Tag: middle age

My Second Favorite L-Word

My daughter and I went to our local library yesterday. I love libraries. Ever since I was a little girl, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace, tranquility and happiness, when I am in a library. It had admittedly been a while since we had been to our library. I’m as guilty as anyone, being a victim to my own need for instant gratification and downloading books to my Kindle and even being outraged if the books don’t download correctly or fast enough. In fact, earlier in the day, before my daughter asked me to take her to the library, I had already downloaded a mystery to read, and truthfully, I was half-hearted about going to the library, until I got there, of course. Then, I didn’t want to leave.

A few years ago, our local library held an essay contest asking kids to write their visions of what libraries in the future would look like. I remember pondering that question myself, and sadly wondering if libraries would even exist anymore, at least anywhere close to the form that we have always known them. Even bookshelves are becoming passe’ and apparently are not particularly desired features of new, modern houses. Anyway, my youngest two children entered the contest. Neither of them won a prize, but I did think that my youngest son’s essay was really quite interesting. He is a very good writer and he has a vivid imagination. My son envisioned libraries in an Apocalyptic time and frankly, the essay was a bit dark. I imagined that the judges of the essays (mostly volunteer retirees) might have been a bit disturbed and maybe even concerned about our parenting style, but at the same time, they secretly may have also liked a break from reading about robots cleaning shelves and floating comfort chairs. Those items seemed to be the common theme of most of the winners. Still, what struck me about my son’s essay, is that the library was the sanctuary, the safe-place, and the only place where life was still teeming. Perhaps that is what will ensure a library’s place well into the future. Who doesn’t like a communal place of calm, a place of universal interest and learning, where we can all be together, but also in our own worlds – in peaceful gratefulness and understanding, immersed in all of the mysteries of life?

“When in doubt, go to the library.” – J.K. Rowling

“When I got my library card, that’s when my life began.” – Rita Mae Brown

NOT Normal

It took me until my second half of adulting to really understand the distinction between “normal” and “healthy”. I used to constantly question things that I was doing or feeling with this type of question, “Is it normal for me to feel this way?” A very wise person once said to me, “Normal is not the same thing as healthy.” A lot of things and ways of being that we consider “normal” in society are not necessarily “healthy.” When you put it in the context of history books, this becomes much more obvious. I wasn’t feeling all that great over the weekend. My sinuses are showing me no mercy, so I sat on the couch, rested and binge-watched The Feud (excellent, by the way), based on the rilvary of the now deceased movie stars, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The amount of smoking, drinking and calling female workers “honey/sweetie/babycakes” which was clearly more of the norm back then, obviously wasn’t healthy for any of the parties involved.

I think that this is a great thing to ponder as I start the new year. When I start questioning if something is “normal”, I am getting myself into the fruitless comparison game. When I start questioning what is “healthy” for me, I am keeping the focus on what is best for me and my circumstances. Healthy is a good goal. “Normal” is nebulous and subjective and ever-changing. What is healthy for me is already programmed into my DNA if I get quiet enough to listen to my body, my inner voice, and my deepest longings. “Normal” is noisy, opinionated and tries to control me by outside sources.

“It may be normal, darling; but I’d rather be natural.” – Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s

The Eagle Has Landed

We saw this majestic bird in the trees across from the lake in our back yard, a couple of days ago. My son’s girlfriend got him a telescope for Christmas so he was able to get this amazing close-up photograph through the telescope’s lens. The bald eagle sat still and majestic like this for a good 20 minutes. We were in awe of it!

The United States adopted the American Bald Eagle as our national bird on June 20, 1782. Roman legions used the eagle as their symbol, as they saw the eagle as a sign of mighty strength. Supposedly that is what guided our forefathers and “because of its long life, great strength and majestic looks, and also because it was then believed to exist only on this continent,” we made the American Bald Eagle, a symbol of our country. (baldeagleinfo.com)

There is a legend that Benjamin Franklin wanted the wild turkey to be our national bird, although the History channel refutes that. They say that there is only evidence from 1784, that he wrote his daughter a letter, claiming that the bald eagle was a bird of “bad moral character” due to its propensity to steal other birds’ food. Eagles can fly higher than any other bird, often flying above storms and they have great vision. Overall, the choice of the American Bald Eagle as our national bird, was largely supported and has been ever since.

In the 1940s the American Bald Eagle was in danger of going extinct, but due to conservation acts by the government, by 2007, the species was able to be removed from all endangered lists. Honestly, other than in aviaries, this is the first time I have ever gotten a close-up look of a bald eagle in nature. I’m so grateful that I had the opportunity. This beautiful eagle truly was breathtakingly majestic, stately and stoic.

It struck me that this beautiful animal has no idea what it represents to us. We have seen many beautiful birds in and around our lake and we have often taken their pictures. Still, the level of awe and reverence that my children and I felt when gazing at this bird, was certainly taken to a whole other level, all because of what it symbolizes to our beautiful, beloved country. I’m glad that this bird doesn’t carry around the weight of our expectations. I’m glad that the eagle just “is”. It lives its life as a majestic, gorgeous, flier of the high skies with no knowledge of all of the symbolism pinned to it, that may only serve to weigh him or her down with the heaviness of responsibility. The eagle lives as nature intended it to live, solidly in the moment, with sharp vision to decide what its next move should be.

“The eagle has no fear of adversity. We need to be like the eagle and have the fearless spirit of a conqueror!” -Joyce Meyer

“The Eagle has landed.”- Neil Armstrong

Madonna’s Butt

I have to confess that I am not above reading Hollywood gossip, as much as I don’t like that quality in myself. The other night, I found myself clicking through a series of articles discussing/criticizing/critiquing the possibility that Madonna had recently invested in rather unflattering, butt implants. Madonna is aged 60. The overall consensus of the articles that I clicked through, seemed to be, that Madonna takes herself too seriously and that she is not aging gracefully. Many Madonna fans are finding it disconcerting to see her show a level of insecurity that she never seemed to portray before, with her current seemingly unending quest, for hopelessly trying to retain her youth.

Now I don’t know Madonna personally, so I have no idea what her mindset is and I say, if her butt implants make her happy, so be it. But as a woman approaching 50, the question does come up from time to time, “What does aging gracefully mean for me?” There isn’t always a simple, easy answer.

When I was in my 30s, raising small children, I belonged to a neighborhood pool club where all of the other 30-something moms, living in our neighborhood like me, would congregate with our kids. The 30-something moms, sat in the area in close proximity to the kiddie pool, bathrooms and snack bar, for obvious reasons. The 40-something moms had their own area. Their area was closer to shade and the tennis courts. A lot of times, their teenage kids weren’t even at the pool.

I bring this up, because looking back, while the 40-something moms didn’t have our youthful freshness, our sag-free skin and our budding energy levels, they made up for it all and some, with their confidence, ease and comfort level with themselves. They had nothing to prove. While us 30-something moms offered each other a lot of support and camaraderie, there was also a great deal of competition. Who bounced back to bikini body after pregnancy the fastest? Who packed the healthiest snacks and safest pool toys for our kids? Who managed family, marriage, career, beauty, etc. the best? The 40-something moms had enough experience under their belts to know that the competition game was silly and futile. They knew that time was ticking and it was high time to make sure that their own needs were being taken care of, too. A lot of them were excellent tennis players, who spent a lot of time honing their individual skills. They were lovely in their poise and certainty. They were so attractive because of their easy self-assuredness and confidence and their seemingly lack of care about the fleeting things that really don’t matter.

I read a book many years ago, written by a naturopath. I cut out an excerpt from his book and unfortunately I can’t find the name of the source. Still, his wisdom has served as a guide for me, many times, when the reality of aging has reared its ugly head, when I gaze into the mirror on a day when no amount of mental cheerleading makes up for the degeneration that the reflection of the reality of aging, is showing. This is what he said:

“What you need to remember is this: healthy-looking women are way prettier. It’s dumb to think you’re ever going to look young again. You are not. If you set your heart on looking twenty-eight or thirty-eight, you’re going to break it, no matter what this cosmetic maker or that plastic surgeon tells you. Ain’t gonna happen. The best you’re going to do, if you go down that road, is look like a vaguely delusional woman of precisely your age who has gone to a hell of a lot of trouble and expense to achieve a slightly weird look. The real goal is much simpler and easier to achieve. The real goal is to be a terrific-looking woman . . . of precisely your age.”

I think that is what Madonna’s critics are trying to say. Be the best version of yourself at the age that you are currently living, Madge. You don’t have to be young Madonna. You were already her. Be the version of Madonna who has experienced a lot of life and knows the serene value of that wisdom and experience. Be the beautiful image that reflects the irrelevance of the fleeting, and the in-depth beauty of the experienced and the enlightened. Continue to be the renegade to help guide others to what really matters – the inner core of self-awareness and the confidence to let that boldness and fearlessness fly in a way that moves past age and decay. That boldness is timeless. And incredibly beautiful.

What You Said?

It seems like at the start of the new year, there is so much information out there about how to improve yourself. The magazine covers are filled with diet ideas. Articles abound on the internet about de-cluttering your house and what your reading lists should be for the new year. Everyone is capitalizing on the “fresh new start” and the impetus for change. One article I read talked about words that many of us commonly mispronounce and how to pronounce them correctly. I’ll give you some of the words on the list, but I’m not going to tell you how to pronounce them. Come on! You already know how to pronounce these words correctly, right?!? Some of this list is as follows:

Chipotle, cache, gyro, ennui, espresso, prescription, candidate, sherbet, Sudoku, niche, cavalry, bruschetta, Celtic, prerogative, liable, chicanery, hummus, caramel, wheelbarrow, asterisk, raspberry

I felt like I did pretty well with most of the pronunciations, although some of them did surprise me. Certain words, I constantly stumble on their pronunciation, even when I have looked them up and practiced dozens of times. I avoid trying to say certain words or I try to say them really quickly, so whomever I am talking to, gets the “gist” of what I am saying and hopefully doesn’t catch that I’m still unclear on the pronunciation of the word.

I love it when you find a word that is just fun to say and you look for an excuse to say it. My husband and I were at this beautiful farm market and they were selling mostly prize winning cheeses. What really attracted us, though, were their jars of escabeche. My husband thought the escabeche would taste wonderful and that it would make a great garnish on our sandwiches and salads. I just thought it looked lovely and colorful and I love saying the name. I love saying escabeche. It’s just really fun to say. Escabeche. Escabeche. See, fun to say!

When my daughter was little, she had three “talky” older brothers who constantly talked over her and for her. I think that she still has to deal with that annoyance, when we are all together. It took her a while to get her grammar points down, because frankly, she didn’t have to do it. She had three loud mouths to make the point that she wanted another cookie, was not excited about having a babysitter, or had to go to the bathroom again. When she didn’t hear what someone had to say, she would ask, “What you said?” It drove me crazy, trying to correct that particular grammar mistake she was making, until I finally decided to just roll with it and even used it as my email password. Like all things we parents lose sleep over, her grammar mistake passed and quickly, especially when I decided to just let it go.

What are words that “trip you up”? What are words that just roll off of your tongue in the most delightful way? I think that is the great fun of the new year, contemplating all of the ordinary stuff with a fresh, interested point of view.

Three Steps to Nowhere

Well, this is the earliest that I have been awake in a while. My husband headed back to work today. Break over. This is going to take some “easing into.” Probably like a lot of us, in the last few days, I’ve been reflecting a lot about what I want to do in 2019. I’ve also been thinking a lot about my blog and what direction I should take it.

I read recently that people love to read blogs that offer numbered steps to perfection or numbered tips to achieving your goals. So, if I wrote a blog entitled “Three Steps to Your Perfect Life” or “Five Guaranteed Ways to Lose All of the Extra Holiday Pounds”, they would most likely be my best looked-at and most read blogposts. Unfortunately, I don’t have all of the answers to make bullet lists to cover all (or any, for that matter) of life’s predicaments. In fact, the older that I get, the less I feel certain about any of my “sureties”. I’m not a disingenuous person. I can’t pretend to be an expert on something that I’m not.

I read once that maybe life’s journey isn’t about becoming anything, but it’s more about “unbecoming” everything that we take on that really isn’t “a fit”; undoing everything that isn’t really authentically ourselves. I’ve heard and experienced, that people who live to be elderly, often revert back to child-like states in their last years – becoming more open, alive in the moment, and pure in their emotions. I’m not sure what steps to take to get back to that state of purity. Maybe that just happens in the natural progression of life. Maybe that clean simplicity is a great gift of aging. Sorry, but I just don’t have the answers. I don’t have the steps or the bullet points. But I do have the curiosity to observe it all, in this second stage of adulting, and I enjoy blogging about my experiences and observations. So, until those magic simple steps and perfect bullet lists appear in my head, this questioning and observing and discovering and the laughing at the absurdity of some of it, is the format that this particular blog is going to stay in, at least until my perfect answers arrive.

There is a scene, which takes place some time in the 1950s, in the excellent movie, The Wife, in which an older, very talented but unread female author tries to persuade the young, talented, aspiring heroine of The Wife, to quit writing. The older writer claims that all of the decisions about what makes good writing is decided by men and therefore, writing will be a hopeless and pointless career, for the young female aspiring author.

The young, and some would say “naive” writer firmly states to her older friend, “A writer has to write.”

The cynical, experienced woman retorts back, “A writer HAS to be read, honey.”

I agree with both of them. Thanks for staying with me. I look forward to our future connection, epiphanies, and awakenings, in the upcoming year!

“Any product that needs a manual to work, is broken.” – Elon Musk

On the Brink

Happy New Year’s Eve! Happy Last Day of 2018! May it be fun, fabulous and the perfect closure to the year! Happy Anniversary, Betsey! My beautiful friend Betsey got married on NYE and it was truly one of the most fun, festive weddings that I have ever been to, mostly because everyone was up for a really good time! It was also so beautiful and sacred. If you ever get the chance to get married on NYE, jump on it! It is the perfect day for a wedding and a wonderful way to start the new year, all in the spirit of love, hope and excitement.

Typically, I feel very spiritual and reflective on NYE. Years ago, I read about a NYE ritual that sounded really interesting to try, so my husband and I and some of our kids have done it on several NYEs now. We write two lists. On one list we write all of the things, experiences, habits, blessings, etc. that we are thankful for in this year and some of these events and ways of being that we hope to continue with, into the new year. We also write on this list, all of the new things, experiences, habits, blessings, etc. that we are hoping for in the new year. We then seal these lists in an envelope with the upcoming year marked on the outside and we store this envelope in a cabinet for the entire year. On our second list, we write a list of things that, while we are thankful for the lessons that these experiences have taught us, we no longer wish to have as a focus in our lives anymore. We burn that list during the evening of NYE, in a small camp fire with some white sage, again thankful for the teachings and good aspects that came from that particular event, experience, habit, but now wanting to say good-bye and to cleanse ourselves from any negativity, by burning that list away.

I just looked at my intention list that I wrote on NYE 2017 for the year of 2018 and I’m excited to see how much of what I had hoped for, actually happened this year. 2018 was a good year! It was a year full of excitement, change and growth for me. I’m excited to spend some time reflecting on what I hope to see in 2019 and writing it all down on a physical list to be stored in our cabinet this year. Truth be told, the list is probably already forming and preparing itself to be manifested on paper, but stored in my heart and in my hopes, for the year to come.

May everything heavy on your hearts be burned away with only the helpful lessons and blessings being retained, to help you on your Life’s journey! May all of your hopes and expectations for the new year come true, in even better form than you can possibly imagine! May happy surprises and profound lessons bless us all in the new year! May continued abundant blessings abound for all of us for the entirety of 2019!

Just Three Words

I was reading an interesting post on Smart Thinking on Twitter. The author asked his followers to describe 2018 in three words. Some people didn’t have such a great 2018. Here were some of their answers:

I no like.

Thank you, next.

Ha, I tried.

2019 Come Fast.

Waste of time.

Worst so far.

WTF

It sounds like some people had an above average kind of a year. Here are their replies:

Ups and Downs.

Not so Bad.

Follow Your Heart.

Learned to Forgive.

Persistence, perspiration and patience

Some people seemed to really like 2018. This is how they answered:

Change is good.

All is well.

Fun, teaching, travel.

Blessed. Loved. Strengthened.

A great year.

One person just came off as funny and clever. This is how he answered:

Two thousand eighteen.

If I were to answer the question, Exciting, Exhilarating and Exhausting came to mind right away. I wouldn’t mind for 2019 to be those same three words, although I somehow would like to change “exhausting” to “energizing.” I probably should put a little more emphasis on physical health this coming year, for that to happen.

I like reflecting on the past year, thinking about what I would like to keep in the new year and what has served its purpose, and now is time to discard. I read recently to not call goals for the new year “resolutions”, but more “intentions”, to keep the focus on the positive and the possible. I like that. I also read recently that if you are having a hard time deciding what you want in life, think about the things that you don’t want and turn that around to what you do want. So, if you don’t want drama and craziness in 2019, that can be turned around to what you do want – peace and harmony. Once you figure out what you do want, you can think about smaller steps you can take to achieve your intention.

I’ve always enjoyed this time of year. I find it, well, Exciting, Exhilarating and Energizing! How would you describe your 2018 in three words? How would you like to describe your upcoming 2019 in three words, using your best intentions?

Because, as one responder stated:

Life goes on.

Live Love

Today, my great aunt’s body is being put in its resting place. Her beautiful spirit is already free in Heaven with my grandmother, her other siblings and all those people she loved, who have already passed on. My Aunt Mary Lou passed on Christmas day. She fought cancer for 28 years. She held on as long as she could to be with those she treasured most – her beloved husband, children and grandchildren. They knew how much she loved them, because she never held back in that regard.

My Aunt Mary Lou was my grandmother’s youngest sibling and the last of the five of them, to leave Earth, and to go to Heaven. I was the flower girl in her wedding. Unfortunately, as these things happen with extended families, lives get busy, and our relationship dwindled to seeing each other on the occasional wedding or funeral and exchanging Christmas cards. Still, I never doubted her strong love for me and my family, ever. I had heard in early December that hospice had been called. I went to a little chapel where I like to pray, on Hope St. (that’s a real place) There, I lit a candle for her. I texted her some pictures. She texted me back that she loved me and my family so much. I have a lovely little ornament on our Christmas tree from her. She sent it to me when I was pregnant with my first son. It is a wooden heart and on it, she hand wrote (she had lovely, distinctive handwriting), “Baby – we love you already.”

Aunt Mary Lou wasn’t very rich or very famous, or very educated, but she knew what counts. She knew what was really important and she lived it. She lived love. It’s that simple. Rest in peace, dear one. Thank you for touching my life.

It’s Friday, Light a Candle

“Friday increases the happiness all around the world by 11%.” – Famous Quotes Daily

That’s just an average. I’m sure that on certain Fridays, that percentage is doubled, maybe even tripled in certain corners of the world. Happy Friday, my dear friends! This is the last Friday of the year of 2018! I hope that you have had a wonderful holiday season and an intriguing, exciting year with an even better year coming, in the future! New readers, I write about three of my favorite things or songs or books or websites, etc. every Friday, keeping Fridays what they should be – a break from all of the seriousness of life. Please look in the archives for other Friday suggestions if you are looking for ways to spend your Christmas money!

I’ve told you before about how much I like scented candles. I like them so much that I once lit our dining room table on fire (see July or August archives). I also like to float lighted coconut shell candles in our pool on special occasions. (you can order those from vendors on Etsy) Anyway, I have a closet full of candles and I love them all, but if I had to pick just three to keep, these brands and scents would have to be it:

Lollia Candles (out of Denver) – these candles come in lovely, colorful, cubed boxes that make them seem almost too pretty to burn. They make wonderful gifts for people and all of their scents are amazing, but if I had to pick one scent, it would be number 88 Velvet as Night. The scent is mysterious, sensual and exotic.

Blue Flame Candles (out of Stuart, Florida) – these candles are strongly scented in fabulous way. If you need to replace a terrible scent with a much better scent, this is your go-to candle. They have scents like I have never smelled before. My favorite of theirs is Golden Patchouli, but they are all very nice.

MVP Group Candles (out of Charleston, SC) – I have only bought this one particular candle of theirs because it has a neat, beachy look to me. The scent is fabulous. It is called Warm Beachwood. The container is a beautiful milky, light blue iridescent glass with an intricate carved, copper lid. I love it lit and unlit!

Feel free to tell me your favorite candles and scents. I can make room in my closet!

“It’s Friday! I haven’t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.” – Someecards