Tag: inspiration

Bygone Talents

“A talent grows by being used, and withers if it is not used.” – May Sarton

We had an interesting Family Facetime call with our four adult children yesterday. I was reminded of my latest addition to my inspirational journals (see above) when my eldest son asked my daughter when she thought she was at the height of her tennis game. Without a beat, she answered that it was her junior and senior years of high school, because she averaged playing tennis four hours a day during that time period.

Our middle son is the one of us seemingly most interested in artificial intelligence and so he shared a really sobering article with us, written by a man named Matt Shumer, who is in the AI field of business:

https://shumer.dev/something-big-is-happening

I highly recommend reading this article. I didn’t read it until this morning and it really got my wheels turning (and admittedly, my stomach churning). Yes, it’s another article telling us that our vocations are all going to be replaced by AI, much sooner than we think. The article makes logical sense. It also brought me around to this whole idea of “talent” again.

What if our natural talents are what AI is best at? What if AI makes our natural talents look like child’s play? What if what we are talented at isn’t really where our hearts lie? That seems to be one of life’s cruelties sometimes. People who would die to play the guitar masterfully, can’t seem to keep their chords straight and those who play by ear, would rather be basketball stars. And do we sometimes look at our own talents too broadly? For example is my daughter’s real talent playing tennis or is it her hand/eye coordination and natural athletic ability? Does she just apply her talent to what she likes to do? Do we think we are not talented because we have considered the idea of “talent” too broadly? Isn’t there talent in being particularly dogged or having a sharp eye for detail or listening to understand? Our talents are actually the nuances that people notice about us. Our talents are the traits of ours that stand out as different and appreciable and notable, no matter how subtle these differences may be.

I’ll be pondering a lot about “talent” this next week. The dictionary says that “talent” is our natural aptitude or skills. But we don’t always find ourselves interested in our own aptitudes and skills, do we? And are our talents more specific than we realize and thus can be applicable to a lot more actions than we realize? For instance, a lot of these Olympian figure skaters that we have been watching recently, could obviously choose to be fine dancers or gymnasts instead. The figure skaters have chosen to apply their natural abilities to a singular focus of ice skating.

It seems to me, that at the dawn of this AI revolution, we must be adaptable and curious, as the author emphatically states in his article, but we also must be curious about our own selves and our own talents, besides what AI is capable of doing. We must be curious about how we can adapt ourselves and our talents to this new era of working right along with machines. We must ask ourselves which of our talents are worth honing and putting the time in, for our own sense of purpose and meaning and satisfaction. We mustn’t fear AI. It’s too late for that – the wheels are already turning quickly. (as Byron Katie says, “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100 percent of the time.”) Perhaps the strongest among us, will hone in on and sharpen our most human qualities, traits, talents and also our flaws. These things might become the most quaint, beautiful, treasured, appreciable, distinguishable lost relics of a time period which we all might have already walked out of, with the door behind us closing more quickly than we ever expected.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ I just read an article about the average hourly rates for babysitters in each of the states. The range is roughly $20-$25 an hour for just one child. The rates go up with each additional child. I never wanted to be “that guy” talking about how cheap things were in “my day”, but here I go anyway: When I was a babysitter I got $2-3 an hour and the families I babysat for usually had at least three kids plus another family’s kid(s) staying over . I also had other chores tacked on to my babysitting responsibilities such as polishing silver (true story), and I survived almost having a heart attack one night, when one of the family’s elderly dogs started wheezing heavily, in an ominous way, in the other room, and I was sure that I was about to be the latest storyline for When a Stranger Calls horror films. Wah. Wah.

+ Yesterday I read an article that several studies have shown a remarkable correlation of reduction in your chance of developing dementia if you regularly play “brain speed” games. The articles mentioned a game called “Double Decision” by a company called BrainHQ that is supposed to be the best “brain speed” game out there. The game is harder than it looks. (you can try a free version online) The only thing that I did do extremely fast yesterday, was whip out my credit card to pay for a yearly subscription to BrainHQ. And now I have added yet another activity in my ever-expanding list of chores in my morning routine. I’ve noticed lately that my “morning routine” is quickly dribbling into my afternoons.

+ Here is a latest list of quotes/ideas I have jotted in one of my inspirational journals. I only add credits when I know who wrote them, so I apologize for the lack of credits for some of the quotes:

“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.” – Lauren Smallcomb

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” – Alan Watts

“There’s more to life than more.” – from Superbowl commercial

“Action absorbs anxiety.”

“Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you will never be again.”

“The God of the mountains is the God of the valley.” (prayers for Nancy Guthrie and family)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Alignment

Recently I put the final period on a decision, that if I am honest with myself, I started making a long time ago. And it was an incredibly difficult, painful decision for me to make. It hurt me. It hurt others. But it was the right decision for me to make for myself, and in a way, I’m grateful that my hand was forced. I kept trying to buy time, in hopes that I would see things in a different way, but my “inner self knowing”, stayed steady. It could not be swayed. And I am sad, but I am not sad with regret. I’m just sad with the understanding that nothing is black and white, there is good and bad in everything, and a lot of things in life don’t come with the perfect tied bow of “happy conclusion.” I’m sad for the happy parts that I will truly miss, and I am grateful for the lovely memories that I will always keep with me. So many times in life we want to do what is “right”, but as we get older we realize that “right” is often a muddy picture, and often what is right for one person, is not right for another, and we have to come to acceptance of this fact. And getting ourselves to this acceptance is the hardest part. But with this acceptance, we finally give ourselves respect and complete permission to do what is right for ourselves. And we give others respect and complete permission to do the same. And having this full acceptance will always be closer to peace, than trying to contort your own square peg self into round holes, or else trying to force others to do the same type of thing, solely for your own comfort.

“Living in alignment” seems to be a common phrase thrown around these days, but what does it really mean? When I asked AI this question this morning, this was the summary:

“Living in alignment means consciously ensuring your daily actions, thoughts, and decisions consistently reflect your core values, passions, and authentic self. It is the practice of living truthfully rather than for external validation, fostering a sense of inner harmony, purpose, and flow, rather than just striving for success. 

Key Aspects of Living in Alignment:

  • Congruence: Your outer life—actions and relationships—mirrors your inner world, beliefs, and values.
  • Authenticity: Making choices that feel true to your soul, even if they are unpopular.
  • Values-Driven: Prioritizing what truly matters, such as health, joy, or purpose, over societal expectations.
  • Emotional Resonance: A feeling of lightness and ease, which often contrasts with the exhaustion of trying to be someone else. “

In researching living an aligned life, I came across an excellent blog post written by Dr. Shea, a chiropractor in San Diego. In his article, he outlines five principles of living an aligned life. I’ll put a link to the article below (it’s a good read), but he writes that the essential five principles of living an aligned life are this: 1.) Know yourself. 2.) Take full responsibility for everything in your life. 3.) Maintain a long-term focus. 4.) Listen to your body and act upon what it is telling you. 5.) Prioritize self-care.

The second principle is sometimes a hard pill for us to swallow. It’s hard to take responsibility, especially when you’ve been victimized. This is how Dr. Shea puts it this way, and I couldn’t explain it better than he does:

“The good things include actually taking time to celebrate your wins when things go well.   The bad things mean owning up when things don’t go according to plan.  And the ugly things- these are the things we don’t talk about, the things that were done to us, or the things that we only share with a few close individuals.  These are the things that we really have to take full responsibility for because until we do, these things rule our lives.  To take control back from these people or events, taking full responsibility for them is essential.   Even if you have had terrible things happen to you in your life, you are the only person who has control of how you think about it and what you will do about it.  Without this first step, the concept of finding balance will never stick.  Taking responsibility, despite the initial physical and emotional pain, is the only way to take control.”

It’s not lost on me that unless our spine is in alignment, we can’t reach our highest physical potential. When we are off balance, we can’t walk the paths of our individual lives with a steady gait. Living in alignment is not an easy task in this fast paced, “always vying for our attention in every which direction” kind of a world. However, the moments when we truly feel that our outside lives are most aligned and reflective of our inner selves, these are our most peaceful, resonant, honest, authentic, ripe, accepting, connected to something higher, purposeful moments which we can ever hope to experience.

Here is the link to Dr. Shea’s full article on living in alignment: https://alignedlifewellness.com/how-to-live-an-aligned-life/

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thoughts for Thursday

+ Before I finally get to this blank page where I can get to my writing, I get slogged with advertisements for gimmicks to turn my “visitors” into regulars and customers. You, my dear ones, are not visitors. You are not customers. You are my treasured readers and friends, free to come and go as often as you please. You are my treasured witnesses to my thoughts, my emotions and my experiences and I am so utterly grateful for you. You mean more to me than you know. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

+ From today’s reading of an article about Arthur Brooks, a famous and prolific researcher, these are the five pillars for a happy life: 1) Maintain your physical and mental health. Make them a priority. 2) Maintain healthy personal and intimate relationships. (there is not a specific number of relationships you need to have – I have always told my kids that when it comes to relationships, four quarters is better than 100 pennies. Just make sure that you have some level of connection in your life to people with whom you share mutual values and affection) 3) See and notice the beauty in art and in nature every single day of your life. 4) Maintain a reasonable standard of living and do some sort of work which brings you a sense of satisfaction and purpose. 5) Have a spiritual, religious or philosophical outlook which fosters resilience. In other words, believing in something bigger than yourself promotes hope and optimism, and both of these virtues have been proven to be excellent elixirs for your overall health and well-being.

+ I bought a cheapie knock-off of the Oura health ring for myself last month. (My husband calls it the “Poora”) This purchase is incredibly surprising to everyone who knows me. I would never, ever, ever (ever) be confused for a techie nor a gym rat. I have never owned an Apple watch. I frequently lose my cell phone. (We keep a landline primarily so I can call my cell phone to find it), and I tend to wear much blingier, gaudy jewelry than the Poora. Also, when it comes to my health, I can easily veer into the mindset of “what I don’t know can’t hurt me.” So surprising to everyone, and particularly most surprising to me, is that I LOVE my Poora health ring. I am particularly excited about checking my sleep score every morning, which typically looms around 90-100 unless my husband is having a restless night and then I scold him mercilessly. I don’t know if the health statistics that I am getting from my ring’s app are accurate or not (particularly since my ring is a Poora and not an actual Oura), but I don’t really care because so far the stats look good and I am a huge believer in the placebo effect. The placebo effect has always proven to be the best panacea for all that ails me.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

And More for Today

This is my second blog post of today. I’m feeling inspired. I’m giving myself permission to write because writing is one of my most favorite activities in this world. A thought came to me that I immediately wrote on my calendar (as I often do throughout the day, as thoughts of what to write about come to me). It was this thought:

“I can’t love you the way that you want me to love you, but I do love you in my own way.”

Is this statement the truth at the center of so many conflicts and hurts? Is this statement what is needed for true forgiveness of all others, and for one’s self? Sometimes we get so caught up in the ways that we want to be loved, that we forget that in the center of any relationship there is love, quietly and steadfastly beating its heart below all of the noise.

I have felt guilt throughout my life for not wanting to be what others want me to be. Sometimes I have conformed to be what others want me to be, only to later seethe in resentment. Guilt is not love. Resentment is not love.

I have felt frustrated and sad and angry when certain people of certain named roles in my life have not conformed into “being” the love which I expected from those roles. Love does not require others to conform into what I want them to be. Love doesn’t have requirements. Love is. Therefore I believe that forgiveness is coming to this statement:

“You can’t love me in the way that I want you to love me, but I know that you do love me in your own way.”

Now this is not to say that forgiveness means staying in relationships that are disappointing or harmful to you. This is not to say that boundaries should be dissolved nor does it say that you don’t need to work on nurturing and healing your healthy relationships with communication and earnest effort. It’s just taking the idea of “Forgiveness is an acceptance of what is” to a new level. It’s acknowledging an underlying love below all of the layers of damage, and pain, and frustrations, and wanting, and resentments, and sadness and failed expectations. It’s a reminder and a reassurance that at the base of all things in life, there is love. Love is always there. It’s just not a love narrowly defined by you nor by me.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ Today I scanned an opinion piece from the New York Times. I was intrigued because the title was “The Message from Texas Voters: We’re Neighbors, Not Enemies.” The meat of the piece did not interest me, as much as the title. It struck me as a description of the exhaustion I am sensing in the world at this moment. We are tired. We’re tired of running on anger. Of course, anger itself is not bad. Too many of us try to squelch our anger, and we only hurt ourselves when doing it. Anger turned inward can quickly turn into depression. However, anger is best used as that fiery starter spark, to get us going towards a change of direction in our personal lives, and also in the world, as a whole. That said, you can’t run a marathon on anger. Fire burns itself out. Anger takes too much energy to sustain itself for the long haul. Anger is the wake-up call to an injustice, or an unfairness in our lives. Anger is the passionate attention grabber which points us in a new direction, but then we need to shift out of our anger, to the determined stead of a calm, peaceful, faithful, directed vitality, heading ourselves into a better direction of our choosing.

+ Asian cultures give money in red envelopes for special occasions, to their families and friends. The red color signifies happiness, prosperity, and luck and also is used to ward off evil spirits. Every lunar year (2026 is the year of the horse), Chase Bank produces red envelopes, free for their customers to use. I picked mine up yesterday. (see below). I imagine other banks do the same. I hope that it is not cultural appropriation that I have adopted this tradition when I give money to the people I care about. I do it with reverence and excitement and my people seem to feel a little extra giddy when the red envelopes appear. (although they probably like the green inside, even better)

+ “Love is not born of thought. Therefore love has its own intelligence.” – Krishnamurti

You don’t think love. You feel love. You are love. Your thinker is just your brain, the computer of your body. Your organs are the doers of your body. Your essence, your noticer, your presence, your consciousness, your intuition, your spirit, the traveler inside of your body and experience – this is love. This is you. Love is you. You are love. And at their deepest cores, so is everyone else.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Aging

“At this age, I understand something I couldn’t have known earlier: aging is not about decline, it’s about distillation. You lose what doesn’t matter. You keep what does. The noise fades. The truth gets louder. What remains is clarity, gratitude, and a deeper relationship with yourself.

I no longer rush past moments, thinking there will always be more later. I know now that this is later. This is the season to savor—long walks, deep conversations, laughter that comes easily, stillness that feels like wisdom instead of emptiness.

Seventy-two has taught me that the real gift of time is perspective. You stop measuring life by what’s next and start measuring it by what’s meaningful. You ask better questions. You listen more carefully. You love with less fear and more presence.” – Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey turned 72 years old on January 29th. What she wrote about her birthday is quoted above. It was too profound to not include in this thought museum which I call Adulting – Second Half.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thoughts for Thursday

+ Yesterday, in our bitter cold weather (for Florida), I saw one of my arbiters of “all is okay in the world”, walking at a clip, in short shorts. I have written about Dave W. on the blog before. He is an elderly neighbor (currently he is at least 85). Dave W. is tall, friendly, smart, athletic, always smiling and still sharp in his mind. When I stopped to say hi (me, in my heavy sweater, staying firmly put, inside my warm, cozy car), Dave W. told me that he probably should have not worn short shorts. “This is the first time in a long time, I can say that my legs are actually cold,” he said to me with a good-natured laugh. I always feel reassured when I see Dave W. out walking. Truthfully, I looked for him out on our sidewalks, all throughout the pandemic. I get a little nervous when I don’t see him out walking for a while, and so when I saw Dave W. walking yesterday, it was like a little ray of sunshine in my heart. A Dave W. sighting is one of my “touch grass” reassurances that life can be simple, kind, steady and good, no matter what is going on for me personally, or out in the world.

Do you have anything or anybody in your own life that is a touchpoint reminder of the solid good that is all around us if we allow ourselves to stop being distracted by all of the noise? I watched Lady Gaga singing a rendition of Mister Rogers’ “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” this morning. (Tell the truth, you are now currently humming that song to yourself.) Lady Gaga said that it was important for her to keep the purity and the beauty of the song, in her rendition that she created for the Super Bowl. Purity. Beauty. These things are still all around us. Look for the signs. They can be surprising and in disguise. In fact, purity and beauty may just be reliably walking down the sidewalk, in old, but sturdy, steady legs, in short shorts.

+ “Discipline is just remembering what you want.” – Kate O’Donnell I would add “the most” to the end of this quote. “Discipline is just remembering what you want . . . the most.” Do I want to be able to zip up the zippers of my mother-of-the-groom dresses? Then, despite currently wanting to eat that Oreo, I actually want to fit into the dresses, the most. Discipline. Sigh. (putting the Oreo in the garbage)

+ “Intention” seems to be the buzzword these days. Over the past weekend, we were discussing with our long time friends, each of our plans to be intentional with our relationships with our adult children going forward. We want to have happy, healthy, authentic relationships with our kids and their significant others and we talked about how we were all going about that intention which we share. The dictionary says that being intentional means being deliberate and having a plan. It says that an “intention” is an aim or a goal. Interestingly, the dictionary also says that from a medical standpoint, an intention is the “healing process of a wound.” I don’t believe that you can heal anything, without the intention to do so. Being intentional in life, seems to take “being present” to the next step of action. You become present with “what is”. You face any wounds and you acknowledge them, and then you make intentions for what to do to heal and to thrive.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Not Static

I saw a quote from Buzz Aldrin today that I will paraphrase as saying that nothing remains static. People, places and things either evolve or decline. There is exploration or there is expiration. This is such a good reminder at this time of life when many of us are retiring or considering what we will do when we retire from what we have spent the bulk of our adulthoods doing: growing in one particular career field or vocation, and raising our families. Retirement hopefully spells freedom to explore and to evolve even further, in this new, interesting, intriguing stage of our lives.

This is the challenge of anyone’s or anything’s lifetime, correct? It is our choice to evolve or else succumb to inevitable decline. It is our choice to continue to desire experiences and to explore and to be curious about what’s next, and to learn more about our own selves and how to grow. If we have stopped evolving and exploring, then what is the point? This we know: We all have a unique and inevitable expiration date. Still, until that date comes, we can continue to explore and evolve and grow and be curious and learn new things. Otherwise, we just sit on a dusty shelf, already in a state of decline, waiting for the end. Nothing is static. All things are in motion. All people, places and things are either evolving or declining. We can decide the direction of our momentum and the richness of our experiences, all of the way to the end of our lives.

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong” — N. R. Narayana Murthy

“All growth depends upon activity” — Calvin Coolidge 

“If you are not growing you are dying” — Unknown

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What She Said

Yesterday, I happened upon an article written by a sex worker, who by all accounts that I read, is also an excellent writer. I was too cheap to spring for the subscription to read the whole article, (that I know would turn into a rabbit hole that I would never be able to get out of – I’m always amazed with how easy it is to sign up for subscriptions versus how extremely difficult it is to get out of them – kind of like corn mazes.), but interestingly, I was able to read all of the comments about the article. In essence, the writer was saying that most of her clients were men who were detached and demasculinized by their exhausted, strung out wives whose biggest concerns were about how their lives “appeared”, versus how their lives actually were, in reality.

Now of course, plenty of the commenters were upset with the idea that a “high and mighty” man would go to a sex worker versus trying to communicate and work things out, or even deciding to divorce their wives. The commenters felt that the survey sample was skewed towards dishonest, snively men. But even more commenters related to the idea that women have been sold a bill of goods that they can have it all: the amazing career, the perfect family, the beautifully curated home, the taught, fit body, the elegant and fashionable designer wardrobe, the greatest sex life with their handsome husband, who is also the love of their lives, international vacations, the girls’ weekends with close, amazing friends, a funded retirement and the perfectly trained dog. And they need to prove that they have the “all of the above life”, by posting it on at least three different social media feeds, regularly. And by most accounts, what this striving has really lead to is not actually “happily ever after” but instead, high-strung misery. The article apparently referred to many “bossgirls” sobbing in the bathroom in earshot of their confused, uncomfortable husbands and kids.

The article was discussing women and men, mostly in their mid-40s. I am grateful to be a good decade beyond this fraught time in life. Every decade of age, gives more wisdom and grace that compassionately reminds you that there is no one formula for “the perfect life.” Not only is there not a formula, there is no such thing as “the perfect life.” There is essentially just your one life and how you choose to live it. And your life is not a performance. Your “image” is based on the subjectiveness and the varied beliefs and experiences of anyone who is “imagining” you, and thus you have as many images as the people who know you. You have so many different “images” that you might as well be a mirror looking into a mirror. And none of this is in your control. And which of these “images” is real? Do you even know which image is real?

This is an excerpt from an “Ask Dear Polly” article by Heather Havrilesky which I read this morning, where Polly is answering a question from a writer who is feeling insecure and wondering if they were “too late to the game” and should just quit:

“. . . This is the beauty and the horror of being a writer — or trying to be anything, really: You can feel important or unimportant. No one cares. No one is watching. You can have fun or you can suffer. No one is grading you. No one is invested. You can proclaim yourself ahead of schedule, or you can spend your whole life telling yourself that you’re running behind. No one is there to measure. You can suspect that you’re insecure and outdated, long-winded and short-sighted, high-strung and lowbrow. Or you can conclude that you’re charismatic, a teensy bit talented, never boring, and reasonably worthy. You have choices. You are the decider. Because the truth is, no one else gives a flying f*ck.“

Polly later discusses a conversation she was having with a friend and fellow writer who was also lamenting whether she was any good at writing and maybe should just quit. Here is the conversation she had:

“I asked if she was enjoying her work on her play. “I love it,” she said without hesitation.

“Then you’re in the right place,” I told her.“Whether or not you publish a thing, it doesn’t get any better than this.”

Why is it so hard for us to figure out that it is the joy of doing anything which we like or even love to do, during the course of our days, that is the real meaning and purpose of living a fulfilling life? “You can have fun or you can suffer,” Heather states above, and this is the ultimate truth. How much of your life is authentic joy, and how much of it is just a performance, or an “I should” for an audience that doesn’t even really exist? What makes you happier, doing what you love and getting yourself lost in it, or getting an occasional compliment, applause or merit badge for something that doesn’t even resonate with the deepest part of you? Does your life make you feel like you want to get lost in it, or are you always trying to always escape from it, in some form or another? Are you savoring, or are you chasing? If you are being true to yourself, you don’t need to chase anything.

If you are living your life in authenticity, ” . . . it doesn’t get any better than this.” What feeds your soul is your purpose to pursue. Amazing creators enjoy applause, approval and material forms of appreciation, just like everyone else, of course, but they truly don’t do what they do, for the applause or the approval or the appreciation. Amazing creators (We are all creators. Our individual lives are our major creations.) do their creating because it is their joy to create. And the people applauding them, are actually resonating with, and are being inspired by the joy that is emanating from a creator bringing something from their deepest, most authentic selves, into creation to share with our world. You’re not sobbing in the bathroom, nor are you needing to prove to the world that you are living a fulfilling a life, if you are truly living in the spirit of your own creative authenticity.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.