Tag: love

Friday is Good For U

“When you meet someone who is good for you, they won’t fill you with insecurities by focusing on your flaws. They’ll fill you with inspiration, because they’ll focus on all the best parts of you.” – Colleen Hoover, All Your Perfects

My daughter joined a sorority yesterday. When she was going through rush, one girl told her to pretend that she was lounging on a couch. The girl told my daughter to ask herself, “With what group of girls could you lounge on that couch, and feel most comfortably, happily and easily yourself?” My daughter told me that she found that perfect fit. She found her space on the right couch. And as a woman who is still extremely close to her best seven friends from her own wonderful college sorority, this makes my heart swell with happiness and hope. We women will always need other good women to paddle through life together. It’s in our DNA.

The emphasis here is of course on “good women“, and women and people, in general, who are “good for us.” As the quote says above, the people who are good for us won’t be judgy and overly critical. The people who are good for us will help us to discover our own very best gifts, and how best to utilize these gifts for ourselves and for our world. Judgmental people put up big blocks in relationships. The judgers cause people to get defensive, to shut down (for fear of more criticism), and they encourage others to start honing in on the critical person’s own flaws. (because none of us are flawless) For this reason, judgers often end up being extremely lonely, angry people. The people who are good for you, are just the opposite. These people will cause you to open up, and to bloom, and in this way, they will make you see the beauty in their own lovely, loving, wonderful characters, as well.

Okay, I get it. I’ve gotten off course. I’ve gotten a tad serious for a Friday post. My apologies. As my regular readers know, Fridays are devoted to the frivolous here at the blog. On Fridays, I list a favorite item, website, book, product, etc. that has made my sensory life nothing short of delightful. Please check out previous Friday posts for more of my favorites and please share your favorites, too. We can all have some of the same favorites. Todays favorite: Garlic Expressions Vinaigrette This salad dressing was supposedly created by a “legendary” supper club in Ohio. I love anything that contains garlic, but somehow this supper club encapsulated garlic in the most dreamy, light, liquid form imaginable. I got my first bottle at the Fresh Market, but I noticed that you can also order a bottle on Amazon.

Have a fabulous, frolicky, garlicy weekend! Spend time with the people who are good for you!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Today’s Mantra

Credit: @WholesomeMeme, Twitter
credit: @Mindset4_Life, Twitter

These are the memes that spoke to me from Twitter today. I read also on Twitter that Harry Styles is extremely upset about what people are putting out on social media about his girlfriend, Olivia Wilde. He said this about Twitter: “a s***storm of people trying to be awful to people.”

I think Harry is right. Social media can be extremely negative, harmful, mean and bullying. It can also be filled with inspiration, beauty, and wisdom. It’s what you look for in anything, that makes it so. Most people, places, and things are just neutral. We put the meaning and stories and attention into/on the item, or the person, or the relationship to these people, places and things. What is terrible for me, might be wonderful for you. The key is to put the focus on what is wonderful for you.

Are you letting yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit? Earlier this week, I got a root canal and honestly, I haven’t felt this good in quite some time. I realize I had been walking around, ignoring a growing, gnawing problem (literally in my head) that I was hoping would magically just disappear. Most of the time, life doesn’t work this way though, right? Our bodies, and our emotions send signals which grow louder and louder, for a purpose. They are saying, “Let yourself be loved, you grumpy little shit!”

Truthfully, I have more energy and vitality than I have felt in a while. I had the infection removed and my whole body is sighing with relief. My husband read that in the 1800s, people had a higher average body temperature than we have these days, because many people walked around with low-lying infections and diseases that could not be remedied. We have so many remedies these days for so many problems. Are you utilizing the remedies that are needed for your own mind, your own body, and your own spirit?

Today’s mantra is “Let yourself be loved, your grumpy little shit.” (and this means putting a big emphasis on showing love to yourself in your every waking moment, and in every decision that you make for yourself. Love and gratitude radiates outward from a healthy, loving heart. We will all benefit from your healing.)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Sentience

“A person who leaves when they are angry, often returns. A person who leaves when they are calm, rarely returns.” – Wise Connector, Twitter

“The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.” – Elie Wiesel

Love and hate are often passionate and fueled with emotion. Many unhealthy relationships (romantic and otherwise) exist on the yo-yo spectrum of love and hate, because the parties involved are in love with the drama, and the excitement, and they are individually fueled by the passion and the spectacle of the relationship, not necessarily with each other. This yo-yo string keeps them connected, and the back and forth cycle continues ad nauseum, until someone finally burns out and the string is irretrievably broken.

Any time in my life that I came to a conclusion about leaving a place, a job, a relationship, a situation, a habit, etc. it always came with a quiet, calm, sincere fullness of knowing. The last drop fell into my already overflowing pitcher, and there was no more room left for me and my energy, to stay in an untenable situation. It is in these moments in my life when I fully came to understand what my own intuition really and truly feels like. The comfort of the wisdom of our intuition is other-worldly. Intuition doesn’t arrive with an highly detailed plan book and a guaranteed crystal ball prediction of the future. Instead, intuition comes with an assurance like you have never felt before. It assures you that all that you have to do is take the next right step, and you will be lead. Intuition is not necessarily fearless, but it is reassuringly affirming that you are more than able to rise above the fear and do what you must do. Intuition comes to us with an urgency that is not excitable, but is intense and persistent. Intuition is our best leader, but your intuition won’t force you to follow it. Intuition is much like love – patient, kind, understanding . . . . Perhaps our own intuition, is the best form of self-love which we can ever know. Substitute “intuition” for “love”, in the ever comforting love verses in the Bible. It makes complete sense. Love is an action. Following your intuition is the act of loving yourself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Miss U

My daughter and I both get reunited with our romantic partners today. My husband has been away for over a week, helping an ailing family member. And my daughter took summer session classes at her university, while her boyfriend travelled with his family to see various friends and relations over the summer. This morning, needless to say, the air in our house is one of girly giddiness.

You really know how much you care about someone when there is an aching void in your life when they aren’t around. While I think that it is healthy for everyone to get individual breaks from one another, there is truth to the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You forget about all of your nitpicky gripes that you have about your partner, when you are pining away for the comfort of their every day presence.

I’m happy that my daughter and her boyfriend have modern day technology like FaceTime and Snapchat and texting. When my husband and I were in college, we spent every summer apart, as we lived in different states, several hours away from one another. With having jobs and other responsibilities, we were lucky if we saw each other once in a summer. We didn’t have cell phones, and those long distance calls were incredibly expensive. So, we wrote love letters. Remember those? Sigh. Love letters are wonderful. Maybe this modern technology isn’t always such a great thing after all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

What Matters

Some things matter and some things don’t. The journey of life is about discovering the difference.

~ Alan Cohen

I love the story I read over the weekend in People magazine. A little girl was on a flight with her parents, and as they left the flight and were walking in the airport, in the wee hours of the morning (I think around 2 a.m.), the little girl panicked realizing that she had lost her first baby tooth and that she didn’t have it with her. It had probably fallen out on the plane. A pilot, seeing the little girl’s distress, promptly came over and wrote a note, vouching for the lost tooth, for the little girl to give to the Tooth Fairy. The note asked the Tooth Fairy to accept the note in lieu of the tooth. I am sure that the Tooth Fairy accepted the note.

Kindness matters.

I also read an excellent article by Paul Sutherland in Spirituality & Health magazine. The article was talking about perspective. He wrote this:

“I have been immersed in spirituality and religion my whole life. I met a few “repent or go to hell” fearmongering Christians, Muslims, and Jews along the way. Listening to the frown-lined devotee who is keen to save my soul, I ask: “Are you happy?”

I pause for their answer. I then ask: “Are you saved, or content that your life is reflective of Moses, Jesus, or Muhammed, or whoever guides your worship?”

I then listen and simply say, “Seems if I had a personal relationship with God, was feeling guided by God’s presence, and had faith, I would be so happy, optimistic, and joyful that I would hardly be able to contain myself. I certainly would not be running around judging people and tearing down those God created in God’s image.”

Paul also told the story about lamenting about all of the world’s ills to one of his teachers. His teacher let him go on and on and then said firmly, “Paul. Suffering exists so we have something to do.” Paul Sutherland ended his article with this statement:

“I realize that, actually, suffering can be our call to optimism, to act, to hope, and to work for a world where every person goes to bed feeling safe, happy, loved, full, connected, and optimistic about tomorrow.”

Perspective matters.

Masaru Emoto, a famous Japanese author and researcher, studied water crystals and what the effects of words and feelings have on water crystals. Here is an example of some of his findings:

Whether you believe these findings about water crystals to be true or not, we already know what Emoto was trying to convey:

Gratitude matters. Wisdom matters. Truth matters. Peace matters. Love matters.

It appears what really matters in this world, are those things which are eternal and recognizable to all of us, no matter our age, our country, our language, our backgrounds, our educations, and our beliefs.

Love matters. Love matters. Love matters.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fret Less

What makes the other people in your life happy?

My husband loves to go biking on his beautiful, orange, sexy Italian bicycle for miles and miles. He comes back home all covered and dripping in sweat, with the widest, longest lasting grin that I ever see him wear.

My friend loves to kayak. She is a teacher, so she is off work for the summer, so our friend group rarely hears from her during the day, because she spends her days in bliss, floating and rowing on our beautiful, clear Gulf waters. Almost every morning we get a text, “I’ll be out on the kayak today!”

My daughter is loving her new, engaging, interesting college experiences. On Facetime, she delightedly showed us a coaster that she had made in a crafting class (she loves doing artistic things), and was thrilled to relay that she spontaneously jumped into a volleyball game. Apparently her days of playing volleyball in middle school came right back to her, and she was proud of the “high fives” that she received from new friends, for some smooth moves on the sandy court.

My youngest son loves showing us the creative projects that he is required to come up with, during his summer’s internship. Part of the job requires him to take pictures of happy customers with the power tools that he has sold to them. Every day, it is fun (and sometimes even surprising – there are some adorable, teeny women who love themselves some power tools) to peruse the pictures of the happy, anticipatory faces of the various customers with the tools that they are purchasing, probably with ideas of what they are going to create and improve in their own sweet nests at home.

A few of my friends are in new, fresh, budding love relationships. It’s so delightful to see friends whom I have known for decades look like excited teenagers again, as they explain the fun that they have been having getting to know the new loves in their lives. I sometimes can see their original fresh faces (the faces which I met when we were teenagers) shining through their smiles, as they excitedly, and yet shyly, describe their new escapades.

Our two eldest sons were visiting each other last week. They cheerfully and teasingly described biking to the beach together, and trying out delicious new restaurants which they both enjoyed. There’s nothing a mother loves more than seeing her kids lovingly share experiences together, even when they are no longer under her roof. When your kids elect to be together, instead of being forced to be together, you know that there is real honest love there. (good heart medicine for mamas)

Friends, the news these days is often not good at all. Reading the news or watching the news, makes me feel sick in the deepest pit of my stomach. To offset those sickening feelings which I know aren’t good for my mental or my physical health, I try to think of happy thoughts. There is no easier way to do this, than to think of the people whom I love, doing the things that make them feel happy and whole and alive and inspired. And when I do this, guess what I feel inside? Happy and whole and alive and inspired. People who love me, can think of me in my purposefully cluttered writing nook, every once in a while gazing out of my large windows, to see the inspiration of the gorgeous nature surrounding me, enjoying the quiet snores of the dogs whom I adore, contentedly napping all around me, as I connect with the deepest, most creative, most eternal part of myself, struggling to type the words fast enough, that are bursting forth from my heart. I am so happy writing my blog. What makes the people whom you love happy? Think about that thought. Imagine it fully. Now, transit that thinking into what makes you happy. Go do more of it. Fret less, experience more. Look for the happy.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Never forget your power, my loves. And this comes from a woman who adores her amazing husband and her wonderful three sons every bit as much as she adores her incredible daughter and her magnificent self.

It’s interesting to me that Josie, our only female dog, rules the roost. Ralphie is bigger and older than her. Trip is more audacious than her. Neither of them has ever tried to usurp her authority. She has never had to raise her voice more than a gentle growl. They respect her. Ralphie and Trip tussle with one another all of the time. But ultimately, Josie rules the roost. She knows her worth and they respect that continually. Josie never gives her power away. She owns it. And everyone in the family adores Josie, including Ralphie and Trip. And even more interestingly, she is considered the favorite dog of ours, of anyone who isn’t in our family. She is continually called “the sweetie.” Sweeties, let’s rise. Have a great day. Never, ever forget your power.

Credit: Think Smarter, Twitter

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Little Lost

I’m writing this on Wednesday night. We are leaving early in the morning again for yet another high school tennis tournament that could easily end up being my last big high school sporting event ever, out of the last 26 years in which I (with my husband) have raised four children and supported their schooling, and their activities, and their sports, every single year. Year after year. And this is blowing my mind. And it is blowing my heart. Into a million little pieces.

I never wanted my children to feel like I lived through them. I never wanted my children to feel like I was an endless blackhole pit of need, for them to fill. I always wanted us to enjoy each other as individuals, who are happy and fulfilled separately, but also eager to support, and to enjoy each other. Still, I dove in. I dove in deep into this pool of mothering. I love my family that we have created like nothing I have ever loved, and I love the friends whom my children love. I’m a natural mother hen. I protect those whom I love, and I protect those people whom my people love. One of my favorite boys on the team told me yesterday that it wasn’t likely that his parents would come to the tennis banquet. It wouldn’t interest them. This is a man-child who worked so hard to lose at least 50 pounds, and he worked endlessly to earn his number five spot on the team. All that I could think to say to him was, “Well, aren’t they stinkers?!?” And we hugged each other hard. And I thought, “Wow, your parents have missed out on so much, and they will never, ever get it back. And they will never know what all that they have missed.” And I thought that I am so grateful that I have savored these moments. Because now, “these moments” are almost done. “These moments”, that sometimes, quite frankly, I often wondered, in a frazzled state, if they would ever, ever end, are actually coming to what feels like a sudden, and abrupt close, and honestly, I feel a little lost. Honestly, I feel a little lost. I feel a little lost.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Favorite Gestures Friday

I was watching a video showing Supreme Court nominee, Ketanji Brown Jackson, being asked about how she would inspire children of our nation to reach the great heights that she has reached in her career and in her overall life. She choked up when she answered the senator’s question. Ketanji Brown Jackson made a point that sometimes it is the smallest gestures that make a huge difference in people’s lives. She relayed the story of being a black young lady from Miami, with a public school background, being at Harvard University for the first time, during her first semester freshman year. She was not used to the cold weather of Boston, nor the abundance of prep school kids who grew up with an entirely different background that she had, and she was terribly homesick. She was questioning whether she really belonged there. Jackson said that as she was walking dejectedly on the campus, an anonymous black woman came up to her, out of nowhere, looked her straight in the eye and said to her, “Persevere.” Obviously, she never forgot that moment. Ketanji Brown Jackson was relaying this very story about a stranger, as she was choked up with emotion, to a senator during the hearings to see if she will become the newest justice of The United States Supreme Court, and to be the first black woman ever to achieve this role.

Today, I don’t want to talk about favorite things like I usually do on Fridays. Physical things are great. They make life fun and interesting and creative and tactile and sensory. They evoke happy feelings when we are experiencing using and admiring the things that we love. There is nothing wrong with physical things, particularly our favorite things. But today, I pose this question. What are three of your favorite things that people have done for you that have left a lasting impression on you, and possibly even changed your life??

This morning my friend shared a text of a beautiful jar, created for her, by her daughter for her birthday. It is filled with little pieces of paper saying different things that she loves about her mother. It reminded me of my third grade teacher, who every week, would make a poster with one of us students’ individual names at the top. All week long, the other students would go up and write what was uniquely special and interesting about that particular student. At the end of the week, each student went home with their poster, filled with pride and happiness that their unique qualities were noticed and admired and appreciated. I never forgot that experience. I loved my poster and I was so happy for every “student of the week”, in anticipation of their feelings of joy and connectedness.

Sometimes it is the littlest gestures that mean the most. When my husband and I were first married, we were visiting people, and we ended up having a difficult, tumultuous, emotional time with these people. I was dejected as I got into the shower, anticipating an even more upsetting evening as we were all heading out to dinner. My husband had just showered before me, and as I reached for the soap, I saw that he had carved, “It’s okay. I love you,” into the soap. It is these small, kind gestures that make me fall in love with him again and again.

Use some time of this glorious Friday in your life, to reflect on all of the small but meaningful kindnesses bestowed on to you, and also reflect on kindnesses which you felt compelled to bestow on to others. This is love in action. What are some of your most favorite memories of kindness and inspiration and hope in your life? This will flood you with wonderful, hopeful feelings in this time, in the history of the world, which we so desperately need more of these feelings of lovingness to abound.

(And if you are so inclined, I would love if you, my readers, would share some of your stories about these kindnesses in my Comments section.)

Have a great weekend!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Love Is An Action

In the matter of less than six months, three members of our combined extended families have lost their spouses to sudden deaths. All three of these people who died were in their fifties and younger. This has been a lot to consider and to digest and to process. It has been a stark reminder to me of just how short life really is, and how important it is to savor all of it. In times of sorrow and of pain and of uncertainty, which since the pandemic started, seems to be more of the norm than it ever was before (at least in my own life), it really helps to be reminded of all of the good and the love and the wonder that still surrounds us. These two recent news stories filled me with hope for humanity.

The first was the story of the Polish women who left their strollers waiting for the Ukrainian refugee mothers who were coming into Poland, at the train station platforms. I am sure seeing those strollers meant so much more to these refugee mothers, than just the use of much needed baby strollers. It was a message of hope, and of love, and of empathy, and of unity, like nothing that we could ever convey in words:

https://www.today.com/parents/parents/strollers-refugees-viral-photo-rcna19020

The second inspiring news story is about a hotline created by a couple of teachers and their elementary students to uplift people who need to feel some hope and some joy. It is called “Peptoc.” I called the number this morning and I picked the option to hear children’s laughter. Is there a more beautiful sound in this world? I think not. The number is here: 707-998-8410 I may keep it on speed dial. Here is the article:

https://www.npr.org/2022/03/06/1084800784/peptoc-hotline-kindergarteners

Love is an action. What does your love action look like for today?

Love quote - Love is a verb. | Love is a verb, Love quotes with images, Love quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.