I read a really good tip offered up by the author and psychologist, Ramani Durvasula. She said that when she was in graduate school for psychology, they learned a really good tip for figuring out how to decide your own discernment about people, places and things. Say you meet a new person, or you visit a new store or restaurant, or you try a new product, and something less than savory happens. (nothing over-the top, or clearly dangerous or toxic – when this occurs, these things should be considered to be “one and done”) The first time this unpleasant experience occurs you can consider this experience to possibly be just a “blip.” Everyone has their bad days. The second time you experience this same type of occurence, it could be a “coincidence” but your ears should be perked. Your spidey senses should be tingling. The third time you experience this same type of frustration with the same person, place or thing, you are witnessing a “pattern” , and this pattern should become your expectation of this person, place or thing, going forward. You can then decide whether you really want this pattern to be part of your own experience and what kind of boundaries you can put around this pattern. In short, the first mishap is a blip, the second same mishap could be a coincidence, and finally, the third mishap is a PATTERN. This discernment tip gives you one extra bonus chance from the often stated, Randall Terry quote: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
711. How impulsive are you and what are you most impulsive with?
Today is a full moon lunar eclipse. It’s considered a great moment to let go of all things that no longer serve you. Letting go is a deeply personal thing. It doesn’t have to be a big dramatic announcement. Letting go is essentially allowing outworn thought processes and perspectives and delusions and bad habits, to burn in the fire, so that there is room for healthier ways of being to stealthily grow.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1264. Do you need to write things down to remember them?
****Happy Birthday, A! I love you with all of my heart. I’m so proud of you. <3 (No more teenagers in the house.)
When you have children, you want to pour everything that you have into them – your love, your time, your presence, your resources, your hopes, your wisdom, your strength, your intuition . . . . .You want to keep the hardy stream, flowing from the umbilical cord, even though it has long been cut. And then sometimes you get glimpses that your children have incorporated everything that you had to give them into their own selves and yet also they have aspects of themselves that you just can’t help but marvel at, and you know that these added gifts come from a Source so much greater than just you. And then you feel so instantly proud, secure, grateful, and full of awe and amazement. You know that your own cord is just one of the cords that has been, and will forever be, the channel of goodness to your precious children, and your only prayer is that they accept all of the love – all of it, especially the Love which is unfathomably, even greater than your own.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! Happy “Chasing the Sunshine Springtime!!” On Fridays, I don’t discuss anything particularly insightful. On Fridays, I look to the material things which makes life interesting and delightful. On Fridays, I give myself a break from Myself. (does that even make sense?)
The best compliment that I can give to my three sons is that they make me wish that I had a brother, in a big way. Our three sons are really good brothers to our only daughter and I appreciate this so much. Her brothers and her father, have made my daughter love and respect men, and yet also expect a lot from the men in her life. (Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.) I bring this up today, on Favorite Things Friday because today’s favorite comes from a birthday present that one of my sons got for his sister for her upcoming birthday. Apparently this stuff is all of the rage, mostly because it smells so good! (and I love me a good scent for sure! The sense of smell might be my favorite of all of our senses.) Sol de Janeiro products supposedly smell like heaven. I, of course, decided that I needed to order some fragrance mists for myself from this line, to match the birthday girl. My daughter recommended number 62 and number 68 for starters. There is nothing like a smell that reminds you of your favorite beach vacation.
Have a wonderful weekend, friends!!
“Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived.” – Helen Keller.
“Perfume is a story in odor, sometimes poetry in memory.” – Jean-Claude Ellena
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
+ The world’s annual happiness reports came out recently and for the first time the United States did not make the top 20. The nordic countries always seem to be at the top of the list. I’ve only been to one nordic country, and it was Iceland. Iceland is easily the most peaceful place that I have ever been in my lifetime. I kept commenting on it, during our time there. It was so quiet, serene, and beautiful. I felt so safe and at ease while I was there. Maybe our country is too addicted to drama. I don’t know. I just hope, as a whole, we can start clearing the path to the things which really universally matter to the majority of all beings.
+ I spent some time this morning looking at what Elon Musk’s Neuralink was able to do for a quadriplegic man in just its preliminary stages. And I just saw a headline about a pig kidney transplant being successful in a patient for the first time. I really do believe that we are on the cusp of a whole new world, in so many ways. I have that feeling in my stomach that you get before a big move or a big trip or a big life change. It’s a mix of nervous energy, excitement, fear, wonder, hope and anxiety all swirling together. I don’t like to hold this feeling for long periods of time. It’s not sustainable. So then that’s when the sweet remedy of curiosity and surrender turns out to be the best balm to soothe any overstimulation and worry.
+ I read an article that spoke of one of the major factors to Taylor Swift’s success is the fact that she always over-delivers. She doesn’t sit on her laurels. Her fans always believe that they get their money’s worth from her and she has shown them that they are absolutely worth her highest effort in everything that she does. There is no better feeling than being happily surprised with an item purchased, an enthralling experience that beats your expectations, and/or feeling completely valued and appreciated for your time, attention and money. It all comes down to trying never to take anything or anybody for granted.
+ Yesterday, I was doing one of my least favorite jobs, cleaning up dog do. I was lost in thought, going through the motions (while holding my breath), when something inside of me said, “Hey, stop, sit awhile and just be.” And so I sat by the small lake in our backyard for about five or ten minutes, and in that little amount of time, I got the realization of just how much life buzzes, in one small moment, in one small place, at any one time. In that moment, with my bare feet in the soft, luxurious grass, I witnessed all sizes of fishes swimming near the shore, two hawks doing some kind of aerial show in the air, a turtle blowing bubbles in the water, new spring blooms on my irises, the sound of an owl hooting in the woods, and an anole thrusting out his bright red bulbous throat as dragonflies whizzed by. And all of this happened as the warm sun tickled all of us, and a light breeze sustained us and lifted the mood. Life teems. Life is incredible.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
Friends, this time of year always gets a little bit difficult for me. On the late evening of Easter in 2016, I made one of the most difficult decisions that I have ever made in my entire lifetime. I don’t have regrets about the decision. It was the right decision to make, but even good decisions can be really, really hard, especially if they are related to choosing between the lesser of two unpleasant choices. I’ve grown a lot since then. I’ve healed a lot since then. But really painful choices and happenings, tend to remain delicate under softer, thinner-skinned spots, covering the more fragile and vulnerable parts of our entire beings.
I’m not prepared to write publicly about this decision that I made. I’m not sure if I ever will be able to share it, other than with my closest confidantes. I’m a relatively private person and I am also concerned with other people’s feelings and privacy. That being said, I’ve decided to be “real” with myself during this Easter season. I’ve decided to be protective of myself this season. I’ve decided to focus on self-care and to make it my number one priority for the next few weeks, particularly.
If you would like to join me, in giving yourself your own comfortable, nestling, sheltered Easter basket of peace, I am sending you lots of joy and love and inspiration to do it. Give yourself a safe space to “feel the feels.” You don’t need to create a story about the feels. Just know that feelings are normal and that they always pass. I am one who tries to distract myself with rabbit holes and obsessive thinking/focusing when buried feelings come to the surface, so this season I am trying to just notice this habit in myself, and to be gentle and forgiving with myself, but also to nudge myself back to allowing the feelings to flow, without my righteous narrative, without my control issues, without dissociating, without distracting myself . . . . Yes, easier said than done, but this Easter season I am earnestly trying to be more present with it all.
So with that being said, I may write a post every day. I may not. As always, I am so grateful for you, and for your presence and your understanding. I wish for peace for us all. Sending you much love.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2119. Whom do you feel you have the strongest unspoken bond with?
The last three weeks or so, I have been completely off of my normal, regular routine schedule. I’ve had a marvelous, fun and productive time, but I’m feeling pretty fried. I overheard someone say, “I need to catch up with myself.” That words it perfectly. I need to slow down and catch up with myself. If you don’t give yourself these slower, regular scheduled times to assimilate everything that you’ve experienced, you start just going through the motions, and you start behaving like a zombie. At least, this is my experience. I am someone who craves a fair amount of solitude and I’ve been starved of solitude for a while now. This morning I am being nourished by solitude and I feel myself “catching up with myself”. As an extroverted introvert, solitude is what plugs me into my replenishing energy source. I feel myself getting charged back up.
I listened to a podcast the other day, and one of the participants, Jessica Lanyandoo said this: “Happiness comes as a direct result of living in accord with our values. When you are living in a self-appropriate way, you’re happy. I mean, I’m not saying you’re giddy. But (living in accord with our values) is what leads to authentic happiness, inner peace (and) inner balance.”
It’s so true, isn’t it? Often what we say what we value, is not what we are showing the world what we are valuing. We can say that we value family time, but in reality, we are spending most of our time trying to climb the corporate ladder. We can say that we value health, but we get take-out for dinner every night. We can say that we value peace, but we allow ourselves to get caught-up in online drama and arguments. We can say that we value financial security, but we get ourselves into debt in order to “keep up with the Joneses.” A good exercise to get back into alignment with your own values is to quickly, and off-the-cuff, without thinking too much, list 5-10 core values that you deem the most important for yourself, in your own life. (and do this activity privately. Be honest. List your own true values. Do not list what you think that you should value, based on the judgments of others. No one will see this list.) Then, rank these values in order of importance to you. Finally, look at this list of what you believe are the most important elements in your life, and get brutally honest with yourself if you are truly living in accordance to your own values. Is where you spend the majority of your time, energy, attention, and money, truly in line with what you deeply value? If you are not experiencing mostly happiness, inner peace and inner balance, why is this? When you look at where you are spending the preponderance of your time and energy and mindspace, is this in true alignment with your core values? What’s pinging you to change? What area or areas in your own life, are asking you to steer the ship in a different direction, in order to get us back to your own true north?
Our values are what define us. Our values are what give us purpose in living our lives. Our values speak to what we think is most worthy in our life experience. If we are not living up to our own values, we know. We feel the negative emotions that are trying to get us back on track to our core truths. If we live in alignment with our deepest values, we generally feel peace. “Happiness comes as a direct result of living in accord with our values.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1604. What do you think is the most dangerous profession in the whole world?
(I’ve never been a big fan of squirrels.) I’ve taken an informal survey of friends and family and we all agree that this last Daylight Savings change has been a bigger doozy than usual. I still don’t think that I have fully adjusted to it. Have you?
I just glanced at a good article by Chani Nicholas that contained these questions to utilize when you find yourself triggered by something:
“What am I feeling and why? What was the incident that got me here? Is my feeling a proportionate response to this event? And if not, what is the situation reminding me of?“
By bringing ourselves out of the emotional aspect of happenings, and by looking at the situation under an analytical lens, we can do less reacting and thus more healthy responding. We can also learn more about ourselves in the process and about what areas in our lives could use some healing. The next time that you feel a strong negative emotion about a happening, use the questions above to journal about the situation. The insight that you glean by doing this, could be priceless, and it can lead you to some area in your life that you can change, or at least help you to change the way you are thinking about it.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1087. Who would call you their biggest cheerleader?
Good morning. Happy St. Patrick’s Day! (I apologize for not publishing a post yesterday. Distractions abounded!) Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I am going to feature some poems by Irish writers. The Irish have a way with melancholic writing like no others . . . .
“The Last Rose of Summer”
’Tis the last rose of summer Left blooming alone; All her lovely companions Are faded and gone; No flower of her kindred, No rosebud is nigh, To reflect back her blushes, To give sigh for sigh …
-Thomas Moore
“The Lost Land: Poems”
This is what language is: a habitual grief. A turn of speech for the everyday and ordinary abrasion of losses such as this: which hurts just enough to be a scar And heals just enough to be a nation.
-Eavan Boland
“The Lake Isle of Innisfree”
I will arise and go now, for always night and day I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore; While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey, I hear it in the deep heart’s core.
-W.B. Yeats
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2552. What’s your favorite cereal? (Especially in honor of today, I am going to say, “Lucky Charms.”)
Happy Friday!!! On the blog on Fridays, I get out of my overthinking mind and I discuss the tactile stuff in life which makes it more fun to be alive. Today’s favorite is for you, if you are feeling girly and summery and splurgy. The website is actually based in Greece. The items are fun and not incredibly expensive, although the shipping can be. Even if you just want to browse to feel the excitement of summer being right around the corner, check out Sorbet Island. The items are girly, summery and have a “bring a smile to your face” kind of a feel. Here is their website:
