly excited about checking my sleep score every morning, which typically looms around 90-100 unless my husband is having a restless night and then I scold him mercilessly. I don’t know if the health statistics that I am getting from my ring’s app are accurate or not (particularly since my ring is a Poora and not an actual Oura), but I don’t really care because so far the stats look good and I am a huge believer in the placebo effect. The placebo effect has always proven to be the best panacea for all that ails me.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
+ I had a bit of “sticker shock” when I was on the scale at my doctor’s office the other day. I simply couldn’t believe the number. Blaming the extra pounds on a semi-heavy sweater and my bra, I had to come home and verify my own assurance that the doctor’s office scale just had to be broken. It wasn’t. The holiday treats have all landed in the garbage can.
+ My one son is the king of purchasing really good, thoughtful, practical gifts. (there are times I’ve had to remind him that his fiancee would probably like impractical gifts, too – wink, wink) Having witnessed me and his father struggle many times with our spoons, trying to get the powder lumps out of our daily green smoothie (and then, often not successful, thus choking, unattractively, for what feels like an eternity, on said lumps), he got me a wonderful Sur-la-table whisk/frother for Christmas. (which my husband promptly used before I even tried MY gift – the early bird catches the worm, it seems) Anyway, it is a wonderful gift and it has made a huge difference already, as long as I remember to put the whisk into the drink before turning it on. At least now though, I won’t die from choking on my health drink. (However, I should have gotten a big, fresh sponge for Christmas, too, to clean up my messes until I learn to get it right.)
+ I’m trying to start the year out right and get “seriously more serious” about decluttering. The problem for me is, that I actually like all of my stuff (and at age 55 and being an earnest and regular shopper, I’ve accumulated A LOT of stuff). The whole world-famous Marie Kondo question, “Does this (insert: 18 Vera Bradley tablets, citrine cluster, dog shaped candle, owl bell, gnome figurines, various jars of eye cream, 116 perfume bottles, 52 pairs of sunglasses, 5 pairs of Kelly green and orange shoes, one of thousands of pairs of earrings, 50 collected bird feathers, etc. etc.) spark joy?” Yes. Yes, they all do. They all spark joy. That’s why I bought them in the first place. So, I guess where to store all of my joy is the question. Or perhaps I need to start ranking things by different levels of joy and letting the lower levels of my joy go to Goodwill to spark joy in someone else. Joy is best when it is given away.
+ I was speaking to one of my future daughter-in-laws over the holidays, talking about my dress for her wedding. Her enthusiastic mother, already has purchased her dress and the wedding is in September. My future DIL mentioned that she wants the colors of her wedding to be muted (the bridesmaids are wearing a silvery-grey). She mentioned that her mother’s dress is navy blue. Now, I don’t have my dress for the wedding yet. (See the first point I made today, as to a main reason why I don’t have my dress) And I actually look much better in bright, vibrant colors. So, I was scanning my mind for what “muted color” I could wear and not copy her mother’s navy blue. “Oh, I could wear off-white!” I said with a big smile on my face. Ooops! What?!? Where did I come up with the idea that off-white would be a good color to wear to my son’s wedding? My future DIL’s face said it all. She was looking me like I had two heads. I realized my mistake immediately, laughed and now luckily, it’s just become one of our many family jokes to be repeated ad nauseum, for years and years to come. And of course, I will not be wearing off-white.
In case you haven’t noticed, I am trying to start this year with a good sense of humor. And this is a time in the world, when a good sense of humor is vital. When we can laugh at ourselves, we never cease laughing – there is plenty of material to play with when observing our own absurdities.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
+ Yesterday I stumbled across this appetizer serving plate in a store that unfortunately had a small chip in it (as in a crack or break, not a Doritos nacho chip), and they didn’t have any other of these plates for me to buy. It said “Dipshit” and I thought that was totally hilarious. Looking for a similar plate online, I found all sorts of profane and hilarious plates and so I had my own private comedy hour (although I did text some pictures of the plates to friends, to laugh along with me. Laughter is best when it is multiplied.) The one that seemed to get the most laughs from all of us, was this one:
To be funny, humor always has to have a hint of truth in it. Sadly, many of us talk to ourselves this way, even when we are giving ourselves a “pep talk.” For example, the next time that you feel irritated with your mood, and you angrily scream at yourself “Could you just stay in the moment, and be peaceful for once???”, etc. remember this plate, and laugh. Laugh at yourself. Put your inner bitch to the side, and be kind. Be kind to yourself.
+ Our Boykin spaniel, Trip, is kind of a jerk. He’s our jerk and we adore our jerk, but he’s a jerk. Trip is bossy, boisterous, wary of anyone who isn’t family, attention-seeking, snappy, hyper, and overall, mostly obnoxious. His looks are adorable (he’s been compared to Bob Marley if Bob Marley were a dog), and Trip’s fur is luxuriously soft and he is the most affectionate dog whom I have ever lived with in my life (and I have lived with many a dog over the years). Still, overall, Trip is kind of a jerk. And we have mostly accepted this about him, since he is five years old and nothing about his mannerisms have changed all that much. So my husband and I were walking the jerk and the other sweet one (the beautiful, calm, elegant collie) last night, and we passed a man walking his dog, whom we have passed many times on the road, typically just greeting each other with waves and nods, but that’s about it. Yesterday night, the man stopped, just as Trip was pulling my husband in zealous zigzags, just as he does very night, except to occasionally enthusiastically kick up dirt and rocks with his back legs, just for the helluva it – a fun shower for us all. Sigh. The man yelled over to us, “I have to tell you guys that seeing your dog every night makes me so happy. It lifts my spirit. He’s like a happy, busy little kid. You guys are so lucky. He is so full of life. He makes me happy and filled with energy just watching him. Your dog is something special.”
Honestly, that might be the first genuine, amazing compliment that Trip has ever gotten from anyone outside of our family. We are used to the backhanded compliments about him, “Well, at least he looks cute . . . .” Trip didn’t understand the compliment. Nor would he care. Trip was busy putting his nose into a tortoise cave at this point. But I relished the compliment. I relished it because it was a reminder to look for the good in everything. It was a reminder that we all have different tastes in things, people, places, ideas, dogs . . . .and that’s what makes the world go around. It’s what makes the world interesting. The kind compliment was a reminder that a curse can also be a blessing, and that it is best to try to seek out and to focus on the blessing part, whenever we can. It was also a reminder to be like Trip. Trip doesn’t listen to the boos or the cheers (one of the greatest basketball players of all times, Bill Russell was booed almost nightly by racist crowds. His daughter asked him if he heard the boos and he told her this: “I don’t hear the boos because I don’thear the cheers.” Bill Russell was confident and comfortable in his own skin, He focused on what he did best, and what he loved, and he cancelled out the outside noise. Bill Russell didn’t need cheers to validate himself, and so the boos didn’t phase him.)
+ Here is a poignant quote from the classic 1970s book, How to Be Your Own Best Friend: ” . . . you have to make a very basic decision: do you want to lift yourself up or put yourself down? Are you for yourself or are you against yourself? This may seem like a strange question, but many people are literally their own worst enemy. If you decide to help yourself, you can choose to do the things that make you feel good about yourself instead of the things that make you feel terrible. Why should you do what gives you pain when it is just as easy to give yourself joy?” (To drive the point home, see exhibit one above, “plate.” To further drive the point home, see exhibit two above, “perspective.”)
“Don’t use errors as an excuse to beat yourself up. Use them as an opportunity to lift yourself up.” – Alan Cohen
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Nobody can drive you crazy unless you agree to sit in their passenger’s seat.” – Alan Cohen
^^^^^Here’s another one that I had to have for our shared thought museum, here at Adulting – Second Half. How true is this statement? As I am writing this, a squirrel is trying to get Trip (our excitable and infamous, and unfortunately proven, squirrel hunter/killer Boykin spaniel) to fully engage. The daredevil squirrel is tapping on the fence and slowly walking across it, twitching its tail tantalizingly, and frequently pausing and watching Trip, as he cheekily shows off his tricky little tightrope routine/show. Interestingly, Trip is watching calmly and alertly in the backyard, but he is not choosing to engage in what is usually (thank goodness) a fruitless game. Trip is enjoying the plush grass, the still cool air, and his full tummy from the hearty breakfast that he just consumed. He is taking a backseat and allowing the show to go on, without participating in it. The squirrel is annoyed with this, surprisingly. He seems agitated and keeps chirping incessantly at Trip. Apparently, Rocky the squirrel, likes high stakes games of putting his life on the line for the pure thrill and excitement of it. (I truly believe that much like free solo mountain climbers, there is something annoyingly unusual in squirrels’ brains which makes them relatively fearless and antagonizing. My apologies to squirrel lovers, but not really.)
It is nice and surprising to see Trip not jump shotgun into the squirrel’s Ferrari. It shows a healthy side of Trip seldom seen. I believe that this bodes well for a peaceful day for all of us.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Almost 20 years ago, living in an entirely different state, living in an entirely different house, we purchased a really swanky, top-of-the-line (for the time) TV and sound system. And up until yesterday, we still watched that big, old TV mostly because my husband and I are equally as stubborn, and we are both ones to hold on to our “big purchase” items like cars and furniture and electronics and favorite shoes, until they are almost not useable, not just out of thrift and/or laziness, but more so out of deep attachment and sentimentality. Our middle son is staying with us this month and being a tech-y kind of guy, he has always been the ringleader of his siblings, leading all of them to tease us about our ridiculously out-of-date TV with pixels that you still can see with the naked eye. Imagine!
So when agreeing to come shop with us at Costco over the weekend, our son finally got us over our hump. We broke down and we bought a brand new, up-to-date, way skinnier, no pixels on the screen TV (with all those other tech-y features that our son insisted that we just MUST have). And I think that the new TV is so big and bright, it hurts my eyes. But it is beautiful, and it is a great upgrade, and our son was a wonderful help, getting it all set up for us. Most importantly, I think that we’ll enjoy watching the new TV, very much, for the next 20 years.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
691. What is the last picture taken on your phone’s camera?
+ From 2009-2018, the United States had 288 school shootings. Mexico, the next country in line for most school shootings during that time period, had 8. (CNN) Since Columbine, the United States has had 416 school shootings (Washington Post). Let me state the obvious: currently, whatever we are, or we aren’t doing, to address this problem IS NOT WORKING. What are our priorities?
+ Speaking about priorities, I was listening to a podcast yesterday and the podcaster (Jessica Lanyadoo) made an interesting analogy. She said that our ideals are the starry skies, but our values are the street lamps that light the way. Our ideals are the utopian vision of the world we would like to see. We don’t have enough power or control to turn the whole world into our ideal utopia, but we can change the light bulbs on “our street lamps.” We can make sure that we are spending our time and our energy on what we most value. When we do this, we have created a lighted path that leads the way to making footprints towards the starry skies of our ideal world.
+ There is common terminology used to describe penises: “showers or growers.” (I’ll let you google that for the more detailed explanation.) Recently, though, I heard the terminology used to describe people. “Showers” (not like rain “shower”, more like going to a broadway “show”) are the people who razzle and dazzle you from the get go. They are entrancing, charming, interesting people whom you almost instantly like, and whom you feel attracted to from the start. On the other hand, the “growers” are people who “grow on you.” The “growers” are people whom you aren’t sure how you feel about them, but if you give them a few more chances to get to know them, you start to discover their wonderful intrinsic qualities. They are like mystery packages that when you start unpacking them, they reveal really nice surprises. Showers put it all out there instantly. Showers are flowers in full bloom. Growers are flower buds. We need both kinds of people in our lives. However, in my personal experience, it’s often the “growers” who have turned out to be the steadiest, most impactful relationships in my life. Showers sometimes have the tendency to burn out fast. Showers sometimes turn out to be fake flowers.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2020. Do you like photography or videography better?
This Monday actually is a fun day for a lot of us, isn’t it? Happy Labor Day!
Epiphany I had recently when I was out with friends:
On Friday, we were out to dinner with dear friends whom we have been friends with since college, and I was saying something about us being middle-aged. “Are we still middle-aged?” my friend asked. “Of course we are!” I barked furiously, but the truth is, I really didn’t know. It was the first time that I had dared to ask myself if I had gone past middle age. So, the next morning I googled it, and it seems that most officials consider middle age to be 40-60. We are in our mid-fifties, “So yes, Virginia, we are still middle-aged.” We are upper-middle-aged, but we are middle-aged.
Epiphany I had when talking to my aunt:
Also on Friday, I had a nice catch-up call with one of my aunts, and we were reminiscing about her aunt (my great-aunt). Aunt/Great-Aunt was quite the character. She lived her life exactly how she saw fit, and she made no apologies about it. She was colorful, artistic, and had interesting, unusual opinions about everything. We all adored her and we often talk about her still, even though she is long past. One could write a book about her, but to give you an idea, Aunt/Great-Aunt had a parakeet that she taught to say “The Gettysburg Address.” Anyway, my aunt was saying that Aunt/Great-Aunt and her husband were definitely “eccentric.” I agreed. My aunt suggested that perhaps she and I had also inherited a little bit of the “eccentric” gene. I agreed. My aunt then said that her friend always says that “eccentric” is just a nice word for “crazy.” We laughed, but I thought to myself, “Call me “Eccentric” or “Crazy”, it doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Epiphany I had this morning:
At the end of my life, I want to be having such a good time with living, that I want to be like an over-excited kid on a playground or at the community pool, having an absolutely fabulous time, and thus becoming instantly furious and devastated that I am being called to go home, even though in my played-out exhaustion, going Home is probably exactly what I need.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
973. Do you prefer movies with-or without- special effects?
Happy Friday!!! Happy Holiday Weekend!! I love Fridays. Friday is my favorite day of the week. Fridays are for my favorites on the blog and today’s favorite is one of my absolute favorite rabbit holes that I followed down this week. (The internet was definitely created by and for, really insatiably curious, distractible people such as myself) So this week on social media, I saw the hilarious post above, of quite the unusual obituary. It made me giggle. I like original, unusual people who can make fun of themselves, and who can laugh in the face of death (and who are animal lovers).
Of course, I wanted to see if this was a real obituary (and so did many others, it seems). It is a real obituary. Holly McCray Blair was a real person. She is still getting all sorts of messages posted on her memorial wall, to this day, 4 years after her death, by people who didn’t even personally know her, because her obituary has gone viral on social media. Interestingly, a lot of people wrote “GNU Holly Blair” on the page. Hmmmm. What does GNU stand for? Is it relating to the animal? Is it an acronym? “Good night, Universe” “Good kNowing U” Those were my guesses and they were wrong. My rabbit hole continued on to this carrot of information:
“Sir Terry Pratchett, an English author and humorist, invented in his Discworld comic fantasy book series (a fictional computer code):
G: send the message on
N: do not log the message
U: turn the message around at the end of the line and send it back again
so that the book character’s son’s name John Dearheart is memorialized forever as long as the “clacks towers” (a telegraphic device) is still in use. Chapter 4 prologue of Going Postal (a book in the series) says:
“A man is not dead while his name is still spoken.”
Terry Pratchett (the guy who Holly Blair wanted to drink beer with, after she died) died, himself, in 2015.
What better way to remember the beloved inventor of this fictional system, then, than “GNU Terry Pratchett”?”
(the above information about Terry Pratchett was taken mostly verbatim from a Reddit article)
Do you have anyone who needs to be GNU-ed? Speak their names this weekend. Keep them alive.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2841. Is there anything you are really stingy with?
Hi friends. Sorry to be MIA this weekend. I find myself distracted with researching a new project. I’ll be back in full form tomorrow. Perhaps on this Sunday (Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog) we should play around with haikus. Haikus are three-line poems with one line of five syllables, the next line having seven syllables and the final line having five syllables. Here is a good one:
I am distracted
Writing is good for my soul
So I will be back
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
