Tag: middle age

The Way of Life

My youngest son gets his wisdom teeth removed today. Like many of these types of coming-of-age milestones, we have already been through this, with his two older brothers. We have a good idea of what to expect. My youngest son is 6’2″ and he works out – all of the time. He’s already high on the pre-surgery drugs. He is a dizzy boy. This is going to be a long day for him . . . . and for me. We’ll both be gorging on Talenti.

I’m longing to get back to normal. Of course, with summer here, the reset button has been pushed. We will be figuring out our new summer normal. We have to let ourselves get into the groove of new summer jobs, summer volunteering, my daughter’s summer tennis training, etc. I’m longing for “normal”, yet I’m not even sure what this normal is going to look like yet. This is the way of motherhood. I wonder if we moms would be totally lost and confused if the only schedule we ever had to think about was our own?

This is a really rambling, random post. Please forgive me, readers. Clearly, the summer reset hasn’t occurred yet. I’m still “all over the map” in my thoughts, in my schedule, in my emotions and in my biological clock rhythms. This is the way of motherhood, too. Or maybe, this is just the way of life . . . .

“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence
Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance
Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence
Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.”
–   Yoko Ono, Season of Glass

Pitcher is Full

Image result for there is a difference between giving up and knowing when you have had enough

Last night, I was reminded of the above wisdom, as I was sitting at one of our city’s iconic restaurants, staring at my unbelievably delicious chocolate peanut butter torte, around midnight last night. We were at the restaurant celebrating my son’s high school graduation. I had already eaten a third of my scrumptious dessert, plus a bite of everyone else’s choices. We were in a separate dessert room. Seriously. Before the dessert room experience, we all had enjoyed a heavy, gluttonous three-course meal. This particular restaurant is known for its throwback nature. It glamorizes the times of pre-gluten, pre-dairy, pre-cardiac health concerns. My All-American sticktoitiveness was telling me to finish what I had started. Finish the damn dessert. But wait, isn’t that what doggy bags are for? Wouldn’t a bite of the torte in the morning be a wonderful reminder of the previous night, a night filled with laughter, nostalgia and decadence? (The bite that I just had a minute ago was delectable!)

It’s okay to know when you have had enough of anything. It’s okay to know when your “pitcher is full, filled to the brim.” We all have different sized pitchers. Saturation points happen. It’s not giving up. It’s knowing that you have had enough and honoring yourself enough, to just stop with the madness – even if the madness is in the form of a fabulously, unbelievably delicious dessert.

It Truly Is

I’m really happy today. I am so happy that I’m actually kind of giddy. We finally got most of our things put away, that were all over our house due to a renovation, and it feels so cleansing and clearing. My younger sons picked up our eldest son at the airport last night, after midnight. I got up at 2:30 a.m. and I peeked in the doors of all of my babies. I haven’t done that in a long while. They were all four sound asleep in their beds. Then I went back to my bed and had some of the best sleep that I have slept in a long time. There is probably not a more nurturing, comforting feeling in a mama’s heart, than all of her children sleeping peacefully under one roof. We have a big day of activities planned to celebrate my youngest son’s high school graduation. There will be a lot of laughing and joking. I will be a brunt of a lot of those jokes and I will love it. Life is good.

“One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a child should be fun.” – Jane Goodall

It is, Jane. It truly is.

Ehh, It’s Friday

funny friday quotes for work

Happy Friday, friends and readers!!!  This one felt “long in coming” didn’t it?!?  New readers, I love Fridays.  We don’t go into deep subjects on Fridays here at Adulting – Second Half.  On Fridays, I discuss three favorite things/songs/websites/ideas, etc. and I highly encourage you to share your favorites (anything goes!) in the Comments section. Please check out previous Friday posts for more favorites.  Here are today’s favorites and they are all random and in no specific category:

Sconza Chocolates Lemoncello Chocolate Almonds – My family  first had these “euphoria for your mouth” almonds in California last summer.  I was absolutely delighted when Costco started carrying them, although I have the feeling that they were a limited special purchase.  Get these yellow nuggets of gastro gold, however you can.  Find a way.  I would beg, borrow and steal for this candy.  And you know, on a happy note, almonds are a super food . . . .

Next, by now, you regular readers know how much I love Think Smarter on Twitter.  I attribute 60-70 percent of my “smarts” to this feed.  Below is my favorite post yet.  They posted it just a few days ago.  I LOVE when a few words can encapsulate a feeling, or an experience, or a nuance that we all can relate to:

 

(It’s not just “human” that this applies to – our dogs have idiosyncrasies that evoke the same smile in my heart)

Final favorite this Friday –

Frontgate Ultralight Slimline 4-Step Ladder – I may have shared this one already, this is how much I love it.  It bears repeating.  This is not your average step ladder.  Granted, it is not inexpensive but it is worth every penny.  It is as sturdy as they come, and the best part is that it folds up so skinny that we keep ours in between our washer and our dryer.  This ladder is so skinny, that if it were your friend, you’d secretly hate her.  It is light and easy to carry from room to room, too, so you really only need one of them and it comes in all sorts of color choices.

And a final thought for this Friday as you head out to festivities for the night:

“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”– Ann Landers

Horizons

“A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what a ship is built for . . . .”

Tonight, my youngest son graduates from high school. This is the third time that we will experience this event. In some ways, having been through it before, makes it easier. We know what to expect. In some ways, having been through it before, makes it harder. We know what to expect.

When I had my first child, I experienced a depth of feelings that I didn’t know existed. Like many women, when I got pregnant subsequent times after that, I got nervous. I got doubtful. I questioned why we chose to “rock the boat.” When I got pregnant with our second son, I read something that now makes all of the sense in the world to me: “Your first child teaches you about the depth of your love, your subsequent children teach you about the breadth of your love.” Like most children, my four children have always tried to “trip me up” and they have tried to figure out whom I love best. I’ve always reminded them that they are all smart and they are all good at math. You can’t divide or measure “infinite.” It is an impossible task. Infinite love is so overwhelming, vulnerable, awe-inspiring, miraculous, solid and most decidedly, immeasurable.

We’re having another ship leave the shipyard in the next couple of months. His first journey to college won’t be so far away. But journeys beget journeys and tonight signals to me that the anchor is pulled up. He will come back to our little safe harbor from time to time, to fuel up and to share stories of journeys that I won’t be a part of, but I will thrill in, vicariously. He is ready for the journeys. He is a solid ship. The horizon awaits . . . . .

Always.

I like to check out Think Smarter on Twitter. It is one of my favorite daily reads. The other day there was a post that ended with this statement:

“You can’t mess anything up that’s meant to be.”

I haven’t given it enough thought to decide whether I think that this is true or not, but it sure is a comforting thought, isn’t it? It sure gives you the reassurance to live your life with full abandon, doesn’t it?

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Morning People

“The hardest part about mornings is encountering morning people.” – someecards

Apparently, New Mexico and New Hampshire have more self-reported “morning people” than any other states. Also, people over the age of 60 are much more likely to identify as “morning people” than younger people. There have been studies done that suggest that whether you are night owl or a morning person, might have a lot to do with your genes that are tied to circadian rhythms. Don’t ask me to go into detail with this explanation – I am not a morning person. And I don’t even come close to being a morning person on Monday mornings.

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A Phone Call

My friend told me the other day that my blog reminds her of a morning call with a friend. I love that! So today, I am going to write my blog with a phone call dialog:

Me: Hello! Good Morning!

You (my friends): Oh wow, you called me kind of early on a Sunday morning. But hey, how goes it?

Me: My daughter and I went to Costco yesterday, but before that, we went to PetSmart and bought a couple of little fish for my pond and then we realized we couldn’t keep them in the car safely. I didn’t want to find some boiled fish when we got back to the car, so we had to walk around Costco with a bag of fish.

You: You walked around Costco with a bag of fish? What did people say?

Me: It was actually pretty funny. You would think that only dogs, or maybe carrying around a baby kitten or a bunny, would get you some attention, but we got a fair amount of comments about the fish.

You: I bet you did.

Me: Yeah, we started calling them our “emotional support fish.” Can you imagine fish with little vests on?

You: They’d be more like lifejackets.

Me: Hahahaha! I told people that the fish had separation anxiety, so we couldn’t leave them at home.

You: Speaking of pets, how are the pups?

Me: Oh, they’re great! Today is their birthday. Our dogs have the same birthday. Do you believe it? Ralphie, our lab, is two today and Josie, the collie, is one. My daughter made sure that we put “birthday bandannas” on them. They seemed pretty excited, but they’re excited every day. Dogs act like every day is their birthday. I want to be like that . . . .

You: Yeah, for sure. Are you psyched for the final episode of Game of Thrones??

Me: Is grass green? It’s going to be bittersweet though. GOT was always so much fun to look forward to and I haven’t found a series that I have liked nearly as much as I like it. I think all of the fuss about changing the ending, is more about people grieving that the show is actually over now.

You: Oh, so you like this last season? Do you think it is good?

Me: I feel kind of neutral about it. I don’t think it is the best season of GOT, but it isn’t terrible. I think with the long break, everyone’s anticipation was just on over-drive. Nothing could ever measure up to the expectations, I think.

You: So true.

Me: I have this sign in our powder room that says “happiness is a journey, not a destination”. I think everyone is just sad that the journey with GOT is over, you know? By trying to get a new ending, they are just trying to keep the journey going. Like my son is graduating from high school this week, and the graduation ceremony, and the celebrations and dinners and parties will all be fun, but the real story, the real adventure, the real meaning, was all of the years of his primary schooling. . . . all of those years of transformation from being a little boy, to becoming a capable young man. Do you know what I mean?

You: Absolutely! You know what? This conversation reminds me of your blog.

Me: Yeah, you’re right, there is something there, to write about it. It’s like we are always racing towards the finish line in everything we do. “I can’t wait for school to be over or to be done raising kids or to win some kind of award or medal”, but the finish line is sometimes a “mwah-mwah” because it is usually at that end moment, that you realize, you were actually really enjoying “the process” of whatever you were doing. You are not sure you are ready to let go of that journey just yet. It is usually at those final moments that a light bulb goes off and you think, it was never about the ending/finish line/gold medal, after all. It was really about everything that it took to get to the end. “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.”

You: Okay, you’re getting deep. I gotta go. Go write your blog.

Me: Thank you. I love you! Bye for now.

Natural Cycles

“Parenting: the days are long but the years are short.” – Anonymous

The school year is wrapping up for our youngest two children, the two who are still at home. My youngest son graduates from high school next week. We are all ready for summer. We are weary. The crescendo, that ends every school year, is in full force, with awards ceremonies, and with AP and final exams. Our renovation project is finally near close. I can hear my body, making louder what it has been whispering to me the last week or so, “Time to rest. We need rest. Rest.”

I have been living the natural rhythm of parenting and the constant cycles that go with raising children for the last 23 years. I wonder if my body will naturally stay with this cycle for a while to come, even when our last little birdie spreads her wings and flies away, in just a few short years. I wonder what part of you figures it out first, that you now have an empty nest and a new cycle of life; that your cadence will shift? Is it your mind or your body or is it your spirit?

“The success of love is in the loving – it is not the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done. ” – Mother Teresa