admin, Author at Adulting: Second- Half

Be Betty

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy New Year! May this year bring out the very best in all of us. May this year surprise us with its gifts, its peace, its opportunities, its blessings, and its hope. May this year be one of the loveliest years that any of us have ever lived, or dreamed of living.

Like so many people, I was a little bit soul-crushed to hear that Betty White had died yesterday, just shy of her 100th birthday. My son told me this news, and I thought that perhaps he was just confused. I kept asking him, “Are you sure?” Many times, during the last few years, I noticed Betty White would trend on social media and then everyone would panic, online, only to see that it was just another sweet, kind, funny story about Betty’s antics that was trending online. But sadly, this time, it was true. Betty had passed on. I read that Betty was taught as a child, not to fear death. She was told that death is just a secret that we all get let in on, at one point. That’s why so many people honoring her have written, “Betty, now you know the secret.”

Last night, I got a little binge-y, reading all of the comments honoring and making tribute to the wonderful, warm woman Betty White was in our world. She served in World War II, she stood up for black performers and gay performers, and she was a crusader for animals and animal rights. Betty White wasn’t just a timeless, hilarious comedian adored by every generation. She was so much more than just a Golden Girl. By all accounts, she was a total delight. She was the epitome of “golden.”

Paula Poundstone said, “You know what’s really great? We told Betty White that we loved her while she was still alive.” Isn’t that the truth? Betty never showed anything but love and gratitude for being able to spend her entire life doing that what she loved to do – entertain and make people laugh, and the world loved her back for it. She had a love affair with life that was lavish and on display and it all came back to her in multiples. There is no way that Betty White would have ever questioned if she was loved, appreciated, admired and respected. And she earned all of this with her delightful persona, sparkly eyes, total humble gratitude, and excitement for what comes next.

Last night, being stuck at home, getting over my COVID, I did a lot of reflecting about what my hopes are for the new year, and for this next chapter in my life. This is the year that I officially become a true empty nester, when our youngest child, our daughter, leaves for college. I stopped doing new year resolutions a long time ago. That got to be too deflating and demoralizing. I now try to think more along the lines of “What are my intentions for the new year?” Last night, I thought to myself, “Keep it simple this year. Why not try to live like Betty White lived? Love life. Love people. Love animals. Love what you do. Laugh. Be excited and expectant about what comes next.” I liked how Spike Cohen put it, and I would like this to be said about me some day:

“If you die at 99 and people say you’re gone too soon, you’ve lived your life right.”

COVID is Not a Favorite

Happy New Year Memes 2022 - Celebrating The End Of 2021

I’m not going to lie. This COVID illness has hit me harder than I ever expected it to affect me. I am 51. I am not obese. I do not have any underlying health concerns, and I have had a double dose of the Pfizer vaccine. I’m ashamed to admit that I did not get the booster shot. I have a bad cough, a bad headache, the sweats, aches and pains and overall fatigue. This first-hand experience has given me a newfound respect for the coronavirus. Be safe and careful, friends. This is not fun stuff. It’s going to be a very quiet New Year’s Eve for me. I’ll be popping open a bottle of the Nyquil. Party time. Ha!

Fridays are all about my favorites. I typically list three favorite products, websites, TV shows, books, movies, etc. and I strongly encourage you to share your favorites with me. Many of us now have Christmas money and gift cards to play with. What should we spend these on? Here are my favorites for today:

Burning Bowl Ceremony – If you are a going to end up with a quiet, at-home New Year’s Eve, like I am this year, perform a Burning Bowl Ceremony. I LOVE this tradition. My family and I have done this many years, even during the years when I have not been sick. A good explanation of this intuitive, purposeful ceremony can be found here (but feel free to add your own “rules” and versions and touches, to make it an intimate experience for you):

Start the New Year Fresh with a Burning Bowl Ceremony!

Jane Davenport Art Supplies – This website is deliciously beautiful. If you love art supplies, this is a one-stop shop. Even if you don’t consider yourself to be “artsy”, you will love perusing Jane’s beautiful website, full of color and whimsy and beauty. Go here and enjoy, and make a purchase from Jane’s self-proclaimed hoard of supplies: https://janedavenport.com/art-supplies/

Owen Barry products – Although I live in the southern United States, and I have for most of my adult life, a part of my heart will always belong to my northern roots. I miss wearing winter clothes regularly. I have shared this Owen Barry website before on the blog. Owen Barry is a manufacturer of luxurious, well-made, leather products from Britain, but they have expanded their offerings and their website is better than ever. For cold days, you must own something from Owen Barry. You will have purchased a top quality “forever item.” Here is their website: https://www.owenbarry.com/us

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

See you all in the new year, my friends! May 2022 be just the delightful, hopeful respite which we are all in need of, in these otherwise strange and stressful times!!

And Another One Down

“so much happened this year it feels like i lived 3 years in one.” -@thedeepestmsgs, Twitter

It appears that I am going to end this eventful year with a bang. I just tested positive for COVID. I can’t believe that I made it this far without ever catching it. (in all fairness, I was too lazy to get the booster shot) I feel pretty lousy, like I have the flu. I haven’t been really sick in so long that I forgot what it feels like. (It feels crumby.) I know that I am going to be okay. I’m a generally healthy person. I am more annoyed than anything, although I am so grateful that my family and I made it through the holidays healthy, and together. Dayquil is my new best friend.

I hope that you all are staying well. 2022 had better have better plans in store for us, than the last two doozies. I have a sneaking suspicion that it is going to be a much better year for all of us. (knocking on wood with every appendage which I have on my body)

I need to go back to bed. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fierce Loyalty

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Wise Connector on Twitter today asked his followers to answer this “question”:

Name ONE brand you are loyal to.

It was interesting to read the responses because many answers were international, so I wasn’t familiar with some of the items listed. Many people listed particular car makers, Apple was listed a few times, there were some Coke votes, and also some Pepsi votes and many people listed their favorite toothpastes (albeit, all different brands). I did a quick inventory of my own go-to brand loyalty items and here are a few items that came to the top of my head right away:

Ford trucks, Ponds cold cream, Jif peanut butter, Advil ibuprofen (I believe that the brand is better than the generic is this case), SmartMouth mouthwash, Sensodyne toothpaste (preferably the British version that has Novamin – you can by this in bulk on Amazon), Illy coffee, Viva cloth-like paper towels, Mid’s tomato sauce, Heinz ketchup, Wet-n-Wild black liquid eyeliner, Discover credit cards, Chase bank

I am sure that there are a handful of other items that I am brand loyal to, but these items, which I listed above, are items in which I am extraordinarily particular about the brand. Bonanza-like sales and discounts could not veer me off course from these distinct brands. (and I’m a girl who likes a bargain) This little exercise got me to thinking about why we become loyal to particular brands. Most items that we like best, have a distinction about them, that is hard to duplicate. Sometimes this distinction is so subtle that it is even hard to define. But this distinction becomes our preference, which translates into our loyalty. Interestingly, our loyalty is not always created because we find the product superior. Sometimes we feel an affinity for the company and its principles. One follower of the Wise Connector mentioned that he will always be loyal to Nordstrom department stores because when he was young, and he only had $17 to spend for a dress shirt for an interview, the clerks at Nordstrom, nevertheless, treated him like he was a king. I, myself, feel fondly about Ford, because the Ford trucks which we have purchased throughout the years, in order to carry our large brood all over the place, have always been reliable, comfortable, solid, safe, roomy and relatively inexpensive to repair. In times when our family funds were low, we could always rely on our Ford Expeditions to get us to where we needed to go. We have a lot of beautiful family memories, driving these trucks to sporting events and to vacations and to colleges and to visits to our family and friends. My husband and I now can afford the luxury vehicles which we currently drive, and we certainly enjoy them, but just like now, we will probably always have a random Ford truck sitting in our driveway, reminding us of our roots, and the reliability of a solid American ingenuity that was a huge factor, in raising our family. Along these lines, Heinz ketchup is special to me because I grew up in Pittsburgh, PA. The Heinz pickle factory sign is iconic there. I do believe that Heinz ketchup tastes better than any other ketchup there is, but I am not sure if this is because I was raised with the affinity for the actual product, or because of my fondness of what Heinz means to my hometown. It’s probably a mix of both reasons, but regardless I am totally loyal to Heinz ketchup only.

What products are you loyal to in your life? Why? I wonder if this train of thought can be expanded to all sorts of loyalties. It is interesting to become conscious of our loyalties to the different people, places and things in our lives. Why are we so fiercely loyal to these particulars? Do these people, places and things deserve our loyalty? Are we loyal to ourselves?

Also, there are certain brands which we swear off for the rest our lives, in an opposite sense of loyalty, due to a negative experience with the brand. My husband will never again purchase anything from Best Buy, due to the way that they treated us unfairly, by not honoring a warranty on a computer. This isn’t exactly disloyalty, but more a loyalty to our own self-worth and to our own higher principles.

How special it is to have qualities that make others feel loyal to you. There are so many different people, and places and things in the world. The choices are endless. How truly special it is, to have a loyal following, a loyal lover, a loyal friend, a loyal pet, a loyal God. Loyalty is often earned. How wonderful that you have earned some loyalty in your life! This loyalty to you says that you have something special, that the others just don’t have. This loyalty to you, says that you have some beautiful distinctions that set you apart, and make you amazing and intrinsically different and interesting from the rest. This loyalty to you says that you have made people feel good about being with you. You have made a difference in their lives. This loyalty to you says that those who are loyal to you, want you in their lives for always. You fill something in them, that no one else can. Treasure this loyalty. It’s more rare than we think. It’s precious.

On that note, I have had loyal readers since I started this blog over three years ago. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your loyalty. It does not got unnoticed. I appreciate you, and I intend to continue to earn your loyalty with my steadfastness, reliability and authenticity and love.

Ubuntu

RIP – Desmond Tutu

I started looking up Desmond Tutu quotes this morning, and I was in awe. I was quickly reminded why Desmond Tutu is revered as he is, all over the world.

“Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes.”
― Desmond Tutu

As much as I love to write, it diminishes any experience. So does a picture. Stories and photographs limit the reality of the actual experience. Stories and pictures serve as perspectives and reminders of the feelings and the awe and the rush and the emotions and the sensations of any particular experience, but they are not the experience itself. I could write a story about an experience that we both had, and you could write a story about that exact same experience, and whoever was reading our words could easily think they were two entirely different experiences. (because, in a sense, they were – my experience is unique to me; your experience is unique to you) It is the same with paintings and photographs. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in “capturing the essence” of anything, that we miss out on the true, in-the-moment experience. Our language creates the stories that we tell ourselves about our lives, and these stories become our reality. As Desmond Tutu said, “Language is very powerful.” We must choose our language and our perspectives very carefully, because they are, in fact, our reality that we are creating for ourselves.

“My father always used to say, “Don’t raise your voice. Improve your argument.” Good sense does not always lie with the loudest shouters, nor can we say that a large, unruly crowd is always the best arbiter of what is right.”_ Desmond Tutu

It’s true, right? We tend to get loud when we are emotional and out of control. We tend to get loud when we are trying to overpower people, in order to get our own way. We can’t listen when we get loud. We can’t hear others, and we can’t hear ourselves think. When we get loud, the focus is removed from what we are saying, and more on our out-of-control behavior. Respect is diminished all of the way around.

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”
― Desmond Tutu

It’s hard to stand up to injustice, isn’t it? As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” It takes a great deal of strength and courage to leave our own comfort zones, to help others out of the abyss of their oppressive situations. I am proud of moments in my life, in which I stood up for myself and for others, but if I am honest with myself, those moments are much more rare than the moments that I stayed silent and detached and scared and secretly relieved that it wasn’t me being tormented. Most of us agree that bullies are bad, but how many of us have stood up to bullies, for ourselves and for others? We aren’t the actual bullies, so we’re in the clear, right? We should look at ourselves in our mirrors and ask ourselves that question. Cringe.

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”
― Desmond Tutu

What a lovely, lovely man the world has lost. Let’s work on doing a little bit of good where we are, in honor of Desmond Tutu’s amazing life.

“Ubuntu […] speaks of the very essence of being human. [We] say […] “Hey, so-and-so has ubuntu.” Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, “My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours.” We belong in a bundle of life. We say, “A person is a person through other persons.”

[…] A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed, or treated as if they were less than who they are.”
― Desmond Tutu, No Future Without Forgiveness

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning. I woke up this morning to all of the evidence that all six of us are here at the house, fully living life, and the celebration of the holidays has been a hearty one. My skin feels a little crawly. No one would ever come close to accusing me of being a “neat freak”, but that internal switch in me, has been flipped, the switch that cries out, “Austere could be nice. Austere sounds like a strangely appealing aesthetic just about now. ” How do I we go from “Colossal Chaotic Christmas is Over Mayhem” to “Modern Minimalism” without much time, effort, coaxing or yelling? Maybe some year I’ll figure out how to just twitch my nose, and everything will magically go back to some semblance of order. In the meantime, my household is going at this, at a snail’s pace:

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good morning! We have made it through another round of “the holiday season.” Whether it was wonderful, or it was weathered, or it was something in between, it is done. Fini. On to our hopes and to our dreams for the upcoming year!

Sundays on the blog are devoted to poetry. I consider Sundays to be a poetry workshop of sorts. I get up the nerve to write a poem (most of the time) and I bravely and vulnerably share it on my blog, and I strongly encourage you to do the same. My husband and one of my friends both purchased adult coloring books for me this Christmas, and I was fascinated at just how relaxing coloring really is for the soul. Writing poetry is much the same. Try it, you’ll like it. Here is my poem for the day:

“Blueprints”

my favorite relationships were never on purpose

my favorite relationships were never rigidly defined

by a stiff tome of archaic rules and regs and decrees

my favorite relationships can best be described as random,

they are as organic as scattered seeds, tossed in the wind

who happened to find themselves in the same bed of gravel

and they grow together, miraculously, mutually transfixed,

marveling in each other’s resiliency and vibrancy and growth

and reflectively thrilled to be part of a vivid flower garden

that was never purposefully preconceived and planned

but nonetheless, in itself, ends up vitally existing,

wildly and supernaturally, breathtakingly beautiful,

as only Nature knows how to create.

Therein lies the unerring, intuitive truth:

There are no blueprints greater than the Divine’s.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!! I am sneaking on here to wish my beloved readers all of the best that the day has to offer. That’s the beauty of having older children. The festivities start well after sunrise, when the kids grow up. Although those of you with young grandchildren may be having a different experience right now. You’re sleepy and smiley and lucky and giddy right now, aren’t you?!!

Whatever feelings arise today, just feel ’em and then free ’em. Today can be a complicated day. There are no “shoulds”. Just try to savor the gift of a lifetime that you’re always unwrapping, every single day – the gift of experiencing a lifetime on Earth. It’s an interesting ride, isn’t it?

I appreciate you all. Your audience is what makes this a blog and not just another one of my personal journals, lying around, cluttering things up. You’re a vital part of Adulting – Second Half. I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The 100 Best Christmas Memes For Friends And Family – Yellow Blogtopus

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Christmas Eve Friday

Good morning. Merry Christmas Eve!! Welcome to Favorite Things Friday. I have shared my favorite rendition of one of my favorite Christmas songs above. I have shared this song before on the blog, but I haven’t found anyone who can trump Martina McBride’s version of it. (kind of like how nobody can top Whitney Houston’s version of our national anthem) Listen to it all of the way to the end when she holds the notes into eternity. Goosebumps. Magnificent!

If you want other fun takes on the Christmas classics, I recommend looking up the band, Boney M. They do a great job with “Little Drummer Boy” but this song below “Mary’s Boy Child”, has always been one of my all-time favorites. It’s one of the happiest, upbeat Christmas songs ever sung. “There’s hope for all to find peace!” It’ll get your juices flowing:

Today, I have just one other kind of random favorite to share. Here it is:

Clare V “Ciao” earrings and pendant – I was wearing this pendant the other day and my husband asked me, “What does that mean?” He knows that “Ciao” usually means “good-bye” in Italian. I think that he was concerned that I was sending hidden, subliminal messages in the form of jewelry. Ha! The reason I bought these items is because I have always wanted to be Italian, or to have some other more fanciful and exotic background, other than my mostly staid English DNA. I would say, “Ciao!” or “Grazia!” to my kids all of the time and they would say, “Mom, we’re not Italian.” I bought this nice quality, fun, faux jewelry because it reminds me of these silly, fun times in my life and that fun, silly, off-the-cuff version of myself. “Ciao” can actually mean “hello” or “good-bye” in Italian. I think that I will use this jewelry as a reminder that I am in control of the “hellos” and the “good-byes” in my life. I can say “hello” to love and joy and peace and fun and creativity and I can say “good-bye” to bad habits, toxic people and difficult situations. Ciao!

How are you doing today, my friends? My hope, for all of us, is that during the last minute whirl of activity, hoopla, tumult, excess, distraction and chaos that can come with the holidays, we can find the peace. We can find the calm. We can find the love. We can find the uninterrupted, eternal stillness. We can find the quiet, deep, unquestioned knowing that despite what we fear, the truth is “All is well.” That’s the real point of the day, isn’t it? All is well. “All is well.” A precious little baby came to Earth to remind us of that fact. And it changed the world.

I’ll finish with this wonderful compilation that my husband and I will be listening to as we do some last minute wrapping. It’s a good one:

Merry Christmas Eve! I love and I appreciate all of you! You are gifts to me with your precious time and your attention.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

For the Love of Dogs

I messed around with this picture that my husband sent to the family chat this morning, as best that I could. I am always cognizant of protecting my family’s privacy. My family and my friends are kind and loving enough to indulge my need/inclination/passion/desire to write about our family and my friends and our experiences, on a public forum. My form and style of writing is called “confessional writing.” As a private person myself (believe it or not), I don’t take their kindness and gratuitousness for granted.

The above picture is one of our dogs, Ralphie, giving some morning love to our eldest son. Our eldest is a professional who lives in a different state. Our son was already in college when when we got Ralphie, as a puppy. Our son has lived on his own for many years now. And yet Ralphie unabashedly adores our son. Ralphie has this lavish, overflowing way of showing our son how excited our entire family is to have him home for the holidays, with his constant exuberant outpouring of adoration. Ralphie honestly cherishes all of us, and no one could ever question that fact. My friend recently brought up the old proverb, “Actions speak louder than words.” My other friend made the point that this can be read in a positive sense, too. You can show people how much you love them without ever saying it. Ralphie doesn’t have words, but his actions speak volumes. So many of us love dogs, because dogs have absolutely no shame about their love and loyalty. They don’t judge us. They don’t ask us to change. They don’t shame us. Dogs just love, like no other being on this earth. Dogs love. As they say, “Dog is God spelled backwards.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.