+ A wise friend recently gave me this tip when it comes to intrusive rumination. She said, “Envision a box or a file in your brain. When the same old worry thought shows up to be “solved” (Ha!) and ruminated on, tell yourself this, ‘I will put this thought in the box and I’ll take this thought back out, only when it serves me’. You will find that you will never need that particular thought again, ever.” (spoiler alert- these types of thoughts never serve you in a good way) I know that this trick sounds silly, but I’ve tried it, and it works. There’s apparently a science to it. First, this tip makes you notice and stop the thought train in its tracks, and second, it tricks the brain into believing that it is still “taking care of things” by keeping the thought “filed” for future use.
+ “We don’t need to save other people. We need to save ourselves from the belief that we need to save other people.” – Cheri Huber I think a lot of women, particularly us mothers, may have a tinge of “savior complex.” I know that I do. It comes from a good place and a noble motivation. Everything I’ve struggled with, I want to “save” the others whom I love, from the work and the angst and the fear and the heartbreak and the frustration and the shame and the doubts, that came from my ordeals. But if I’m honest with myself, some of my favorite traits of myself – resilience, authenticity, creativity, faithfulness, empathy, optimism, foresightedness, etc. were the outcomes of going through some of the toughest situations which I have ever endured. Fire forges steel. Why would I want to rob anyone whom I care about, the chance to meet their absolute best selves? Why would I want to make anyone I care about feel like they weren’t capable and best suited for taking care of themselves and creating their own unique lives, exactly as they see fit? Isn’t it a tad presumptuous and controlling to believe that anyone needs saving, and I am the one (wearing the cape) to do it? Isn’t the project of “me” enough for one lifetime?
+ “We won’t be distracted by comparison, if we’re captivated with purpose.” – Bob Goff
“Avarice never wrote a good novel; hate did not paint The Birth of Venus; nor did envy reveal to us that the squares of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two sides. Every creation of humankind’s mind that has stood the buffering of time was born of love – love of something or someone.” – Harper Lee
For most of my adult life, I have felt really purposeful about co-creating a healthy marriage and successfully raising a large family. There were trajectories in my husband’s and my heritages that we wanted to keep, and also ones that we desperately wanted to change. My purpose of creating and growing my family to adulthood was born of love – the greatest love that I have ever felt in my life. My love will always be a bedrock for my family, but now that my children are grown, I can focus more on other personal purposes in my life. When I write, I am captivated with purpose. This blog was born of love and it remains full of love. I love the action of writing. I love you, my readers, for validating the blog and it’s existence and the existence of my creations, just by being here and reading and witnessing. The “thought trick” that I wrote about in my first bullet point, is a really good tool to use, to make sure you are staying on the track of living out your life’s purposes. Purpose feels good and natural. It feels captivating and sometimes even feels time-stopping. Purpose is born out of love. Anything else that comes up that isn’t a compliment to your sense of purpose, needs to be put in the proverbial “box/file”. These negative thoughts and the painful emotions that inevitably come with these thoughts are not part of your purpose. The things/thoughts which you deep down know need to be put into that box (distraction, comparison, rumination, avarice, hate, envy) – these things DO NOT SERVE. These things are not born of love, they are not part of your purpose and therefore, they will not survive the buffering of time. Love is eternal. Love is. All else passes away.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.