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Wednesday Whimsies

“You know you’re an adult when everything annoys you.” – an anxious panda (Twitter)

“I believe in annoyed at first sight”. – @williedontmiss (Twitter)

My husband and I have a little getaway planned this weekend for just the two of us. We need it. I think that we both have morphed into “grumpy old men” lately.

“It hit me that I’m not a snob. I’m not anti-social or emotionally unavailable. I just don’t form close bonds if the energy isn’t right for me. I use my discernment and this taught me that perfect alignment asks you to be very selective.” – Valencia (Twitter)

“The most important thing when attending any function is planning your escape.” – Dan Regan (Twitter)

“Whenever you are alone, remind yourself that God has sent everyone else away so there is only you and God.” – Rumi

We were talking to our daughter last night about her first impressions of college. She loves it. And although she still plans on being a finance major, she thinks that she may minor in Astronomy (she’s had two days of Astronomy class and she LOVES it.) And finally, the only downside of being in college that she sees so far, is that there are people everywhere and anywhere. She can never escape from people. (Yep, she definitely has our genes.)

“People cry not because they’re weak. It’s because they have been strong for too long.” – Johnny Depp

If you need a good cry, please cry. Cry. Tears are our bodies’ release valve. You’ll feel better after you cry. I always do. I consider myself to be a happy, strong person and I cry a lot.

“Sometimes miracles are just people with kind hearts.” – The Burly Monk (Twitter)

Be someone’s miracle today. Yes, you do have that power. It’s been built right into your kind heart. Many kind hearts have been my miracles over the many years of my life. I am so grateful for the walking miracles all around me.

And for self care advice:

“Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions.” – Your Tango

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

There’s a Hole in the Bucket

Love is an action, but the feelings that you get from loving are incredible. Those feelings have to be love. So love must be a by-product of acting on love.

I’ve been wallowing in love-sickness these last few days. We took my youngest child and our only daughter to college on Friday (she opted to start this summer). Why is it that when you take a kid to college, everything that you do, and that you see, reminds you of them?!? Everything. I was in the grocery store yesterday, and on the clearance shelf they had a big bag of candy corn. I got a lump in my throat because my daughter is the only one in our family who actually likes candy corn. I almost publicly cried at our local grocery store over a huge, stale bag of candy corn.

My daughter seems very happy though. She’s meeting lots of people and I am so thankful for the technology of Facetime. Our youngest son is living with us this summer, while doing a summer internship. (His epilepsy has been well under control. Regular readers, thank you so much for your love and concern, and your prayers and good wishes. He is doing so much better than last fall. We all are doing so much better, and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your love and support.) My youngest son is one of our middle two sons, of our family of four children. He shared a bedroom with our second eldest son, his entire childhood. He has never had the experience of being an “only child” with his parents’ attention entirely focused on him. Never. There has always been at least one other child at home, every time that he has lived with his parents. I am not sure that our youngest son is enjoying this “only child” experience all that much. He seems to find a lot of reasons to work late, and to go to the gym for hours and hours. I’m hearing, “Don’t worry about me for dinner,” a lot. Interestingly, all four of our children are dating only children. I can’t decide whether this means that onlies are somehow attracted to big, loud, boisterous, chaotic families, or if my kids are just tired of sharing with others?! It’s probably a mix of both.

On Twitter this morning, the Wise Connector posted this:

I like this take on the “Bucket List”. As a 51-year-old woman, the “Bucket List” thing kind of stresses me. I start worrying about prioritizing, and questioning whether I am wasting too much time, and even the state of my health. “The Bucket List” makes me concentrate on my demise too much. Last night, a group of good friends and I went out to celebrate one of our friend’s birthday at a new restaurant in town. The company was great, but the restaurant sucked. This restaurant is not long for staying in business, we all agreed (interestingly this restaurant is in one of those “doomed” locations. Three restaurants have already failed at that same spot. This is a phenomenon I have noticed my entire life, wherever I have lived. Some locales just seem to be cursed in this world.) Still, I am thrilled that we went to this new place. I am always curious about new places, and new people, and new things. I am thrilled for the experience which we had last night. I love having my curiosity satisfied, and now that particular restaurant will be conveniently tossed into the orange bucket above, leaving more room in the other bucket, which we middle-agers are expected to obsess over.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Day After

This is our Ralphie, the day after my daughter’s 1970s party last weekend. Ralphie was the life of the party. Ralphie thought that he had died and gone to Heaven having that many people swimming in the pool with him at one time. He showed off his cannonball and diving skills for anyone who asked him to – which was everyone. When the kids created a dance circle, Ralphie happily took his turn in the middle of the circle, and chased his own tail for at least one minute straight (a natural high). Ralphie then decided to track and to chase down the flashing disco lights, in his usual, seriously focused, hunting dog style. In short, Ralphie knows how to party. I hope that no matter how much fun that you may have gotten around to last night, you are not experiencing Ralphie’s after party burnout this morning. But if you are, it will pass and hopefully, it was worth it!

“Life is short, wear your party pants.” – Loretta LaRoche

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Yesterday, my daughter had a graduation/going away party (she’s starting college at summer session in a couple of weeks) here with her friends. She insisted on a 1970s theme. The kids went all out. Their outfits were amazing. So was my husband’s. He got all decked out as John McEnroe. Unfortunately though, most of the kids didn’t get his costume. Most of the kids didn’t know who John McEnroe was – not even the tennis team kids. John McEnroe is 63 years old. Sigh.

One of my daughter’s friends bought her a compass bracelet. It was wrapped around a card that said this:

The Adventure Begins

Behind you, all of your memories.

Before you, all of your dreams.

Around you, all who love you.

Within you, all you need.

Friends, we are starting new adventures all of the time, whether we are 18 or we are 63. Stay in tuned with your compass. It will never steer you wrong.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Kava Effect

Yesterday, I drove my youngest son to an urban area about 45 minutes away from our home, for his summer internship. He had to be there before 7 a.m. Since, this isn’t something that I do often at all, it was an interesting, eye-opening adventure. Before 11 a.m., I had hung out at a coffee shop, I had breakfast and then later a snack, and I had shopped in four different stores, in three different locations, including doing a bagful of returns. I literally texted my friends that I wish that I could become a morning person for this very reason. The efficiency was unreal because there were no lines in the stores, and no crowded streets, nor were there overrun parking lots. But alas, the downside of this was that I was exhausted by 6 p.m. on my beloved Friday. And truthfully, sleeping in this morning was 110 times more delicious than yesterday’s efficiency rating. Bummer.

Speaking of coffee, yesterday, the only coffee shop which was open that early, near to where I dropped my son off, was also a Kava bar. I initially strolled up to the bar and asked for my usual: black coffee and some water. I sat down at the bar next to several people, all at least half of my age. They all seemed to know each other, being locals from the neighborhood. Let’s just say that me, a 51 year old, who is not at all used to way early mornings, bleary eyed, who could easily be mistaken for a touchy “Karen” woman (on a bad day), in my coastal grandma style clothes, did not necessarily blend in with my youthful, energized, tattooed, pierced, urban chic, clearly from the local neighborhood cohorts at the counter. Not long into guzzling my first cup of coffee, someone rang a bell, and all of the people in the shop, picked up these little silver shells, sucked down the drink inside of these shells, and yelled, “Bula!” (which is a Fijian word offering good tidings) And that’s when my FOMO set in deeply. “I want one of those. I want to do that,” I said to the nice girl behind the counter named Scarlett, who had earlier told me that she was also a nursing student besides working in the coffee bar, and to whom I had already given a motherly lecture about not spreading herself too thin and keeping her stress levels to a minimum because nursing school is hard!!

And that’s when I noticed it happening, a phenomenon that is starting to happen to me more and more these days. I’ve become that cute, novelty, older, suburban lady who amuses her youngers by trying out “their stuff, on their turf”. “Okay,” sweet Scarlett said, with a kind, patient, nurse-type demeanor already. “We’re going to start you out with a low-tide (half a cup). Your tongue might get a little numb and you will probably feel a little relaxed. The Kava is going to taste a little bitter.”

“Omg!” I turned to the artistic looking young man on the side of me, who was wearing large gauges in his ears and donning fluorescent orange eye glasses. “Am I still going to be able to drive?” The locals all got some chuckles about that question. “You’ll be fine. It’s not a glass of wine,” he stated, drinking down his second full-tide of Kava. “But ma’am, please make sure that you drink a lot of water today, okay?” he said with a hint of protectiveness that warmed my heart.

The only effect that my little half-shell of Kava had on me was a diuretic one. Thankfully, none of the bathrooms in any of the stores which I perused after leaving the coffee shop were crowded either. But honestly, that’s a lie about the Kava experience, and it having little effect on me. I used to feel a little indignant, when I first realized that I wasn’t exactly blending in, with the younger crowds anymore. For decades of my adult life, I honestly felt like I had just graduated from college. When my own kids started towering over me, I started to get the clues that I had graduated from my own youthfulness. The indignance that I felt at first, is starting to morph into more of an acceptance, and at times when I feel a younger person’s respect for me, and amusement of me, and a protectiveness surrounding me, I even feel grateful. I realize that I have reached an age, when my younger counterparts have a lot to show me and to teach me, too, if I am willing to come at things with open mindedness. I am invested in hopefulness for the future of our young people. I am a mother of four of them. I believe that if we try to understand each other, instead of trying to dominate each other, there is an ability for all of us to grow together, and to create an amazing society, the likes which we have never seen before.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Warm >

I didn’t feel like watching TV last night, so the quotes below are what I ended up taking screenshots of, while I was scrolling through Twitter, while cuddling on the couch with my husband and our Boykin spaniel, Trip. We had just gotten back from our nightly walk, and it was humid as could be (summer in Florida, need I say more?), and I felt so hot and grimy and sticky. Trip was also panting heavily from walking in the heat, but that overheated feeling never stops Trip from cuddling. With Trip, snuggling beats staying cool, Every. Single. Time. Therefore, I happily welcomed hot dog fur on my leg, and equally hot air being panted on to my skin, as we both felt utterly refreshed by our restoring mutual love and appreciation. Trip is absolutely right, Snuggling > Cool and Aloof, every day, all of the time.

The first story which I clicked on, from my Twitter feed, was a tweet from one of my all time favorites, The Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, which is a sanctuary located in Kenya, Africa. The Sheldrick Wildlife Trust rehabilitates orphaned elephant babies and other orphaned species, until they are ready to be on their own in the wild. The stories that The Sheldrick Wildlife Trust typically sends links to on Twitter, are usually stories about how the various orphans were rescued, and came to be at the sanctuary. Last night’s story was about baby Vaarti (which means “luck” in the local dialect). Most of the babies at the sanctuary are found out in the wild, by searchers who fly over the land, or by reports from locals who see babies, desperately trying to survive out in the wild, who have sadly lost their mothers, usually to poachers or due to drought and other natural disasters. Typically, these babies are brought to the sanctuary by rescue missions utilizing trucks, and planes and helicopters. However, Vaarti was actually delivered right up to the stockades by a young, wild female elephant, who was too young herself to be Vaarti’s mother, but who recognized that he needed help. This precious, young elephant had the innate sense to deliver Vaarti right up to the gates of the sanctuary. Once that she saw that Vaarti was in the hands of safekeeping at the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, she disappeared back into the bush, and was never seen again. Angels on Earth, come in so many different beautiful forms, don’t they? Big Hearts > Cold hearts, every day, all of the time.

This next little tweet is super sweet, and also quite heartwarming:

“This kid probably 8/10 years old asked politely if he could pet my dog, I said yes. After he pet her, he hopped on his bike, popped a wheelie and said, “that was for you, thanks for letting me pet your dog.” Highlight of my day, to be honest.” (maryxwetzel, Twitter)

This tweet has a 154,000 likes from a Twitter account that has about 5,000 followers. It seems to me that we are all pretty hungry, for the good, little heartwarming stories wherever we can find them, these days. Heartwarming little stuff, such as stories about pop wheelies > Cold hard facts, every day, all of the time.

And this last tweet, just cracked me up. As a middle-aged woman about to release her youngest little baby out into the wilds of college in a few weeks, my mood meter has, admittedly, been all over the map:

“I had a mood ring once. It died of confusion.” – (Anais Ninja, Twitter)

If I personally were wearing a mood ring lately, it most likely would explode and make a mess all over my hand. Giggles are great for mood regulation. Self deprecating, warm-hearted humor, and downhome funny > Cold and aloof and serious, every day, all of the time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Overthinking and Overthinking

My youngest son is taking a stress management course this summer which is required for his business degree. He was telling me that in these early days of the course they are going over the facts of just how bad stress is for your health – physical and mental. As someone who has had many different kinds of pets over the years, it is always the common mantra in animal wellness, that the animal must avoid stress in order to remain happy and healthy. Stressed birds pluck out their feathers. Stressed fish sink to the bottom of the tank in despair. (And remember, we are animals, too.) While the stress/health connection is an obvious truth, the idea of how just how bad stress is for one’s health, honestly, just has the tendency to stress me even more.

A big component to stress is overthinking. So, you know, don’t overthink. Ha! Don’t think about elephants. Don’t think about lemons in your mouth. Are your lips puckered? I am an overthinker. If you are one of my regular readers, you probably have already gotten that sense about me. But overthinking is not good nor helpful. It is a major component in fueling stress. So, how do we stop overthinking?

As with any problem in life, the only way to get a hold of overthinking, is to become aware of it to begin with. That’s when our feelings and sensations come in handy. If you are feeling stressed, why are you feeling stressed? Chances are, if you aren’t right in the middle of a stressful crisis that actually requires action on your part, and yet, you are still feeling stressed, you are overthinking about it. Get curious about yourself. Become aware. Awareness is the first step to any meaningful change in your life. If you become a highly aware person, you will feel more control in your life, and more control equals less stress.

Once you notice your own stressful rumination, lead that rumination and overthinking to problem solving. If it turns out that you are stressed about a problem that you have no control over, then lead yourself to think about how you can take steps to change your attitude about the problem. Challenge the thoughts that are popping into, and swirling around your mind about the problem. We have a tendency to be dramatic and to use black/white thinking when we are stressed. We have a tendency to use absolutes like “Life will NEVER get better!” when we are overthinking. Look at your statements from a detached point of view. Laugh at yourself. Tell yourself how over-the-top and ridiculous that you are sounding, like you would say to a good friend if they were saying some of the theatrical statements that are dancing around in your head, out loud. Roll your eyes at yourself. Keep it all in perspective.

Many people have success with giving themselves a certain time period of the day, when they will allow themselves to ruminate. They give themselves an “overthinking block of time.” The key here is to put an absolute time limit on this overthinking period. What often happens is that when you give yourself the “comfort” of having a time block when you will allow yourself to overthink and ruminate, by the time that you actually get to that said period in the day, you no longer feel the urge nor the need to do it any longer. Sometimes, by that time, the problem has already been solved.

Finally, to avoid the stress of overthinking, deploy mindfulness techniques, like focusing on your breathing patterns, or distract yourself with activities like the alphabet of gratitude. I am grateful for Apples, Breakfast, Candy (hmmm, I am noticing a theme here. If you can’t concentrate on simple one-word things, while going through the alphabet of gratitude, go into more detail for each item that you are thankful for, such as, “I am grateful for fabulous Breakfast Buffets that include things like savory bacon and chocolate muffins and eggs however I want them cooked, with delightful spicy sauces to put on anything and everything” . . . you get the picture.)

Stress is an unavoidable fact of life, but overthinking about your stress is avoidable and curable. Overthinking does nothing to alleviate stress. In fact, overthinking exacerbates stress. Don’t worry about how much you stress. Don’t overthink about how much stress that you have in your life. Uh oh. Right now might be the time to play the elaborate alphabet of gratitude game. A, B, C . . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

We have a fancy bowl filled with stuff like this. We add to it about weekly. Unfortunately, I can’t write a long post this morning. I have to get my son and his girlfriend to the airport. Sob. So much good happened over this weekend which I haven’t had the time and solitude to process. I have savored every moment (that flew by so fast), but that’s the fun of reflecting on, and processing major moments in your life – you get to savor them all over again.

TOP 25 QUOTES BY ANTONIO DAMASIO (of 70) | A-Z Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What’s Left?

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sometimes I come to this blog and I think, what is there left to say? Haven’t I already written it all down? Aren’t I just constantly saying the same thing, just in different ways? And who am I saying it to – myself, my readers, the Universe?? Why do I have such an urgent need to write my thoughts down, constantly and everywhere? Then I look at one of my treasure troves of quotes from my readings, in one of my many inspirational notebooks and I think to myself, “Wow, everything that moves me generally falls into the same themes.” And then the quote that comes to my mind, from “The Boss” himself, in the words of Bruce Springsteen, “I’m just so tired and bored with myself.”

Besides the blog, (Okay here’s an interjection. I had to look up whether it is “beside” or “besides” and The Grammar Guru said this: “People sometimes confuse the correct usage of “beside” and “besides.” “Beside” is a preposition that means “close to” or “next to.” “Besides” is also a preposition that means “in addition to” or “apart from.” It’s can also serve as an adverb that means “furthermore” or “another thing.” I am so grateful for Google and the Internet. I rely on it so much. I think that is why I didn’t seriously start writing a lot until middle age. I needed the instant gratification of Dr. Siri, the English professor, to keep me on track. I also use the online thesaurus a lot, as a writer. Other writers, are there any online tools which I’m missing out on??) I also write a brief daily journal which I have kept for years, and last night I purchased yet another journal. (this is starting to make me seem narcissistic. I just can’t get enough of myself. Puke.) The journal I purchased last night is called Mom’s Bedtime Journal. The daily prompts are this: Today’s Highs and Lows. We used to do this at the dinner table when my kids were younger. We called it High Point/Low Point. Sometimes this exercise was funny and interesting. Sometimes it was boring and long and drawn out. Sometimes it was dramatic and ridiculous. It was always amusing, and we always tried to end on a “High Point.” The next prompt in Mom’s Bedtime Journal is One Thing I Did For Myself Today. That’s a good one. It works as a good reminder. Yesterday, I went on a nice, long, refreshing bike ride. And I wrote it down on the lines after this prompt. Next prompt: Something Funny or Cute My Kids Did/Said. Hmmmm. This is something that I wish I had done when my kids were little. Write the cuteness down! We have a few family favorite cute stories that we recycle and rehash constantly in our family lore, but I wish I could remember all of them. I’ll try to do more of this recording of cuteness when I have grandchildren who do and say cute things, before they grow up and get snarky and less adorable. Final prompt: Today’s Small Wins. I like that focus. A bunch of small wins add up to the big wins in life, right? Somedays, even taking a shower can be a small win. The journal pages end each night with “. . . Sweet Dreams“. Awww. That’s so nice.

One time a friend of mine said that my blog reminds her of having a daily phone call with a good friend. And if this were a phone call, this is about the time that you have listened enough to my ridiculous, meandering, “where is she going with this?” thoughts. This is the time for you to say, “Oh no! Someone’s at the door! I’m going to have to say good-bye. Why don’t you go take a shower?”

Sick Day

credit: Rex Masters, Twitter

I think that I have rabies. No, I’m kidding. I don’t have rabies. (sorry to be insensitive to those who have, or who have had rabies. The shot in the stomach sounds terrifying. Is that stomach shot thing true or is that just an urban myth?) I am just having one of those weeks where it is truly astounding to me that it is only Wednesday morning. I am exhausted. My body is barking at me. My mind is melting, and my spirit is a little spent. Nothing truly bad has happened to me, there’s just a lot happening in my world, all at once, and my overall essence is rebelling. So, friends, today, I am calling in sick from the blog before I become incredibly annoying. See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.