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This Blog Post is Now Live!

Starting out on an aside, I write my blog on WordPress and when I press the Publish button, it says “The Title of Today’s Blog” is now live! That makes me feel so excited. It’s like I am on a production set or something. It’s often the accumulation of all the little special extras that can make a day in your life so grand.

One of my favorite Twitter feeds is called Think Smarter. Think Smarter posted this the other day: Please share the best lesson your life has taught you. So far.

Here are some of my favorite answers that rang true to me:

This too shall pass.

Your choices make you.

You are the architect of your own life.

Be patient.

There are always two sides to every story.

Know what matters.

Respect yourself, respect other people and they will respect you.

All actions and in-actions have consequences.

God has your back.

You are responsible for your own happiness.

Never give up.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Never buy a cheap frying pan.

Don’t take your health for granted.

God always has a better plan for you than you have for yourself.

Don’t piss in the wind.

Happiness is not outside. It’s inside.

Tough times don’t last, tough people do.

Your kids will follow your example, not your advice.

All of these rang true to me and have been proven to me again and again in my 48 years of life. I saved my favorite for last:

Everything happens for a reason. Someday it will make PERFECT sense.

Spice to Mashed Potatoes

Yesterday, I got out of my element. I drove a few hours away and I spent a beautiful day with a wonderful companion, with my two dogs in tow. We meandered through a beautiful garden setting, chatting and laughing with each other, and with other people we met along the way. It was a lovely day.

I used to be a bit better about giving myself to adventures. I would purposely seek out different neighborhoods to visit, different roads to travel and different perspectives to consider. As I’ve aged, I’ve noticed my anxiety level rises a little more than it used to, when I wander off my beaten path. I find my local turf to be more comfortable and more of my “go-to” experience than ever before. It’s kind of like that comfortable old pair of shoes that seem to get chosen to get worn every day, even with the shiny, new shoes, still in their box, sitting right next to the old worn ones. These new shoes are just begging to be tried out and to get their chance to become worn, and then worn out.

Yesterday was an excellent reminder that it’s fun to put on the shiny, new shoes sometimes and to step out of my box and its confines. Yesterday was refreshing. I felt very vibrant and alive. The old, well worn, comfortable shoes will always be there for me. In fact, I’ll be slipping them on today and probably wearing them most of the week. However, I’m going to make a point of trying out the shiny, new ones a little more than I have been doing lately. They may take me on to paths to places that I like so much, that these new places could expand my experience of who and what are, my people and my places of comfort. At the very least, these new paths will add a little spice to my mashed potatoes and gravy.

Dollar Store Staples

Over the weekend, I bought a few mylar balloons to decorate for my daughter’s birthday. I remember when mylar balloons first came on the scene. They were considered to be amazing and exotic and indulgent. They were considered a luxurious treat to have at a party. One of them probably cost around ten dollars. Now mylar balloons are Dollar Store staples and a given at any party.

It struck me that I have reached the age where I can recall when a lot of things were new and exciting additions to the market, that are now considered old fashioned and passe. These are things that the younger generations just take for granted. I remember when there was a Texas Instruments store in the mall, which was kind of like the Apple stores of today. My father treated me to a solar calculator. It was expensive and featured in the center of the store with a spotlight on it. They kept the solar calculator behind glass, like it was the Hope diamond. I am not exaggerating. Now solar calculators are also Dollar Store staples.

I remember my grandparents talking about remembering when they got their first telephones and their first televisions. They talked about an air conditioned car being considered a major luxury. I remember thinking, “Wow, they are really ancient people.” Now, kids today might think that about me, if they read this blog post. When walking on a seaside trail this weekend, my husband and I chuckled about how many babies in strollers we passed, all holding iPads. Some day, when these babies are my age, they’ll be talking about remembering playing with iPads in their cribs and strollers. And their kids and grandkids will laugh and scoff because iPads will probably be Dollar Store staples.

The Fine Line

“Kidding is when both people can laugh at the joke.” – Ellen Degeneres

There is always such a fine line that you hope that you don’t cross over when the teasing and the kidding starts up. I am a kidder and I have a huge tendency to put my foot in my mouth, but I try to be sensitive. I can’t stand roasts. I think that they are awful. I try to be calm and laugh politely at jokes aimed at myself, because I don’t want to be in the “She can dish it out, but she can’t take it,” camp. I think it is healthy to be able to laugh at yourself. However, kidding is touchy. Still, I’d hate a world without any ribbing and fun. I’ve heard that people only tease other people whom they really like. When I was a young girl, teasing was supposed to be a gauge of how well a boy liked you. The first little boy who ever asked me to “go with him”, pushed me into some bushes first, which of course, made everyone else laugh. Perhaps there is some truth to that statement.

My kids loved to watch SpongeBob SquarePants when they were younger and I honestly liked watching it with them, too. Two or three episodes stick out in my mind – Patrick deciding SpongeBob was probably ugly and that’s why he was repelling other creatures (it turns out it was just his bad breath) and SpongeBob learning to drive – both of these episodes can still make me laugh until I cry. The other episode that applies to this blog is when SpongeBob decides to become a stand-up comedian and he finds out that his audience loves squirrel jokes. The only problem with this is, that SpongeBob’s best friend is Sandy, the squirrel. Obviously, SpongeBob has to learn the hard way that making jokes at the expense of your friend’s feelings, may mean the loss of your friend.

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A Bluish-Black Butterfly

Today is my youngest child’s 15th birthday. She is our only daughter out of our four children. She is a gift from Heaven. She is a gift from our fourth baby, who came before her.

When you have a big family and the three eldest kids are boys, people just assume that we kept trying until we got a daughter. But that is not really the truth. You see, we were finished with our family after three kids. That was the number of kids that we had always planned on having. We felt very lucky and blessed to have three healthy, robust, energy-filled little boys who kept us very busy and on our toes.

The fourth time that I got pregnant, I was on the pill. (let’s just say that I am what is often called a “fertile Myrtle”) We had just moved to another city and another state for my husband’s job. We had left our family and friends behind and hadn’t quite found “our legs” yet, in our new place of living and being. My husband’s new company expected all of his waking hours and then some. (this was before work/life balance became a buzzword) So, I was a young, harried mother in what felt like a foreign land, trying to keep three little energizer boys corralled, while my husband was always working and here I was, pregnant again. This wasn’t like my other pregnancies. This wasn’t a planned pregnancy. I was devastated. So was my husband. Dejectedly, we tried to turn our heads and hearts around to this baby, considering him or her to be God’s plan, which I now realize was His plan, but just not in the way that I expected the plan to go. I started my vitamins and I started going to the obstetrician, and I tried to feel happy when I saw the little flutter of the little baby’s heartbeat. But I was tired. I was lonely. I was overwhelmed. It was right after the first trimester of my fourth pregnancy, right after we had told everyone that we had another baby on the way, that I started bleeding profusely. We lost our fourth baby when I was about 14 weeks pregnant. The doctor scheduled the D&C at a little country hospital because all of the large hospitals were full that day. That, in itself, turned out to be part of God’s plan too, because the nurse attending to me felt like she was an angel sent from God. She had all the right words, she took the time to hold me and she let me cry and cry. That nurse understood how painful a miscarriage really is for a woman. She understood the loss, and she was patient with my denial, when I kept saying that I think that we should do just one more ultrasound, just to be sure. I sent her flowers after I recovered at home. I don’t remember her name, but I will always remember her heart and her kindness. And her wings.

I had a really hard time getting over my miscarriage. I came from an “old school” background where I was taught that miscarriages were probably really disguised blessings, because there was likely something “wrong” with the baby. Yet, I had so many mixed feelings. Having started the pregnancy so apathetically, I felt so guilty and so ashamed. I felt like I was being punished. I tried to focus on the blessing of our three young sons. I felt a compassion for women who had multiple losses and long struggles of trying to get pregnant, like I never had before. I was so, so sad – sadder than I had ever been in my life. I felt a sadness that was so deep that I sometimes thought I would just sink into it and then, the only thing that kept me going, was the sense of duty I felt to my family. My husband had scheduled a vasectomy, like we had agreed, when I was still pregnant. At that time, we felt like we couldn’t afford or deal with any more “surprises.” Still, we found reasons to cancel that appointment, and then reasons again to cancel the rescheduled appointment.

One day, after weeks and weeks of thoughtful, prayerful contemplation, I admitted to my husband that I didn’t think I would fully recover from this miscarriage, unless we had another baby. My heart was telling me that our fourth baby’s brief appearance in our lives, was on purpose. That baby was a messenger, telling us that our family was not complete. That baby’s purpose was to let us know, that our family needed one more baby. My husband felt my strong, earnest calling and he understood and he agreed. We got pregnant the first time that we tried again. And we were thrilled and excited and grateful from the get-go, with this new pregnancy. We were so excited for another baby, boy or girl, it didn’t matter!

On March 23, 2004, our beautiful daughter entered our lives and our family was made complete. She has been such a blessing of joy, and beauty and wonder and excited energy from the minute she was born. She is exactly what our family needed, a mighty, strong, yet feminine touch. Our daughter is the beautiful, excited exclamation point at the end of the statement, that describes our family. Her middle name is “Faith.”

Whenever all six members of my family are on a trip, or hiking a trail, or just hanging out in the yard, I often see a bluish-black butterfly. My heart smiles a little and I usually whisper, “Hi, baby.” I think that our fourth baby’s spirit likes to flutter by sometimes and hang out with the family. He or she is a very special part of our creation and I’m so happy to know that he or she is still a part of us, helping to guide us through life. He or she is an excellent guide.

“I’m Sorry, That’s Incorrect.”

“Happy Friday! Here’s to all of us who made it through another week of faking adulthood.” – Nanea Hoffman

“Every Friday, I like to high five myself for getting through another week on little more than caffeine, will power, and inappropriate humor.”- Nanea Hoffman

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! New readers, I don’t do deep thoughts on Friday. I keep it light and list three “anythings” that I really like and recommend for you to try. Please check out previous Friday posts for other “favorites” and please add some favorites in the Comments section, as I’m always looking for “new favorites.”

As I was pondering my favorites, I thought of a woman I worked with once, who had a funny little idiosyncrasy. Whenever I would express an opinion, such as, “That’s a lovely shade of blue,” she would answer, “Correct.” (kind of like Alex Trebek) She never said, “Incorrect,” that I can remember. I didn’t know her well enough nor did I think that it was my place to “correct” her grammar and to explain the difference between opinions and facts, with only facts truly being able to be “correct or incorrect.” Further, she seemed to think that my opinions were “correct” a lot of the time and I liked that fact. Anyway, this is just a long way of saying that the items that I recommend on Fridays are just my opinion and it’s worth a try, to see if I am “correct” (in your opinion) about what is good. Here we go:

Forza Mirror (Z Gallerie) – I just bought this gorgeous, big, round mirror for the hall bathroom that we had remodeled. I LOVE it! It is huge and detailed and beveled and silver. I love that it adds a modern, glitzy look to an otherwise classic style room/cabinetry. It seems like a little taste of Miami flash on an otherwise preppy, traditional outfit. It’s like that fabulous favorite belt that brings together the whole outfit. Candy for the eyes!

Too Faced Sun Bunny Bronzer – I live in Florida. I’m supposed to look tan all of the time, but at the same time having an “actual, sun-imposed tan” is frowned upon. (On an aside, my friend and I were giggling shamefully about our younger years when the only sunscreen we applied was Baby Oil. She said that she added a little iodine in hers, for color. Then we would fry, get blisters, peel and tell ourselves that it would soon “turn to tan.” Thank goodness for progress in skincare.) Anyway, this is my favorite bronzer. It looks natural, not too orange and I like its name, “Sun Bunny.”

TUT – Notes from the Universe – I have been getting these “Notes from the Universe” in my email for years now. They are so inspiring and uplifting and I think that the founder of TUT, Mike Dooley, is an excellent spiritual teacher. Let me share today’s note:

“Think of someone very, very special to you.

Now feel yourself bursting with love for them.

Now mentally shower, drench and soak them in all that love.

Now mentally shower, drench and soak yourself in My love.

Cascades,

The Universe”

You are loved, my dear readers, more than you could ever know! Drench yourself in my love, your family’s love, your friends’ love, your dog’s love, God’s love, and have a great weekend, you, love sponge, you!!! And this is fact, absolutely CORRECT, FACT!!!

aO

Hello Washer, Is That You?

My husband and I have been in the market for a few appliances. We recently bought a water softener and we’re looking around for a new washer and dryer set. What we are finding is that there is quite a premium on appliances with features that we don’t want or need. It may be an age thing, but we don’t feel the need to communicate with our appliances, remotely from our phones. At all.

When the water softener salesperson came over, the final price came in freakishly high, somewhere around $6000. When we scoffed, he said, “Wait, wait, I may be able to bring the price down. Do you need the Wi-fi option?” Uh, no. All that I want my water softener to do, is to do its job of bringing Florida’s ridiculously hard water (We’re talking chunks of brick. Our regular water here feels like some of the beach is being hosed into the house. On a positive note, it is good for exfoliation.) down to something I actually want to drink and to bathe my body in. I don’t even want to have to remember that my water softener exists, let alone communicate with it, on my phone. My husband would ideally like to chuck his cell phone all together, so no, we don’t need the Wi-fi option. Great, because that brought the price down by half.

A sweet young worker (the smart reader, see previous blog), working on renovations here this week, excitedly espoused about the washer and dryer that he and his girlfriend just bought. He grabbed his phone, told Siri to launch the washer app and showed me how he could turn his washer on, from his phone. Hmmmm, when I’m away from my home, it’s by design. I’m escaping my chores. I don’t want to think about my chores at home. That is why I leave my home, from time to time. Escape. Further, I’m not good at turning things on and off, on my phone. I have trouble getting my phone’s flashlight to turn off, when I accidentally turn it on, somehow. I can only imagine the fiasco of me not being able to get my washer to turn off remotely and having to race home from my “Escape from Home”, to deal with the situation manually, which is all that I want to do in the first place.

I never wanted to become an old curmudgeon. When I was younger, I told myself that I would always remain hip and up with the times. Ha! Those are the things you tell yourself, when you are young. I remember my grandfather exclaiming loudly that he would hang up on us, and hard, if he ever heard an answering machine on the other line. When garage door openers first came out, my parents called them the “epitome of lazy.” Of course my grandfather got an answering machine and who doesn’t have a garage door opener these days? So, probably within a few years my water softener and my washer/dryer will be on my phone’s Contacts list. We may even have a Home Appliance group chat with each other. Never say never.

Where Did I Come From?

I had to clean out a closet yesterday in preparation for more renovations. I was dreading it. It was one of those deep closets that I wasn’t sure what I was going to find beyond what had been stuffed up in front, holding the avalanche of rest of the stuff, at bay. It was actually like going through a time capsule of our family’s lives. I found a darling picture of my soon-to-be high school graduate riding his tyke-sized John Deere tractor around. (brought a tear to my eye) I found a collage of pictures made for us by friends when we had to move from our previous home, from our previous state, from our previous lives. (brought several tears to my eyes, mostly nostalgia for our friends and a different era, but also nostalgia for my younger face and body) I also found our paperback copy of “Where Did I Come From?” (this one just brought a chuckle to my heart)

“Where Did I Come From?” is a most user-friendly, easy-to-read, straight-forward, clinical, yet cartoon-ish book that explains “the birds and the bees” to your kids. It was published in 1973 and this book is how I got my knowledge about the “birds and the bees” from my mom. I couldn’t find a better way to go about “home-schooling” human sexuality, so I kept the family tradition up. Basically, all you have to do is hand the interesting, curious book to your kid, let them read it, ask a couple of probing questions to make sure that they have actually read the book and then ask them if they have any further questions. The only question one of my sons had after finishing the book was, “Ugh, is there any OTHER way?” Keep in mind that he was probably in the 4th or 5th grade.

My kids were always a couple of years older than most of my friends’ kids (we got an early start), so when the time became necessary, I lent the book out quite often. I think that this particular copy of “Where Did I Come From?” taught most of our play group, the neighborhood pool club kids, and even perhaps most of our local elementary school all about human reproduction (in an age appropriate manner, with parental supervision, of course). In retrospect, I should have had everyone sign it, on a specialized book plate, after they had read it. It would probably have made this copy even more valuable and interesting. I threw away a lot of clutter yesterday, but I couldn’t come around to tossing out this funny little book. It might come in handy to give to my kids, when they have kids who are starting to question certain things. Family traditions are precious and amusing and usually have good stories from whence they came.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!

So, I have been in a “funk” for the last few days. There isn’t any one particular reason for my funk, just a bunch of petty grievances, nostalgic feelings regarding my kids growing up, aggravations with the renovation process that we have going on in our house, letting myself be brought down by sad news stories and a busy schedule, etc. etc. Yesterday, my funk reached its crescendo point. At that point, I had let all of my molehills turn into mountains and I was feeling very lowly. Now two things have happened that have jarred me out of my funk and I can feel that my switch has been flipped (luckily, I don’t have clinical funk and my heart goes out to you who do have to deal with that very real pain). The first thing that happened to help me get back to my happy place, is that, while I was spiraling with what many people now call “first world problems”, my friend texted our group chat requesting prayers for a family who she works with. Let’s just say that this family has real problems, severe problems, life or death problems,” just getting by” problems, severely ill child problems, overwhelming problems. Let’s just say that my perspective changed really quickly. Of course, I let the perspective change then spiral me into a guilt funk, where another friend reminded me of my own words, “Just because someone is having a heart attack, doesn’t mean that your broken toe doesn’t hurt.” Still, I was letting my broken toe turn into a gangrenous, oozing wound that I wasn’t working on healing.

So the number one thing that helped me flip my switch was a perspective change that caused me to count my very many blessings. The second thing that helped me, is that I really don’t like feeling bad. It’s not my natural state. I started getting really sick of feeling down. So, I started looking for healthy ways to get “out of my head.” If you are a regular reader, you know that I love animals. So, as I was perusing the amazing Twitter site Nature’s Lovers (talk about a “healthy upper” – you MUST check this website out!), I saw a video of a full grown cheetah kneading on a full grown tiger. Both big cats seemed to be enjoying the process. I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t think that it was safe to house two different animal species in the same enclosure (particularly large predators), so I decided to do some research. The truth is, that animals in the wild rarely choose to live and bond with other wild animals species (although there have been isolated cases), but apparently in captivity this practice is much more common, particularly if the animals bonded when they were still babies. The most interesting case of this phenomenon is the “BLT” case in an animal sanctuary in Georgia, called Noah’s Ark. There, for many years, until the sad recent natural deaths of two members of the “BLT” crew, a full grown male lion, a full grown male tiger and a full grown male brown bear lived together, peacefully and happily, as brothers. In fact, when the sanctuary tried to separate them for fears that they would start fighting, they all cried incessantly for each other. You see, they were held captive in a drug dealer’s basement when they were young and they bonded fiercely to each other. When the police raided the drug den, they found the animals, malnourished, mistreated and ill, but they since blossomed after getting good care, and became a favorite attraction at the sanctuary. Right now, Baloo the Bear, is the only living member of BLT, but they say that he is thriving. (on an offside, if you were wondering like I did, the reason why Leo, the lion didn’t have a mane, is that he was neutered at a very young age) It’s feel-good stories like this, that I like to fill my head and my heart with, when my mind keeps trying to stay in a negative spin cycle.

Changing my perspective, remembering that my blessings far outweigh any of my grievances and looking for the good, miraculous stories out there (and there are A LOT of them), made my funk fade away.

“What consumes your mind, controls your life.” -Bryce Lewis

“I refuse to entertain negativity. Life is too big and too short to get caught up in empty drama.” – Bryce Lewis

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You Have to Zoom Out

Over the weekend, my eldest son purchased his first “adult car”. The experience is what any of us who have been to that rodeo a few times would expect. It was tedious, painful, long, boring, and on the shady side. My son didn’t get his fair, bottom line price until my husband insisted that they were leaving the dealership without buying a car. Even then, the haggling didn’t stop. The sales people desperately wanted my son to get his financing through the dealership, even though my son already had good, fair financing procured and he did not want to change it. My son prevailed, but the final paperwork took so long that he had to go back to the dealership the next day to finish signing papers. This was not a fly-by-night car dealer. This was a large dealership of a major American brand of cars. How sad! Had the managers of the dealership had good long-term vision, they would have seen an opportunity to make a successful young man, a brand loyalist for life, by making his first-time car buying experience fair, painless and easy. That chance was squandered over ridiculous, short-term, aggravating bargaining and by constantly trying to up-charge a vulnerable young consumer.

Also over the weekend, I was eavesdropping at my nail salon. (those of you who are my regular readers know that I do that – shame on me.) Anyway, one woman was telling another woman that after getting hassled over a $5 return at her local Walmart, she stopped going there for ten years. This was a woman who had five children. Walmart lost out on probably thousands of dollars of business over a $5 return. When I told this story to my husband, he reminded me that we have essentially done the same thing with Best Buy because they did not honor a computer warranty, on a stupid technicality. We have four kids. We have bought a lot of tech items since that incident many years ago, and not one of those expensive items was purchased from Best Buy.

It’s amazing that just like retailers, we can get stuck on the small stuff, losing sight of the bigger picture. We build small aggravations up to the point that they balloon out and block our vision of the bigger journey ahead. Perspective can so easily be lost and unfortunately, the cost is sometimes great. With everything that upsets me in life, I try to ask the question, “Is this a hill worth dying on?” Sometimes, the answer is yes, but at least it is a thought-out response with the long-term consequences being considered, and not a knee-jerk reaction that has soon passed, with costly ramifications that cannot be repaired.

“Life is about perspective and how you look at something… ultimately, you have to zoom out.” – Whitney Wolfe Herd