Tag: aging

Goodr/Better/Best Friday

I had a doctor’s appointment this week and the doctor was probably in her early thirties. At one point she said to me, “You’re young. You’ve probably got about thirty years left.” And that last part took my breath away a little bit (I wish that she had just left it at the first sentence). First, I felt indignant that the doctor was writing me off at age 82 (even though the current life expectancy for women in the United States is 79). And second, she struck my panic button.

“Yikes! I’ve got “a lot of a lot” to pack into my next thirty years (or more, fingers crossed),” I started thinking to myself as I could feel my heart beating in my neck, and at that moment, I started wondering if perhaps the doctor had made a terribly inaccurate estimate, and maybe to the surprise of us both, I was about to stroke out and die, in her office, right there, on the spot. But, thankfully, I caught my breath. I decided to give the woman a pass. She’s a good doctor. These are the kind of dumb things that I said to older people when I was younger, too. Karma is a b*tch.

Since it turns out that I have a good thirty years left in my lifetime, I must take care of my eyes, and so this brings me to today’s favorite on Favorite Things Friday: Goodr Sunglasses. My friend has been wearing a pair of these shades that are amazing looking. She looks absolutely cool and badass when she wears them, and so I asked if I could copy her (since we live in different states). She kindly obliged. Her style is called “Amelia Earhart Ghosted Me”. Goodr Sunglasses were originally created by runners, for runners, so that runners could have more stylish and affordable sunglasses options than were currently available at the time. But these Goodr sunglasses are so good, so light, so comfortable, so stylish, so affordable (and they’re polarized) that even us non-runners are flocking to their website. Check out their website. I am willing to bet you won’t be leaving the website without purchasing at least one pair.

Have a “goodr” weekend than you ever had in your life, friends! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Antiquities

It struck me the other day that we go all over the world in order to see ancient things. We have museums full of antiquities. We stand in awe of unbelievably ornate and intricate churches and buildings that have strongly, and dependably existed throughout centuries. We gape at ancient works of art, and handle them so gingerly and respectfully. We muse that all of these venerable creations are unrepeatable and priceless. These antiquities hold so much of our history, and so, we in turn hold these relics and monuments in the highest of esteem. The fact is, most of the most beautiful things in our world, both human creations and quite frankly, also the things of nature, are incredibly old.

Why then, don’t we hold the same esteem for our elders? Why don’t we respect and honor and feel grateful for the aging of our own selves? We love the older artifacts because they are a testament to their ability to hold on, and to regally exist for a long period of time. These older things are the basis for everything that has come after them. Our own older selves are an accumulation of many years of life, and experiences, and the wisdom that hopefully is that outcome of these years and happenings.

Treat and respect your aging self, and the aging selves of others, as you do these lovely museum pieces that you have visited throughout your lifetime. You are a one-and-only, a one-of-a-kind masterpiece whom the world is blessed to experience. As you age, you are only more precious. Know this, and know this about others, and hold your head up regally and gratefully. Knowingly allow the wisdom of your years to glow serenely for all of those around you to catch their breath in awe of your beauty, and of your grace, and of your inherent knowledge of so many different eras in time.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Grow Up

“We don’t talk about trees getting older, we say that they are growing. Let’s use the same language for ourselves. We are not getting older, we are growing.” – @Eternal.Knowledge

When she was a little girl, our daughter received the gift of a tiny little fir sprig in a cute little pot shaped like a Santa toy bag. When Christmas was over that year, she couldn’t bear to part with the little fir tree, so we replanted it in various pots over the years. Our daughter turns nineteen in a few weeks, and her little baby fir tree is that tree that you see on the right, in the picture above. We keep it on our front stoop, but it is starting to get so big that it is covering our windows. I told my husband that not too long from now, it may have to become our Christmas tree one year.

I saw the quote shown above the picture the other day, and I had to ponder it for a while. Physical growth is so obvious when things are young and turning into adult whatevers. Children are growing, plants are growing, puppies are growing . . . The truth is, we rarely talk about “growing” in more than a physical sense, in our regular everyday language. The focus on growth is physical growth most of the time, because like my daughter’s fir sprig, the growth is so obvious to the naked eye.

Emotional and spiritual growth is deeper and less noticeable. And where I think the above quote got it wrong, is that some people do stop growing as they age. They stunt their emotional growth, and despite aging, they really aren’t growing, but more so, they remain diminished in their closed mindedness, and they start to decay and to decline.

As trees grow older and mature, their yearly growth is less noticeable. You only realize their subtle growth by noticing new branches with young vital green leaves springing off of them. The goal for any of us, is to always be growing in new directions with our branches, right? The goal is to remain rooted in our deepest values, but to reach out into areas which we’ve never been before, and to continue to grow, and to learn, and to stretch our horizons.

We can choose to grow with our unavoidable aging process, or we can let ourselves wither and remain stunted and small and fade as we age. Aging is not within our control. Everything that lives right now is currently aging. Growing is a choice. Growing is what makes our own experience of living and aging, meaningful and interesting and full of wonder and purpose. Trees, even in the worst soil and the harshest of conditions, do their damndest to grow and to reach for the skies. Most trees live longer than we humans do. (especially the trees that live in harsh conditions -“their ability to survive these harsh environments and adverse growing conditions is exactly their secret to great longevity.” -nps.gov). The oldest trees are the Bristlecone Pines, and they are close to 5000 years old. Because the trees continue to grow, even in harsh and adverse environments, they continue to live to ripe old ages. Is there a correlation to their continuing to grow that allows trees to live long, solid, stable lives? I think that this is the real question to ponder.

No matter what our age is right now, we have a daily choice. We can choose to become decrepit and stagnant and worn out and despondent and resentful and stuck, as we continue to age, or we can continue to grow and to reach and to learn and to continually sprout new branches of ourselves, as we age. If we choose to age the latter way, us and everyone around us, will not so much focus on our inevitable, obvious physical aging, but will instead, be in awe of our ever-evolving masterful, majestic, inspiring growth.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Better Than the Queen of Monaco

“I thought I was going to be queen of Monaco even though someone else did it. [Laughter] But I had these giant ideas. And then you get older and, oh, s*** is going to happen. And, Mike White, you have given me hope. You’ve given me a new beginning. . . .

“This is something all of you, if you don’t know Mike White, this is what you should know: He is worried about the world, he’s worried about people, he’s worried about friends of his that aren’t doing well, he’s always worried about people, you’re worried about animals, and he really is one of the greatest people I’ve ever … He gives me so much excitement to be—you make people want to live longer, and I didn’t.” – from last night’s speech from 61-year-old actress Jennifer Coolidge, who won a Golden Globe for The White Lotus last night, about the creator of the show, Mike White

“. . . .you make people want to live longer and I didn’t.” Wow. Have you ever heard a better compliment? And this is about a Hollywood guy! When has that ever happened before?! My regular readers know that I’m a huge fan of The White Lotus series and I have previously written about Jennifer Coolidge’s ‘big break’ coming to her later in life, which is a rare thing, particularly for women in Hollywood.

From Jennifer Coolidge’s Golden Globe acceptance speech, it is my belief that these accolades and appreciation couldn’t have happened to two more deserving people. Jennifer, for slogging along, continuing to work feverishly at her passion, even if she thought that her days of a “big break” were over, and to Mike, for being that guy who cares – Mike cares about people, his friends, animals. . . . Jennifer’s whole speech was about what a wonderful, loving person and being Mike White is, without even beginning to mention his incredible talent as a writer and director.

My favorite trainer at my Local Stretchlab has experienced more than her fair share of difficulties in life. Raised in Guam, she had to drop out of medical school to take care of her mother and grandmother, who both had cancer and when they passed, her father became ill and so she cared for him, while still trying to manage the family business. It is only in the last five years or so that my trainer has been able to focus on herself and her own adult life. She is married to a marine, and yesterday they were celebrating their three-year wedding anniversary. She told me that she was taking the entire weekend off to celebrate with him. My trainer told me that for most of her life, she never dreamed that she would marry, and she is so utterly thrilled and grateful to be married to the man of her dreams. We both agreed that the beauty of difficult times, is that the harder that they were, the more they make you appreciate and savor the wonderful times in life. When you know just how low and difficult life can get, the gratitude which you feel for the smooth, amazing times is almost overwhelming.

If you are in a point in your life when you feel like your ship has sailed, be like Jennifer, and just hang on. Keep doing what is meaningful to you. It ain’t over ’til it’s over. You really have no idea where this journey is taking you. The most meaningful, exciting times of your life could easily be right around the corner. And while you’re at it, be like Mike, care. Care about people, and friends, and animals. Be like Mike and be the kind of person who makes people want to live longer. And when you get to a point in your life when you finally (and maybe even surprisingly) get something that you always wanted but started to lose hope of ever getting, be like my Stretchlab trainer and take a long weekend off to simmer in the joy and gratitude of it all! Because of slogging through the tough times, you get the equal and opposite feeling of utter bliss!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ageless Soul

“To me, age is really just a number, some kind of label. I feel more like an ageless soul in an aging body. And it’s all okay.” – Hilde, age 58 from the book, And Bloom: The Art of Aging Unapologetically by Denise Boomkens

Our souls are ageless, but our bodies aren’t. Our ageless souls are housed in our bodies. Lately I’ve been letting situations which are out of my control, eat at me. And I feel it in my body. It is time to reel it all in. I want my ageless soul to experience a long, interesting life in this body that houses it. Thus I must take time to nurture my body, so that my ageless soul exists in a nurturing space. I must reel in my mind from continuing with obsessive, negative thoughts that do not add to the health of my body, nor to the quality of my life. My ageless soul deserves a sound mind and a healthy body, in order to experience an amazing quality of life. These things that I can do, in order to care for my body (rest, exercise, nutrition), and these things that I can do for my mind (mindfulness, prayer, meditation), are things that I do have control of, and so for the sake of my beautiful, ageless soul, I will put my focus on these things in which I do have control, and I will trust that the rest will take care of itself. And it’s all okay.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Pretty

On the way to see our children at their university last weekend, my husband and I stopped at a Dunkin Doughnuts. We had to use the restroom (of course we did – we are in our fifties) and then we bought some coffee and then we decided to treat ourselves to some doughnuts, because, why not? When I was paying, the young lady who was waiting on me, mumbled something to me that sounded like, “You’re so pretty.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, because honestly I was a little bit surprised and confused. She said it a little bit louder, yet still shyly, “You’re so pretty.” I was shocked, pleased, embarrassed, grateful, flattered and glowing all at once. You see, I’m almost 52. I’ve been considered attractive back in the day, but I’m 52. I have pudges and wrinkles and everything on my body is a little worn because I’ve lived my life enthusiastically. This now rare compliment couldn’t have come at a better time, as I was embarking on a weekend filled with beautiful young faces and perfect, scantily clad bodies, and boundless youthful energy that was impossible to keep up with for more than a day, tops.

The compliment has stayed with me since. I’m probably a little flushed as I write this. As I have said many times on this blog, it is good to offer compliments often and magnanimously because they change a person’s whole vibe, for a long while. A compliment is a beautiful gift to give to someone, and it costs you nothing but a penny of your thoughtfulness and kindness.

My friend texted me an instagram page this morning that she thought I would like. She was right. I love it. The page is of Denise Boomkens, and she is the author of The Art of Aging Unapologetically. (which I just ordered this morning from Amazon) The latest post on Denise Boomkens’ Instagram page is a picture of a lovely, elegant 66-year-old French woman named Petra, who now lives in Belgium. Petra is quoted as saying this:

“I don’t find aging very easy and sometimes a confrontational process. The emphasis shifts from your outer self to your inner self; I sometimes ask myself, “who am I when nobody glances at me anymore.” This is not a negative development; I try to make the best of it in my own way.”

There is a wonderful, relief-filled part about shifting the focus to your inner self as you age, but there is also some grief in the understanding and the accepting of the changes that inevitably come to your aging outer shell. Still, there is some real, true wisdom to the saying that beauty comes from within. Sometimes, we think that this saying is just a nice thing to say, to make us feel better if we don’t feel attractive, but honestly, it really is the truth. I think that the girl at the Dunkin Doughnuts sensed my excitement, and my loving yearning to be with my children. I think she felt my happy, relaxed flirtiness with my husband as we embarked on our adventure. I felt pretty on the inside and it overflowed to my outside. True beauty is pure and timeless and has nothing to do with how we look.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Weird, Lucky Moment

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I watched a fascinating interview with Jennifer Coolidge, an actress, who at the age of 61, is at the height of her career so far, mostly for her Emmy winning role as Tanya, in the HBO streaming series, “The White Lotus.” Jennifer Coolidge first broke out in Hollywood, twenty-three years ago, playing the original MILF, as “Stifler’s mom” in the wacky, outrageous movie, “American Pie.” And she’s played in a lot of other movies since then, but now, with years of working at her craft under her belt, at the age of 61, Jennifer Coolidge is finally considered to be “a star.”

In the interview, Jennifer calls this time in her career a “weird, lucky moment.” She says this: “It’s way more enjoyable if you never expected the moment to happen. I think it is the surprise of it all that makes it so fun.”

Jennifer Coolidge says that she thinks that the reason why people have had such a big response to her is this: “I think a lot of people want to feel like they have a chance at something that maybe they thought was a missed chance, and I think I’m a good example of that.” She says that people are now looking for relatableness and authenticity more than ever in shows and entertainment. “I feel like maybe the people who are watching streaming shows aren’t as in love with perfection, as previous audiences.”

There is real beauty and profundity, when you are coming into the height of yourself, later in life. As you age, it is easier to understand and to appreciate those “weird, lucky moments” that seem to come from out of nowhere, when you were least expecting them to arrive. When those “weird, lucky moments” happen, you shockingly realize, that as it turns out, you weren’t forgotten by the forces that be. All along, you were ripening on the tree of life, just doing your thing – that thing that you love and makes you feel alive, and then, who knew? Suddenly, it’s your time to be picked as the golden apple!

The wonderful thing about coming into your own, later in life, is that gratefulness and appreciation is easier to feel. If you age long enough and gracefully enough and thoughtfully enough, then you’ve lived enough life to understand that living life itself is enough. Life is the experience. Everything else is just the cherry on top. Jennifer Coolidge has a great attitude about this time in her life. Mostly, she is savoring it. She says this:

“I don’t know if I’ll ever have a year like this again, so I’m just enjoying it ’til it ends.”

Perhaps, this is really the point of living, itself. Who knows?

Monday-Funday

Yesterday, my husband and I decided to do some hiking. We approached a trailhead marked “Black Diamond” which meant steep and difficult. A fit, sprite woman, in adorable hiking regalia, who appeared to be in her sixties came down from the trail.

“Was it strenuous?” I asked her.

“Well, that depends on your age and your joints. You see I’m 90, so I have to take it a little more slowly.”

“WHAT?!? You’re 90?! Wow, I am looking at aging goals right here!” I exclaimed wondrously.

“The key is to keep moving,” she said. “Just keep moving.” She then smiled proudly and jauntily headed down to her car at the foot of the mountain.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. —Stephen Hawking

I think that this is the big crossroads of aging versus staying youthful. If we grow into our age believing that we know everything and that we have everything all figured out, our mind becomes old and decrepit. There is no elasticity there. Our mind is stuck in its own judgmental closed capsule of fluids that are turning a decaying yellow. When we stay curmudgeonly stuck in the process of aging, we choose only to focus on things that emphasize and validate to us, what we smugly think that we already know.

A youthful mind can’t get enough. A youthful mind is curious, imaginative, creative, and full of wonder and innocence. A youthful mind constantly gets replenished in gargantuan waterfalls of inspiration and refreshed in the pools of hope and possibility.

And below is just for fun because it is Monday – Funday (and its a good reminder to remain youthful) Bugles are so underrated:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Let Go

RIP – Olivia Newton-John (image credit: Gregorio Catarino, Twitter)

I was a little soul sick yesterday when I heard the news that Olivia Newton-John had passed. What little girl in the 70s/80s couldn’t sing every song by heart in the Grease soundtrack? My fun, stylish, youngest aunt took my sister and I to see ONJ’s “Physical” concert. It was the first musical concert I had ever been to, and it was amazing. What a lovely, talented lady! Olivia Newton-John will be missed.

It struck me lately that a lot of my “regulars” whom I count on to be there: my dentist, my hair stylist, my son’s neurologist, and my favorite pedicurist, are all older than me. And I am no longer a spring chicken. I now worry that at any given appointment that I have with them, they will be announcing their well-earned retirements. And I will be devastated. I am not ready to let go.

“Let go.” We get told that a lot in life. And the older that we get, the more often we are reminded to just “let go.” It make sense. Wanting things to be different than they are, is a sure way to go crazy in the moment. Still letting go is not easy. It never gets easier. We all know the steps to letting go: Accept the things we can’t change, change the things we can, and move on or away from toxic people and situations. Lose our rigid expectations, i.e. “the shoulds.” Allow ourselves to feel our feelings, in order to free them. Get lost in a creative outlet. Pray and stay with our faith. Stay focused on the tasks at hand (mindfulness). Look for the silver linings and the possibilities of the situation. etc. etc. Honestly, in my own experience and in observing others, it is mostly just time and patience that helps the letting go process finally happen. Letting go can’t be forced.

At our ages, we have been doing this “letting go” thing a long time now. And it never seems to get much easier. I suppose it all comes down to letting go of the idea that life should always be utopian. Or letting go of the idea that we actually know what utopian should look like. Letting go means forgiving ourselves for struggling against what is, and giving ourselves permission to move forward into what may be . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.