“Many of us have spent our lives being batteries for others.” – Julia Cameron.
Julia Cameron is the author of The Artist’s Way. Many creatives consider that book to be the one holy book, for getting creative juices to flow. I read The Artist’s Way once. Admittedly, at the time that I read the book, I was half-hearted about doing the activities described in the book, so I can’t honestly say that it moved me, in the way that this book has inspired so many other creatives. Recently I picked up Julia Cameron’s latest book (she has written about 40 books), The Listening Path, in hopes of maybe getting a better understanding of what I may have missed in The Artist’s Way. Truthfully, I like the fact that The Listening Path is a much skinnier book than The Artist’s Way. When I started reading The Listening Path last night, and I got to the quote written above, I got up from the couch, and I found a pen, and I underlined the quote three times. In fact, I must have been pressing so hard when I underlined that sentence that the line shows through with a teeny hole, on to the opposite side of the page. I find it hard to believe that I am the first person to do this. Certainly, I am not the first mother to do this.
No one asks us to be their batteries. It is not fair to put that onus on anyone else. But it is something we motherly types tend to do, and to become. I was having a text conversation with some friends yesterday, and we were talking about the fact that we will never stop worrying about our children, until forever. (and we are all mothers of mostly adult children) Yet, when we took on the role of “mother”, we never fully understood the depth of that responsibility, nor also the mother role’s deep, echoing emotional reach. When we put on the “mother robe”, it never fully occurred to us, that the mother robe is not removable, ever, and it can be a heavy robe, at times. When we entered into motherhood, it was like entering into any new adventure, like a new job, or a budding romantic relationship, or a new place to live – you have some ideas and expectations, of what you are getting yourself into, but you are never fully prepared. Pregnancy or adoption, is signing you on to an experience that you will have some level of responsibility for, (and also a whole heap full of vulnerability, and love like you’ve never felt, and sometimes even a few negative emotions like guilt, fear and resentment) for the rest of your life, and perhaps even beyond, without escape. And you sign on to this mother role, without fully grasping what this lifetime role really means for you, and for your children. Because no matter how good a storyteller, experience cannot really ever be fully captured in its entire scope and its full essence. Experience must be felt and it must be absorbed, while it is happening to you.
Therefore, when we mothers reach this emptying nest stage of our lives, where our family members are coming into their own “extended life battery” charge, it’s a jarring experience. We complain about being “drained”, but then we sometimes feel a little useless and listless, like a dangling plug. But yet we are also excited about the prospect of recharging our own batteries. Still, it feels rather foreign to us, to allow ourselves to take most of our own power back, for our own dreams and for our own goals. It feels a little strange and a little nerve-wracking, yet also extremely exciting and reinvigorating, to nurture our own selves, and our own passions, with the energy reserves that we had mostly given away, when raising our families. It is one of those times in life, like entering any new adventure, where we have some ideas and expectations, but we are never fully prepared. This is a new experience and experience must be felt and absorbed, while it is happening to you.
The interesting thing to note is that even now, in this empty nest stage of parenting, by giving the majority of your energy stores back to yourself, you are still, inadvertently, doing a crucial part of your mothering role. You are showing your children to value themselves, and to value their individual lives and dreams, and this example, might very well be the most important lesson which you ever impart to your precious children. You are freeing your children from feeling emotionally responsible for your life, and for your happiness. You are the one, bravely pulling the plug, knowing that your loved ones have the natural ability to keep themselves charged. You also know that a Universal Everlasting charge is always available to them, as it is, and has always been, available to you, for the rest of all of your lives.
We know by now, that our mother robe never comes off. And with experience under our belts, we fully understand what that means. But truthfully, as mothers, we don’t want the mother robe to come off, but still, it feels good to remember that we are the ones wearing the robes. Just as mothering is a profound pleasure and a great privilege, it is also a special pleasure and a privilege, to get reacquainted with, and curious about, the interesting, and multi-faceted “wearer of the robe,” and where her next adventures in life will lead her.
Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
