Tag: witch jokes

Monday-Funday (Wicked, Part 3)

Hilda: Zelda, I have told you time and time again to stay away from those Boos Cruises. They dish out some potent potions.

Zelda (muffled): Silly Hildy, I’m just playing “hide and ghost seek.” Cackle Cackle Cackle

Hilda:

Zelda (muffled): Hildy, one more, one more, “What do you call a witch who is pretty and friendly??”

Hilda: A failure.

Zelda: How did you know that one?

Hilda: (flatly) A lucky guess. Zelda, I have a confession. I accidentally sat on your pet owl.

Zelda: Oh, Screech will be alright. We just need to puff up his feathers. Hildy, that reminds me of another joke. What you get if you cross an owl with a witch??

Zelda: A bird that doesn’t give a hoot!!! Cackle Cackle Cackle

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wicked, the Following Year

Hilda: Well, here we are again. Two snowbirds in Florida, baking in the sun. I see you joined me in gaining some pandemic pounds, Zelda.

Zelda: Oh Hildy, focus on the positive. Our spray tans are divine!

Hilda: Well, I’m thinking of getting a little work done, ya know? A little carving out, here and there.

Zelda: Oh Hilda, you are hauntingly lovely, just the way you are . . . by the way, did I tell you I got a Zoomsla, ya know, an electric broom. In ten Halloweens, we are all going to be flying electric. And all of my new potions are gluten and cruelty free.

Hilda: Cruelty free?!? What’s the fun in being a witch, then?!?

Zelda: Hilda, what do you call witches, like us, who live at the beach?

Hilda: Groan.

Zelda: Sand-witches! (Cackle! Cackle! Cackle!)

Hilda: Zelda, don’t make me fly off the handle with your stupid jokes. You drive me batty!

Zelda: Honestly, Hilda, I wouldn’t know the difference. You have the same expression all of the time: Resting Witch Face.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wicked

Hilda: Well, here we go again. Another year of sitting out here, baking in the Florida sun, turning into pumpkin pies, as a lame attempt for some Halloween cheer.

Zelda: Oh come on Hilda, let’s have some fun with this. Did you see that new guy, the huge skeleton across the street? That guy has got it going on, girl.

Hilda: Yeah, he’s a little skinny for my tastes. And his eyes make me think that he might be on something. Just saying.

Zelda: Oh Hilda! Don’t always assume the worst in Halloween decorations. It’s all in fun.

Hilda: Halloween’s passé this year. Masks have become common and outworn.

Zelda: I have a joke, Hildy, to cheer you up. Ready, ready?? What’s the problem with twin witches???

Hilda:

Zelda: You never know witch is which!!!! One more!! One more!! What do you call two witches who live together???

Hilda: Just get it over with.

Zelda: Broom-mates!!!

Monday is Fun Day!! Have a good one, my beloveds!!