I am here at the freshman orientation at my daughter’s university. This entire month has been a whirlwind of activity and all of it with emotion attached to it. I am eager for a quieter, more steady month in June.
Since I have four children, I have had the interesting experience of being considered one of the young moms for my eldest son (I had him when I was 25), and one of the older, more seasoned moms with my daughter, our youngest child. All four of my children have (or will have) attended the same university. At this point, I honestly think that I could run this orientation myself. Still, it is new and fresh and exciting to my daughter and I am thrilled for her. I am also thrilled for all of the first-time university parents who will attend today’s events with wide eyes and lumps in their throats. Today, in my older, seasoned mom role, I want to hug all of them and let them know that it will be okay. It’s all going to be okay. In fact, it’s going to be great. This is just another doorway into new and fresh adventures for the entire family. And it will be amazing.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I did a Google search of when the last time we did a major gun law reform law in the United States. It was in 2008 and I couldn’t even really decipher what the law even really meant. The Sandy Hook tragedy happened in 2012. The Parkland school tragedy happened in 2018. Just in this month, in a matter of days, here in the United States in 2022, we have had the Buffalo, New York mass shooting tragedy, a Taiwanese church in California attacked by a shooter, and now 19 elementary school students and two adults were killed in Texas yesterday. People will argue that it is people who kill people, and not guns, but have we given strong gun control laws a fair try?? Have we tried solid gun control laws at all, to see if this might actually make a difference?!? We all know that inanimate objects (and access to inanimate objects) are far easier to control than it is to control people. We all know that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing again and again, and to expect different results. Recently I have said, more than once, even before yesterday’s horrific tragedy, that I was so relieved that all of my four children made it through their primary schooling without a school shooting incident. How pathetic is that?!?
“It takes a monster to kill children. But to watch monsters kill children again and again and do nothing isn’t just insanity—it’s inhumanity.” -@TheAmandaGorman
Hi friends. It’s been a crazy morning here. I like this quote. Mistakes happen. We all make them. It’s a matter of learning from them. If you learn from your mistakes, they can be some of your greatest strengths and blessings. Mistakes can create the best next notes you have ever played.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
We have a fancy bowl filled with stuff like this. We add to it about weekly. Unfortunately, I can’t write a long post this morning. I have to get my son and his girlfriend to the airport. Sob. So much good happened over this weekend which I haven’t had the time and solitude to process. I have savored every moment (that flew by so fast), but that’s the fun of reflecting on, and processing major moments in your life – you get to savor them all over again.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning, readers. Today is poetry day on the blog. It’s always fun to play with words and that is what poetry is – just playing with words. When our children are little, and they are trying to communicate, we often say to them, “Use your words.” Today I say, “Play with your words.” Here is what came out of my own word play today (Have a wonderful rest of your weekend!! Stay in the moment and savor it all.):
When you were my baby girl, I fondly gazed at your tiny toes,
And when you were a little girl, I dressed you up in bows.
When you were in middle school, I soothed your highs and lows,
And when you were in high school, we loved shopping for your clothes,
Watching you graduate yesterday, my face glows and my heart grows,
You are a golden girl who will have a wonderful life, this your mother knows.
I recently said to my husband, “I feel like we are about to cross the finish line of a major marathon.” He said to me, “Well, we have been parenting for 26 years.” (Our eldest son turned 26 in April, and for those of you non-runners like me, who for the longest time thought that those stickers on cars that state “26.2” perhaps referred to a Bible verse, the stickers actually refer to the fact that a marathon is 26.2 miles long.)
Today is my daughter’s high school graduation. She is the youngest of our four children and she is our only girl. She has opted to start college in the summer, so in about a month, this empty nest thing will truly be our reality. When I am not feeling curiously numb about this graduation ceremony soon to happen, I feel this:
and all of this is happening in rapid fire succession, or perhaps these emotions are actually happening all at once. I really don’t know. Some experiences cannot be put into words, as hard as I try.
This is what I do know, though. This marathon has been completely and totally worth it. This marathon has been, and will always be, the most important, meaningful race of my life. I honestly had no way of preparing for what it would mean to be tasked with getting four amazing souls safely from babyhood into their adulthoods, but I kept my stride. I stumbled here and there, but I always kept on going. I caught my breath, and I kept on going. I kept the pace. And I held the hand of my husband, throughout it all, and so together, today, we will cross this finish line completely tied. It won’t even be a photofinish. We will do this crossing over the finish line together, completely as one, just like we did at the starting line, a little over 26 years ago.
“Of all the races, there is no better stage for heroism than a marathon.” – George Sheehan
“Ask yourself: ‘Can I give more?’ The answer is usually: ‘Yes’.”– Paul Tergat
“When you run the marathon, you run against the distance, not against the other runners and not against the time.” -Haile Gebrselassie
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Happy Friday!! Happy best day of the week!!! On Fridays, I give “the deep feels” a break, and I just try to have some light-hearted fun. On Fridays, I discuss “favorites” – the tactile, sensory things in life which make our lives such an interesting experience. Please check out previous Friday postings for some more of my favorites, and please share some of your own favorites in my Comments section.
Today’s favorite comes from another favorite of mine, which also comes from another favorite of mine. The Fresh Market (one of my favorite grocery stores) creates a $25 dollar family dinner deal (one of my favorite bargains) every single week, and this week’s meal featured a delicious dessert. Matilde Vicenzi Tesoro Chocolate Cream Filled Puff Pastry (they also come in vanilla cream) is incredibly delicious. I could eat a whole package in one sitting and still beg for more. Supposedly the Vicenzi family has been making pastries in Italy since 1905. Obviously, to be in business this long, they know what they are doing. If you don’t have a wonderful Fresh Market around you, I feel sad for you. Still, you can order these delicious Vicenzi delicacies on Amazon, or you can find them at the World Market. Squisito!!!!
Have a wonderful weekend!!!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“Money never made me, those broke days did.” – Tupac
I know that the recent stock market corrections and the crypto crashes and inflation has everyone feeling a little jittery. I understand. As I have stated before, my family and I were “the poster kids” for the last Great Recession. We checked every box – layoff, totally drained savings, high debt, overvalued house, etc. etc. It was one of the most scary, trying times of my life and yet it was also one of the most freeing, defining moments of my life, all at the same time. I would say, that the particular moments right around the time when I was about to turn 40, were the moments when I finally got really pure and clear and real and aware of myself, and my wants, my needs and what really mattered to me and to the future of our family. It was a time in my life when I noticed just how much I had lived my adult life with invisible chains of following other people’s expectations, without knowing too much about my own desires, and wants and needs. I know that it is a cliché, but I say this earnestly and honestly, those trying, painful moments ended up being some of the best, awakening moments to pivot our family’s life into what WE really wanted to experience going forward, in the shaping of our of family’s legacy. And this last decade of my life has been one of my absolute favorites of all of my 51 years (not always the easiest, but easily the most honest and fulfilling and interesting and exciting). My family has had so much quality time together, and amazing adventures, and a feeling of comfort and security and realness, like we never had before. We live uniquely and authentically and I pray that this trend continues. It is the only way to live fully and intentionally, in my humble opinion.
Many years ago, when we were just starting out with our family, we had a babysitter who would watch our eldest son (our only child at the time) on occasions when we would go out, just as a couple. She was the only babysitter we employed at the time, being a lovely, sweet, reliable teenager from a working class family. During this time, her family ended up winning millions in the lottery. (She still babysat for us after that time, but she did order in a lot of good dinners while she would babysit.) I remember distinctly running into our babysitter’s father in the grocery store a few months after they had won the lottery, and I remember him saying that the best part of winning the money, wasn’t retiring early, or going on frequent trips to Disney World, or the new giant home that they now lived in, but more so, the best part of winning the lottery for him, was the feeling of security that he had, which he had never had experienced before in his lifetime. About a decade ago, our sweet little babysitter was now all grown up, and she befriended me on Facebook. She was married with kids and we filled each other in on the news of our families. Sadly, it turned out that her parents had ended up divorcing, and later, her father and her brother had been killed in a four-wheeling accident. Security, my friends, is a relative thing. If you can make peace with the fact that “total security” is pretty much an illusion, and you can move past the fears that this thought brings up for you, you can live in pure freedom and in awe-filled awareness of every single, precious, breathing moment left in your lifetime.
I’m going to end today’s blog post with some of the best money advice which I have ever heard. I’ve made my four children watch this particular scene, more than once. It is crass with a capital “C”, so if you can’t stand the F-word, don’t watch it (the f-bomb is used liberally in this scene). This is a scene from an otherwise mediocre film called The Gambler:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
It struck me the other day that I have lived long enough to see plenty of the amazing, fresh new things on the market, later become worn and tired relics. In other words, I am old enough to have experienced many whole life cycles of many, many ideas and products. This came to mind out of nowhere. For some reason I started remembering back in the early 1990s, when I was a textbook salesperson. (Yes, that position is a real thing. A textbook salesperson goes into professors’ offices and tries to convince the professor to adopt their publisher’s textbook, so that the 8000 kids taking Introduction to Biology, will have to purchase said textbook. Don’t hate me.) Anyway, back then, “email” was the new thing. Most of my professors whom I called on, still preferred receiving telephone calls and voicemail messages. They did not even look at their “emails.” A few “cutting edge” professors started insisting on emails only. Nowadays, it seems like email is only slightly more of an upgrade to snail mail. We all have a million examples of this. Technology is changing so quickly, even our twenty-something kids have experienced a few product lifecycles of something going from “latest and greatest” to graveyard in the wink of an eye.
In my readings this morning I was reminded that acceptance is not consenting and approving, but more so, an awareness of the way things are in a moment. Acceptance is a detached noticing of what is happening. Acceptance is being fully aware of “what is.” When I find myself getting curmudgeonly about they way things are changing in my lifetime, and I stubbornly start sticking my feet into the sand, I am reminded that nothing remains “the it” thing/person/way of being/way of doing things, for long, especially these days. Having been at a Disney amusement park recently, I was reminded of what it is like to be on their imaginative thrill rides. Entering into the ride car, you realize that the whole ride and experience is really just made-up, creative, imaginative fun, despite how realistic these rides now seem to be. You get on the ride, and you surrender to the experience, trying to soak it all in – the feelings, the sensations, the thrills, the fears, all the while, never taking the ride too seriously. In the end, you know that you will get off of the ride, and everything will be okay. You have the expectation that you will arrive safely back to normal. Perhaps there is an analogy here?
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I love this visual. Honestly, the times that I’ve had to climb myself out of holes were a whole lot more daunting, but ultimately, a whole lot more satisfying and confidence building, than just climbing up a hill. I think that this illustration also reminds us that we aren’t all starting at the same starting lines in life. Some people have to climb up rocky cliffs, just to get to the base of the mountain.
Later this morning, my husband and I will be signing our updated wills, and other end-of-life paperwork. Our attorney assures us that this means that we will live forever. “Look at the news! Did you ever notice that it is only the people without insurance whose houses flood?” she quipped (and then handed us our invoice). We have been meaning to get this paperwork updated for quite some time, but when my mother-in-law became quite ill last summer (she’s much better now, thankfully) and there was a scramble for paperwork, it became evident to us that this chore needed to be moved up a few notches on the to-do list. I only bring up this morbid tidbit because I saw this quote over the weekend which was a real gut puncher to me:
“Everyone in your life will have a last day with you and you don’t even know when it will be.” – Poem Heaven (Twitter)
Wow. What if every time you were with someone, you thought, is this what I would want their lasting impression of me to be? And this doesn’t always imply death. Think of all of the people from your past whom you no longer associate with in your life. They’ve had their last day with you. Did this last day represent your true and earnest self? Was this last day petty or pure? Unfortunately, it is usually our final moments that leave “lasting impressions.”
I realize that I may be coming off as somewhat of a Debbie Downer this morning. I don’t want this to be your impression of me. Ever. I am a seeker. I am always trying to find the meaning in the meaningless. I am always trying to clean up my view on things. I like to clear the brush and dance in the sunshine. Do know this. I appreciate you. I am grateful for you being here for me. I appreciate writing to you, and communing with you, versus just putting my words out into some void. I love you, my readers. Have a fantastic day!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
