Tag: reflections

Alchemization

“If you listen closely, when people give advice they’re actually talking to younger versions of themselves.” – Dr. Nicole LaPerla

One of my horoscopes today talked about using this month to turn “wounds into wisdom.” I think that this is what aging is all about. I believe that life is a constant cycle and process of turning wounds into wisdom. Sometimes we don’t reflect enough, or we aren’t honest enough with ourselves to do true introspection, and thus we just keep tearing apart at our wounds, making them bleed more and not allowing for the healing process. But we eventually, usually get it. And when we do “get it”, we are sad that our younger selves didn’t quite “get it” in what we deem to be a timely manner, so we at least try to save others, by spouting off advice.

It can be off-putting to get advice, especially unsolicited advice. Bernard Williams calls unsolicited advice, “the junk mail of life.”

“Wise people advice from experience. Wiser people, from experience, do not advice.” – Amit Kalantri

That’s the thing, we get most of our deepest wisdoms from our experiences. And so we desperately try to save others from having similar tough experiences that we’ve had, yet it is those very experiences which gave us our own deepest, best wisdom. What a Catch-22!

I’m guilty of spouting off too much advice, and I do it all of the time. I do it to my kids, my husband, my friends, my pets (“Trip don’t provoke Ralphie, you know where this leads . . . .), strangers I meet on the street. Hell, I do it here on the blog all of the time. Please forgive me. It doesn’t come from my wisest self. My advice comes from my desire to “save (“control”) the world.” (or if I am honest, like Nicole LaPerla says, my advice is my desire to prove to my younger self that I’ve learned and I’ve grown. Perhaps trying to save others from my own mistakes, is a gift that I am trying to give to my own younger self for putting her through a lot of tough experiences, that often took a long, long while to alchemize into wisdom.)

Mantra for the day: Self, I forgive you. Self, I appreciate you. Self, your experiences were worth the gold of your wisdom. Self, let go and trust this process of turning experience into wisdom, for your own self going forward, and for all whom you love.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Uniforms

The other night, when we were watching a football game, the color/honor guard came out and the announcer proudly introduced some members of our armed forces, representing our “Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard and Space Force.” I am aware of Space Force. This is not the first time that I had heard about it, but to hear it grouped into our armed forces, in such a natural, matter-of-fact way, kind of gave me a breathless pause. I thought to myself, what used to be only parts of science fiction and fantasy, has now become reality for all of the little ones coming up in this world. For the little ones, there is nothing strange and other worldly and awe-striking about Space Force, or electric cars, or your phone being able to turn on your dishwasher.

I have reached that age in life where a lot of what I took for granted as a little one, is now becoming (or has become) obsolete. It is such a strange mix of feelings to process this fact. Some people fight so hard to hang on to the things and ways of their time of being little ones. Some people desperately try to keep themselves uber-modernized, perhaps with the hopes of remaining “a little one” forever. I think that I am a little bit of a muddled-mix. I find myself liking to shock the younger ones (like my elders did) with stories of just how “crazy” the old days were, such as long summer days of riding bicycles, without wearing helmets, miles and miles away from home. My daughter was aghast to hear that I went door-to-door, in my bright green Girl Scout uniform, with my cute little matching beanie, selling cookies, when I was a little one. “Did anyone try to lure you into the basement?” she asked, when I admitted to going inside houses, while people took the time to handwrite their orders. But, at the same time, I also find myself admonishing myself to remember to not become a boring, old, stodgy, stubborn relic, “stuck in her ways”. There is a lot of progress in change. One of my mentees, the high schooler, who mostly leads a sheltered life at home, mentioned that she went on a trip over the holidays, and she was happy to see so many rainbow flags in stores, supporting gay people. I told her, “I’m happy about that, too. When I was a little one, many people hid the fact that they were gay, and there was so much hurt and brokenness created from people not being able to feel free to be themselves.”

The older that I get, the more I have come to the acceptance of the fact that there is so much in life that I have very little control over. What I can control is my reaction and my response to life as it is, and to life as it unfolds. I am trying to do this gracefully. I admit that I stumble a lot. But I always get back up again. At one time, early in my journey, I was a little girl in a little green beanie, and now I am way further up the road, watching people on my smart TV, in their smart Space Force uniforms. The beauty of aging is the breathtaking appreciation of how purely awesome it is to witness, with every sense in my body, Creation boldly unfold itself into the endless future.

Famous Quotes On Aging Gracefully. QuotesGram

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Big Brood

I figured that we could all use some holiday cheer:

My daughter asked me how to begin her letter to Santa Claus so I suggested she start with, “Hear me out …” (@Dad_At_Law Twitter)

Image

credit: Rex Masters, Twitter

Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish readers!!!

****I know that a lot of you are worried about me and my family, but we are doing okay. A good night’s sleep does wonders. One Day at a Time. It’s the only way to live. You savor and experience your life more that way. Don’t worry. Be happy.****

When you raise a big family (we have four kids), you do a lot of dishes and laundry and driving and PTA forms. You do a lot of juggling of schedules and cars in the driveway. There is a steady hum of noise in the house, always. You are constantly cleaning up messes.

When your big family grows up and moves out, you honestly sometimes forget what raising the big family was like. And then they come home for the holidays, and you are swiftly reminded. As you are doing yet another load of laundry and the dishwasher is running yet again and your husband is vacuuming for the third time in one day, and you have to yell out over all of the noise for someone to move their car so that another car can get out of the garage, and you are trying to remember where everyone is and where everyone is supposed to be, you take a pause and you smile to yourself. You are reminded that you made it through 12 years of high schoolers, relatively unscathed. You are reminded that you helped to give a good, solid start to four wonderful people who are already making a difference in this world. You pat yourself on the back with sheepish pride. And although you realize that you certainly don’t have the energy to do it all again, you are incredibly happy that at one time in your life, you did have the energy to raise a big family. You realize that your big family helped to make your heart grow big, and a big heart is full of love and love is the stuff that sustains you, and that thought is what carries you through the final folding of towels and sheets, from the recent reunion of your big, beautiful brood.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.