Confession: I’m a big cry baby when I am angry. I probably cry more when I am angry than when I am sad. It drives me crazy. It drives other people crazy. I think other people think that it is a manipulative thing on my part. Unfortunately, I’m not a good actress. I wish that I could automatically turn on the waterworks, when they could come in handy. There are times when I think to myself, “This IS the appropriate time to cry,” and yet, I can’t get any kind of tears to flow, to save me.
I don’t like to see myself as a weak person. I’m 48 years old and the mother of four almost grown children. I’ve taken my share of licks in life. I don’t get angry easily or often, but when I do, I admit that it isn’t pretty. I am a fire sign. My temper has been described as “fiery” by more than a dozen people in my life, throughout the years. Perhaps I need to cry the tears, in order to quell the fire.
I took an informal survey with some friends about the tendency to cry when you are angry. Luckily (I guess), I am not alone in this trait. Of course, I was only surveying women. An article in Psychology Today has this to say:
“It’s become increasingly common for therapists to note that underlying your anger are feelings of hurt. In fact the more pronounced your anger, the greater the hurt it conceals. So if the phrase “angry tears” sounds oxymoronic to you, that’s because it is: It’s profoundly descriptive of human experience yet, on the face of it, certainly sounds illogical. Still, it’s likely that at some point in your life you, too, have felt this deeply mixed emotion.”
Medical News Today offers these tips to control crying:
Tips for controlling crying
1. Walk away
2. Use words
3. Have props and use distractions
Having something to scribble on, a stress ball, or something to look at visually may be of use when heading into a situation that could trigger crying.
4. Think about something positive or funny instead
5. Concentrate on breathing
6. Blink and move the eyes
7. Relaxing facial muscles
8. Get rid of that throat lump
(Emotional crying also affects the nervous system. One way it reacts is by opening up the muscle at the back of the throat (called the glottis). This feels as though a lump is forming in the throat. Sipping water, swallowing, and yawning can help make the lump go away.)
9. Do some exercise
If all else fails, one article suggested that people should admit and address it up front that they are currently feeling angry, and when they feel angry, tears often come. It is not a trait they can control or like, but it shows the level of passion, hurt and anger they are feeling about the particular circumstance. In that sense, you can take control back in a situation, where you are feeling a little out of control.
I guess like all things, a level of acceptance probably would help the situation of me crying when I am an angry. What you resist, persists. If I own it, to myself and to others, and treat it as just my personal response to deeply felt emotion, it becomes less of a big deal. Maybe it will become even less of an occurrence, with that level of acceptance. I don’t know. Let’s test it. In the words of Clint Eastwood, “Go Ahead, Make My Day.” (but wear a raincoat, just in case.)