Tag: inspiration

The Fire Alarm of Feeling

Yesterday, a dear friend gave me frank, logical feedback about something which I had experienced over the weekend. And I was fired up, and I was angry, and I was annoyed, and then, I was utterly grateful. Because once I got past the initial indignation, and once I stopped focusing on all of the fiery feelings that I was initially directing at her, I stopped to consider why I was so stirred up inside. I stopped, took a breath, took a moment to reflect, and I realized that our conversation and her honest feedback, made me understand that I still felt a lot of strong feelings about my weekend’s experience, which I clearly need to spend some more time working through. I realized that a part of my life that I thought I had moved on from, still needs to be worked through, just a little bit more.

My friend, aware that I was feeling defensive and miffed, apologized and she said that she should have just been a witness and “heard me,” but honestly, while that would have been kind, too, it probably would have been less helpful, in this instance. Her feedback helped me to pinpoint what was actually upsetting me about the whole situation. My friend has long proven that she has my best interests at heart, and so taking the pause, and considering the long-proven fact of my friend’s care, made me dig a little deeper into the situation, and to take my own honest, logical look at the storm that was swirling around in my heart.

Your feelings are always about you. Your responses, your reactions, your actions, are yours. What other people feel, and say, and do, and how they react, are about them. If you get past your initial emotional surge about anything and any situation, you can learn a lot about yourself. An emotional surge is like a fire alarm for your body, screaming, “Okay, pay attention!” I could have responded to my friend’s frank feedback in many ways. If I had truly moved past the situation which I was discussing, her feedback would have had no emotional charge for me. I would have stayed emotionally even, and might have said, “Thank you, but that’s not correct.” Or if she was truly just being mean and trying to hurt me, my intuition would have suggested that I need bigger boundaries in this particular friendship. But in this case, my longtime friend knows me well, and she knows all about the particular situation, and she was trying to get me to some clarity and peace. And after my emotional fire alarm got turned off, I was able to see the light at the end of the hallway, away from the fire of my emotion.

I can’t believe that I am in my fifties, and I am only now getting more and more comfortable with these truths about my emotions and my responses. Instead of being afraid of, or instantly reacting when I am feeling strong emotions, I am getting better at taking the pause, and really exploring what my emotions are trying to say to me. Our feelings and our sensations are our built in GPS system for navigating our lives. Instead of being afraid of our emotions, or worse, being a slave to them, we need to realize what our feelings and emotions are made to do for us. Our emotions are not the whole of us, just as our brains/minds are not the whole of us, nor are our bodies the whole of us. The whole of us, is that spark/soul of Awareness that resides in each of our bodies, and Who is the one who actually notices our bodily sensations, and our thoughts, and our feelings. We have everything that we need, contained within us, to navigate living our lives fully and capably, and with daily awe of the wondrous experience it truly is, to live a life, in a body, for a short while, here on Earth.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Doodles definitely seem to be the dogs of choice in our parts. Every night when we walk our three dogs (none that are poodle mixes), a man rides his bike right by us, with his adorable, frisky poodle/doodle/kitandcaboodle tethered to the bike, running along side of him. The biker has a bright red light, and the dog also sports a bright red light, too. We don’t know the dog’s name, so my husband calls him “Rudolph.”

I just looked up the various types of poodle mixes, and their names, and my favorite is the “Bossypoo”, which is a mix of Boston Terrier and poodle. I thought that “Foodle” was a fun one, too. A “Foodle” is a Fox Terrier/Poodle mix. I wonder if our society got obsessed with mixing different dog breeds with poodles, not just for their intelligence and lack of shedding, but more so, so that we could come up with really fun names for the new breeds?

(Confession: These are the types of mindless, ridiculous concepts which I think deeply about on Monday mornings, when I just can’t get my “get up and go” to get up and go. Please humor me and tell me that I am not alone in this interesting, meandering use of time. Have a great week!)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Sundays are poetry day on the blog. I experienced an incident recently that inspired the poem that I wrote below. Pick a recent event in your life that sticks with you, and commemorate and honor it with a poem. This is what poets do. And all of us are poets in our own way.

You showed up with tact and grace.

I showed up with “in your face.”

Luckily, I took the pause.

I kept the words between my jaws.

I watched you communicate what I wanted to say,

But peppered with kindness and love was your way.

It’s great to be an old dog learning new tricks.

From the other old dogs, who are in the mix.

What is the purpose of the friends in your life?

Besides entertainment and support for your strife?

Friends help you to learn to be a better you.

They often see the better you, before you even do.

Friends are mirrors, travel companions, and vessels of love,

Friends are gifts you give to yourself, with help from above.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Grow Up

“We don’t talk about trees getting older, we say that they are growing. Let’s use the same language for ourselves. We are not getting older, we are growing.” – @Eternal.Knowledge

When she was a little girl, our daughter received the gift of a tiny little fir sprig in a cute little pot shaped like a Santa toy bag. When Christmas was over that year, she couldn’t bear to part with the little fir tree, so we replanted it in various pots over the years. Our daughter turns nineteen in a few weeks, and her little baby fir tree is that tree that you see on the right, in the picture above. We keep it on our front stoop, but it is starting to get so big that it is covering our windows. I told my husband that not too long from now, it may have to become our Christmas tree one year.

I saw the quote shown above the picture the other day, and I had to ponder it for a while. Physical growth is so obvious when things are young and turning into adult whatevers. Children are growing, plants are growing, puppies are growing . . . The truth is, we rarely talk about “growing” in more than a physical sense, in our regular everyday language. The focus on growth is physical growth most of the time, because like my daughter’s fir sprig, the growth is so obvious to the naked eye.

Emotional and spiritual growth is deeper and less noticeable. And where I think the above quote got it wrong, is that some people do stop growing as they age. They stunt their emotional growth, and despite aging, they really aren’t growing, but more so, they remain diminished in their closed mindedness, and they start to decay and to decline.

As trees grow older and mature, their yearly growth is less noticeable. You only realize their subtle growth by noticing new branches with young vital green leaves springing off of them. The goal for any of us, is to always be growing in new directions with our branches, right? The goal is to remain rooted in our deepest values, but to reach out into areas which we’ve never been before, and to continue to grow, and to learn, and to stretch our horizons.

We can choose to grow with our unavoidable aging process, or we can let ourselves wither and remain stunted and small and fade as we age. Aging is not within our control. Everything that lives right now is currently aging. Growing is a choice. Growing is what makes our own experience of living and aging, meaningful and interesting and full of wonder and purpose. Trees, even in the worst soil and the harshest of conditions, do their damndest to grow and to reach for the skies. Most trees live longer than we humans do. (especially the trees that live in harsh conditions -“their ability to survive these harsh environments and adverse growing conditions is exactly their secret to great longevity.” -nps.gov). The oldest trees are the Bristlecone Pines, and they are close to 5000 years old. Because the trees continue to grow, even in harsh and adverse environments, they continue to live to ripe old ages. Is there a correlation to their continuing to grow that allows trees to live long, solid, stable lives? I think that this is the real question to ponder.

No matter what our age is right now, we have a daily choice. We can choose to become decrepit and stagnant and worn out and despondent and resentful and stuck, as we continue to age, or we can continue to grow and to reach and to learn and to continually sprout new branches of ourselves, as we age. If we choose to age the latter way, us and everyone around us, will not so much focus on our inevitable, obvious physical aging, but will instead, be in awe of our ever-evolving masterful, majestic, inspiring growth.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Lecture #867 to Myself

Today is a good day to give yourself what you need. Instead of being frustrated with others and their lack of fulfilling your needs, step into your power and give it to yourself. Talk to yourself about what your needs are (be the best listener and “hearer” that you have ever had in your life, for yourself), and what feels lacking in your life right now, and ask yourself, calmly but firmly, to find ways to fulfill your own needs. The direct route to anything whether it be a road, or communication, is usually the healthiest, easiest, and fastest way to get to the point of destination, where you are wanting to arrive.

Don’t expect others to fulfill your needs. Make the decision to be the best life manager you have ever been since you took on this role when you were born. Show yourself appreciation. Place boundaries where needed. Give yourself good nourishment, some solitude, some playtime, and sound rest. Be really honest with yourself about what you need, and be really honest with yourself if you have been indirectly trying to get others to fulfill your needs, and then feel resentful when they don’t. There is no better way to get respect from others than giving it to yourself first.

And remember, also, that it is not your job to fulfill other adults’ needs. If they directly ask for help, you can decide whether you have the current capacity to be of service, and then you can choose to do so, willingly and happily. You also have the right and the ability to say, “No.” You are not the only source to fulfill someone else’s various needs. Their source (just like yours) is bubbling inside of them.

(Most of my blog posts that read like the one above, are reminders and lectures that I give to myself. If you need this lecture, too, then I am happy that it helps more than me. If it doesn’t apply, than please just smile to yourself, and think, “Wow, that lady is one hot mess!” and feel smug that you are a little further along on the direct route of your own path in life, and carry on to have a wonderful day.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

These Five Though

Remember when Dorothy and her cohorts met the real “Wizard of Oz” and they realized that the wizard was just a human being, nothing more and nothing less? I’ve been noticing this phenomenon in myself lately. Without really knowing certain people, I have either built them up, or I have torn them down with stories that I made up in my head about them. I already had made up my mind about a few people whom I had only met a handful of times. And then I spent some open-minded, inquisitive time with these people, and it’s like I am getting to know someone completely different and new. This prejudgment is not fair to others, and it’s embarrassing and sometimes a little devastating to me.

The important question which I have been asking myself, is why did I need to do this? Why did I turn certain people into characters that fit into my narratives? Did I need a supporting cast to validate my own decisions? Why do we feel the need for superheroes and villains to exist, when in real life, all of us are a big mix, in between the two extremes?

Everything you ever read about obtaining peace and serenity, comes down to accepting life on life’s terms, in the every single moment. That includes everyone in your life. In “The Wizard of Oz” it turns out that the wizard could have easily fit into Dorothy’s little gang of friends, going along the paths of their lives, utilizing their talents and accommodating their flaws. I read something recently that said what we love in others, is what we love about ourselves, and what we can’t stand about others, are traits which we wish that we could consciously see, and accept, and forgive within ourselves.

When you find yourself creating stories about the people and the events in your life, get less curious and detail oriented about the fantastical stories about others, and get more curious about your need to create the stories. What are these stories that you are creating, telling yourself about you, and your needs, and your desires, and your fears? Take other people off of their pedestals, and/or pick them out of your proverbial sewers, and get to know them with an objective, realistic, humanistic point of view. The lessons are not in the fictional sagas which we make up, but in the everyday, in-the-moment nuances found in our compassion for others, and for ourselves.

Cowardly Lion: “I have always thought myself very big and terrible; yet such small things as flowers came near to killing me, and such small animals as mice have saved my life. How strange it all is! – The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Dorothy: “If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right? – The Wizard of Oz

Wizard of Oz: “Frightened? Child, you’re talking to a man who’s laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe… I was petrified.”

Scarecrow: “I am convinced that the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed.” – The Wizard of Oz

Tin Woodman (Tin man): “I shall take the heart. For brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.” – The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Spring is right around the corner. Living in Florida, this statement brings up mixed emotions. When I lived up north, I couldn’t wait for spring. In Florida, spring brings in a big old influx of people who don’t know where they are going on the roads, and the reminder that a hot, hot summer is just around the bend. Still, I love spring. I love the natural change of seasons. Each new season brings a fresh new start to whatever in your life needs a fresh new start.

 “Spring is the time of plans and projects.” — Leo Tolstoy

“Spring adds new life and new beauty to all that is.” — Jessica Harrelson

“It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

 “An optimist is the human personification of spring.” — Susan J. Bissonette

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. I’m feeling a little whimsical today, hence:

I am going to write a bad poem about a good feeling.

Like a fresh coat of paint that immediately starts peeling.

Nothing deep, earnest, soulful or blue

Just a poem about feeling contented, it’s true.

Don’t start yawning or scrunching up your face in digust.

I’ve turned Sundays into making poetry writing a “must.”

So today I feel rested, silly, goofy, and pleased.

I hope that my poem doesn’t make you feel cheesed.

Take a breath, take a pause, and make a choice towards healing:

Write your own good/bad poem about your own good/bad feeling.

And then share it with me . . . .

Your glee is my glee.

You’ll see.

Wheee!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Answer These

I am having one of those weekends that feels like a delicious, warm, comforting reward for a week of getting things off of my plate that have been nibbling at me. It’s so satisfying to look at my to-do list with lines all through it and to tell myself, “Okay, Lady, good job. Now, just go have some fun!”

Book I’m Currently Reading: The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest. I highly recommend this book. I’m halfway through it, and it is filled with interesting scientific facts about how our human minds work. I am finding this book to be interesting, helpful and in many ways enlightening.

Song I’m Currently Listening To: Bam Bam by Sister Nancy. This is such a great reggae classic. My daughter reminded me of it when she played it yesterday when we were driving in her car. I love that my kids bring back the cool stuff from ‘my day’ and make me love and appreciate these things all over again. I have reached an age that I am now so “retro”, that I’m actually kind of cool again. Bam Bam, baby!

Best Compliment I Received This Week: “I’m a really hard person to buy for and you completely nailed it.” It is such a satisfying feeling to give a gift, and to see that the person receiving the gift absolutely adores what you gave to them. We all love to receive gifts and we all appreciate the thought and the kindness and the resources and time that go into thinking about, buying, creating, packaging and sending gifts, but the total cherry on the top is when the the gift is exactly what a person loves and you, as the giver, get to be the simultaneous messenger/receiver of that love, and joy, and connection of the event of “just the right gift”.

Okay, friends. Please answer the above prompts just for yourself, or if you choose, in my Comments section. What’s happening for you right now? What’s feeling good this weekend for you? What’s your “vibe”?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Starry Skies

My sister used to say that everything has an expiration date. We were actually talking about hair stylists at the time. My current hair stylist is wonderful. I have been going to her for several years now, and unless she retires, I don’t see an expiration date in sight for using her services. But I have had several hair stylists throughout the years and at the time of having that conversation, I was feeling guilty about wanting to try a new one.

I was reminded of this conversation because recently my middle son was lamenting about feeling uneasy about a friendship that he is no longer interested in pursuing. He has had this friend since they were children, but they are going on two completely different paths in life, and they have very little in common anymore. The glue that keeps them together is little more than “guilt” these days, and perhaps a little bit of a sad nostalgia for “what was”.

I’ve had meaningful relationship experiences with people I was only with for a day – a nurse who held me and soothed me when I was crying about my miscarriage, an almost all night long, deep, meaningful conversation with other teenagers whom I had met on a summer vacation across the country, and a cancer patient whom I met on a long flight. She and I ended up sharing a pleasant lunch together at an airport. I have never forgotten any of these people. Obviously. I am writing about them now.

How long a relationship lasts does not indicate how profound or meaningful it is to your life. Healthy relationships are built on mutual connection and affection. Unhealthy relationships are based on fear, obligation and guilt. What was once a mutually healthy, growing relationship, can become unstable, and stale, and even toxic. Everyone and everything on this earth is involved in a constant process of change. Sometimes these evolutions bring you closer to others, and sometimes these transformations show that the time has come to go our separate ways.

Sometimes it’s necessary to love people from afar, and from a distance. Sometimes it’s comforting to reflect on all of the connections that you have made in your own lifetime, and to remember these relationships and experiences fondly and gratefully for the growth that they have created in you. It is sort of like gazing at the same stars, in the same sky. We all have stars of connection that we have shared with others throughout our lifetime, and the light from the stars of those same shared connections, continue to shine brightly, in our hearts, in the form of gratefulness and of fond memories. By the end of our lifetimes, we will have created a star-filled sky of connections for ourselves, and at the same time, we know that we are a shiny, brilliant part (no matter how distant) of many others’ star-filled skies of lifetime connections, relationships, and bonds. No relationship is ever truly over if it is always remembered. We just have to look up at the starry skies at night to understand this pure truth.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.