Tag: empty nest

Tears

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I was discussing sadness with some of my friends the other day. We talked about how when you hold emotions in, there is always going to be huge pressure building that is bound to end with a negative outcome. When you hold in anger, inevitably an explosion occurs when it can’t be held in any longer, and often innocent bystanders get attacked by that force of emotion. When you hold in fear and anxiety, the results can end up in things like panic attacks and nervous breakdowns. Stress is one of the biggest causes of disease and discomfort in our bodies. And when you hold in sadness, the dam that is holding back all of the tears, will eventually buckle under all of the pressure, but in the meantime the building up of the sadness inside of a person, becomes all encompassing, like a vast, quickly rising, swirling body of water, making it hard to breathe and giving the sensation of drowning. However, if you use God’s natural release valve, and you cry some tears, there is less pressure on the inside, because the tears let the sadness flow out, and eventually the rivers and the streams of tears of sadness, dry to just a trickle.

Whatever we are feeling (and 2020 has certainly been a harvest year for feelings), let’s find healthy, positive ways to release these feelings. When we hold in any one emotion, that emotion has a tendency to take up the whole of us, and doesn’t allow room and space, for the variety of emotions (and a lot of enjoyable emotions) which we are meant to process and to experience, every single day. When we feel the ease of a peaceful conscious, we have open gates and open dams which allows all of the different feelings and sensations that we experience on a daily basis, to freely come and just as freely, to go. When we can accept our feelings as just part of being human, we don’t have to hide them and store them and let them build up inside of us. We can just quietly notice our natural feelings, allow our feelings to be, and process our feelings, in natural, healthy ways (like crying tears) and then just as peacefully, we can let those feelings go, leaving lots of space for happiness and tranquility to seep in.

Let it Flow

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Thank you, Think Smarter (Twitter), for the above meme. The very young and the very old really have so much to teach us about “just being.”

We all know the wisdom of being in the now. There are whole industries and book stores filled with the importance of living for the moment. How do we get to, and stay in, that state of “just being in the moment”, though? It isn’t easy, is it? A friend, years ago, told me that she visualizes the flow of life/God/spirit coming into her, at the very top of her head and flowing in and all around her. When she finds herself to be angry or fearful or controlling, she knows that it is time to unkink her proverbial hose, so that “the flow” can come easily in and through her, once again.

When my kids were little and cranky, wanting to know when we were going to leave the grocery store or to get to a vacation spot, I used to say (in my calmest, wisest Mom voice that I could muster), “Go with the flow.” Sometimes that worked and sometimes it just annoyed the crap out of them. They still remember it, though. My mostly adult children still like to say “Go with the flow”, in a weird moony voice, when they are teasing me about their childhood years.

What if we looked at negative emotional states as a short in our system? What if, when we are feeling mad, sad, or scared (and all of the little nuanced feelings that fall under those big categories), we saw those emotions as “Check Engine” lights? What if, in those moments of unrest, we pulled over to the curb, for a pause and unkinked some hoses, with prayer, or with positive thoughts of gratitude, or a visualization of handing over our worries to bigger, more capable hands. Unless we are master mechanics, most of us don’t know how to fix our cars when the “Check Engine” light appears. But we take our cars to service stations which we trust, to fix them. We take our bodies to doctors and healers, when we get physically hurt or sick. We take our minds to classrooms and read books, to learn and to grow our knowledge and the reasonings of our minds. Where do we take our souls to get fixed? Whatever feeds your soul, whether it be at church, or at a temple, or listening to music, or communing with nature, or communicating in prayer and in meditation, (only You know what that is, as it is a highly personal thing for your Spirit to commune with what makes it whole), make sure that you are giving yourself those maintenance appointments for your Soul. Make sure that your hoses are unkinked and your electric starters are firing on all cylinders. Make sure that the energy you are burning is sustainable and not likely to burn you out. Take those much needed time-outs, so that you are able to “go with the flow” in order to live a purposeful and meaningful and peaceful life. The flow is the only way your Spirit knows how to travel.

Flow is the nature of energy; flow is another name of life | Picture Quotes
Lao Tzu Quote: “Those who flow as life flows know they need no other force.” (23 wallpapers) - Quotefancy

Soul Sunday

Hi friends. My regular readers know that Sunday is devoted to poetry. On Sundays, I write a poem or a share a poem written by another poet. I strongly encourage you to share your poems in my Comments section. I will never allow negative comments. I consider Sundays to be a safe, creative, full of release, poetry workshop here at Adulting – Second Half. Poetry is the song of the soul. Today I am sharing a poem written by Louise Glück, our a Pulitzer prize winning poet, who recently won the 2020 Nobel Prize for Literature. This poem is from her acclaimed book of poetry, AVERNO.

Imagine Friday

Julian Lennon Eddie Van Halen
From left: Paul Natkin/Getty Images; Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

The picture above is Julian Lennon superimposed with Eddie Van Halen. Today would have been John Lennon’s 80th birthday and sadly, we lost a musical great this week, with the death of Eddie Van Halen. My friend mentioned that Eddie Van Halen never learned to read sheet music. If that isn’t proof of innate born purpose/genius/spiritual passion, I don’t know what is!

Happy Friday, my friends!! We made it to the weekend! On Fridays, we keep it light on the blog. I call it Favorite Things Friday, here at Adulting – Second Half. On Fridays, I list three favorite things, songs, beauty products, food items, etc. and I strongly encourage my readers to add your favorites to my Comments section. Here are my favorites for today:

Olive & Cocoa – If you are looking for an alternative from sending a standard flower arrangement, go to this website. This adorable company has a wide variety of flowers, food stuff, gift-y items that really are unique and lovely and more personalized than what you typically find from this genre of store. This is one catalog, which when I receive in the mail that I am actually happy to get, and to peruse its pages. Most of the items are sent to people, in these adorable little wooden crates that just make the whole gift seem that much more special to open.

Tagua Nut Jewelry – Tagua nuts are often referred to as vegetable ivory. They come from the seeds of certain palm trees. I recently purchased a tagua nut bracelet that has been dyed the most fabulous shade of aqua. (the dye inks seem to just seep right into this material) The jewelry made from tagua tends to be big and chunky and colorful and makes for the perfect statement piece of what could otherwise be a bland or plain outfit.

Putumayo Presents Paris Cafe CD – For those of you who are old-fashioned and tactile like me, go to the putumayo.com website and buy this CD that I was bragging about earlier this week. If you have more modern tastes, Putumayo also has playlists that you can stream on Apple Music or Spotify, which are also found on their website. The website also sells colorful, unique greeting cards and children’s books from all over the world. I highly recommend spending some time on their website. They know their stuff!!! And it’s the good stuff!

Have a happy weekend, my dear friends and readers!!! I am so grateful for you!!

Happy Quotes John Lennon | Inspiration Boost

Impossible

Lately I have been letting myself get sucked into the soup of negativity. My moods can turn into a downward spiral and I found myself swirling closer to the drain than I like to be. It is so much nicer to float on the surface. The murky depths were getting to me. So, for me, my best medicine to get my lower self out of my head, is to drive my convertible with the top down, sing at the top of my lungs, and just see where the drive takes me. Yesterday, my ultimate destination was to pick up dinner at The Fresh Market. I adore that grocery store. It makes me feel grown up and sophisticated to shop there. Everything is slower paced inside of the store. The lights are dimmed (almost like candlelight), symphony music plays subtly in the background, fresh cut flowers abound, no one walks fast or talks loudly on their phones while perusing the edible delights that are just about everywhere you look, and even the check out people are uninterruptedly deliberate, unflappable and even-paced. If you have a hard time meditating, just shop in the The Fresh Market. It’s a walking meditation.

Now getting back to my story – before I reached The Fresh Market, I was driving around, happily and aimlessly, and I realized that I was in close proximity to another delightful, unique French boutique that is in my vast collection of happy places. I don’t get there very often because it is a good half hour away from my home and is sort of a hidden gem, with no other stores near to it. I saw on my phone that it was open until four p.m., so with excitement fluttering in my chest, I steered my mechanical baby (my car) towards the boutique. I hadn’t been there since before the coronavirus mess, so I eagerly awaited our energetic embrace. I could feel my moodiness lifting, as I was driving, singing, and looking up to the bright blue sky, as I made my way to my savored destination.

As I turned the corner towards the store, I noticed that the boutique didn’t have their usual array of impossibly pretty planters (or jardinière, as the French say) out by the windows on the sidewalk. As I drove up to the strangely empty parking lot, my heart sunk down to the drain hole again, when I saw an enormous, indifferent “for sale” sign, on the empty, soulless, bare building that once housed a bustling spirit which took you away to France, without ever having to board a plane. I started cursing the fates. Why wasn’t I being supported in my attempts to uplift my energy?! (I have an unhealthy habit of personalizing everything.) Still, even at my depths, I am a ruggedly stubborn optimist. Google said that the boutique was “open.” Google had green open hours connected with my beloved boutique. Google is Big Brother. Google knows everything. Could my boutique have changed locations? I went to the Wizard of Google and I did actually find an alternate address. This address was just five minutes away.

You can guess the rest of the story. My darling little French boutique still exists! It has weathered coronavirus, and while smaller and cozier, its spirit still remains strong and elegant, as the shop owner hands out complimentary tea in beautiful porcelain tea cups, as you peruse her lovely, charming shop. As you know by now, I am always looking for the life lesson in everything. This experience reminded me to not lose hope. All is not lost. Gardens come back after winter, and all robust gardens started out as just tiny little seeds. When there is a will, there is a way. I purchased a CD of various French songs typically played in Parisian cafes (yes, even my husband was shocked to know that my car has a CD player) and I sang out loud, to words which I do not understand (but my heart seemed to know that they were wonderful words) and I headed to my next living meditation, in order to buy my family’s dinner makings.

Vouloir, c’est pouvoir. (When there is a will, there is a way.)

Impossible n’est pas français. (Impossible isn’t French.)

“Dog” Training

Our two male dogs have a love/hate relationship. Similar to my sons, when they were little boys, “rough play” can change on a dime to “fight club”. Years ago, I remember noticing that when my sons were playing flag football in our side yard with their friends, more time was actually spent playing “tackle football” over the interpretation of “the rules”, than any real game time. Still, even after a nasty, loud, teeth gnashing scuffle, our fur boys are always back to being friends in a matter of minutes, much like my sons and their friends were, on the sports fields.

In talking to a dog trainer/animal behaviorist about how to quell this situation with Ralphie and Trip (our male dogs), the trainer stated that with dogs living together it comes down to two things: the energy of the people of the house, and being proactive versus reactive. When the people carry a calm, decisive, in control energy about themselves, the dogs better understand the expectations of their behavior and are more likely to comply. And by noticing one of the dogs giving the other a hard stare and ending it right away, or putting a stop to frenzied play that could soon turn aggressive, this proactive behavior is much more effective, that completely losing it, by trying to stop a dog brawl in action. These two action plans have worked very well, and our household is happier for it, both the human and the canine members.

It struck me that these two rules apply not only to dog training, but to life in, general. The energy which we carry around is sensed by everyone and everything around us. I recently read that you can give yourself more confident energy if you strike the Wonder Woman pose before you do anything hard. I’ve tried it and it works. Confident energy is sensed by everyone and is responded to accordingly. (Either that or people give wide berth these days, to a strange woman in a Wonder Woman stance 😉 ) Being proactive in any situation, saves a lot of energy, resources and heartache, versus constantly putting out fires, by being reactive.

I have a sneaking suspicion that most dog training has very little to do with the dogs, and much more about training humans. The trainers just have to keep us confident by reminding us that these simple life hacks, which work to keep a happy pack at home, can also get us far in any situation in life. The trainers have to call it “dog training” in order to protect our fragile egos. Dogs aren’t “smart” enough to have overblown egos. Of course, the best reminder from my recent call with the trainer was that snacks and positive reinforcements do wonders. On that note, I think that it is time to fix myself a morning snack.

Fair Warning

Never pick a fight with a woman older than 40. They are full of rage & sick of everyones shit.

One of my friends texted this meme to our group chat yesterday, and we all heartily related to it. I sent the meme to a different friend group chat and there, I also got a very enthusiastic response. The most relatable response from one dear friend (we are all in our late forties), was this . . . . “Hell, yeah!” My friends are all lovely, fun, interesting women. I wouldn’t accuse any of us of being typical “Karens.” People like us. Or at the very least, we like each other.

However, realizing that I had hit a chord, I decided that this would be a good topic to blog about, so I started looking up articles about female rage in middle-aged women. Unfortunately, though, everything that I perused on the internet, just made me feel more annoyed and irritable than ever. Supposedly, hormones are often to blame for our collective seething anger, and many articles gave suggestions to take hormone therapy (while risking breast cancer) or to take anti-depressants, but with the warning that these medications often have the side effects of more weight gain and decreased sex drive, which are some of the biggest complaints that middle-aged women have about aging, in the first place.

I personally think that there’s a whole lot more to the story of middle-aged female rage, but finding the solutions lost my interest. . . . quickly. Anger can be a very fun and energizing and empowering emotion, when channeled appropriately. In the meantime, others (of different ages, sexes and categories) should take the above warning very seriously. We women of a certain age tend to be highly combustible, and none of us seem to find it particularly necessary nor prudent, to justify why we are this way. Nor are we particularly interested in finding a solution to it and changing it, any time soon.

“Your anger is a gift you give to yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it.”
― Soraya Chemaly author of Rage Becomes Her

Wicked

Hilda: Well, here we go again. Another year of sitting out here, baking in the Florida sun, turning into pumpkin pies, as a lame attempt for some Halloween cheer.

Zelda: Oh come on Hilda, let’s have some fun with this. Did you see that new guy, the huge skeleton across the street? That guy has got it going on, girl.

Hilda: Yeah, he’s a little skinny for my tastes. And his eyes make me think that he might be on something. Just saying.

Zelda: Oh Hilda! Don’t always assume the worst in Halloween decorations. It’s all in fun.

Hilda: Halloween’s passé this year. Masks have become common and outworn.

Zelda: I have a joke, Hildy, to cheer you up. Ready, ready?? What’s the problem with twin witches???

Hilda:

Zelda: You never know witch is which!!!! One more!! One more!! What do you call two witches who live together???

Hilda: Just get it over with.

Zelda: Broom-mates!!!

Monday is Fun Day!! Have a good one, my beloveds!!

Soul Sunday

Good morning, my treasured readers. Regular readers know that I devote Sundays to poetry. I either write a poem or a share a poem written by someone else. Today’s poem has been written by me, this morning. I strongly encourage you to write a poem today (it’s cathartic) and if you would like, please share it in my Comments section. My blog is a safe and loving space, I assure you. Have a lovely Sunday.

The Turtle

Last night’s dream was so magical and intriguing.

It involved an ancient home which had been restored to greatness.

Most every room was purely white, marbled marble,

And you had to take a ride to view the house’s mysterious interiors,

Filled with towering towers and statuesque stairways,

But my favorite part of the ride is when I got to you,

the part which everyone seemed to know that I would love.

The whiteness stopped and there was a huge, golden, flowing pond.

And your enormous, moss covered shell rose to the surface.

It was breathtaking to see the largest turtle I have ever seen, anywhere.

I wasn’t afraid. I was in awe. You were incredible. You were shockingly amazing.

I don’t often remember my dreams, so this morning, it felt important

And necessary to understand your meaning to me,

The Dream Dictionary, told me this:

“Seeing a giant turtle, in your dream is a good sign, denoting that, you are protected by your friends and family and thus, no need to get worried about anything in life.”

“Thank you for the reminder, gorgeous turtle,” I whispered, with a sheepish smile.

“Thank yourself. Your dreams come from you.” you replied. “And so do I.”

And then, you plunged down to the deepest depths again,

Leaving the surface of my mind in a still and tranquil state,

As I began another day, assured and hopeful and loved and protected,

Knowing that my shell of loved ones, always keeps me safeguarded and secure.