Tag: middle age

Hello Friday!

Happy Friday!  “Sassy, classy, and still kickin’ assy!” – Maxine

“I know every day is a gift, but where’s the receipt for Mondays? I want to exchange it for another Friday.” -Anonymous  

So, my daughter has been telling me for weeks about an item that she thinks that I should add to my Favorite Things Friday blogpost. (New readers, I show my ultimate superficial side on Fridays, by pimping retail stuff that I like and I encourage you to share about the stuff you like, too, in the Comments section.)  So, I was going to add her item today until I saw that it has been discontinued. (Please see my previous blog post Where Did You Go? for a rant on how terrible it is when our favorite things get relegated to the Discontinued box.)  As per my rant, I saw that this previous cheap drugstore item, now retails on ebay for around $32 and my daughter saw one on Amazon for over $700 this morning.  If you have “funny money” to burn, the item is called Band-aid Friction Block stick.  My daughter claims that this has been a lifesaver protecting her from the painful blisters that all of her new school shoes have been causing on her pretty little feet.  I hope that she uses this block sparingly, because this is the last one that we’re going to spring for, at those prices.

Let’s go for some more realistic recommendations on Favorite Things Friday:

Natural Life Toothbrush Cover – I love the entire line of stuff from Natural Life  It is such a cute, upbeat, wholesome company.  Natural Life is like the Chick-fil-A of cute, girly stuff, in my mind.  I’m sure I’ll feature other items from Natural Life down the line, but I had to start with their wonderful toothbrush covers.  They are like adorable hair clips for the top of your toothbrush.  The plastic cover clips over your toothbrush, protecting it from germs, broken blush, and exploded face cream, when you travel.  I have two of them.  One says, “No More Cooties!” and it has flowers and rhinestones and the other says “Llive Happy” and it features an adorable llama.  It’s things like these that make being a female so much fun!

Avalanche Travel Dog Bowl –  In case you haven’t noticed in previous blogs, we have two dogs.  We are slaves to our dogs.  My friend has dubbed our lab, “Prince Ralphie.”  This collapsible silicone dog bowl, is perfect for when we take our dogs on hikes, the beach and other adventures, like escaping from hurricanes.  (Thoughts and prayers go out to all of our dear friends in the Carolinas and Virginia and all other areas being affected by Florence!  Hurricanes are horrible.)  Anyway, these bowls are silicone and collapsible, so they are light, easy to carry and easy to store.  They are perfectly easy to set up and fill with water and food for your furry princes and princesses!  Then, when the fur babies are finished, the bowls are very easy to clean.

La Croix Sparkling Water – After being a Diet Coke addict for years and burning a couple of holes in my stomach, I decided I needed to change some of my habits.  I drank a lot of water, but then I got bored.  I missed my fizz fix.  I tried all of the sparkling waters on the market, but this is “the one”.  I keep coming back to La Croix and it totally satisfies me.  My husband feels the same way.  No calories, no salt, no artificial anything, and yet it still satisfies.  It’s an acquired taste if you are used to a lot of sugar and flavor in your drinks, but once you accept the change, there’s no going back.  La Croix is the bomb!  It’s got that perfect amount of “sparkiness” that I like in my healthy drinks.

Okay, one more Friday funny and then let’s all go have a really nice weekend!

“Every Friday I feel like I deserve a new addition to my closet for all of my hard work during the week.”

Funny, but true.  Go get yourself a cutesy toothbrush cover, at least.

 

 

True Apologies

Earlier this summer, our family had gone to a local water park for the entire day.  We hired our long-time pet sitters to come to our home to take our dogs out a few times that day and to walk them.  Our pet sitters are a lovely mother and daughter team who have watched our dogs when we have been away on vacation many times, sometimes even out of the country.  They have always been reliable and responsible.  It has always been a great comfort to us that they look after our sweet pets and even check up on our home when we are gone.  Their service is truly good peace of mind for us.

Unfortunately, on this particular day, our pet sitters made a mistake and did not have us on the calendar for the right day.  Later that afternoon, I realized I had not left a check out for them and I called them to let them know that I would send the check in the mail.  It was then that we all figured out that a date mix-up had happened and that they had not been to the house to look after our dogs.  We were all upset and they quickly got into their car and headed over to our house.  The pups were good and everything ended up being just fine.  Honestly, at that point I wasn’t upset about the situation any longer.  Mistakes happen and all was well.

However, the best part of this story comes after that little fiasco.  The part that really made me ponder my own actions in life, was how well our pet sitters handled the aftermath of their mistake.  In my email, I received the most genuine apology I have received (or frankly, given) in a long time from anyone or any entity.  Our pet sitters completely owned their mistake, making no excuses.  This was no “Sorry But . . . ” apology.  They were not defensive.  This was no “Sorry That You Are Upset . . . ” apology.  Our pet sitters apologized profusely for their mistake with full understanding of why this experience would have upset us, let us know the thought-out changes that they had implemented in their scheduling system to ensure that this type of mistake wouldn’t happen again in the future and asked us kindly to trust them again for future business.  My family understands that mistakes happen and we had no intention of “firing” them after this one episode, but the way that the mistake was handled was a lesson to me that I won’t soon forget.

Why is it so hard to earnestly apologize?  Why do we think others expect perfection from us?  None of us are perfect.  We all make mistakes.  I think when we are wronged, all that we are looking for is true remorse from the offender, a feeling of being understood and heard as to why we are upset, and evidence that the offender has fully and earnestly considered changes to ensure that they won’t hurt us again. In that way, they are showing us that they value us and that they value our relationship to us. In my experience, these types of true apologies are rare in today’s world.  True apologies are rare enough that I felt the urge to blog about them.

We have had our pet sitters come to our home and take care of our pets several times since this experience and they always provide a great service.  I’m grateful to know them, not just as people who help take care of our family, but also, as teachers and way-showers, who have been good examples to me that showing humility and taking full responsibility for our actions are true markers of confidence and character.  I actually have even more respect for our pet sitters now, after the mistake, than I did before.  It’s been a valuable lesson for all parties involved and the dogs’ tails are still wagging.

 

Family Hashtag

I started a new family tradition a few weeks ago.  Admittedly, it was created by that little control freak in me who wants to feel that my family is always safe and secure.  It comes from the worrier in me who likes to “keep tabs.”  I want to know what the temperature and pulse of my family and its individual members are, on a regular basis.  Now my immediate family has a majority male contingent.  There is my husband and three sons and then there is me and my daughter.  I had to come up with a tradition that was going to be easily doable and interesting enough to keep the attention of an intense middle-aged executive, a young twenty-something on his own, a college fraternity man, two busy teenagers and me, their fearless leader.  The one thing that we all have in common is a streak of competitiveness.  So, I came up with Family Hashtag.

Every single day, we have agreed to text to a family chat, a # and then at least one word that describes our individual day.  The competitive part comes in with the idea of how long can we keep the streak going?  Admittedly, I’m usually the first one to post on a daily basis.  I guess I serve as a reminder that this tradition isn’t going away anytime soon.

It is amazing what one word to a few words after a hashtag, can convey.  Believe it or not, you can almost tell someone’s mood or “state of being” from just one little 3-second text.  Examples:  #ihatemath, #coffeeingallons, #relief  Sometimes my family members are feeling tricky and mysterious and will post something quizzical that makes us all want to know more.  Then, the chat gets a little more involved and interesting.  At the very least, what I definitely know from my little daily game is that all of my family members are alive and breathing and still interested in keeping a connection with our little family unit.  I highly recommend this game to all of my readers’ families, especially families run by sly Momagers like me.

Boys are People Too

I was required to open a Twitter account when my daughter was on a softball team many years ago.  That is how the coach reached out to us parents. She was way ahead of Donald Trump.  I didn’t even look at Twitter for many years after that, but recently I started following a few people and groups on Twitter because I find them to be so insightful and interesting.  Think Smarter on Twitter is something that I try to check out almost daily.  Here is one of their recent tweets:

I have four children.  My first three children are boys.  Honestly, since my youngest son is almost 18, I should say that they are men.  I’ll never forget when my children were little, one of my sons asked why is it that in Disney movies, the boys tend to be big dopes and the girls are champions?  The other boys chimed in, too, wondering why that was the way of Disney movies.

In the media lately, we have been exposed to the worst men’s behavior.  And this is good.  Men need to be held accountable for their actions.  So, do women.  People need to pay their consequences when they do wrong.  Unfortunately though, it sometimes seems like men as a whole are being lumped into a group of jerks that the vast majority of men have nothing in common with. Men are being dehumanized and I think that they have a right to question this.  I would not want to be judged by the behavior of a few evil women.

I like men.  Most of the men that I have encountered in my life have been wonderful influences.  Most of the men whom I know are nice, kind, loving, respectful people.  They love their families, they provide for and protect their families and they serve their places of employment, their communities and their country.   They are good people, just like most of the women I have encountered in my life.  Men are not the enemy.

When I was in college, I attended a feminist speaker forum.  One of the speakers showed some film footage of women’s rights rallies that had occurred in the 1960s.  In these rallies, scores of angry women were yelling, “Take the power!  Take the power!”  Now, I realize that the women who came before me have made it so that my daughter and I do not have to feel nearly as discriminated against than the women of earlier generations.  I am so grateful that these strong women stood up for what is right.  Sometimes change requires extreme emotion.  I understand that. I also know that further change is needed.  However, I am hoping that we have come to a point in our history where that chant can be more of, “Share the power!  Share the power!”  An inclusive energy going in the same direction, can go so much faster and take us so much further than a constant battle.  I believe that most reasonable people, men and women, would like for this direction to be the way of the future.  It is what I hope for, for my daughter and for my sons.

******

I debated about whether to write about 9/11 or not. Why after 17 years does it feel so fresh? There are no words. Just a heartfelt thank you to the heroes and heartfelt prayers sent to the families who will never be the same due to this senseless tragedy.

Self Care

Yet another death of a music star was reported this weekend.  Mac Miller, a young, rising star in the world of rap music died of an overdose on Friday.  I didn’t know much about Mac Miller until this weekend.  My kids liked his music and I found out that he was from my hometown of Pittsburgh.  I checked out some of his songs on iTunes and I was surprised by how much I liked them.  His rap has a jazzy, improvisational quality.  It is not as angry as some of the rap music I have listened to and it seems to have a more reflective quality than most.  If you can get past profanity, I highly recommend listening to some of his songs.  Mac Miller’s improv podcast on NPR is particularly good.

What affected me most about this tragedy though, was that the world lost another great talent to the jaws of addiction and through its sadness and despair was looking desperately for someone to blame.  That target to blame for many was Ariana Grande, his former girlfriend and also a great talent in the music world.  She had to shut down all commenting functionality on her social media because of the the vitriol that was being spewed at her during a time when she was grieving the loss of someone she deeply loved and undoubtedly had tried to help rescue from his demons.

I read that more than 2/3 of American families have had to deal with the alcohol and/or drug addiction of someone they love.  In 2016, the surgeon general put out a report that 1 in 7 Americans will face substance addiction and only 10 percent of those addicted ever get treated.  These are dismal statistics.

Addiction is a nightmare.  Watching someone you love in the throws of addiction is a living hell.  The level of denial that overtakes an addict is almost impossible to understand.  When someone loves an addict, don’t you ever think that they have not tried to help that person.  Most people who care about an addict, go through a period of giving up their own sanity trying to bring their loved one back to life and reality.  People who love addicts often become addicted to trying to help their addict and this condition is called codependency.  When someone is in a state of codependency they lose sight of reality, too.  They take the focus completely off of their own lives and put their entire focus on trying to save their addict.

The only person who you have control of in your life, is yourself.  Our human nature wants to feel safe and secure and often tries to gain those feelings of false security by trying to control the “outside” – the people and circumstances in our lives.  Sometimes we have painful feelings and inner issues to work on ourselves, but that scares us.  It is easier sometimes to put all of that focus on “outside” projects than to deal with our own “inside” problems.  Ironically, the only concerns that we really can fix and that we do have any control of, are the ones that are our own.  People can help us and guide us through our problems, but the hard work is an inside job and it doesn’t begin until we admit that we have the problem in the first place.

I imagine Ariana Grande did everything that she could to try to help her friend and lover, Malcom McCormick.  I imagine all of Malcom’s family and friends did everything that they could and some.  Money was not an issue.  Mac Miller could have afforded to stay in the best rehab centers in the world.  The biggest hurdle that any addict has to cross, is admitting to themselves that they need help.  The largest hurdle for any addict is to be able to cross over from the stronghold of Denial and reach out for help, fully knowing and understanding that they have lost all control over to the grips of Addiction.  This is the hardest part for any addict to do.  Many addicts, like Malcom, will lose their lives before completely surrendering to the idea that they have lost all control.  They believe fervently that the only thing that is keeping them alive is the very thing that is killing them slowly and methodically on a daily basis.  Addiction is treacherous.

Imagine that you are on a burning ship with all of your loved ones.  You know that you must jump into the ocean to save your lives.  Someone you love with all of your heart is burning on the ship but refuses to get off of it.  This person is on fire but insists that they don’t need help.  They actually get angry at you for trying to help them.  You try to embrace this person, to reason with this person, but the closer you remain to this person, the more you burn in the flames.  You finally have to make the heart-wrenching decision to jump off of the ship, praying that your loved one will come to their senses and jump into the pure water with you.  You know in your heart that the only life that you can save is your own, as desperate as you are to save theirs, too.  That is the terrible choice that Ariana and the people who loved Malcom had to make and they deserve only our deepest sympathies and understanding.  No one who has ever loved someone deeply can make that decision lightly.  Addiction is devastating for everyone it touches.  Everyone.

Ginger Kids

My two eldest sons are redheads or what now seems to be more commonly called “gingers”.  My youngest two children are brunettes.  I sometimes break them down to the “reds” and the “browns.”  When you have a big family, you’re always shortening things, categorizing; it’s just easier that way.  My husband and I are both brunettes so we were a little bit surprised, at first when our first little ginger was born.

It turns out that both my husband and I carry the recessive gene for red hair.  It’s the only way a “ginger” can occur.  Only 2 percent of the world’s population are natural redheads. Unfortunately, there are thoughts that someday, due to the fact that the recessive gene could go extinct, red-headed people will be a thing of the past.  How sad that would be!  My sons both have brown eyes, but if you are a natural redhead with blue eyes, you have the rarest combination on the face of the earth.  How lovely and special!!

I’ve always been attracted to redheaded people since I was a little girl.  The fact was so obvious, that when I was a little girl, my mother cut out a magazine article featuring redheaded children and she wrote, “Your future kids . . . ” on top of the article.  She was right!  I think redheaded people just exude warmth!  It’s not just their hair, it’s their whole energy field.  They radiate a fiery passion that just glistens out to the ends of their hair reminding us of just how exciting life can be.

I read once that you can’t be anonymous and be a redhead.  I believe that.  I bet that there are very few redheaded spies.  My eldest son won the yearbook senior superlative, “Most Likely To Always Be Remembered.”  He’s 6’2″ with a headful of curly red hair and a big, deep, loud laugh.  We took our eldest son to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico when he was two and when we were touring the local town, the elderly women would come up to him to touch his hair for luck.   He happily obliged.  He knows that he is lucky.

When we are young we want to “fit in”, melt in with the crowd.  I think redheaded people are blessed in knowing that they just don’t “blend in,” right from the very beginning so they don’t ever get caught up in that nonsense of sameness.  Now that I’m 47, I think I feel more internally redheaded in that sense, than I ever have been.  I like being an individual.  I feel more confident “owning” who I am.  Of course, at my age, my real hair color has become a mystery thanks to the marvels of my stylist, but if I ever get bored, red might be the color to try.

Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog

Earlier this week, I had gone to a beautiful nursery by my house.  I wanted to find some fall weather plants to replace some of my annuals that have gotten quite straggly.  I love nurseries.  It’s like walking along in the Secret Garden with so much to discover.  The vibrant colors, the lovely fragrances, and the plants that are so symmetrical and perfect, it is hard to believe that they are natural, are just some of the treasures to see and experience in a garden.  And of course, there are also the butterflies and the birds and the unusual insects that have smartly decided to call these beautiful sanctuaries their home.

Unfortunately, I made an unplanned kidnapping of one of those critters.  I had put the purchased plants on all of the unoccupied seats of my car, drove them home and deposited them near to the spots that I wanted to plant them in.  I then went to pick up my daughter from school.  She and I were have a lively conversation about the day’s activities, until my daughter started screaming loudly.  In that split second, I wondered if she had seen something that I had not seen and I wondered if we were about to be wrecked.  She excitedly told me that something slimy had just landed on her feet.  She didn’t have to give any more explanation, because a relatively large tree frog started landing just about everywhere in the car, like Spiderman sticking to all surfaces, sideways and upside down.  I quickly pulled the car over and eventually and enthusiastically, we were able to guide our new friend out of the car and on to the grass, luckily with no harm caused to any of us.

I felt really sorry for our little buddy frog friend, though.  I realized that he had just been cast out of the Garden of Eden.  He was definitely not “moving on up” by being deposited in a lackluster clump of grass on the side of the road.  What a bummer day for this little guy!  Hopefully, using his best natural instincts and inner guidance, he will find his way back to his beautiful, heavenly home.  I’m just grateful for another funny story in my life, that has a hopeful ending.

Woop! Woop! Friday!!

RIP – Burt Reynolds   Gosh, lately it feels like RIP has become a feature on my blog.  I am also getting a realization of my own aging, as my kids were like, “Who’s Burt Reynolds?”  I clearly remember the Cosmopolitan spread.  Don’t you?

Here’s the Friday funny – “It’s Friday.  Time to go make stories for Monday.”

Here’s the Favorites Things Friday part (for those of you new to my blog, this is where I feature my consumer side and recommend my favorite purchases, every Friday.  Feel free to check out previous Fridays for recommendations and please feel free to share your own in the Comments section):

Buggins Natural Bug Spray – I love the idea of “all natural” anything, but the old-fashioned, raised on chemicals part of me sometimes is a tad skeptical that “all natural” works just as well.  This stuff does work just as well as any chemical bug spray!  My husband and I discovered this at an outdoor restaurant that also serves food to dogs. They had bottles of this on the tables.  I thought it was a kind, cute touch, but then I fell in love.  I would buy Buggins for the smell alone.  It smells so good!

Oxo Measuring Glass – I always feel a tad ridiculous offering up any cooking or baking recommendations because it feels like I’m Ronald McDonald telling Julia Child how to prepare her bouillabaisse.  That being said, I do make Minute Rice on a frequent basis, and this cup is the best for measuring, because you can’t mess up.  Instead of trying to keep your hand steady and bringing the measuring glass to eye level like you’re in Chemistry class, all you have to do is look down on the glass as you’re filling it with water and the measurement is perfect.  It is a patented glass.  It’s that good, plus it has a good rubber grip handle, so less chance of flour spills that would take hours to clean up.  You’re welcome, Rachel Ray! 😉

Lumify Eye Drops – I have one eye that frequently looks like it has been exposed to a toxic blend of smoke, pollen, and cat hair on a regular basis.  It’s mostly just the one eye.  I must wink a lot.  Anyway, I have tried every eye drop on the market and this stuff is the bomb!  It is a relatively new product from Bausch + Lomb.  They make the promise that it will keep your eyes clear for eight hours and so far, I agree with that statement.   I imagine certain people in California and Colorado are going to be stocking up on this product.  Just saying.

I saw another Friday quote.  It said, “Friday is my second favorite F word.  My first is Food, definitely Food.”  I agree with that statement.  I’m headed to another favorite tonight.  Red Lobster’s Endless Shrimp has started.  I’m with Bubba on this one!  Shrimp tastes great no matter how you prepare it and I’m all in!!!

Have a great weekend!  Thanks for reading.  Readership goes up every day and I thank you for that.  As much as I love writing, it’s nice to know that I’m not just writing to cyber space. 🙂

 

Cat Woman

A friend of mine sent a screen shot to our group chat yesterday. (okay, I had to pause for a minute when I looked at my opening sentence.  That sentence would not have been even understood 10 years ago.  It might not have even been understood 5 years ago.  Funny, the winds of change.)  Anyway, the screen shot showed two beautiful, gray-haired ladies dressed artistically, almost “punk rockerly”.  The caption said: “20 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After The Age of 40 . . . .#1-20  The Weight of Other People’s Expectations and Judgments” – Wrong Turn at Albuquerque

I love my friends!  The friend who sent the screenshot said that maybe the age should have been changed to “30”.  I thought that maybe we could somehow make it so that there wouldn’t even have to be an age listed on that quote.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our daughters or at least, granddaughters could look at that quote quizzically like it was meaningless and hard to understand?  (kind of like how meaningless and hard to understand my first opening sentence would have been to me 10 years ago)

My daughter looks adorable every day for school.  She started high school and although they don’t require “uniforms”, there is a “uniform” for the girls who attend her school.  Ripped jeans, Vans or Birkenstocks, straightened hair, tops that are not too short to break dress code, but right at that fine line seem to be “the uniform” right now.   That is the expectation if you want to be one of the crowd and to avoid being judged.

Recently we were reminiscing about the year that my daughter was a cat for Halloween and she decided that the costume was way too great to be worn just on the one day of Halloween.  She wore her ears and her tail for weeks and weeks.  She wore that costume to stores, to preschool, and to bed.  She wore that costume out.  She wore that costume with pride and dignity.  Other people’s expectations and judgments weren’t one thought in my 4-year-old daughter’s mind at all.  When does that shift occur?

It’s funny, but watching my kids grow up, it sometimes seems like they already had it all absolutely right when they were little and then we adults messed with them.  We helped them become uptight little robots conforming to society’s judgments and expectations.  They’ll play along with the rules of the game, until they reach our age and then they may get a screenshot that jars their memory that maybe “the rules of the game” are a little ridiculous.  And something inside of them that has been sitting dormant since they were innocent little kids in cat costumes at the grocery store, will come roaring out and life will get interesting again.  Hopefully that age of awakening will drop from 40 to 30 to not needed, because that future little girl will never have been a prisoner to what other people think.

 

Horse Pucky

Do you have a few stories that have happened in your life that are so hard to believe that if someone else told you that it happened to them you would say that it was “horse pucky”?  I imagine that we all do.  Here is one of mine:

Many years ago, I had a little white, soft, fluffy pet chinchilla.  She had a pen in a little area off of our garage where she liked to sleep, eat and take her dust baths.  One day, as I got my youngest son and his baby sister into the car to take my son to preschool, I noticed that the door to my little chin’s pen was open. We were in a rush so, I decided that I would look for her when I got home from taking my son to school.

I drove the 6.4 miles to my son’s preschool. (I just googled the distance, so I am not exaggerating) I got my son and my daughter who was in her cumbersome baby carrier out of the car and I guided my son into his classroom.  Now I am not sure if this was one of the days my son chose to take a “Flat Stanley” approach to the idea of going to school where eventually I would have to drag him into the school, with him refusing to cooperate and remaining “stiff as a board.”  It may have been a day that he happily skipped into school; I really don’t remember.  But anyway, I got him safely situated into his classroom with his bag and his lunch and then I got my daughter back safely situated into the backseat of the car, all ready for the 6.4 mile drive back home.

A couple miles from our home, I decided to stop at the drive-through window of our bank.  As I pulled into the parking lot and waited my turn, I noticed a little white spot that seemed to have leaped out from my wheel well.  It was scurrying around the parking lot.  It took me a minute, but it soon dawned on me that that little white ball of fur was my pet chinchilla.  I ran into the parking lot, and miraculously, as scared as she must have been, she allowed me to pick her up and cuddle her.  Now her fur definitely looked more “dalmatian” at that point due to the black grease spots that were now adorning her, but she wasn’t hurt and she lived for many years after that incident.

True story.  No horse pucky.