Tag: empty nest

Soul Sunday

Good morning! Happy Mother’s Day!!! Sundays are devoted to poetry here at the blog. On Sundays, I either write a poem or I share a poem written by another poet who has moved me. Write a poem today, friends. There are no rules. Poems tend to just be the natural outpouring of what’s in your heart, in the form of words.

Every female whom I have ever known (including all of our female dogs, over the years), has had a mothering way of relating to the others in her life, whether she has her own children or not. I used to think that every which way that I needed to be mothered had to come from one woman, which is an unfair expectation of my own mother. As a mother of four amazing people, I am thankful for the ways “the others” have mothered my children, in ways that I was unable to fill the void. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What is mothering? Here is my poem for today:

Mothering is a force of nature,

Mothering, the purest force of nurture,

Mothering is taking responsibility for caring,

For all of creation, for seeing the gift of all that is,

like no one else can. Her eyes are as wide open as her heart.

Perhaps this overwhelming instinct of care,

is the result of being chosen by Creation,

As the vessel to bring forth more Love into physical form.

Mothering is perhaps the most vulnerable,

and yet also the most powerful action,

one can ever perform in life.

The strength of a mother, is the iron rod of a family,

the support beam of a country,

And it is the Love of a Mother,

A beautiful blue and green globe spinning in eternity,

that holds and feeds and nurtures all of the Life that we live.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Unstuck

I was reading an article about how, as we climb out of this pandemic, we are realizing just how out of practice we are on things that used to be a regular part of our lives. The woman writing the article was talking about having to learn how to walk around in high heels again. I could totally relate. Wearing heels to the graduation celebrations last weekend felt very precarious, almost like walking on a tight rope. It’s funny to think that I used to not be able to walk in flats, without looking like a duck. It’s time to dust off the wedges.

Lately I’ve been contemplating a lot about how a deep level of heavy, heady seriousness has taken over our collective lives, since the pandemic started. Everything that we do feels more hushed, more judged, more precise, more responsible and thought out. I miss spontaneity. I miss lightness. I miss spontaneous, light fun! It occurred to me that I am going to have to reteach myself how to do this. I am going to have to teach myself again, that it is okay and wonderful, to just have fun and lots of it. It’s okay to swim back up to the surface and to be buoyant. It’s okay to float. The storm is subsiding. It’s good to look around to see all of the survivors. We all have to remember to smile again, and maybe even to playfully splash each other, as we all drift safely to the shore. I think we have to remind ourselves that life is mostly meant to be savored and enjoyed.

25 Powerful & Inspiring Quotes to Share with Your Daughter

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday Found

Hi readers! The best day of the week has finally arrived! This was a “catch my breath” kind of a week for me. I’m breathing steady again. I hope that you are all breathing steady, too! My regular readers know that Fridays are devoted to the fun and frivolous stuff in life. On Fridays, I’m a material girl living in a material world. I call Fridays, “Favorite Things Friday” here at the blog, and I list three of my favorite books, products, songs, TV shows, experiences, etc. I strongly encourage you to list your favorites as well to help add to all of our shopping lists for the weekend. Without further ado, here are my favorites for this week:

American Leather Company Comfort Sleeper Sofa – We recently converted one of our bedrooms to a nice-sized home office for my husband. We did not want to lose any sleeping room capacity, so we went on a quest to find an actually comfortable, functional and stylish sleeper sofa. This sleeper sofa is revolutionary because it doesn’t have any metal bars or separate mattresses. It is easy to open up and it is unbelievably comfortable. We’ve tried it ourselves! When closed up, it’s a lovely comfortable couch to sit on, and to converse with the man behind the desk. Despite the name of the company (btw, made in the USA, right in Texas), there are many fabrics to chose from besides leather, and the couch comes in all different sizes and styles. If you are going to invest in a good sofa, with the versality of a sleeper sofa, you must check this brand out. American Leather Company has revolutionized sleeper sofas. This ain’t your cousin’s futon bed!

Integrity by Martha Beck – Martha Beck is a wonderful, engaging (often humorous writer) and her latest book, Integrity, is chock full of wisdom and food for thought. The book also includes several practical activities to help you get back to your own “integrity” which Martha defines this way, “Know what you really know, feel what your really feel, say what you really mean, and do what you really want.” If you like the works of Byron Katie (who Ms. Beck quotes a lot in this book) and Anthony DeMello, you will love this book.

Kenberrys Cable Management Box Set – My husband’s gorgeous, handmade reclaimed wood desk was getting lost in distraction by all of the cables coming out of his computer and his monitors. This set, found on Amazon, neatly hides all of the unsightly cables away, so that the focus can remain where it should be – on the gorgeous polished wood rings of the desk, and all of the untold history those rings must hold. We found this wonderful, ingenious set on Amazon.

Friends, have a fabulous weekend! Spend your weekend in integrity: Do what you really want to do! See you tomorrow. Here’s a bonus quote from Integrity by Martha Beck: “Everything that truly makes us happy is limitless and multiplicative, not scarce and divisive.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Rocking the Boat

“What others are doing around you seems very important when you have not found your own steadiness. You want to say to them, “Don’t rock my boat! If you rock my boat, I can’t be steady.” But the truth is you’re the only boat-rocker in your world. Only you can rock your boat.” – Esther Hicks

I read something recently that said when we are focusing our own energy outside of ourselves, it’s like our energy becomes a desperate scavenger, wildly looking for somewhere to land and to feel steady and full. Scavengers are always on the hunt, wildly searching for the next carcass to fill them up. It’s an exhausting way to live, trying to make everyone and everything else stay on their even keel, so that you can feel steady. It never works, but it doesn’t stop us from trying, does it?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I said to myself, “Once everything is perfect at home i.e. once all house projects are completed to my utmost satisfaction, once everyone I love has no health problems or job concerns or relationship worries, once we have just the right amount of money in savings, once all of our vacations/celebrations are planned and then said vacations/celebrations are executed happily and successfully with pictures to prove it, once my dogs are as well-behaved as that guy’s dogs in the neighborhood whose beautiful dogs act like an extension of him without even wearing leashes, once everyone accepts that the pandemic is under control and we no longer have to wear the stifling masks, etc. etc. etc. . . . In short once everything outside of myself is just plain “easy peasy” (but not too easy that I feel bored), then I can sit back and feel good.”

If I had a dollar for every time that I put conditions on my own happiness, at least my money security issues would never be a concern for the rest of my life. Why do we make it so hard to allow ourselves to feel good all of the time? Isn’t feeling good and peaceful and tranquil our birthright? Isn’t this pure steadiness what we really are, at our deepest cores? If our souls are the energy of Love and our souls are with us all of the time, why do we put blinders on to that fact? Why do we scavenge outside of ourselves for the very Love and Peace and Tranquility and Knowingness that is with us all of the time, if we just take the time to sit still enough, to fully realize and marinate in this fact? We give ourselves glimpse of our souls when we pray or when we meditate or when we savor the very moment we are in, without having to change anything about it. Why do we rob ourselves of living in this bliss, on a regular basis? Why do we spend so much of our time, sending out our energy to scour around in the past, or to scavenge desperately in the future? Why do we constantly rock the boat, when it is our natural state to keep it steady??

“Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to remember to do it.” – Sharon Salzberg

“When you are here and now, sitting totally, not jumping ahead, the miracle has happened. To be in the moment, is the miracle.” – Osho

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward other land. There is no other land. There is no other life but this. ” – Henry David Thoreau

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Style

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(Think Smarter – Twitter)

Someday maybe I’ll meet the creator of Think Smarter. (the creator of the above meme and many other memes which I have shared on the blog) I wonder what one of the wisest people in the world looks like, and acts like? How old is the creator of Think Smarter? I bet I might be surprised.

I love fashion. I’ve gotten really lazy about it with the pandemic situation. Staying in all of the time and letting my weight creep up, has put a cramp in my style, quite literally. I read recently that the poet Emily Dickinson once went through a time where she felt a little lost from herself. “I’m out with lanterns, looking for myself!” she joked. I get what she means. I feel a little rusty and out of practice in many facets of my life, my personal style being one of these areas.

I’m not above wearing flashy designer stuff. I have a pair of Gucci rainboots which my wonderful husband bought for me, that I’ll wear until they have holes in the bottoms, and I am walking around in them, Barney Rubble style. Whenever it is a dismal rainy day, I cheer myself up by saying, “Well, good, it’s a Gucci rainboot day!”

Still, I also have a top that I got from the clearance rack at Target that I’ll keep forever and ever, or until it also ends up with holes in all the wrong places. I get more compliments on that top, than anything I have in my large (and very overstuffed) closet. I wear that top with confidence and panache, even though it is getting a little faded and worn!

I think that is the main thing about fashion. It’s not what you wear. It’s how you wear it. Having good style is not being afraid to try different combinations. Fashion is not being afraid to be looked at and studied. I love the story about Sharon Stone wearing a Gap t-shirt to the Academy Awards, and being considered one of the best dressed attendees of the evening. Fashion is just a way to be yourself, on the outside. Fashion is allowing the most interesting parts of yourself to dangle from your ears and to adorn your feet. Fashion says this is who I am, without having to say a word. You will be your most fashionable self, when you dress for yourself and for nobody else. When you feel good, you look good.

20 Fashion Quotes That Will Leave You Feeling Inspired and Confident

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Pedestal Prison

I’ve never been one for “hero worship.” Of course I admire many talented people, those whom I know, and those whom I don’t know, but I honestly think that it is unfair to put anyone on a pedestal. We are complicated creatures, us humans. We all have our strengths, and we all have our foibles. If you asked me who I most admire, I would probably pick some of my family members and friends, but that is most likely, because these are the people I know most intimately. Further, I choose my admirations in categories. Someone with an admirable knack for crafting, might not be the life of the party. I admire both traits. I am grateful that we have the quiet creators among the fun-loving spotlighters. I am grateful for the variety in everything (and everyone), which Life has allowed us to experience.

Recently, I was having a conversation with people who were talking about their heroes, and the people whom they admire the most. My mind started scrambling. I was looking for some solid, clever answer when it came to my turn, but that would have been so fake and contrived. Then I started worrying that maybe since I didn’t actually have one or two particular role models, that meant that I was a self-absorbed narcissist. Luckily, the subject got changed when before we got to my turn.

I am writing all of this, as a lead-up to the fact, that hearing about Bill and Melinda Gates getting divorced, really and completely, got to me yesterday. And these deep feelings truly surprised me. I don’t know Bill and Melinda, personally, of course. They did get married the same year that my husband and I got married. I know that no one would be able to disassemble twenty-seven years of creating a shared family and a shared life (not to mention a billions of dollars charitable foundation), without a great deal of contemplation, and a strong effort to keep it all together. I don’t judge the Gates. I was just more amazed about how sad and disillusioned that I felt about their announcement. Perhaps I did have the Gates on a pedestal, after all. Perhaps, I saw them as the epitome of the all the way around, grounded, healthy, amazing success story (which, I suppose, is my own personal, particular definition of success). Maybe I saw the Gates as “The Whole Package, plus a Bag of Chips”, instead of just two very talented, generous people doing their best, in this complicated world which we all navigate together. Things that make you go hmmmmm . . . . .

“A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.” – Gloria Steinem

“I think we do people a great disservice when putting them on a pedestal and not allowing them to be human.” – Linda Thompson

“The moment you put someone on a pedestal, they will look down upon you. The trick is respecting each other equally.” – Teresa Mummert

Don't put me on a pedestal, for I will surely fall. Just love me as I am, weaknesses, flaws, and all. | Words, Cool words, Beautiful quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning, soul mates. I hope that today finds you feeling centered and whole. I have been enjoying all sorts of fun experiences, with my entire family this weekend. Nothing makes me feel more centered than being with my family. Sundays, as my regular readers know, are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Why do so many people groan when someone utters the word “poetry”? I think that is an interesting thing to ponder. There is no other form of writing that is more personal, more emotional, nor more poignant than poetry. And yet so many people turn away from it, under the guise of calling it “boring”. Is that really the case? Or is the “dissing” of poetry more of an overall avoidance of facing, and then really feeling, our deepest, most soulful feelings?

For most of this year I have used this tagline on my blog: Are passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain, and pass on love. How do you heal your pain? You face it. You acknowledge it. You let yourself feel it. Your pain will dissipate. Your pain just wants to be acknowledged. Your pain just wants to be understood and to be explored and most importantly, to be felt, so that it can be healed. Again, once pain is faced with compassion and empathy, once pain is physically and emotionally felt, it is spent. Once it is felt, your pain will dissipate. Your pain has just been serving as a dark cloud, over the light of your beautiful, light-filled core of love. Your pain has just served as clouds over the sunshine of your timeless soul. Shine the light on your pain. Ironically, we tend to hold on to our pain, by ignoring it, and by trying to pretend that it isn’t there. And that exhausting act of avoidance just makes our pain grow, like a dark, fierce, quickly growing storm cloud, in a desperate plea to be seen, and to be felt. Pain that is ignored and pain that is unacknowledged, cannot be healed, and cannot be released. Love is greater than pain. Love is. Love your pain away. Clear the clouds.

This is my poem for the day:

My Children In the Other Room

I revel in the sound of your voices,

All together humming, occasionally interrupted by laughter,

A calming cadence of familiar tones.

I don’t listen for the words,

I listen to the harmony of your hearts,

As you share casual conversation.

There is no sound that is more beautiful to me,

Than the blending of your voices,

Sounding the tones of our common love.

Together, your voices, sing the rhythm of my heart.

Quietly

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I’m not a quiet person. No one has ever really accused me of being quiet. No one in my family really is all that quiet. My family tends to do things big, and loud and in numbers. Interestingly, my sons have the tendency to get into serious relationships with ladies who are only children. My eldest son flew in with his girlfriend (an only child) last night. I kept watching her, wondering what she could possibly be thinking/feeling, while digging into a seafood boil with a cacophony of loud, cackling people, while going through piles of family pictures, and all of the while, three energetic dogs swirling all around her, throughout the night. If she hated it, she’s an excellent pretender. She’s lovely. My middle son has dated his girlfriend (also an only child) since high school. Recently I heard her describe our family like this, “They’re loud and there are a lot of them, but they are so much fun.”

Still, relatively speaking, I notice that I have grown quieter as I have aged. I do like to “hide in the corners” more, and just observe. I find myself wanting to really just soak it all in. Watching my family, never grows old. Marinating in what really matters in life, is the most alive I ever feel, even when I am being unusually quiet and still.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sweet Friday O’Mine

Hi friends! I am exhausted. This has been a big week in the life of our family, and we have a big weekend ahead of us. Still, I am feeling good. I am feeling a whole lot of pride, and also some comforting relief that everything came together without too many hitches. For my new readers, Fridays are devoted to favorites. On Fridays, aka “Favorite Things Friday“, I list three favorite things or songs or books or websites or apps, etc. that have really added to the surface-y, fun experience of my life. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Here are my favorites for this week:

Trader Joe’s Chicken Shawarma Thighs – I mentioned that recently we had gone to a Trader Joe’s after a long hiatus. I found a little bit of heaven in this package of deliciously marinated chicken. The Chicken Shawarma thighs will become a new staple of mine as soon as all of the rumors really become true, and we actually get a Trader Joe’s built closer to us, in the supposedly near future. What does Shawarma taste like? It tastes like chicken. (because it is chicken) No really, it tastes like chicken on explosive, spice, taste steroids (and I mean that in a truly positive sense). Just yummy!

Vitamin Water Zero Sugar Ice Cool Blueberry Lavender – I LOVE vitamin water. It tricks me into drinking a lot of “water”. This particular flavor of Vitamin Water is supposed to give you a hint of “chill”. With iron, a bunch of Vitamin Bs, plus some l-theanine and chamomile, this water is supposed to help you to keep healthy and calm, and it only costs you 10 calories. While all of that nutrition, sure is great, I only learned these facts recently, when I finally read the bottle. I’ve been drinking Vitamin Water Zero Sugar Ice Cool Blueberry Lavender for a while, mostly because it is just so damn tasty and refreshing! Drink and chill out.

Guns N’ Roses – Sweet Child O’ Mine – This is a forever favorite jam of mine. My husband and I belted out this badass ballad yesterday, as we were driving home from a few days of driving all over our beautiful state of Florida. This is a great classic, and an energizing song to bring in any adventure filled weekend. If you haven’t heard it in a while, play it now. You will start head bangin’. And it will feel awesome! Bring back Hair Bands!!!!! Love you, my fellow Eighties kids!! Where do we go now????

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.