Tag: middle age

Powerful

“You have no idea how long something you say can stay in someone’s mind.” – Scarlett Leithold

This is so true, isn’t it? What swirls around in your mind (good and bad) from things that were said to you days ago, weeks ago, even decades ago? As someone who is blunt and emotional and who doesn’t always weigh her words as carefully as I should, I pray that it is mostly the good things that I have said bluntly and emotionally, that are swirling around in my people’s heads.

Words are powerful. When I learned how to drive, my dad would say that he is handing me a loaded weapon, when he handed me the car keys. Words are so often used as weapons. We walk around with the ability to brandish these weapons, instantly, at any moment. And they can be weapons that act like shrapnel from bullets, which can’t ever be completely removed from someone’s emotional body.

At the same time, words can be healers. Words can inspire and give hope and help to find meaning in what sometimes seems meaningless. No matter how they are used, words are powerful.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2501. What do you like to do at the park?

Fuggy Friday

“Fuggy” is a word. Look it up. Fuggy is just like muggy, but with an “F”. I just learned the word “fuggy”, myself, a few moments ago, when I looked up synonyms for “humid.” Above is one of my favorite people whom I follow on X. He is a comedian named “OMGITSWICKS” and he makes fun of Florida, like only a true, “born and raised” Floridian can do. He recently said that we Floridians consider tropical storms to be just “rain with a name.” And, he’s right.

Before I get to my main favorite for today on, Favorite Things Friday, I want to write down what I have been pondering lately. If you look at any of my all-over-the-map musical playlists, the accounts which I follow on X (people on the left, people on the right, witches, artists, buddhists, Christians, therapists, actors, mystics and a gay furry) and my eclectic array of unusual collections all over my house and yard, you might question my sanity. For those of you who follow astrology, I am a Sagittarius sun sign, with Gemini rising. That helps to make sense of me, right? I’m an adventurer. I’m insanely curious. I love anyone who makes me laugh. I’m open-minded, and I am open to changing my mind. I believe that I have my own personal politics, and my own personal religion (more like spirituality.) I am hopeful and optimistic. I love to read and to learn. To me there is nothing better on this earth (besides my family) than animals and nature. I have friends in every category imaginable. I abhor snobbery. I think that it’s incredibly limiting. I am willing to make an effort to like anyone until I see them treat others badly. If you are manipulative, disdainful, deceitful, mean, cruel, disrespectful, bullying etc. to others, that’s when my walls go way, way up. Otherwise, your beliefs are your beliefs. I respect your right to your beliefs, to your interests, to your passions, to living your life as you see fit, as long as you do not cause pain to others. And all that I expect from you, is that you extend that same respect for me. (my sister-in-law used to say that you can generate the Ten Commandments all down to one commandment: “Don’t be a dick.”) Why have I been pondering this? I think that it’s because with all of the divisive politics and horrible wars going on, and the cancel culture running rampant, and things going on with some personal relationships in my life, I needed to ask myself, “What do I stand for?” And the conclusion that I came up with is that ultimately, I stand for kindness, and I stand for freedom. I stand for the golden rule. And in my life, I have witnessed so many different people, from so many different backgrounds, races, religions, sexual preferences, political parties, etc., ultimately stand for the same things. Kindness. Freedom. These people do unto others as they would have done to them. I suppose, ultimately and optimistically and hopefully, I believe that most of us strive for, and stand for “Love” in its highest, most unconditional form.

Okay, off of my soapbox: Here’s today’s favorite: Invisible Glass Glass Cleaner The back of our house is almost entirely sliding glass doors and we have three dogs. Nose prints. Nose prints. Nose prints. Cleaning glass is the bane of my existence. This is the first glass cleaner that has “streak-free” written on it’s can, and actually is streak-free. I purchased this recently on Amazon and it has quickly become my new holy grail of glass cleaners.

Have a great weekend, friends. Thanks for taking a little trip inside of my head. I think that’s really what this blog is for me, “a head trip” and mostly, “a heart trip.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2785. What instantly melts your heart?

The Little Blue Heron

I just took the dogs out and the little blue heron was sitting out there waiting for us. He comes to our backyard often, picking various perches to look for food. The little blue heron is never excited to see the dogs. He stubbornly holds his position until the last minute that one of them almost reaches him, and then he flies off, loudly squawking his disapproval and disgust. I smile to myself every time I see him. My husband always says that the little blue heron is his dad paying us a visit.

My husband’s father passed away when my husband had just turned 30. We received one of those awful “middle of the night calls” (the kinds of sickening calls that you wish were only true in movies) with the news that my father-in-law had passed from a sudden heart attack. He was 59.

My father-in-law was a complicated man. My husband had a complicated relationship with him. But my husband was his only son of five children, and I never doubted my father-in-law’s love and pride for his son. When my husband was earning his MBA from a prestigious, challenging university during night school, while supporting our family of me and our two young sons with his day job, my father-in-law sent a regular stream of handwritten letters and newspaper clippings, as a form of pride and cheerleading and support.

My husband and our two middle sons took off from work/school today, to go fishing together. I just waved them off, feeling their excitement and anticipation reverberating in my own heart. My husband often fished with his own father when he was a boy. Maybe when the little blue heron flew off just now, he was heading out to sea. Maybe the little blue heron has “a boy with his own boys” to look after today. Perhaps they need the little blue heron’s pride and cheerleading and support.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

379. Who knows you better than anyone else?

Living the Dream

I’m annoyed with myself, and with all of last night’s events. I went to bed early to read myself to sleep and thus, I missed watching one of the most feel-good stories of the Olympics with my husband: The outcome of the Men’s 1500m Race. I was woken up several times in the night, once with my husband coming to bed, giddy about what he had just witnessed in Olympics history, then around 12:30 a.m. when I heard a door opening and shutting in my house (my middle son had been at our youngest son’s apartment helping him put together a 1000 piece bedroom dresser, and then decided to come back here – thankfully he texted me that the mystery door noise was him, and not an intruder. My husband slept through that disturbance.) And then, around 4 a.m. our collie, Josie, started panting and pacing, and so I put on my grumpy pants, and I took her out into the humid darkness to do her thing. (My husband and my son slept through that wake-up call, as well.) Why do we mothers hear all of the noises and distress calls of the night? Is it primal from the days when we were waking up with our babies on the hour? I’ve retired from raising children. Shouldn’t my internal alarm system be set to “off”, now? Sigh. Enough rant, back to the feel-good story:

For the first time in 112 years, two American men were on the podium for the 1500m race. This was entirely unexpected. The favorite runners to win were a Norwegian and a Brit who had apparently been trash talking each other all week. Cole Hocker, an American runner from Indiana won the gold medal and broke an Olympic record, and his teammate, Yared Nuguse from Kentucky won the bronze. (Britain’s Josh Kerr came in second.) I watched a few interviews with the young American men/medalists, and both talked about how it was actually good to be “under the radar”. They believed that they were every bit as good as the other lauded runners, and they stated that this belief in themselves is vital because long distance running is largely a mental game. According to these athletes, if you are at your physical peak, the hardest part of it all, is the mental game. Yared stated that towards the end of the race, he just repeats to himself, “Stick with it. Stick with it.”

Yared Nuguse is a first generation American. His parents were political refugees from Ethiopia and became American citizens in the 1980s. As I was lapping up all of the background stories on these runners, I ended up on a runners’ site on Reddit. This exchanged really moved me:

Did any other immigrants to the USA get emotional when the camera flashed to Nuguse parents crying? Maybe it was just me, but I felt immigrant tears of joy…it probably took A LOT to get to the USA, and now to win a medal for this country…only other immigrants would understand the depth of their tears… (tcumber)

I’ve been following Nuguse since his NCAA years. Extremely happy for him (and Cole). It would have been one thing to win an Olympic bronze in a slow race because of some fluke, but to PB in a race that sets the Olympic record shows he left it all on the track. He’s already one of the top 5 milers of all time, but he’s now also the 9th fastest 1500m runner all time, and looks like he could go faster. (DomDeLaweeze)

He made our entire ethiopian household proud. My mom choked up when they panned to his mom. (Besk123)

Yes!..because your mom is probably intimately aware of the struggle and sacrifice to get here, and to see what can happen in this country with just ONE GENERATION.

THIS is the American Dream we all came for, and are willing to work so hard to attain…a better life not only for ourselves, but for our families.

I shed happy tears with them because I understood…many of us understand. It is more than winning a bronze medal. It is understanding where they started, how hard they all worked, and where they are all now….in Paris…at the Olympics…watching their son do so well. He could have finished last…there is still pride that he got there and did his best…but he won a bronze.. Oh my….

Sigh…someone just cut some onions beside me….(tcumber)

When I read that, I must have been cutting onions. I write this with a lump in my throat. With all of the negative, divisive political hoopla swirling around us these days, we must remember what really makes us great. We are a nation of Native Americans, who are only just recently getting the recognition which they wholly deserve for their reverence and caretaking of our beautiful land for generations and generations, and then of waves and waves of immigrants (some brought here against their will during the horrible scourge of slavery). Regardless of our beginnings, all of us here have been chasing the American Dream in one form or another, and attaining it, again and again and again. . . . . . My belief is that the best of us Americans, in this vast country, understand this incredible, vast, realizable potential for ourselves, and for our fellow citizens. The best of us fly under the radar, but continue to make sure that the American Dream continues to flourish. The majority of Americans know that it is a mental game to live a Dream. The majority of Americans, all persevere in our lives and in our beliefs, knowing that the key to realizing the Dream is to “Stick with it. Stick with it. Stick with it . . . .”

Stick with it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

407. Has anyone ever approached you thinking you were someone else?

Start Over

I read this the other day. I haven’t read something so true and comforting for a long time. Whatever goal you have, you are not having to start over, you are just getting back on track. And you are getting back on track with a backpack full of the good stuff: knowledge, strength and power, all which comes from the various experiences that have gotten you to where you are today. If we were really going back to square one, we would be helpless babies, each with a totally blank slate. Frankly, going back to that actual square one, sounds utterly exhausting and terrifying.

Remind yourself that your path has been a good one, even if you have meandered off of the direct route, and have gotten yourself caught in some brambles for a little bit. You will get “rerouted” and you will have taken in some interesting sights along the way. Your inner compass will always guide you back to your own true north.

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” – Lao Tzu

“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Brand

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2630. What is your favorite actor beginning with the letter K? (Easy, peasy . . . think John Wick)

Monday – Funday

Hi all. We’re fine here, just lots of rain and intermittent random power outages. It’s a soggy Monday in these parts. Here are two fun activities I discovered over the weekend. First, Google “cat” and then on the right side of the screen, by the word cat, you will see an orangish paw print. Click on it and then click again all over your screen. Cute, right? When you quickly bore of that bit of fun, try this: look up various “Octopus eyebrows” tutorials. Are things getting a little stale on your face? Is it time for a new look? Want a distraction from wrinkles? Octopus eyebrows. Google it. It’s a thing.

Yesterday, I watched Melinda French Gates interview Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King about their incredible lifelong friendship. Melinda is doing these interviews with various public figures, because she herself is turning “60” and she wants inspiration from other women who are around this middle stage in life. Oprah said that Maya Angelou told her that the 50s are a time when you become who you were meant to be. Oprah says if you don’t feel like you are there yet, you should listen carefully to the whispers of your heart. What’s whispering to you?

Author Heather Havrilesky claims in a recent column, that one of her older mentors told her as she turned 50 that she is entering “the most luminous time of her life.” If you are not feeling illuminated, listen closer to your whispers. It is time to allow yourself to fully become who you were meant to be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2574. What is your favorite style of architecture?

On the Cusp

“You can be on the cusp of something. Appreciate the cusp, not the something. Appreciate this moment now.” – Ernest Holmes

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and I could not get back to sleep. I’ve had this weird, excited, jittery, giddy feeling for a while now and it is growing stronger. I feel like either I, or the world in general, are sitting on the cusp of something really special and exciting. Is anyone else feeling this way? I suppose we are always on the cusp of something new. It just feels strange to have the feeling of anticipation and yet not really knowing exactly what is you are anticipating.

“What I’m suggesting to you is that this could be a renaissance. We may be on the cusp of a future which could provide a tremendous leap forward for humanity.” – Jeremy Rifkin

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

428. Too much is never enough of . . . .?

Nerdy Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy August!!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! On Fridays on the blog, I talk about my favorite stuff in life. On Fridays, I try to get out of my otherthinking mode and into my “Let’s Play and have Fun!” mode. My favorite for this week just has to be America’s Olympics gymnastic teams. Watch any interview with Steve Nedoroscik, a.k.a. pommel horse guy, and you will remind yourself that nerds really do rule. Steve is so genuinely himself, and likable, and he deserves every second of attention that he has been receiving. And overall, look at the diversity of our wonderful gymnasts!! No other country’s teams have the beautiful rainbow of diversity that ours do, and despite all of the infighting and work which we still need to do to achieve equality for all, DIVERSITY IS OUR STRENGTH. I love the Olympics because they show the best about each of our various countries. They remind us all to be patriotic and proud and united again, no matter where we come from in this world.

Okay, I do have a bonus favorite. I love plumcots. Plumcots are a hybrid of plums and apricots and so they are sweet and tasty and still juicy like plums, and yet also, they have a firmer consistency, so they are not as messy to eat as traditional plums. They are delicious! Diversity is their strength.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends. Our middle son and his girlfriend and their adorable dog are coming for a visit this week and I can’t wait. One of the beautiful things about all four of our kids being all grown up is that we get more concentrated one-on-one time with each of them, than we ever were able to have with them when they were younger. We tried, but having four little kids with four crazy schedules, made one-on-one time, a rare special treat. It is a real joy to get to know the adult version of each of your beautiful children in a more relaxed, open, focused, curious way than when you responsible for getting all of them ready to launch, all at once.

See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

536. If you could take a street sign or sign from anywhere, what sign would you want?

Memory Jogs

Sometimes I come to the blog having no idea about what I am going to write about and other times I have hundreds of ideas that have come to mind from things that I have heard, or read, or seen, throughout my week, and so, I sloppily write reminders (sometimes readable, sometimes not) on my calendar, so that I have writing prompts. Here is an accumulation of my hastily written memory jogs for this week:

+ Are you in charge of your day or is your day in charge of you? Who’s in charge here? Do you allow distractions and interruptions and other people’s problems take over your day? Do you have a general outline for your day or do you just allow whim and fancy and spontaneity and intuition to take over the day’s plot? Are you so “in charge” that your days have become rigid and banal and monotonous? (To be clear, there are no “right” answers here, but a little self awareness by answering these questions can help you to fine tune your days, because after all, it is our days that make up our weeks, our months, our years, our lives . . . .)

+ There was a comedian who was joking that the only reason why mindfulness (staying in the moment) has only become a really popular concept in the last decade or so, is because before that, we didn’t really have a choice not to be mindful. Without the internet, cell phones, 800 TV channels, etc. we were mindful, whether we realized it or not. I was reminded of this when I drove up the street for my eyebrow waxing appointment, earlier this week. I realized that I had forgotten my phone on the way to my appointment (only ten minutes up the road) and then I was horrified when I had to wait, because my technician had another customer ahead of me who was still there. The low level anxiety and fidgetiness which I felt throughout the whole experience (and I was back home, all waxed up, in less than an hour) was eye-opening and a little disappointing to me, for sure. For perspective, on this day in 1981, MTV was launched. It was 43 years ago, in which seeing music played on television was considered unbelievably cutting edge. I was 10. And ten-year-old me was mindfully mesmerized by the amazing new phenomena of music and graphics all mixed together on a TV screen. Imagine.

+ The popular inspirational speaker, Og Mandino once said this,“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” I love this. I think that this thought is so much better than pretending that this is the last day of your own life. Whenever that sentiment is said, about pretending that it’s your own last day on Earth, I think to myself, “Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t be doing laundry, or washing dishes, or going to the grocery store, and I would want all of my favorite people around me, all day long (and I would want them to be sobbing – kidding, sort of).” Let’s face it, pretending every day is your last day on Earth, is just not a practical, or do-able sentiment. It’s an uncomfortable, annoying sentiment that serves to remind you that you really can’t just do what you really want to do, all day long, every day of your life. You may die on the biggest chore day of your life. Facts. But Og Mandino’s statement is doable, and it helps us to grow our own compassion levels, exponentially. So when we do come to our own last day on Earth, we’ll have a lot less regrets and then, we can rest in peace.

+ I’ve noticed a form of speech being used a lot more than I had ever heard it before and I really like it. It reminds us of the nuances of life and it helps us to steer away from black and white thinking. This is the use of “and, also”. So I can say, “I like the thrill of big summer storms, and also, I sometimes find them terrifying.” “I enjoyed the visual effects of that movie, and also, I found the movie to be disturbing.” “And also” is a lot better than a “but”. A “but” is negating. It sucks all of the positivity and truth, out of our first statement, like a vacuum. “And also” is inclusive, and it says that two seemingly opposite experiences, can and often do, happen at the same time. Using “and also” in our communication is truer to our messy, organic human experience.

+ As a segue from my last point, you can say, “I am an authentic person, and also, I am a private person.” Authenticity is the ability to be the truest version of yourself that you can be in any particular circumstance. Authenticity is not creating false selves to impress different people, at different times. However, it is healthy to be discerning about how much of your true life, opinions, experiences, etc. you choose to share with different people in your lives. You can be an authentic employee, without choosing to spout out what you really think about your boss. Inauthentic people create lies and falsehoods and illusions, in order to impress others. They tend to be “different people with different people.” Authentic people are comfortable in their own skin and are typically “what you see is what you get” with everyone they meet, and also, they carefully choose a different level of intimacy and vulnerability with each relationship, which they have in their lives, for their own well-being. In my experience, as you age, you naturally tend to become much more authentic, and this is so refreshing and freeing.

+ In the United Kingdom, when a company goes bankrupt, there is a list of creditors to pay from any of the assets still left. The last creditors in line to get any of their money back are called “residual beneficiaries.” Typically, by the time everyone else is paid, the “residual beneficiaries” get little to nothing back. A speaker on a podcast I was listening to, said that sadly, in today’s busy lives with intense careers, long work hours, and overfilled schedules, we often (unintentionally, of course) turn our most cherished loved ones into being our “residual beneficiaries.” Also, typically, the very last residual beneficiaries on our personal lists, are ourselves. Is your life a healthy company- simplified, streamlined, focused, and on point to its mission statement? Or are you (and your loved ones) getting bankrupted by unhealthy, unwieldy practices? You are your own life manager. Do you have a good one?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

2586. What gives you pause?

Why Vs. What

Dr. Edith Eger, who is a Holocaust survivor, wrote this the other day on X, “It took me decades to discover that I could come to life with a different question. It’s not, why did I live? The question is, what is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?”

Lately, the world around us seems to be in constant flux and chaos and change. We are doing a lot of questioning, as groups and as individuals, about what we value, about the state of our governing bodies, about what we truly believe in, and about the parts we play in it all. Sometimes all of this discernment gets clouded by our own feelings of guilt for our own unique “gifts and entitlements”: (Examples could be: Why was I born American and not in a third world country? Why am I healthy, and someone who took care of their bodies all of their lives, just died of cancer? Why did I get to keep my job when so many other good people were laid off?) Sometimes this “Why?” line of thought brings us to things that we find “unfair” in our own lives: (Examples could be: Why do I have this heath affliction? Why did my marriage fall apart when I gave it my all? Why did the tornado hit my house? Why did my spouse die young?)

Typically, studying the “whys” doesn’t get us too far. Rarely do we find a satisfactory answer. Still, we all have a human tendency to stay stuck mired in “the why questions” about our lives, and about the people, and about situations in our lives. And thus we tend to get stuck in the feelings of guilt, unworthiness, victimhood and blame. But let’s face it, we don’t even really have a sure, one right answer as to why the world even exists. The answers to the why questions often continue to blow around us, in the wind, remaining uncatchable and unsatisfactory. However, answering the question: “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” is empowering. It is our question to answer in our own unique, unrepeatable way. No one else gets to answer it. Our actions and the way we live our one unique life is the answer to this question. How much of that answer to “What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given?” , should we waste on trying to answer the whys??

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s question will be taken from Dr. Edith Eger:

What is mine to do with the life I’ve been given? (key word: What)