Author: admin

Rocking the Boat

“What others are doing around you seems very important when you have not found your own steadiness. You want to say to them, “Don’t rock my boat! If you rock my boat, I can’t be steady.” But the truth is you’re the only boat-rocker in your world. Only you can rock your boat.” – Esther Hicks

I read something recently that said when we are focusing our own energy outside of ourselves, it’s like our energy becomes a desperate scavenger, wildly looking for somewhere to land and to feel steady and full. Scavengers are always on the hunt, wildly searching for the next carcass to fill them up. It’s an exhausting way to live, trying to make everyone and everything else stay on their even keel, so that you can feel steady. It never works, but it doesn’t stop us from trying, does it?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I said to myself, “Once everything is perfect at home i.e. once all house projects are completed to my utmost satisfaction, once everyone I love has no health problems or job concerns or relationship worries, once we have just the right amount of money in savings, once all of our vacations/celebrations are planned and then said vacations/celebrations are executed happily and successfully with pictures to prove it, once my dogs are as well-behaved as that guy’s dogs in the neighborhood whose beautiful dogs act like an extension of him without even wearing leashes, once everyone accepts that the pandemic is under control and we no longer have to wear the stifling masks, etc. etc. etc. . . . In short once everything outside of myself is just plain “easy peasy” (but not too easy that I feel bored), then I can sit back and feel good.”

If I had a dollar for every time that I put conditions on my own happiness, at least my money security issues would never be a concern for the rest of my life. Why do we make it so hard to allow ourselves to feel good all of the time? Isn’t feeling good and peaceful and tranquil our birthright? Isn’t this pure steadiness what we really are, at our deepest cores? If our souls are the energy of Love and our souls are with us all of the time, why do we put blinders on to that fact? Why do we scavenge outside of ourselves for the very Love and Peace and Tranquility and Knowingness that is with us all of the time, if we just take the time to sit still enough, to fully realize and marinate in this fact? We give ourselves glimpse of our souls when we pray or when we meditate or when we savor the very moment we are in, without having to change anything about it. Why do we rob ourselves of living in this bliss, on a regular basis? Why do we spend so much of our time, sending out our energy to scour around in the past, or to scavenge desperately in the future? Why do we constantly rock the boat, when it is our natural state to keep it steady??

“Mindfulness isn’t difficult, we just need to remember to do it.” – Sharon Salzberg

“When you are here and now, sitting totally, not jumping ahead, the miracle has happened. To be in the moment, is the miracle.” – Osho

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward other land. There is no other land. There is no other life but this. ” – Henry David Thoreau

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Style

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(Think Smarter – Twitter)

Someday maybe I’ll meet the creator of Think Smarter. (the creator of the above meme and many other memes which I have shared on the blog) I wonder what one of the wisest people in the world looks like, and acts like? How old is the creator of Think Smarter? I bet I might be surprised.

I love fashion. I’ve gotten really lazy about it with the pandemic situation. Staying in all of the time and letting my weight creep up, has put a cramp in my style, quite literally. I read recently that the poet Emily Dickinson once went through a time where she felt a little lost from herself. “I’m out with lanterns, looking for myself!” she joked. I get what she means. I feel a little rusty and out of practice in many facets of my life, my personal style being one of these areas.

I’m not above wearing flashy designer stuff. I have a pair of Gucci rainboots which my wonderful husband bought for me, that I’ll wear until they have holes in the bottoms, and I am walking around in them, Barney Rubble style. Whenever it is a dismal rainy day, I cheer myself up by saying, “Well, good, it’s a Gucci rainboot day!”

Still, I also have a top that I got from the clearance rack at Target that I’ll keep forever and ever, or until it also ends up with holes in all the wrong places. I get more compliments on that top, than anything I have in my large (and very overstuffed) closet. I wear that top with confidence and panache, even though it is getting a little faded and worn!

I think that is the main thing about fashion. It’s not what you wear. It’s how you wear it. Having good style is not being afraid to try different combinations. Fashion is not being afraid to be looked at and studied. I love the story about Sharon Stone wearing a Gap t-shirt to the Academy Awards, and being considered one of the best dressed attendees of the evening. Fashion is just a way to be yourself, on the outside. Fashion is allowing the most interesting parts of yourself to dangle from your ears and to adorn your feet. Fashion says this is who I am, without having to say a word. You will be your most fashionable self, when you dress for yourself and for nobody else. When you feel good, you look good.

20 Fashion Quotes That Will Leave You Feeling Inspired and Confident

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Pedestal Prison

I’ve never been one for “hero worship.” Of course I admire many talented people, those whom I know, and those whom I don’t know, but I honestly think that it is unfair to put anyone on a pedestal. We are complicated creatures, us humans. We all have our strengths, and we all have our foibles. If you asked me who I most admire, I would probably pick some of my family members and friends, but that is most likely, because these are the people I know most intimately. Further, I choose my admirations in categories. Someone with an admirable knack for crafting, might not be the life of the party. I admire both traits. I am grateful that we have the quiet creators among the fun-loving spotlighters. I am grateful for the variety in everything (and everyone), which Life has allowed us to experience.

Recently, I was having a conversation with people who were talking about their heroes, and the people whom they admire the most. My mind started scrambling. I was looking for some solid, clever answer when it came to my turn, but that would have been so fake and contrived. Then I started worrying that maybe since I didn’t actually have one or two particular role models, that meant that I was a self-absorbed narcissist. Luckily, the subject got changed when before we got to my turn.

I am writing all of this, as a lead-up to the fact, that hearing about Bill and Melinda Gates getting divorced, really and completely, got to me yesterday. And these deep feelings truly surprised me. I don’t know Bill and Melinda, personally, of course. They did get married the same year that my husband and I got married. I know that no one would be able to disassemble twenty-seven years of creating a shared family and a shared life (not to mention a billions of dollars charitable foundation), without a great deal of contemplation, and a strong effort to keep it all together. I don’t judge the Gates. I was just more amazed about how sad and disillusioned that I felt about their announcement. Perhaps I did have the Gates on a pedestal, after all. Perhaps, I saw them as the epitome of the all the way around, grounded, healthy, amazing success story (which, I suppose, is my own personal, particular definition of success). Maybe I saw the Gates as “The Whole Package, plus a Bag of Chips”, instead of just two very talented, generous people doing their best, in this complicated world which we all navigate together. Things that make you go hmmmmm . . . . .

“A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.” – Gloria Steinem

“I think we do people a great disservice when putting them on a pedestal and not allowing them to be human.” – Linda Thompson

“The moment you put someone on a pedestal, they will look down upon you. The trick is respecting each other equally.” – Teresa Mummert

Don't put me on a pedestal, for I will surely fall. Just love me as I am, weaknesses, flaws, and all. | Words, Cool words, Beautiful quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning, soul mates. I hope that today finds you feeling centered and whole. I have been enjoying all sorts of fun experiences, with my entire family this weekend. Nothing makes me feel more centered than being with my family. Sundays, as my regular readers know, are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. Why do so many people groan when someone utters the word “poetry”? I think that is an interesting thing to ponder. There is no other form of writing that is more personal, more emotional, nor more poignant than poetry. And yet so many people turn away from it, under the guise of calling it “boring”. Is that really the case? Or is the “dissing” of poetry more of an overall avoidance of facing, and then really feeling, our deepest, most soulful feelings?

For most of this year I have used this tagline on my blog: Are passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain, and pass on love. How do you heal your pain? You face it. You acknowledge it. You let yourself feel it. Your pain will dissipate. Your pain just wants to be acknowledged. Your pain just wants to be understood and to be explored and most importantly, to be felt, so that it can be healed. Again, once pain is faced with compassion and empathy, once pain is physically and emotionally felt, it is spent. Once it is felt, your pain will dissipate. Your pain has just been serving as a dark cloud, over the light of your beautiful, light-filled core of love. Your pain has just served as clouds over the sunshine of your timeless soul. Shine the light on your pain. Ironically, we tend to hold on to our pain, by ignoring it, and by trying to pretend that it isn’t there. And that exhausting act of avoidance just makes our pain grow, like a dark, fierce, quickly growing storm cloud, in a desperate plea to be seen, and to be felt. Pain that is ignored and pain that is unacknowledged, cannot be healed, and cannot be released. Love is greater than pain. Love is. Love your pain away. Clear the clouds.

This is my poem for the day:

My Children In the Other Room

I revel in the sound of your voices,

All together humming, occasionally interrupted by laughter,

A calming cadence of familiar tones.

I don’t listen for the words,

I listen to the harmony of your hearts,

As you share casual conversation.

There is no sound that is more beautiful to me,

Than the blending of your voices,

Sounding the tones of our common love.

Together, your voices, sing the rhythm of my heart.

Quietly

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I’m not a quiet person. No one has ever really accused me of being quiet. No one in my family really is all that quiet. My family tends to do things big, and loud and in numbers. Interestingly, my sons have the tendency to get into serious relationships with ladies who are only children. My eldest son flew in with his girlfriend (an only child) last night. I kept watching her, wondering what she could possibly be thinking/feeling, while digging into a seafood boil with a cacophony of loud, cackling people, while going through piles of family pictures, and all of the while, three energetic dogs swirling all around her, throughout the night. If she hated it, she’s an excellent pretender. She’s lovely. My middle son has dated his girlfriend (also an only child) since high school. Recently I heard her describe our family like this, “They’re loud and there are a lot of them, but they are so much fun.”

Still, relatively speaking, I notice that I have grown quieter as I have aged. I do like to “hide in the corners” more, and just observe. I find myself wanting to really just soak it all in. Watching my family, never grows old. Marinating in what really matters in life, is the most alive I ever feel, even when I am being unusually quiet and still.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sweet Friday O’Mine

Hi friends! I am exhausted. This has been a big week in the life of our family, and we have a big weekend ahead of us. Still, I am feeling good. I am feeling a whole lot of pride, and also some comforting relief that everything came together without too many hitches. For my new readers, Fridays are devoted to favorites. On Fridays, aka “Favorite Things Friday“, I list three favorite things or songs or books or websites or apps, etc. that have really added to the surface-y, fun experience of my life. I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Here are my favorites for this week:

Trader Joe’s Chicken Shawarma Thighs – I mentioned that recently we had gone to a Trader Joe’s after a long hiatus. I found a little bit of heaven in this package of deliciously marinated chicken. The Chicken Shawarma thighs will become a new staple of mine as soon as all of the rumors really become true, and we actually get a Trader Joe’s built closer to us, in the supposedly near future. What does Shawarma taste like? It tastes like chicken. (because it is chicken) No really, it tastes like chicken on explosive, spice, taste steroids (and I mean that in a truly positive sense). Just yummy!

Vitamin Water Zero Sugar Ice Cool Blueberry Lavender – I LOVE vitamin water. It tricks me into drinking a lot of “water”. This particular flavor of Vitamin Water is supposed to give you a hint of “chill”. With iron, a bunch of Vitamin Bs, plus some l-theanine and chamomile, this water is supposed to help you to keep healthy and calm, and it only costs you 10 calories. While all of that nutrition, sure is great, I only learned these facts recently, when I finally read the bottle. I’ve been drinking Vitamin Water Zero Sugar Ice Cool Blueberry Lavender for a while, mostly because it is just so damn tasty and refreshing! Drink and chill out.

Guns N’ Roses – Sweet Child O’ Mine – This is a forever favorite jam of mine. My husband and I belted out this badass ballad yesterday, as we were driving home from a few days of driving all over our beautiful state of Florida. This is a great classic, and an energizing song to bring in any adventure filled weekend. If you haven’t heard it in a while, play it now. You will start head bangin’. And it will feel awesome! Bring back Hair Bands!!!!! Love you, my fellow Eighties kids!! Where do we go now????

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Funny Thing About Life

Life is funny. Life gets really interesting when you start to dig deep. Life is truly at its best, when you are willing to scratch beneath the surface and to truly experience it, at its most authentic, interesting fullness. Life gets really real, when you let yourself deep dive into your feelings. This past 24 hours I have gotten to know, and to love, people who I have known since I was a child, even better than ever. This past 24 hours, I have made new and fast and devoted friends with people whom I had once kept at a cautious and competitive distance. This past 24 hours I have grown an even more massive respect for my child’s coach, only because his pure humility never allowed him to share, with any of us, his true and poignant story of hope and triumph, until I pretentiously pried it out of him. This past 24 hours I have prepared myself (as much as I can) for the upcoming ceremony that says to me, and to the world, that another child of mine, is striding into his adult life, with me being relegated as a supportive and loving witness and cheerleader. In these past 24 hours, I let myself fall into a pure and open and intricate and trusting and total experience of staying in the present. It feels like I may have dropped another layer – a layer that I had once created with the thought that it was there to protect me, but instead was only working as a hazy muffler, to the purest sounds and vibrations of a life lived fully, and intensely connected to the moment. This last 24 hours was so amazingly good, even though everything didn’t always adhere to my “shoulds” and to my hopeful expectations and to my plans. Life is funny. Life gets really interesting when you just let it happen. Life is good. Life knows the way.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.”
― A.A. Milne

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Go Mom!

I am writing this on the pre-night of a serious competitive sporting event for my only daughter. I have a love/hate relationship with these kinds of events. Why do I have this twisted relationship with my kids’ sporting events, you ask? First of all, I personally stink at all activities that require any kind of coordination, so I have so much pride in having remarkably athletic children (that’s the love part), and secondly, I detest the person whom I become at these venues (that’s the hate part). “Sports Mom” is not a good look on me. And I detest all of the other parents at these affairs, because their behavior amplified, makes me reflect on the worst part of my own self. “Sports Mom Multiplied” is not a good look on any of us. The kids, on the other hand, are great. They are fun. They roll with the “ups and downs”, and they just enjoy the actions of doing their sport. However, usually, the rest of us “adults” decide that these events are for us to showcase our worst possible demons and traits, and to make the deeply flawed mistake of trying to live vicariously through our children. Today, I will do my best to “cheer quietly from my heart”, as my daughter, directly and enthusiastically requested from me. Today, I will try to keep things in perspective, and I will try to keep my ego in check. This will be a much more challenging task, than trying to physically win a States championship, or anything like that. I hope to prevail. My daughter hopes that I prevail, too. She’s rooting for me.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Drag Queens

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

My family has a lot going on this week, and all of it is colored with intensity, and excitement, and a whirling mix of emotion and nostalgia, and also with a smidge of worry and concern. I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed. So, what I do on times like these? I lean on my friends to indulge my idiosyncrasies. I lean on my friends. My friends know me and they get me. Last night, right at dinner time, I texted some of my closest friends this meme:

“Your Drag Queen name is your Grandmother’s first name and the last dessert/sweet you ate. Go.”

Answers:

Dorothy Cookie. Marietta Glazed Popcorn. Mariam Coconut Macadamia Cookie. Lessie Krispie Treat. Florence Jellybean. Mary Kisses. (suddenly interspersed with, “Honey, are you okay?”) Brigitte Pistachio Frozen Yogurt. (“Honey, when’s the graduation?”) Ethel Brownie. Mildred Milkyway. (“Wow friend, this is way too much at once.’) Cecilia Carrot Cake. Anna Rainbow Cookie. (“Good luck, friend, enjoy. One day at a time.”) Martha Strawberry Cake. (“Hang in there, girl.”) Jessie Chocolate Chips. Nina Fruit Snacks. Sarah Super Sour Scandinavian Swimmers. (“Best wishes, friend, I know that you will handle it all with grace.”) Geraldine Cheesecake.

I love my friends. When I try to play everything off as easy, and funny, and silly, because I am always trying to prove that I am just so damn “upbeat, clever and chill”, my friends play along, and yet at the same time, they hold me, and they love me, and they know me, and they hug me from afar. And they are with me. And then, I suddenly know that everything is going to be okay, mostly because I’ve got all of my girls in my back pocket. I know that the next time a “crisis” comes along, and I end up adeptly choosing to handle the situation, by astutely asking my dearest friends some off-the-wall, stupid, meaningless questions, they will answer me, as if it is a major priority in their lives. And they will laugh at my responses. And I will laugh at, and I will appreciate their responses. And all at the same time, my friends will shroud me in their love. And they will comfort me, and they will make me feel like I can handle anything. Treasure your truest friends, ladies, because they are your treasure. They’ll get you through it all, like no others can. I love you, my friends. You know who you are. Thank you for indulging me. Thank you for making me feel important enough to answer my “drag queen name request” at the most inconvenient of times, and at the same time, being so intuitively able to read between the lines. That’s love, my friends, and I feel it.

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