Tag: middle age

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning, readers. Sundays are devoted to poetry. Today I am devoted to being quiet and within myself. I hope that you find some time today, to listen to, and to be with just yourself. Sunday is the perfect day to commune with, and to connect to the deepest part of you. Here is my poem for today:

“The Safe”

I handed you your life back yesterday.

All in a tidy little safe.

It has your birth certificate.

It holds your baptism certificate.

It also contains your passport, your SSN card, and your draft card.

I decided to add the addresses of all those who have loved you,

since the day that you were born, maybe even before.

It has a two dollar bill from your late grandfather.

He thought that it would be neat for you to have it.

And some savings bonds from my late grandmother.

She thought that it would be wise for you to have them.

Oh, and the space in between all of the paper stuff,

that space holds the mighty force of my love,

so anytime that you open the tidy, little safe,

you will be instantly surrounded and shielded,

By the strongest, most powerful, wisest, most faithful and loyal,

Part of me. My love will surround you then, and forever.

As it always has, and it always will. My love surrounds you.

You are safe to be free.

Heart-Ached Flavored Gelato

Later today, I will board an airplane and I will head back to my own well-established, mature, and sometimes even a tad staid, “adult life.” I will be leaving our middle son at the starting gate of his own adult life. He will be living right in the heart of a major city, on the 27th floor of a skyscraper. This is something that I have never done in my life. My children are usually pretty adventurous and independent. They know themselves really well. This makes me swell with happiness and pride and even with some relief.

My husband didn’t sleep well in our hotel room last night. I slept like a log. I tend to process a lot of my feelings during an event, and even before a major rite of passage. I am good at anticipating how I will feel, and then marinating in my feelings, soaking in all of the feelings, – the good, the bad and the ugly. I think about my feelings. I talk about my feelings. I write about my feelings. I watch movies that relate to my feelings. I know, and I name each of my emotions, intimately and easily. I release my feelings openly and freely. It is how I better understand myself and my life.

On the other hand, my husband has more of a delayed reaction to even noticing that change is happening, but then I think that it “hits” him suddenly, and with force. I sense that all of his mixed feelings (pride, nostalgia, excitement, melancholy, his own sense of age and mortality, curiosity, loss, hope) are all hitting him now with a direct blunt force. He doesn’t admit that to me. My husband blames his restlessness and lower energy and inability to sleep deeply, on the gelato which we had for dessert last night.

I wish that I could chalk up all of my emotions that I am experiencing right now, to gelato. “Oh, this unleashing of yet another one of my most precious children, fully and freely into the pastures of the wild, wild world, without me trotting alongside, is almost complete. Why is it that my stomach is churning, my mind is buzzing, my eyes are all blurry, and my heart is aching? Oh, silly me! It must be the Dulce de Leche gelato that I ate last night. “Gelato” can be really, really hard and difficult to digest. It takes time.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday Favorites!

Hilarious Friday Memes That Perfectly Describe Your Feeling

Happy Favorite Things Friday! On Fridays (my favorite day of the week), I am a material girl. I list three favorites of mine, such as books, songs, websites, apps, etc. which make life so sensual and sweet. Please see previous Friday listings from more favorites and please share your favorites in my Comments section. Here are my favorites for today:

Front Walking Dog Harness – Our two male dogs are pullers when we walk them. I am pretty sure my arms are at least an inch longer now, than before we obtained these young, robust male dogs. These dog harnesses have the leash clip on the chest of your dog. I cannot believe what a big difference this makes! If your dog treats you like an inconsequential, lightweight dog sled, when you are walking your pup, then go to your Petco and pick up one of these lifesavers!

Unstable Unicorns – This strategy card game is hilarious, fun and a lot more complicated that it sounds. It’s one of those games that is hard to get into your groove at first, but once you figure it out, it is a terrific and amusing game to play with your family and friends. My daughter, who loves playing games more than any of us do, insisted that I add this as one of my favorite Friday items. We were all up way past our bedtimes last night, hooping and hollering, playing this entertaining and thought provoking game.

Favorite Good Idea – My daughter gave me this tip. I love that my kids are at the age where I am learning more from them, then they are from me. When shaving your bikini area, just use a little of your hair conditioner. You don’t need any special shaving cream, and conditioner makes for a smoother, less irritating shave versus utilizing traditional soap. Try it. You’re all set for the beach or pool now!!

Have a fantastic weekend, my friends!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

An Important Project

My husband and I were at an REO Speedwagon concert last night. It was awesome. I have to laugh, though. Lately, my concert experiences have been a little shocking. I look around at my fellow concert goers/band fans, and I am reminded of the story about when my husband’s grandmother moved into an assisted living facility. “Oh my, everyone’s so old here!” she said.

The band itself was ALIVE. They were rocking it, like nobody’s business. I think that if music people get past that crazy, drug-fueled, self-destructive stage that a lot them seem to go through, then musicians tend to age better than anyone I know. I am pretty certain that this probably has something to do with deeply loving what you do, and fully surrendering to, and engaging with your passions, as if your life depended on it.

On the subject of deep love, the last few weeks have been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster, for me. Big highs and big lows have been my experience, as of late. This week gets capped off with another baby “officially” leaving the nest for adulthood, when tomorrow, we take him to the city where he will be attending medical school. I told myself, at the beginning of this week, that my full focus was going to be on my own self-nurturing and care, just for this week. I made calls and I got all of my annual health appointments on the calendar. I received a wonderful and much-needed massage. And most importantly, I told myself that my thoughts were only going to be centered on myself, and my needs – just for this week.

Try that some time. (especially you mothering, nurturing types) If you watch your thoughts, you’d be shocked at how often your thoughts veer into lanes where they weren’t needed, nor invited to, and how these thoughts love to create problems that don’t even exist. I wish I had a dollar for every single time I had to shift my thoughts back to myself this week. I’d be able to book a ride on one of the billionaires’ space adventures, with all of that money.

Sometimes it is easier to distract ourselves with thinking about everyone else’s lives. We love our partners and our children and our extended family and our friends, so of course we think about everybody we love, a lot of the time. But a big part of loving everyone in our lives, is to love them with confidence and respect. It is knowing that they are capable of, and deserving of taking care of their own unique needs. One of the best ways to give our loved ones this magnanimous love, is to demonstrate it. I challenge you to steer your thoughts back to yourself and your self-care needs, just for today. Anytime that your mind wanders into worrying about, or looks to find ways to fix, or to control, or to change, or to “help” the important others in your life, decide to love them with a deep faith, and then quickly steer your thoughts back to yourself and your needs. Today, make your own self, your project of passion, and the object of your most loving nurturance and compassion.

She Believed She Could So She Did Bracelet -Women's Rose Gold Bangle | Positive quotes, Inspirational quotes, Words quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Name It

There is so much to a name. Ask any “Karen” these days. These poor ladies share a name with a viral meme associated with being an entitled, narcissistic, middle-aged b%tch. When Hurricane Elsa came through a couple of weeks ago, I was honestly relieved by the name. Who doesn’t love Elsa from Disney’s Frozen? I felt instantly safe, knowing that she would not be a very destructive storm. I think that we should be extremely careful to name all hurricanes only with names that have nice connotations. On just one website, I perused a list of 89 names that all have the meaning of “soft, kind and gentle”. Names like Aura, Angel, Clem, Emmie, and Feather are all good choices for names of hurricanes and tropical storms. Don’t ever be alarmed if they ever name a hurricane “Gungun”. Apparently that name actually means “one who is soft and warm”.

When Hurricane Irma came through, I knew that it was going to be horrible, just by its name. Supposedly, way back in my family history on my mother’s side, there was an old, immodest, crass distant cousin named “Irma” who always sat in a bold and brazen and indecent manner. So, if we little girls were ever caught sitting in an unflattering, shameless position, we were called “Irma.” I literally shuddered when I heard about the storm named, “Hurricane Irma”. And sure enough, it proved to be a doozy.

William Shakespeare seemed to think that we place too much importance on names:

Name Quotes - BrainyQuote

Dale Carnegie disagreed:

Name Quotes #20: Joffrey, Germaine, Gust | Name quotes, Business motivational quotes, Country music quotes

I like Auden’s take on names. A name is just a very small part of the essence of any unique entity on this Earth:

They Represent Our Identity: Quotes About Names - EnkiQuotes

When someone says your name, you recognize it, but everyone is saying it in a slightly different tone, accent, and with different feelings attached to your name, because of what you mean (or don’t mean) to them, in their lives. Your name isn’t just one thing. It is a convenient way for people to label “you”, but the “you” that comes to every person and circumstance in your life is completely unique, because of their own distinct perspectives of you, and the isolated experiences and relationship that they have with you. So, in that sense, your name really means an infinite number of people. Ironically, the only part of you that is truly authentic and timeless and changeless, is your nameless and peaceful Awareness that you bring to every person and every situation and every experience that you ever engage in, during your entire lifetime.

Do you like your name? Are names important? Do you any pet names for yourself?

I have a name for you, my dear friends and readers. I call you “Cherished.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Shared Loves

I saw this on Think Smarter (Twitter) today. I smiled. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my husband just the other day. We were sitting on the couch with our daughter, and of course, all three dogs decided that they should be close by, too. So there was the three of us, and all three of our canines, all squished together in one small space, of an entire house. We liked our shared energy, I guess.

Looking over at our daughter, and Trip, our spaniel, all cuddled up to my husband, I said to my husband that I think that a big part of every love story is your shared loves. A huge part of any close relationship (family, friends, lovers, etc.) is that you share a deep love and appreciation, for a lot of the same people, places, pets, homes, plants, neighborhood spots, schools, spiritual houses, restaurants, teams, vacation spots, activities etc. You share a profound love for a lot of the same memories. And it’s these two individual loves that are co-mingled to form this very strong and protective cloud of love, over you, and over the object(s) of your shared love.

When we were on vacation, all four of our mostly grown children were blessedly with us. Sometimes they would get into “teasing mode” and they would start laughing about little bedtime songs which I had sung to them when they were young, or goofy things that my husband and I said to get them “into line.” Not in a morose way (moreso in a reassured, peaceful way), when they were doing this, I thought to myself, “When I pass on, these are the things that they will laugh about together, when they are old and grey. These are the memories that will keep them intimately connected.” The great truth is that all four of my children all love, and yet, are also deeply, deeply loved, by the same mother. We all share a big, big love. And that love is extended with their father, and with each other, and with our shared family and friends, and with the houses we have lived in together, and with the pets who have shared our lives, and with the adventures we have shared together. This is how Love connects everything.

I love the Earth and creation. I know that you love the Earth and creation. This is how I know that we are all covered by a beautiful protective cloud of love, together, all around this Earth. We share a fathomless love for the miracle of life, and we are all loved by that same immeasurable force of Love. Sometimes I sit with this thought for a few minutes, and I just sigh into the peace of that thought, and I try to keep that wise, knowing peacefulness with me, all day long. Love’s got us covered.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

During our recent vacation, our wonderful pet sitter/dog trainer was kind enough to send us pictures of our fabulous fur babies, while we were away. This is her picture of Josie, our collie:

This is the picture that she sent to us of Ralphie, our yellow Dudley Labrador:

And this is the picture that she texted to us, of Trip, our Boykin spaniel who doesn’t really care for anyone but us:

“Progress, not perfection.” This is our mantra, for the rest of our week, friends. Let’s make it a good one!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Welcome to the quietest, most introspective day on the blog. Welcome to our poetry workshop. What is the song of your soul? Write a poem. You’ll find out.

Yesterday, my husband and I were making newspaper bricks which he uses as firestarters for his very simple, old-school grill. My husband loves to read the WSJ in paper form, but I think that he has an Earth Mother guilt complex about this. (We had compost piles long before compost piles became a hipster status symbol.) Therefore, to alleviate his conscience, my husband bought this cool contraption on Amazon that condenses wet newspapers into paper bricks. Our back porch is a currently a brick drying platform, and our hands have a not so attractive grayish tinge to them. (And these are the things that make me love him, and “us”, like I do.) As we were placing the papers into the water bucket, my husband stopped what he was doing and handed a sheet of the newspaper to me. He and I both knew that it had to be one of Soul Sunday’s poems. This one is by the great writer, Walt Whitman:

I have a poem of my own to share today, too. Here it is:

Confession to My Children

My dearest children,

For years I have fervently prayed for your strength, and your health, and your safety, and your vitality, and your happiness, and your sense of purpose, and your creativity, and your faith, but I often left out one crucial element in my prayers.

I often forgot to pray for myself.

I often forgot to surrender.

I forgot to pray for guidance on how to help you with your strength, and your health, and your safety, and your vitality, and your happiness, and your sense of purpose, and your creativity and your faith.

I often forgot to ask God for my own strength, and health, and safety, and vitality and happiness, and sense of purpose, and creativity and faith, so that God could work through me, to best mother you. And to best be a model for you.

In my prayers, I often acted as if I had to make a choice. I always chose you, arrogantly forgetting that God has no hierarchies. Love is all.

By hinging all of my abundance on your abundance, I erased me. And I burdened you. And I disrespected God.

Luckily, God doesn’t wait for permission to work through our lives. God never leaves. God works quietly. My prayers are always for you, my deepest loves, but they are also for me, too. We are all God’s children. And now, I often just pray for my eyes to be opened to the all-encompassing Love which gently and evenly holds All of us, dear beyond measure.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Highly Functional

Years ago, a friend of mine told me that the difference between functional families and dysfunctional families, is that functional families had mostly good times, with a few bad times sprinkled in, whereas dysfunctional families had mostly bad times with a few good times sprinkled in. I thought that was a reasonable definition.

I have thought about her definition many times throughout the years. (This is one of those times in life, where someone told me something that has stayed with me my entire life, and my friend probably doesn’t even remember saying it. Don’t you love the idea of how often you may have touched someone’s life, ever so casually yet profoundly, and never even realized that you did it? This is one my favorite ways in which the Universe works its magic.) I think that functional/dysfunctional definition can be expanded to so many situations in our own lives . . . jobs, health habits, friendships, romantic relationships, money habits, personal moods, etc. In general, this definition can be applied to your own personal life. Is your life mostly functional or is your life pretty dysfunctional? Nobody’s perfect, and nothing is ever “all good” or “all bad”, but a lot of times we cling to people, and situations, and habits in our lives, out of inertia or by forgetting that we have more power to change things for the good, than we think we do. Sometimes we stay stuck due to the hope that those few good times sprinkled in, will magically turn the whole circumstance around.

I read that designers and inventors usually don’t try to reinvent and change the wheel. They just break the wheel down to its smallest parts, and work on how each of those parts could be better. In the end, after working on each of the individual parts, and then putting the wheel back together, you end up with a more functional, better designed wheel. Here’s a good example of an individual’s life wheel (credit: Maestro Performance):

Life Coaching

If you consider each pie piece in this wheel, which of these is the most functional areas in your own life? Which pie piece could use some new energy and design? Which pie piece might be so dysfunctional that it is impinging on the overall health and well-being and operation of the entire wheel of your own life? Summer, with its typically slowed-down pace, is a wonderful time to sit in reflection of how well your wheel is turning in the directions that you want it to go. Usually, it’s only one or two pie pieces that could use a little work and focus, and once those pie piece are cleaned up, it is truly amazing how much better your whole life seems to flow.

Your business is designed to function quotes This quote of mine is being shared around the world what an | Dogtrainingobedienceschool.com

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

King Friday the Third

3D Number Three Red Gold PNG Clip Art Image​ | Gallery Yopriceville - High-Quality Images and Transparent PNG Free Clipart

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! Today is the third year anniversary of me writing my Adulting – Second Half blog. I started this blog on a whim, on the day that we got back from dropping off my eldest son off at his first “adult” apartment. In a week, we’ll be dropping off my second son at his first “adult” apartment, in a city where he will be attending medical school. You have been with me throughout this strange, uncomfortable transition in my life, where I am having to pull myself back from everything that I poured myself into, for over twenty-five years. Your attention is an incredible gift to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

But that’s enough seriousness for a Friday. On Fridays, my regular readers know that I list three favorite things, or TV shows, or books, or websites, etc. that make living life just a little more fun, or comfortable, or interesting. I like to list things that give life to life! Please add your favorites to my Comments section. Here are my favorites for today:

Gossby Personalized Mugs – These are the cutest mugs and they are so fun to create! I recently got one for me, and for my son’s girlfriend, for her birthday. They have so many themes (dogs, sisters, friends, etc) and they arrive pretty quickly after ordering them. If I would change one thing, I would have purchased a bigger mug. Otherwise, I LOVE it. Go to gossby.com and let your creative juices flow. Here is mine:

Rooted Earth Farm Lavender Lemongrass Perfume Oil – A theme of my life might be summed up this way: “You had me at, “Wow this smells sooooo good!” I walked into a shop the other day and I thought that I would die of proboscis bliss. I said to the keeper, “What smells so amazing in here?” It turned out to be lavender lemongrass soap which I purchased, and put under the seat of my car. But that wasn’t enough for me. I did any online search and I found this incredible concoction that I just swill under my nose, from time to time, to remind myself why smelling might be my favorite sense. So ambrosial!!!!!!!! (look it up, it’s a good word)

Burned – This is a Korean thriller movie. Fair warning, it’s a long, drawn out movie, but it is one of those movies that you keep thinking about, long after you have seen it. I think that is the mark of an excellent creative product, whether it be a movie or a book or a piece of art. If you can’t stop pondering it, it has moved something in you. I recommend watching this movie. I enjoy foreign films, much in the way that I enjoy visiting foreign lands. I like to experience how other people live in their ordinary lives, in ways that are different than what I am used to doing. I find this experience enthralling, even more so than seeing museums or landmarks.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.