The Nail Lady

Yesterday, I got a pedicure. And the technician was someone I have seen in the shop, but she had never done my nails before. As she was working on my feet, my nail technician got to telling me her life story. It turns out that she was one of the Vietnamese boat people who came over to the United States in the 1970s. She was nine-years-old. Her parents put her on the boat with a young woman she barely knew, who was to marry the nail technician’s brother. Her parents had eleven children and they wanted something better for them, than the communists had to offer in Vietnam at the time. My nail technician said it took three months to cross the ocean. She started out in Beaumont, Texas. She said that at the time, there were very few Asians in Texas, so they formed a tight community there, with other Vietnamese immigrants. Her brother and his wife took care of her until she married a man who had also come over from her village and they moved to Florida. My nail technician and her husband had five children during their marriage, but unfortunately, her husband died of a sudden heart attack tens years ago. She told me that he was the love of her life, and for the first year after his death, she wouldn’t even let herself accept that he was gone. But she said, she always keeps busy. She has five children to raise as a single mother! And she told me her children are all doing well. Two are in college, one is in medical school, and two are still at home. I told her that she might be one of the bravest people I have ever met. She just giggled softly. She told me that she is feisty, but she just feels lucky. She feels so lucky to live in the United States.

I am one of those people in life who other people have the tendency to tell me their life stories. I think this is because I am a curious person. I’m interested. I have learned that everyone has a story. And honestly everyone’s story is fascinating and intriguing in its own way. I have also learned that it is often the people who do the everyday behind the scenes/service jobs who have the most incredible stories of all that I have ever heard. I have learned in life that it is often the royalty of the world who are serving meals, cleaning houses, and tending gardens for the rest of us paupers. These people are typically more courageous, more hopeful, more determined and yet, more grateful than almost anybody would or could imagine, or even hope to be themselves. I feel so lucky to understand this about people. Listening to people’s stories is humbling and awestriking, all at the same time.

Maya Norton on Twitter: ""Do you know a foreign accent is? It's a sign of # bravery." Exactly! Via @TuttleSinger #Refugees #Immigrants #Quotes  https://t.co/BnyO4CZWNo" / Twitter
LIRS | Quotes About Immigrants and Refugees | From Presidents to Poets

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Herd It’s Friday

Oh yeah its friday quotes friday happy friday friday quotes hello friday |  Its friday quotes, Hello friday, Happy friday

Good morning! Welcome to the lightest, airiest, “okay, now you can breathe out” day of the week! I LOVE Fridays! On Fridays, I list one, or sometimes even a few, of my favorite things. The things in life are what make life interesting, and material, and a tactile, sensory experience. Before I get to my favorite thing for today, I have a little personal story about sea anemone earrings. A while ago, I purchased perhaps the least expensive thing you could ever buy from Scully & Scully, a longstanding, staid, high-end store in New York City, that’s been around since 1934. I think I purchased probably a small set of coasters, or perhaps maybe even just one coaster, but ever since then, I get their catalogs and their online store pops up on my feed. For instance today, some offerings popped up on my Google, showing me a beautiful Meissen tureen for the bargain price of $125,000. (but does it come with free shipping?) Anyway, it’s a fun store to “window shop.” (If you like Herend figurines, they carry the entire line, and some.) The other day, as I was perusing the internet, and Scully & Scully popped up once again, suggesting that I might be interested in a pair of lovely $12,000 sea anemone earrings. They were gorgeous! And so unique! But sea anemone earrings are not what you call everyday wear, and I have two kids in college, and “good earrings” make me nervous because if I lose one, I’ll be sick about it for months, and I am not Kris Kardashian – I don’t have $12,000 to blow on sea anemone earrings, nor would I ever spend $12,000 on sea anemone earrings, because even if I were filthy rich, my ingrained midwestern sensibilities, practicalities and self judgments would intercede firmly and fiercely. But, man oh man, did I want me a pair of sea anemone earrings!! So guess what? I went to eBay, and Mercari, and the like, and I started feverously scrolling for sea anemone earrings and I found a really cute lime green pair made by Betsey Johnson for around $20, and I love them! And if I only wear them three times in my whole life before I lose one, I can live with that fact. And the point of my long winded story?! Go after what you want. Don’t get fixated on “THE one and only particular solution” to anything in life (i.e. job, person, house, college, vacation spot etc.) There are all sorts of “sea anemone earrings” out there, that will please you, and that will suit your particular needs and wants. Be open to what the Universe has to serve! Explore and enjoy!

On that note, I even have another bonus favorite for today, before I get to my real favorite. This is a favorite household tip. (insert my husband and children guffawing – housekeeping has never been my strong suit). If you have a clothes washer that tends to get smelly (ours is one of those. Years of washing six active, sweaty people’s clothes on a daily basis lends to pure stanky smelliness), pour a bottle of Listerine in it and run a cycle. The Listerine kills the bacteria that makes the washer smelly and the smell goes away instantly and you have a fresh, clean washer. I bought a drugstore brand version of mouthwash for $4, ran it in my washer, and it did the trick, after years of wasting money on “magic formulas” made specifically to clean washers which never worked. I found this household tip on one of my days of getting a little lost in clickbait (instead of doing laundry), and it turns out, the tip is a gamechanger. Enjoy!

Finally, here’s my real favorite of the day. I am fortunate to have a wonderful herd of elephants in my life. Actually, I am fortunate enough to have a few herds whom I rely on, when I lose my way. Do you? This is from the website that describes what these beautiful elephant ornaments really mean:

In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors. They literally form a circle around sisters who are hurting or grieving. And often, they will kick dirt up around her to mask the scent of suffering…in turn, keeping her safe from predators.

And yet, we are the same. This is what we do. This is who we are. And this is who we are meant to be for each other. We all have elephants in our lives. Sometimes we are the ones in the middle, and sometimes we’re on the outside kicking up dirt with fierce, fierce love. But the circle remains.

The ornaments are as lovely as their sentiments. You can buy your herds some here as a way of letting them know how much you love and appreciate them:

Stainless "Friendship/Sisterhood" Elephant Ornament

And that is it for this Friday! Thank you for being one of my herds, dear readers! I hope that I have helped you in times that I have not been hurting and grieving, but feeling strong and positive. You have always surrounded me in times that I need it, and for that I am forever grateful. Have a wonderful weekend!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Prisoners

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What has you imprisoned? Now you may scoff and say, “Nothing has me imprisoned. I am a free thinker from a free country.” But, if we are honest with ourselves, we all have the things in our lives that imprison us. And usually, we don’t even realize this fact until usually some life crisis or a big change in our lives happen that makes us do a whole lot more self examination than we typically take the time to do, on a daily basis. (This is the hidden blessing of crises. Crises make us get really real with our own selves, if we want to rise out of our crises, like a phoenix from the fire. Otherwise we just succumb to difficulties and wonder “why me?”)

What is imprisoning you? Your financial obligations? Your lifestyle? Your daily habits or even addictions? Your need to please others? Your concern about image and what other people think about you? Your religious/political beliefs that may have been imposed upon you as a child – have you ever really examined these beliefs to see if they really are truly your own beliefs? Your sense of duty? Do your fears about the future, or your regrets about the past imprison you, keeping you frozen and catatonic? Your need to be “right”? Your beliefs about “others” and what they think and do? What about your beliefs about yourself, do they imprison you by making you stay in a certain “mold”, a mold that maybe you never intentionally created, but was fitted for you by someone else, or even by society?

What has you imprisoned? Where do you feel free in your life, and where do you feel stuck? Are the choices which you are making in your life, truly the right ones for you? You are the key, to get out of the prisons of your own making. We all have prisons that we have created for ourselves, and we all have the keys to get out of them. However, it is impossible to escape from a prison that you don’t admit that you are in, in the first place. Don’t be your own jailer. Make the changes in your life, that you need and want to make. These changes are your keys out of prison. Self awareness and courage will bring you to the ability to make changes, which will ultimately bring you to your freedom – your freedom to be the ultimate expression of your own true self.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Much Needed Thread

I’ve been a little down the last couple of weeks. I was involved in a fender bender that seems to be taking on a life of its own, I’m feeling a lot of bittersweetness with all of the endings my youngest child is experiencing at the end of her senior year of high school, and there have been some dark and sad events occurring in our extended family. In short, my normal, everyday cheerfulness has felt a little more forced than it usually does. I’ve even gotten a little cynical, wondering if people are even kind anymore. But then, the Universe worked its magic (as it always does, look for the messages – they are always there):

This morning, after quickly scanning the news headlines, which helped to create an even sicker pit in my stomach, I started scrolling through Twitter and I happened upon a Tweet where a woman remembered and recounted a kindness that had happened to her on the NYC subway. It was late at night, she had just gotten on to the train, realizing that in her haste, she had dropped her keys which were connected to her wallet. A stranger, seeing this happen, quickly grabbed the keys and the wallet and hurled them on to the train, which landed right next to her, just as the doors to the subway were closing. She said that she thinks of this stranger and his quick thinking/acting and kindness often. This post has started an amazing thread that you can check out at the Tweeter’s Twitter handle (@amandamull). Amanda posted her story less than a day ago and already it has over 1000 comments, connected to it, telling similar stories of wonderful kindnesses strangers had done for other people. People talked about people going out of their way to return wallets, men who protected vulnerable young women, people going out of their way to show people directions, while being lost in foreign countries, people helping pregnant women stay steady, people paying for things or giving things away with smiles on their faces, people helping turtles flip over and cross busy roads, etc. One story that really brought a lump in my throat, was of a woman who had just found out that her three-year old child was diagnosed with leukemia. She was sitting on a bench outside of a concert hall crying. A teenager, who was attending the concert, saw her crying, and sat down on the bench with her, and for at least 10 minutes, cried with her. What I gleaned from this thread, is that it doesn’t take much to make a difference in a person’s life – a difference that they never forget. One man, David Lyall, wrote this:

I grew up in NYC. One day I was walking to school, maybe I was 12, my Dad had died a couple of years before, life was dark and I was depressed, and I looked over my shoulder and saw a young woman smiling an encouraging smile at me from the back of a bus.”

A smile, friends. A smile. How easy it is to give away a smile, and yet how much it can mean to someone! A smile.

Deep into this wonderful Twitter thread, I saw this exchange:

“nothing gets you high like an anonymous act of kindness

Giving and getting”

The people who were recounting their stories were not just on the receiving end of benevolence. People proudly wrote about kind and generous deeds that they had done for others. This reminded me of the time that I’ll never forget, when my late father-in-law framed a thank you letter that he had received from a stranded young woman, whose car tire, he had stopped and changed. He was so proud of his act and the beautiful note which she had written to him. He sheepishly said, “See, I’m not such a bad guy.”

When you go to read this growing thread on Twitter, I’ll forewarn you that there are a few stories of ungratefulness and haughtiness and nastiness, but overwhelmingly, the stories being told and remembered and recounted, are feel-good stories, the kind of stories that make you want to live by the mantra, “Be the reason someone believes in good people.”

I have to say that reading these stories made me remember countless kindnesses shown to me along the way, as well as many times which I can proudly boast of me or one of my family members doing benevolent acts for others. Right now, I am filled with more positive, loving energy than I have felt in weeks. It’s a wonderful feeling.

Luke Bryan: I Believe Most People are Good | Country music quotes, Luke  bryan quotes lyrics, Country song quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Emotional Labor

Over the weekend I read a term that I have always talked (and often griped about) about, but never had a true name for it. The term is “emotional labor.” And “emotional labor” is something that we women, in particular, tend to take on, in our roles as wife/partner/mother/daughter/sibling/friend. It often comes under the heading of “thoughtfulness”, but it was refreshing for me to finally see it listed as “labor” because frankly, emotional labor can be every bit as exhausting as the physical labor of chores around the house, and yet it is “hidden” and often underappreciated.

When our family was younger, I was fortunate that my husband was always more than willing to lend a helping hand with the household duties, even though he was/is the primary breadwinner and I was/is the stay-at-home parent. My husband was, and is, really helpful and useful around the house. My biggest complaint when raising our four young children, was always more one of pure mental exhaustion. I often would say, “I wish that someone would just hand me a to-do list that I could just do, without having to think about everyone and everything. I wish someone would just tell me what to order for everyone at McDonalds.”

Emotional labor refers to knowing all of the intricacies of all of the household’s and all of the family members’ concerns, needs, daily activities, schedules etc. and organizing it all, and making it all come together. It’s keeping tracking of all of the “stuff” that is only noticed when it doesn’t happen. (prescriptions, birthday parties/presents, dry cleaning, household essentials like toothpaste and toilet paper, people’s allergies and food preferences, setting up household repairs, pet grooming appointments, what to have and when to have dinner, doctor/dentist appointments, preparing for holidays and celebrations, social calendars, empathizing with the ups and downs of our loved ones lives, etc.) Sure, people may be more than happy to pick up the dry cleaning for you, but are they the ones thinking that it needs to be done, in the first place?

In all fairness, a lot of us tend to be “micromanagers” around our households. We want things done, or even not done, in our own particular way, and we develop grumbly attitudes of, “I’ll just do it MY way, so that it gets done the “right” way.” We don’t like to be told how, or when to do anything. We don’t like to feel controlled. But then we get aggravated when we feel like we are “doing it all,” or at the very least, “planning it all.” We start to become mopey, victimlike martyrs, not being good company for ourselves, or for anyone else.

As our kids have grown and our household has become less harried and busy and scattered, and our marriage has matured and progressed into its third decade, our division of chores feels more comfortable to my husband and me. We communicate better about our needs and our expectations. Honestly, when it comes to our yard and to our cars, I don’t think about them much, unless my husband hands a “to-do” list to me. It works for us. Still, I have a tendency to take on more of the “emotional labor” and I even sometimes create “emotional labor” that truly isn’t mine to take on. When I feel this frustration with my “emotional labor overload” happening, I know that it is time for me to sit back, and to reflect on how my daily life is going.

Often we feel more upset and resentful about our “emotional labor” when we aren’t creating enough “me time” for ourselves. Lately, with the business of my daughter graduating and all of her end-of-year activities, I have let more things creep into my sacred “me time.” I have allowed myself to get drained and irritable. I like long, leisurely, meandering, quiet, unscheduled mornings in which I can mostly focus on reading and on writing. When I give myself this time, the rest of my day flows more easily and I do my everyday chores happily and efficiently. When I give myself my “me time”, I feel better about the things that I do for others. However, in recent days, I have noticed that I have allowed more “stuff”, like appointments, phone calls, texting, chores, organizing, bills, other people’s wants and needs, etc. to creep into my sacred me-time and it is wearing on me. I’ve had to remind myself that I am in control of my time, and of my needs, and I can reign in my “emotional labor” instead of letting it take a life of its own, to bog me down.

I felt sort of a weight lifted off of my shoulders to have an actual, defining term for what I think has often been one of my biggest complaints in life: “emotional labor.” That’s what I love about the written language. When I can communicate what I am feeling, I can better understand my feelings, and I can better understand what I need to do to heal my situation. Further, to see that others have often dealt with this same phenomenon, makes me feel comforted, more self-aware and compassionate towards myself and others, and less alone. Writing, like all forms of communications, connects us to one another. This is a wonderful, natural feeling to soak in: connectedness. We are not alone. We are One. And that feels really good.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Monday Memes - 50+ Funny Memes To Start Your Week

We had a nice weekend. I read two interesting books, and my husband took two long bike rides on his favorite trails, and we planted a couple of new flowers in our garden and did some mulching together, among other things. One of the books that I read this weekend was about the Japanese concept of “ikigai”, which roughly means living in the flow, with a sense of passion and purpose. We lived a lot of our own “ikigai” this weekend, and I hope to put even more of my ikigai, into the week ahead.

❤️ What is Ikigai & How to Redefine Purpose | Management 3.0

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. No problems logging on today, thank goodness! Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. I either write a poem or I share a poem that I have found to be intriguing and mystifying. I hope that you will spend some time today playing with your own words. Poetry is a great way to release what you feel, and your poem only has to make sense to you. Today’s poem is written by Alex Dimitrov (who is one half of the infamous Astropoets). If you go to his Twitter page you can find many of his wonderful poems. (@alexdimitrov) Have a delightful day!

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Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Better Late Than Never

“So, in an age of acceleration, nothing can be more exhilarating than going slow. And in an age of distraction, noting is so luxurious as paying attention. And in an age of constant movement, nothing is so urgent as sitting still.” – Pico Lyer

I know that I may have some long-time, loyal, everyday readers, who might be a little bit concerned about me right now. I understand. I pride myself on consistency. I am late writing this post because my host server, Bluehost, was experiencing “Gateway” problems all morning. (don’t ask me what that means, I’m a writer and certainly not a technical one) And I can’t complain. I can count on one hand how many times Bluehost has caused me issues on being able to get on to my WordPress blog site to write my daily blog. In my experience, Bluehost has always been reliable and consistent. I can’t complain. Nothing and no one is completely without fault in this world. C‘est la vie!

So, in the meantime, I have been deliciously lounging outside by my pool, reading a wonderful book, while every 45 minutes or so, coming into the house to see if I could finally log on to say “hi.” I have been living Pico Lyer’s quote above, this morning, and it has been exhilarating and luxurious, and in my case, probably also “urgent.” I have been living more distracted and disconnected lately, than I usually like to go about living my life, and I have suffered some consequences for this lack of attention to the present. Perhaps, even Bluehost knew to force the issue, to make me take a pause.

I hope that you all didn’t go immediately to “the negative” in your minds wondering why I didn’t post. I only write this because unfortunately, this is something that I have the tendency to do. A good friend of mine took her elderly dog to the vet this week, and I didn’t hear back from her when I texted, asking how the appointment went. I’m ashamed to admit that I immediately envisioned the worst possible scenario, and I was already comforting/hugging her in my mind. Well, what really happened is that she changed her cell phone provider and her texts weren’t coming through. Her wonderful, longtime fur companion is just fine! And so am I.

Have a luxurious, exhilarating, urgent “sit still” with me today, if you can. It will do us all a world of good, which ultimately, makes for a good world.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Treats! It’s Friday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

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Happy Friday!! Happy Earth Day!! Happy Day to let your hair down and to relax and to take life a little less seriously! On Fridays, I discuss the frivolous. On Fridays, I try to list a few material things, songs, TV shows, books etc. that have enhanced my life in fun ways, and I encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Friends, after writing this daily blog for going on almost four years, I have to admit that it is hard to come up with three favorites a week. I have shared a lot of favorites over the years, and as much as I love my things and my frivolities, I am going to have to subtract an “s” from my “Favorite Things Friday” posts. From now on, I will be doing “Favorite Thing Friday” and I will list only one favorite a week, versus three favorite things. This is not bad. In many cases, “less is more.” So without further adieu, here is today’s favorite:

“Old Enough” Netflix series – I thought that I would hate this Netflix series. Its premise sounded ridiculous to me. “Old Enough” is a Japanese show that has been aired for decades in Japan, in which Japanese children, ages 2-4, are sent on long, detailed errands (sometimes even involving public transit) for their parents. Before I watched it, the show sounded absolutely dangerous and preposterous! But of course, I was coming at the show with an American frame of reference. The TV show clips are relatively short. They are amusing, entertaining, and honestly, enlightening. Kids are capable of so much more than we realize, and seeing these young children being empowered to be independent was kind of awakening to me. It also makes me a little sad, that in comparison, our American society seems to be a lot more dangerous for our children, than it is in Japan. If you like to understand other cultures, and to learn about other countries’ customs, you will be surprisingly amused and entertained by this show.

That’s it! That’s today’s favorite!

I look forward to Fridays because I know I have spent the week offering encouragement, solace, assistance, and good-will to everyone I have met through my journey.” – Byron Pulsifer

Be Byron. Let’s all be Byron in the weeks to come!