middle age Archives - Page 135 of 206 - Adulting: Second- Half

Late Night

I did something last night which I haven’t done in a long, long time. I stayed up late into the wee, wee hours of the night reading a work of fiction, from its very beginning, to its last beautiful page. I loved the book. It resonated deeply with me. This book is worth my exhaustion this morning. I am not going to tell you the title of the book. It feels too personal. It feels too revealing to just put it out there, to people who I don’t know very well. To tell you about a book that struck me this personally, would be like cruelly and neglectfully, putting my own very, sometimes fragile heart out on to the internet, to be shredded casually by the sharks that swim around us, sometimes.

My beloved and deeply appreciated readers, I tell you a lot about me, and everything that I share with you is true, but I don’t share everything. I’m not sure that I ever will. I did share some quotes from the book that I read last night, with my husband, and with my anam cara (Gaelic for soul friends). They get it. They get me. Treasure those people in your lives who really “get you”, all of you, and love you, and accept you, and understand you, and “see” you, and only want your happiness, for you. These people are incredible gifts. They are those “believing mirrors”, like Julia Cameron writes about. Your anam cara are the safes, and the strongboxes for your heart, and for your whole being. When you cultivate your anam cara in your life, never let them go. Love them deeply. And most importantly, make sure that you are one of them. Be a soul friend for your anam cara, and also be a soul friend, for yourself.

I believe that the mark of an excellent book is one that makes you feel like it has pages written about your own life, as viewed from the inside of your own head, and from the inside of your own heart wells. It feels intensely personal and echoing and vulnerable, to read a book whose words you feel deeply, and whose words keep reverberating in your mind, long after you are done reading. Treasure those kinds of books. They are rare. Like your anam cara, these books are incredible gifts in your life, too.

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” – E.L. Doctorow

My friend shared a parable yesterday, about a little boy who broke one of those Dollar Store glow sticks, in order for the light of it, to comfort his upset little sister. The moral of the story was that the glow sticks only glow brightly, when they are broken. Don’t be afraid of your broken parts, friends. As we all know, it is often the broken parts of us and of others, that glow the brightest and the truest and the clearest. Our broken parts often become like the glow of the lighthouses, which act as beacons to save others from crashing into the jagged rocks and drowning. And helping to save others, helps us to save ourselves, too. That’s how Love works. Love turns our pain, back into Love, which helps each other to survive, and to thrive, and to walk this path together peacefully.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Once, at a Christmas party, a friend of ours from Texas, commented on a huge, sparkly costume ring which I was wearing for the occasion. “Where I come from, those are called Knock Blocker rings. You can knock someone’s block off with that ring!”

Recently I purchased a couple of fun, huge, sparkly, costume rings that were on sale, at a local retail store. I completely fell for the intense colors of the center stones. One stone was a deep, grass green, and the other was an intense aqua blue. Imagine my surprise, when I got my new rings home, and I took them out the box, only to see that each center stone of both rings, now looked more of a dull, bland, brownish purple. On closer inspection of the tags, hanging on the rings, I read “color changing CZ”. When I was a child, my mother had a beautiful Alexandrite ring, that my father had brought home for her, from his military days in Turkey. I remember that ring having these types of color changing properties, as well. (Unfortunately that ring, and many other beautiful pieces of jewelry were stolen in a house robbery, when I was a child, but that story is for a different blog post, on some other day.) Sadly, my new Knock Blockers will only show their prettiest shades of green and aqua, when they are under fluorescent light. So, when I go out to my garage, my rings will look pretty again. I plan to keep these rings for their novelty, but they won’t ever become “every day pieces.”

My new rings’ color changing properties remind me of an important life lesson. I once heard the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde are the same person,” and it is one phrase that has deeply stuck in my conscience, since I heard it. We all have color changing properties. We all have the ugly, dull, brownish-violet, bruise-ish colors in us, that we try to hide from the rest of the world. All of our “true colors” run the spectrum. Still, in mostly healthy people, the most vivid, beautiful, clear colors are the prominent colors that run their lives. The ugly colors only rear their heads every once in a while, and when a healthy person notices that in themselves, they do their best to transmute and heal back to a clear shine. Healthy people integrate all of their colors, accepting that the less attractive colors are part of what makes them human and whole. Healthy people don’t have as intense color changing properties, because they are accepting of their negative thoughts and emotions. They compassionately work through their “stuff” for the betterment of themselves, and for their relationships with others. Healthy people are not fragmented people. Healthy people appear mostly the same, under any light and most circumstances.

On the other hand, unhealthy people have a tendency to shine their brightest, most fabulous colors, in the beginning of any relationship which they have with others. In fact, unhealthy people’s best colors are often many times brighter, and way more intense than anybody else’s colors, when initially getting to know them. This makes them extremely interesting and attractive and unique. However, when not in their “best light” or when not in “the spotlight”, unhealthy people can be like my new rings, reverting back to their darker, duller sides, most of the time. The rub is, we get so attracted to the few times that the unhealthy people shine brighter than anybody else, that we are willing to wait around, and put up with a lot of ugliness, in hopes for glimpses of the great beauty which we know is hidden in the depths of an unhealthy person. We know this fact about their potential beauty, better than they do, but the sad fact is, that they have to be the ones to see this fact and to accept this fact about what we already know about them. The unhealthy people have to come to the understanding, on their own, that their real, stable beauty comes from integrating all of their facets and colors, into a steadiness, instead of being at war with their divided selves. And the healthy people, have to protect their own light, by understanding that the best way to help the color changers, is to show them that integration can be done, by leading full and robust and authentic lives, with compassion and love for all, including themselves.

Image result for quotes about integrating light and dark

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Hello readers! I hope that you are having a lovely weekend, full of delightful surprises and calming rejuvenation and rest. Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays I either write a poem or I share a poem, written by another poet, that has moved me. Poetry has the ability to hit the deepest target of emotion, in the most mysterious of ways. Poetry adds magic and alchemy, to otherwise, ordinary words. Please feel safe and comfortable to share your poems in my Comments section. Here is my poem for today:

WITH ME

I am so thankful when you share the deepest part of yourself

with me.

You think that it is too ugly, and tangled, and unguarded, and scary,

to bring it out into the open.

But usually, most ferocious things, tend to get blinded by the light.

And smoldering sadness gets smothered by the love that my heart holds for you.

I love you the most, when you give to me, all of you,

not just the polished, protective surface.

Your deepest part of yourself, is safe, and cherished, and understood, and loved.

I am so thankful when you entrust the deepest part of yourself,

with me.

Your beautiful, fragile, open heart is always safe,

with me.

You are,

with me,

Always. Always,

with me.

MP

I am in the middle of reading The Listening Path. Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way, reiterates her insistence, in her latest book, that the quickest path to yourself, and to your creativity, is in writing “Morning Pages.” Writing Morning Pages is the practice of writing three pages, in your own handwriting, a stream of consciousness, before you even get out of bed, every single morning. I think that I tried this once, decades ago, and I only lasted a few days. Back then I had a house full of young children, who all had the uncanny ability to hear the hinges of my eyelids open, every morning, and to bound into my room, ready to start their/our day. I have restarted the process of writing Morning Pages. I have three days in, so far, and I am hoping to make it last. Cameron calls writing the Morning Pages part of your “Believing Mirrors” because they can get you in touch with your deepest dreams, and they can help you to believe that you can attain these dreams. She says that writing the Morning Pages (which are for your eyes only) helps to heighten your intuition, and writing them helps you to hone in your attention, as to what really matters to you.

“Morning Pages are simple but dramatic. They turn us into who we want to be. What could be better than that?” – Julia Cameron

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Battery Life

“Many of us have spent our lives being batteries for others.” – Julia Cameron.

Julia Cameron is the author of The Artist’s Way. Many creatives consider that book to be the one holy book, for getting creative juices to flow. I read The Artist’s Way once. Admittedly, at the time that I read the book, I was half-hearted about doing the activities described in the book, so I can’t honestly say that it moved me, in the way that this book has inspired so many other creatives. Recently I picked up Julia Cameron’s latest book (she has written about 40 books), The Listening Path, in hopes of maybe getting a better understanding of what I may have missed in The Artist’s Way. Truthfully, I like the fact that The Listening Path is a much skinnier book than The Artist’s Way. When I started reading The Listening Path last night, and I got to the quote written above, I got up from the couch, and I found a pen, and I underlined the quote three times. In fact, I must have been pressing so hard when I underlined that sentence that the line shows through with a teeny hole, on to the opposite side of the page. I find it hard to believe that I am the first person to do this. Certainly, I am not the first mother to do this.

No one asks us to be their batteries. It is not fair to put that onus on anyone else. But it is something we motherly types tend to do, and to become. I was having a text conversation with some friends yesterday, and we were talking about the fact that we will never stop worrying about our children, until forever. (and we are all mothers of mostly adult children) Yet, when we took on the role of “mother”, we never fully understood the depth of that responsibility, nor also the mother role’s deep, echoing emotional reach. When we put on the “mother robe”, it never fully occurred to us, that the mother robe is not removable, ever, and it can be a heavy robe, at times. When we entered into motherhood, it was like entering into any new adventure, like a new job, or a budding romantic relationship, or a new place to live – you have some ideas and expectations, of what you are getting yourself into, but you are never fully prepared. Pregnancy or adoption, is signing you on to an experience that you will have some level of responsibility for, (and also a whole heap full of vulnerability, and love like you’ve never felt, and sometimes even a few negative emotions like guilt, fear and resentment) for the rest of your life, and perhaps even beyond, without escape. And you sign on to this mother role, without fully grasping what this lifetime role really means for you, and for your children. Because no matter how good a storyteller, experience cannot really ever be fully captured in its entire scope and its full essence. Experience must be felt and it must be absorbed, while it is happening to you.

Therefore, when we mothers reach this emptying nest stage of our lives, where our family members are coming into their own “extended life battery” charge, it’s a jarring experience. We complain about being “drained”, but then we sometimes feel a little useless and listless, like a dangling plug. But yet we are also excited about the prospect of recharging our own batteries. Still, it feels rather foreign to us, to allow ourselves to take most of our own power back, for our own dreams and for our own goals. It feels a little strange and a little nerve-wracking, yet also extremely exciting and reinvigorating, to nurture our own selves, and our own passions, with the energy reserves that we had mostly given away, when raising our families. It is one of those times in life, like entering any new adventure, where we have some ideas and expectations, but we are never fully prepared. This is a new experience and experience must be felt and absorbed, while it is happening to you.

The interesting thing to note is that even now, in this empty nest stage of parenting, by giving the majority of your energy stores back to yourself, you are still, inadvertently, doing a crucial part of your mothering role. You are showing your children to value themselves, and to value their individual lives and dreams, and this example, might very well be the most important lesson which you ever impart to your precious children. You are freeing your children from feeling emotionally responsible for your life, and for your happiness. You are the one, bravely pulling the plug, knowing that your loved ones have the natural ability to keep themselves charged. You also know that a Universal Everlasting charge is always available to them, as it is, and has always been, available to you, for the rest of all of your lives.

We know by now, that our mother robe never comes off. And with experience under our belts, we fully understand what that means. But truthfully, as mothers, we don’t want the mother robe to come off, but still, it feels good to remember that we are the ones wearing the robes. Just as mothering is a profound pleasure and a great privilege, it is also a special pleasure and a privilege, to get reacquainted with, and curious about, the interesting, and multi-faceted “wearer of the robe,” and where her next adventures in life will lead her.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

We all know that change is the only constant, but change usually does come in quite subtly, doesn’t it? The few, shocking, sometimes devastating, “change your life in a moment” times, are thankfully pretty rare, but at least those changes are obvious.

We just made the last payment of our second son’s undergraduate college education. He graduates from college this April. Two down, two to go. It’s surreal, reflecting on that fact. There is a long period of time when your kids are in their elementary school/middle school ages, that you think that things are never going to change. Each year seems mostly “the same old/same old”, until your first child goes to high school. From then on, the changes go into warp speed. (Interestingly, the changes in my face and my body, seemed to have gone into warp speed, at the same time that my kids started into their high school and college years. Everything is interconnected, right? It’s so not fair.)

We’ve all gotten a hard lesson in change this past year, haven’t we? A lot of these changes have more of the “in your face” variety. (you remember your face, right? It’s that part of your body which spends a lot of its waking hours underneath a mask.) What have these past year’s changes, changed in you? What have you learned about yourself this past year? What has changed for the better? What has changed for the worse? What changes would you like to see in yourself and in the world, going forward? These are the questions which I am pondering for myself, lately.

Image result for best quotes about change

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Funday

I love nerds. I’m pretty sure that I am a nerd. I think that we nerds are just oblivious nonconformists. People think that intentional nonconformists don’t care about what people think, but that is not true. Intentional nonconformists are rebels with a cause. These instigating people are often looking to get a lot of attention, and a rise out of people. Often the rebels care about what people think, every bit as much as the strict, careful conformists do. Oblivious nonconformists are just their authentic selves. My eldest son once dated a very confident young lady (I think that she was a physics major), who would sometimes wear a t-shirt that said “NERD” in lovely, fancy lettering. I loved her for that . . . . Nerds rule. We all have a little wee bit of “nerd” in us. Find it and embrace it. You’ll have more fun. Hint: your nerdiness can usually be found in activities that you enjoy so much, that you would do it to the point of abandon, if you allowed yourself to be free. Whatever activity which you like to do, so much, whether it be reading, or dancing, or painting, or singing, or wood carving, or fish keeping, or collecting cow figurines, that you might forget to eat, or to sleep, or forget where you even are, in the midst of doing said activity. When you leave judgment out of the equation (who cares if you are “good” at your favorite activity or not – in other words, who cares what anybody thinks??) and you do whatever activity speaks to the most joyful part of yourself, and you do it to pure abandon, you are experiencing your inner nerdiness and geekdom. Doesn’t it feel great?? Again, nerds rule.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends. I know that this holiday can be triggering for some people who are not currently in a romantic relationship. It can even be stressful and awkward for people who are in romantic relationships. I have heard Valentine’s Day discounted as a “Hallmark Holiday” many times over the years. Whatever it means (or doesn’t mean) to you, why not let Valentine’s Day be a day to celebrate the feeling of Love? Why not let it be a reminder to all of us, about just how good it feels to share the realest part of us? We are all made of Love, at our very cores. It feels so good to love our lovers, and our families, and our friends, and our pets, and our homes, and our communities, and our creations, and our vocations, and our vacations, and our hobbies, and our delicacies, and our quiet times, and our crazy times, and ourselves . . . . . Love is the main motivation and reason as to why we really do anything. Maybe on Valentines Day, what we are really celebrating, is the feeling of Love, which is the main reason why we put any effort into living. If nothing else, use this day to give Love back to you. You are full of Love. Love is eternal and always replenishes, so don’t be afraid to share your Love, ever.

My regular readers know that on Sundays I share poems written by me, or by some other poet who has moved me with their words. Please feel free to share your poems in my Comments section. This is a safe spot to share. Below is today’s poem. It is written by a poet who goes by “m.k.”. I think that this poem describes unconditional love, beautifully.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Now and Forever Friday

It is easier to imagine being incandescently happy on Fridays, isn’t it? I was once told to never put LED light bulbs in crystal chandeliers. Only the incandescent light bulbs are able to bring out the highest form of all of the rainbows of color and beauty from the crystals. Shine bright, friends, it’s Friday!!!

On Fridays, my regular readers know that I discuss my favorites of the material world. I tell you about three of my favorite products, TV shows, food items, songs, etc. and I strongly encourage you to add your favorites to my Comments section. It’s good to have favorite things to look forward to experiencing in our every day lives! Here are my favorites for today:

Strawberry KitKats – My daughter wants to visit Japan one day, mostly because she is enthralled with their many flavors of KitKats. Would you believe that there are 40 different flavors of KitKats?? You don’t have to go to Japan to try them, either. You can find some of the different flavors on Amazon, or in stores like World Market. My daughter’s favorite flavor is the Matcha green tea KitKat. (not my favorite . . . at all) I am in love with the strawberry KitKats because they taste exactly like my favorite Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake ice cream treat, yet the KitKat is smaller, not as messy and it has less calories. It’s worth a bite. You won’t regret it!

In and Of Itself – I hesitate to mention that this is a “magic show”, because if you are like me, that might turn you off immediately. In and Of Itself is sort of a magic/mentalist show, but it is also an autobiography acted out on stage. In and Of Itself is a show that is incredible, emotionally charged, and one that makes you think. It is a rare show that makes you want to watch it again, in order to catch any of the nuances that you may have missed, but this is one of those shows. Best of all, In and Of Itself is not part of a series. It really is a “one and done”, so it won’t become a time-suck, couch magnet experience. Be prepared to be amazed!

“I’m Not a Cat” Video:

Enjoy your weekend, my wonderful friends and readers!! Get your laughs, however you can. See you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Love in the Stars

I’ve mentioned before that I like to read my horoscopes sometimes. This is not so much for predictions of the future, but more so, how these particular horoscopes have the tendency to bring my own inner wisdom and questions, bubbling up to the surface. Maybe these astrologers are just plain wonderful writers, to me. I don’t know. That being said, I suppose because of Valentines Day approaching, there has been more talk about “love” than usual, by the astrologers.

Earlier this week, the Astrotwins reminded me that, “No one owes you love. It is a generous gift.”

And Holiday Mathis says this, “Once given, love is yours, will not expire and cannot be stolen from you.”

Just as these quotes brought up my own inner thoughts and feelings and questions, I’ll let them do the same for you. I will say that the first quote was a good reminder to keep my expectations in check, for myself and of others, and the second quote reminded me of all of the people whom I have shared love with, who have now passed on. That love is there. It will never expire. Everlasting love is a beautiful thing.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.