Tag: love

Six Percent

I did a search on my blog just now (I have been writing this blog almost daily for five years now) for “the holidays.” It turns out I have written eight pages of stuff about holidays. That’s a lot of writing about a relatively limited part of our lives. There are eleven official federal holidays in the United States. These holidays don’t include religious holidays such as Easter and Passover, and secular holidays such as Halloween and Valentine’s Day. So, for argument’s sake let’s bring the number up to around twenty holidays a year that we celebrate (with the idea of including our personal and family birthdays and anniversaries). Out of 365 days of the year, about twenty or so days are dedicated to holidays in our country. Less than a month, out of the twelve months in any given year are dedicated to holidays. About 6 percent of the year is dedicated to holiday celebrations. Ninety-four percent of any given year is filled with ordinary days.

Why am I turning the holidays into a banal, robotic, emotionless mathematical word problem? I am writing this because it helps with perspective. If you “live” for the holidays and celebrations, and the rest of your life feels like drudgery, or a countdown to your next celebration, you are putting all of your greatest living experiences into about six percent of your life. If you dread the holidays, and you live in angsty anticipation for weeks before any of the particular holidays arrive, you are living in fear of events which only take up about six percent of your life. The other 94% is all yours to do whatever you want to do with it, without the peripheral hoopla.

Perspective is important. Figuring low, at least 90% of our lives are spent in our everyday routines. If you wake up most days in eager anticipation of what the day may bring, whether it be a holiday or not, you will lead a fulfilling life. Don’t worry about the holidays. Don’t load them up with too many expectations. Put the same kind of effort, and thought, and hope into your every single day that you do for the holidays, and you will surprise yourself with a greater percentage of wonderful days. Don’t wait for the holidays to tell your friends and family that you love them and that you are grateful for them. Don’t wait for your birthdays to celebrate yourself. Live every single day of your life as a celebration of the gift of experiencing living a life. Our lives have been gifted to us, for no other reason than because Love and Creativity wanted to feel itself living a life through us and our individual perspectives. Perspective is everything. Keep this 6% perspective in mind this holiday season, and into the new year. If you make loving and cherishing your every single day in the new, upcoming year your major goal, next year’s six percent of holidays will just end up being the cherry on top, of your delicious, multi-faceted, fabulous sundae of a life.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: a still photo from The Notebook movie

RIP – Rosalynn Carter. I can’t be the only one who is wondering if Jimmy will soon follow Rosalynn in the near coming days. It sometimes seems that in this modern world, truly good-hearted people and long-lasting, devoted marriages often seem to be quaint, unusual relics of the past. Why is this? Shouldn’t these be the things that we work on to be commonplace and almost expected? Would the world be different if this is where we put the majority of our main focus and energy?

“Do you think that our love can create miracles?” – Allie Calhoun, The Notebook

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

I’m sorry for being delayed in writing today. We got reunited this year with dear friends from our younger years, when they recently moved closer to us, here in Florida. We just had such a fun visit with them. Both of our families were part of a big group of families from the same neighborhood, when our children were younger. We share so many lovely past memories of raising our children together, and we feel delighted to get to make some new “empty nester” memories now. I don’t have a poem of my own today, but I think that this is a wonderful, relatable one to share:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Country Road

“Without pattern and a mix of colors, this collection represents unpredictability. It represents the importance of differences. It represents hope. Our story is unwritten, but anything is possible with HOPE.” – enewton

Interestingly, on our latest trip last month, I purchased a lovely thin, purple beaded choker from the enewton jewelry collection. I put it on today, but I wanted to look up more about it, and see some of their other offerings, so I went to the enewton website just now. It turns out I had purchased a necklace from their HOPE Unwritten collection. See their explanation and inspiration for their HOPE Unwritten collection above. It is not lost on me that the quote which I had already chosen to springboard today’s writing (before looking up anything about my necklace) is printed on a lovely purple format. (This is what I mean when I tell you to look for the signs. Believe in them. Spirit communicates in many different languages, and in many different forms.)

The world needs hope in a big way, doesn’t it? And Lin Yutang has it right. We individually are not going to change the world, in an instant, but we can put our own footprints on to the path to healing and of hope. We can help to pave the way to a better way of living for everyone.

There is a lovely little chapel near to where I live, which sits on Hope Street (literally). A local woman had the chapel built as a shrine to Saint Michael, after her son miraculously survived an illness, which had put him into a coma. I’ve gone there a few times. It’s such a peaceful little spot and it never fails, every time that I’ve gone there I’ve seen license plates from all over the country in the tiny parking lot which sits next to the tiny, humble, but lovely chapel. This shrine has become a place of hope and peace and comfort for locals, as well as for travelers from near and far, for over eighty years.

We cannot solve the problems of the world in an instant. But we can create beautiful, new untravelled paths to love and to peace. We can be little shrines of hope to those around us, by being kind, and by being compassionate, and by believing that there are peaceful solutions to our world problems if we are willing to surrender our limited mindsets which say to us that we already know everything, or that things are futile because humanity is hopeless. This is just not the truth.

Today, even if it is just for the benefit of yourself, take steps towards hope. Pave your way to creating your own proverbial Hope Street, and stop by a little chapel in your own heart, and sink into that deep down knowing sense that everything is going to be alright. When you uplift yourself, you help to uplift our world. When you uplift yourself, you put your own footsteps on the road to Hope which we are all trying to pave together. Hope is your sacred duty. Hope is my sacred duty. Hope will lead the way.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Boys to Men

In the interest of time this morning, I am going to re-publish another one of my answers to a question on Quora, that seems to have resonated with people:

The question: Women who have had a son, has having a son changed the way you view men and boys? If so, in what ways?

“I am a mother of four children, three of them are young men. I was not raised with brothers. I have one younger sister. In short, in my younger years, men were more of a mystery to me. Then, my three sons came along.

I have found, by raising sons, that I am much more empathetic and sympathetic towards men than I have ever been before. I KNOW that men are much more vulnerable, and caring, than they ever want to pretend to be. I have stopped seeing men as so “simple.” I used to think that we women were so complicated and men were more basic in their needs and wants, but now I see how much more alike all of us really are, in just our genuine humanity.

I’ve always liked men. I have experienced mostly good men in my lifetime. My sons have deepened my affection and my understanding of men. Through me and their sister, I want my sons to experience the best side of women. I know that their experiences with me, will have a big influence on how they “see” women as a whole. I want my sons to respect women, care about women and see us as equals, so I am conscious of that when I interact with them. I also want them to have enough self-respect, to choose kind, considerate, loving women as their partners and friends.

In the end, I have tried to raise all of my children, my sons and my daughter, with self-assurance, self-respect and kindness and consideration for all other living beings. My sons are a little bigger, a little “smellier”, a little louder, and they eat a little bit more than their sister does, but underneath it all, they are four beautiful souls, trying to make their way in an expansive, wondrous, sometimes confusing and scary, but always interesting world. And they are forging their way through this, all in their own unique ways, no matter what their sexual make-up. Of course, it goes without saying each one of them is carrying an equal quarter of my heart with them, on their journeys.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday’s Journey

Okay, this is the part where you, my dear darling readers go, “Oh crap, she’s going to get serious on a Friday post. That’s not why I came here today.” But this is important for me to say. (sorry, not sorry) This morning I woke up to the sound of texts going off. One of my friends from college let us know that the husband of one of our sorority sisters had died by suicide a few days ago. He was a well-loved, successful doctor and a dedicated family man. They were known to post many of their family thrills and adventures on Facebook. Unfortunately suicide is more common than I ever wanted to believe. In the last few years, our own family has experienced suicide with two of our extended family members. This breaks my heart to hear of yet another tragic suicide.

Do you know why I write Friday posts? I write them because they are reminders that we don’t always have to stay in the mindspace of sad and serious and overwhelment and stress all of the time. We are allowed to, and we need to feel joy in all of the little “frivolous” things that bring smiles to our faces and to our hearts. Honestly the constant flow of the small joys is what is often more fulfilling and nourishing and sustaining for us, than the every once in a while, “Great Big Exciting Thing.” It is important for us to seek out and to savor the things which give us a sense of joy, and comfort, and interest, and amazement on a daily basis.

For a time, particularly during the shutdown of the pandemic, I answered a lot of questions on Quora. A while back, one person asked me to answer this question: What makes the journey worthwhile? and I got notice this morning that someone had “upvoted” my answer today. I don’t believe in coincidences. Here is my answer.

What makes the journey worthwhile?

“What activity/talent/passion do you do, that makes time stop for you? What activity gets you so engrossed in it, that you almost have an out of body experience while doing it?

These activities make the journey worthwhile.

What experiences have you had in nature that have literally taken your breath way? What things have seen in the natural world that had you so awe-struck that you had to ask yourself, if what you were witnessing, could possibly be real?

These experiences in nature make the journey worthwhile.

Who do you love so much, that when you look into their eyes you see both a mirror of yourself and the light of their own soul, all merged together, in such a way that this intimate connection sometimes actually brings you to tears?

These intimate connections with people/pets who you love, make the journey worthwhile.

What creations have you witnessed in art form, in architectural form, in musical form, in physical form, in written form, in acting form, that are so impossibly amazing and beautiful that it makes you proud to be part of the human race, who created them?

These creations make the journey worthwhile.

What little parts of your morning or daily routines, have you excitedly waking up, looking forward to doing, for the comfort and the structure and the security that they bring to your everyday existence?

These little comforts make the journey worthwhile.

What adversities have you triumphed over, that have added a level of strength and resilience and acceptance to your character that you never thought was possible?

These adversities make the journey worthwhile.

What food have you tasted, scent have you smelled, sound that you have heard, material have you felt, visions have you seen, and intuitions have you felt, can you still conjure up in your mind, because that particular experience was truly that overwhelmingly magnificent?

Your senses and the sensual experiences of life, make the journey worthwhile.

I think honestly, the original question is rather pointless. My question for you is this:

What DOESN’T make the journey worthwhile?”

And, friends, because I don’t like to disappoint you, my favorite for today is Happiness in a bottle, literally. This is an essential oil in a tiny little bottle made by a company called Earth Luxe. Supposedly the oil is an infusion of mandarin orange, vanilla and ginger. I’ve already sprayed so much Happiness in my writing nook that I have gone through two bottles of Happiness. Don’t we all deserve Happiness??

Have a great weekend. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @woofknight, Twitter/X

Did you watch the interview with the pop singer Pink last night on 60 Minutes? She’s turned her lifelong rebelliousness, “anti-pop” image, into a successful, sell-out concert crowd for 25 years. The interviewer, Cecilia Vega asked Pink if her famous snarl meant that Pink is a woman “that you don’t want to mess with.”

Pink said this:  “Well, this is a woman you don’t wanna mess with is a true statement. I know what certain people think of when they look at me, down to the fact that I’m muscular, I’m outspoken, and I have short hair. I’m possibly a dude— definitely a lesbian. People sort of put you in a box no matter what you look like. And my box happens to be if you’re outspoken and you don’t sort of bend to societal norms, then you’re scary and dangerous. . . . .The reality is I am the goofiest, most fun-loving person that will possibly kick your ass if I have to.”

Pink often feels like the outsider in her group of peers, but she doesn’t care. She says this:

“We sold three million tickets in the last six months, but you don’t really hear about it unless you went. So at the end of the day, do I give a –it who talks about me? As long as the mom and the daughter, or the dad who’s in the Pink t-shirt, as well as his daughter and her three friends, had a fantastic time– or the gay couple that came together and felt super safe at my show because no one heckled them, that’s what really matters.”

Friends, embrace your own unique brand of “weird” this week and start turning it into your superpower.

*******Notice: My husband and I will be celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary at the end of this week, and we have festivities and getaways planned, so I may choose to write every day, or I may not. This week is a week which I am dedicating to celebrating the most important union of my life. I said to my husband, “I guess that 29 years, isn’t a particularly special anniversary.” And he replied, “Well, we got married on the 29th. Twenty-nine years on the 29th, so I’d say that’s pretty special.” My husband has a way of putting my heart a-flutter, unexpectedly, all of time. He is my BIG love and that is where my focus will be this week. So please don’t worry if I don’t post every day. I’m taking it as it comes, and how I feel . . . . . . but as I always promised my four children when they were left with a sitter, “Mommy always comes back.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. I’ve been sitting here for a couple of hours, not allowing myself to leave my writing nook, until I wrote a poem. I felt like a child, who in her defiance, did not want to eat her peas, but was being commanded to stay at the table until she ate all of her peas. The last few weeks, I’ve been dodging my own heart and my own deep feelings, by publishing other people’s poems on Soul Sundays instead of my own. Poetry gets to the feels and lately, it’s really hard to feel the gush of feels coming from everything that is happening around us, isn’t it? So, I finally “ate my peas” and my poem for today is below. It felt good and nourishing to write it. “My peas” added to my vitality. Add to your own vitality today, and write a poem. Stay at the table and eat your peas. You won’t regret it.

In times when we must face the barbarism that lies within all of us, in pure sight for all to see,

the poetry does not flow. The heart wants to stay in its safe room, pretending that it is safe.

It is the heart who writes the poetry, but the heart is numb, beating in its anesthetic of desentization, which finally arose from the overflowing, salty mix of blood and tears of despair.

Hearts can only hold so much pain, until they turn into hard, lifeless stones which makes them the hearts of monsters.

Monsters don’t write poetry. They coldy snuff it out with their hearts of stone.

We must give our hearts life. We must bravely let our hearts leave their safe rooms, to breathe in the fullness of life. We must never let the poetry die.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Prime Time

I really enjoy listening to the speeches given by Deion Sanders, the former professional football and baseball player, and now head football coach of the Colorado Buffaloes, college football team. Deion has always been passionate, intense, and inspirational. He’s been an attention-seeking and an attention-getting character since he first started emerging as a big football star at Florida State University. He went on to mostly be known for his years playing in the NFL (while playing major league baseball in the off season), winning two Super Bowls during his career, and once being named “NFL Defensive Player of the Year.” Deion Sanders’ latest gig is being “Coach Prime”, the head football coach for the Buffaloes, for whom two of his sons play on the team. Yesterday, the Buffaloes lost to Stanford, 46-43 in double overtime. This happened despite a 29-0 Buffaloes lead at halftime. Needless to say, Coach Prime was not happy. Needless to say, Coach Prime hates to lose. Before I touch on the part of Coach Prime’s press conference which was held after the game- the part which really got me to thinking, I should mention that five hours ago, Coach Prime tweeted this: “Lord I thank u for everything. I’ve learned to accept the bad with the good because if it weren’t for the bad I wouldn’t know what Good is.” Four hours ago, a member of the Colorado sports press, Brian Howell tweeted this statement: “Side note: Before the season, a lot of people wondered how Deion Sanders would be after losses. I’ll say this: Win or lose, he’s been great with media after games. Clearly upset tonight but told us, “You deserve my best and I’m gonna try my best to give it to you.”

Clearly, at age 56, Deion Sanders seems to have matured a great deal, and he works to be an example for the youth whom he coaches. During the press conference, Deion was visibly disappointed and frustrated with how the game ended. He spoke a lot about complacency and how much he can’t stand complacency. This is how the Oxford Dictionary defines complacency: “a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one’s achievements.”

Here is the part of his conference that perked my ears up enough to really think about it and to write about it this morning:

“Make up your mind whether you’re in love with this game or you are in like with it. When you like it, that’s just a button you push. That’s what we do on social media. I, without a shadow of a doubt, am 100 percent in love with this game. When you love something you give to it unconditionally. You give it everything you got. Match me with my passion. Match me with my heart. Match me with my love. Match me with my consistency. . . .I love (the game) so much, but the game don’t even occupy the ability to love me back, that’s a strange love isn’t it?”

No, Deion, that’s not strange. That is the actual definition of true, unconditional love. I decided to use Deion’s speech for myself, for use in my own life. Perhaps you would want to join me in this little exercise? I have decided to list (privately) about five activities/occupations/roles in my life that I believe are the most important things to me. I am going to ask myself if I have grown complacent in any of these areas. I want to make sure that the people/places/things/actions which I am in love with, are getting my full passion, my heart, my love and my consistency. I don’t want to just smugly press “the like button” on the things which mean the most to me. That’s not living fully. That’s not living passionately. That’s not living with the unconditional love which is given to us freely, with the gift of life. Thank you, Coach Prime. I got the message. And it’s a beautiful message and not strange at all.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.