Tag: life

Tuesday’s Tidbits

+ Yesterday I stumbled across this appetizer serving plate in a store that unfortunately had a small chip in it (as in a crack or break, not a Doritos nacho chip), and they didn’t have any other of these plates for me to buy. It said “Dipshit” and I thought that was totally hilarious. Looking for a similar plate online, I found all sorts of profane and hilarious plates and so I had my own private comedy hour (although I did text some pictures of the plates to friends, to laugh along with me. Laughter is best when it is multiplied.) The one that seemed to get the most laughs from all of us, was this one:

To be funny, humor always has to have a hint of truth in it. Sadly, many of us talk to ourselves this way, even when we are giving ourselves a “pep talk.” For example, the next time that you feel irritated with your mood, and you angrily scream at yourself “Could you just stay in the moment, and be peaceful for once???”, etc. remember this plate, and laugh. Laugh at yourself. Put your inner bitch to the side, and be kind. Be kind to yourself.

+ Our Boykin spaniel, Trip, is kind of a jerk. He’s our jerk and we adore our jerk, but he’s a jerk. Trip is bossy, boisterous, wary of anyone who isn’t family, attention-seeking, snappy, hyper, and overall, mostly obnoxious. His looks are adorable (he’s been compared to Bob Marley if Bob Marley were a dog), and Trip’s fur is luxuriously soft and he is the most affectionate dog whom I have ever lived with in my life (and I have lived with many a dog over the years). Still, overall, Trip is kind of a jerk. And we have mostly accepted this about him, since he is five years old and nothing about his mannerisms have changed all that much. So my husband and I were walking the jerk and the other sweet one (the beautiful, calm, elegant collie) last night, and we passed a man walking his dog, whom we have passed many times on the road, typically just greeting each other with waves and nods, but that’s about it. Yesterday night, the man stopped, just as Trip was pulling my husband in zealous zigzags, just as he does very night, except to occasionally enthusiastically kick up dirt and rocks with his back legs, just for the helluva it – a fun shower for us all. Sigh. The man yelled over to us, “I have to tell you guys that seeing your dog every night makes me so happy. It lifts my spirit. He’s like a happy, busy little kid. You guys are so lucky. He is so full of life. He makes me happy and filled with energy just watching him. Your dog is something special.”

Honestly, that might be the first genuine, amazing compliment that Trip has ever gotten from anyone outside of our family. We are used to the backhanded compliments about him, “Well, at least he looks cute . . . .” Trip didn’t understand the compliment. Nor would he care. Trip was busy putting his nose into a tortoise cave at this point. But I relished the compliment. I relished it because it was a reminder to look for the good in everything. It was a reminder that we all have different tastes in things, people, places, ideas, dogs . . . .and that’s what makes the world go around. It’s what makes the world interesting. The kind compliment was a reminder that a curse can also be a blessing, and that it is best to try to seek out and to focus on the blessing part, whenever we can. It was also a reminder to be like Trip. Trip doesn’t listen to the boos or the cheers (one of the greatest basketball players of all times, Bill Russell was booed almost nightly by racist crowds. His daughter asked him if he heard the boos and he told her this: “I don’t hear the boos because I don’t hear the cheers.” Bill Russell was confident and comfortable in his own skin, He focused on what he did best, and what he loved, and he cancelled out the outside noise. Bill Russell didn’t need cheers to validate himself, and so the boos didn’t phase him.)

+ Here is a poignant quote from the classic 1970s book, How to Be Your Own Best Friend: ” . . . you have to make a very basic decision: do you want to lift yourself up or put yourself down? Are you for yourself or are you against yourself? This may seem like a strange question, but many people are literally their own worst enemy. If you decide to help yourself, you can choose to do the things that make you feel good about yourself instead of the things that make you feel terrible. Why should you do what gives you pain when it is just as easy to give yourself joy?” (To drive the point home, see exhibit one above, “plate.” To further drive the point home, see exhibit two above, “perspective.”)

“Don’t use errors as an excuse to beat yourself up. Use them as an opportunity to lift yourself up.” – Alan Cohen

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Must Addition

I know that these reflections of Pope Francis are circulating widely on social media, but I have always looked at my blog as a thought museum. These beautiful reflections are A MUST for the archives here at Adulting – Second Half:

“The walls of hospitals have heard more honest prayers than churches…
They have witnessed far more sincere kisses than those in airports…
It is in hospitals that you see a homophobe being saved by a gay doctor.
A privileged doctor saving the life of a beggar…
In intensive care, you see a Jew taking care of a racist…
A police officer and a prisoner in the same room receiving the same care…
A wealthy patient waiting for a liver transplant, ready to receive the organ from a poor donor…

It is in these moments, when the hospital touches the wounds of people, that different worlds intersect according to a divine design. And in this communion of destinies, we realize that alone, we are nothing.

The absolute truth of people, most of the time, only reveals itself in moments of pain or in the real threat of an irreversible loss.

A hospital is a place where human beings remove their masks and show themselves as they truly are, in their purest essence.

This life will pass quickly, so do not waste it fighting with people.
Do not criticize your body too much.
Do not complain excessively.
Do not lose sleep over bills.
Make sure to hug your loved ones.
Do not worry too much about keeping the house spotless.
Material goods must be earned by each person—do not dedicate yourself to accumulating an inheritance…

You are waiting for too much: Christmas, Friday, next year, when you have money, when love arrives, when everything is perfect…

Listen, perfection does not exist.
A human being cannot attain it because we are simply not made to be fulfilled here.
Here, we are given an opportunity to learn.

So, make the most of this trial of life—and do it now.

Respect yourself, respect others. Walk your own path, and let go of the path others have chosen for you.
Respect: do not comment, do not judge, do not interfere.

Love more, forgive more, embrace more, live more intensely!
And leave the rest in the hands of the Creator.”
—Pope Francis 🙏

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I Am

I was going to wait until tomorrow to write this post. For years, when I blogged daily, I devoted Sundays on the blog, entirely to poetry, so that seemed like the apropos day to write about this gem which I have to tell you about. Yet, I’m too excited to wait until tomorrow. Yesterday, I devoured an entire book of poetry. And I’m not a huge poetry fan. The book which I read, is called I Am Maria by Maria Shriver. To be clear, I am not a big Kennedy family follower/fan. I have never read any of the other many books that Maria Shriver has written, but I can honestly say that I Am Maria is one of the best books that I have read in a long, long while. Every woman whom I know and I love, came to mind as I read Maria’s many, various poems. I believe that most women could relate to at least 20 percent of the book and most women would relate to a whole lot more of it. If you are a woman, a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a lover, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a God seeker, you will deeply relate to these honest, raw, vulnerable, authentic poems. It will inspire to open yourself up to your own inner poet. Do yourself a favor, and gift yourself this book. From one of Maria Shriver’s poems:

“I know I have the soul of a seeker.

The heart of a warrior.

The mind of a thinker.

The drive of a visionary.

And the spirit of a wild horse.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Jetlag

I have experienced jetlag in the past, but never has it hit me so hard as it has this week, coming home from Japan. My husband is experiencing the same phenomenon. I spent most of the day Friday, thinking it was Saturday. We both wake up like clockwork around 2 a.m. every night, and we can’t fall back to sleep until 5 a.m. or so. Yesterday when we fell back to sleep, we slept to after 11 a.m. Today I forced the both of us to get up and out of bed at 8:30 a.m., and despite two cups of coffee, I am still in a zoned-out fog.

We experienced the same jetlag when we arrived in Japan, but the excitement and the adrenaline of seeing and experiencing new things kicked in, and waking up early had the added benefit of being the first ones in-line for breakfast. And after walking 22,000 steps a day, sleep was easier to come by (and to stay with) each night.

It doesn’t help that we both caught colds towards the end of our trip (packed cities of people and tourists made this almost inevitable). Colds are the perfect ingredient for making you feel out-of-sorts, cranky and sleepy. I haven’t felt this desirous to just be “back to normal” in a long, long time.

I always say that one of my favorite parts of travel is the appreciation that it gives to you for your own home, and for your own everyday life. I am also feeling an appreciation for my everyday lifestyle/sleep cycle, and I am panging for it to return.

“And if tonight my soul may find her peace in sleep, and sink in good oblivion, and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.” – D.H. Lawrence

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

They Both Got Good Ones

This morning on a phone call:

Me: Did you hear that Dolly Parton’s husband died?

My husband: Yes, and when I saw that news I thought to myself, Kelly’s going to dive deep into that one.

He knows me so well. I had already read about a dozen articles about Dolly’s marriage and extremely private husband. They were supposedly opposites, but they loved each other’s company. Dolly called Carl Dean, her husband, her “best friend” and she said that they shared a naughty sense of humor. While Carl Dean hated the limelight and he was, in her words, more of a “loner”, he always supported her decision to be a country music star and everything that comes with that profession. Carl told her that he had picked her, not the lifestyle, and that he would always pick her for the rest of his life. In one video, Dolly (who met Carl Dean when she was just 18 years old, and married him at age 20) spoke of the great comfort it is to come home to someone who clearly knows you, and who loves you for exactly who you are, when everything else is stripped away.

My favorite quote about Dolly and Carl was from a reddit thread from a couple of years ago. One redditor simply said, “They both got good ones.” I think that sums it up perfectly. Maybe for some, that is all that there is, to the simplest, best formula for a happily ever after marriage.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Next Exhibit

“Nobody can drive you crazy unless you agree to sit in their passenger’s seat.” – Alan Cohen

^^^^^Here’s another one that I had to have for our shared thought museum, here at Adulting – Second Half. How true is this statement? As I am writing this, a squirrel is trying to get Trip (our excitable and infamous, and unfortunately proven, squirrel hunter/killer Boykin spaniel) to fully engage. The daredevil squirrel is tapping on the fence and slowly walking across it, twitching its tail tantalizingly, and frequently pausing and watching Trip, as he cheekily shows off his tricky little tightrope routine/show. Interestingly, Trip is watching calmly and alertly in the backyard, but he is not choosing to engage in what is usually (thank goodness) a fruitless game. Trip is enjoying the plush grass, the still cool air, and his full tummy from the hearty breakfast that he just consumed. He is taking a backseat and allowing the show to go on, without participating in it. The squirrel is annoyed with this, surprisingly. He seems agitated and keeps chirping incessantly at Trip. Apparently, Rocky the squirrel, likes high stakes games of putting his life on the line for the pure thrill and excitement of it. (I truly believe that much like free solo mountain climbers, there is something annoyingly unusual in squirrels’ brains which makes them relatively fearless and antagonizing. My apologies to squirrel lovers, but not really.)

It is nice and surprising to see Trip not jump shotgun into the squirrel’s Ferrari. It shows a healthy side of Trip seldom seen. I believe that this bodes well for a peaceful day for all of us.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A Letter to my Soulmates

“Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.” – Sai Baba

Dear Friends,

I don’t know about you, but I usually love the start of the new year because it makes me feel inspired and energized and “raring to go.” But honestly, at this time, this year, I feel a little differently. I feel a little depleted. I feel a little confused, and a little out of sorts. I feel a little overwhelmed and undirected and not as confident as usual.

Our country has been through a lot of intensity, in the last six months or so, particularly. We have dealt (and are still dealing) with out-of-proportion natural events, out-of-proportion political events, and also, as we know that every personal life is a world unto its own, so many of us have dealt with out-of-proportion personal events going on at the same time as the major events around us swirl (storms within storms). Intensity is not necessarily “bad.” But even feeling intensely good is a stressor to our minds, and our bodies, and our souls. Intensity, by its very definition, is a lot.

We all know that we have very little to no control of people and of events outside of ourselves, but the beauty of it is, we DO have control of how we react and how we respond to everything. And no one else has control over these reactions and these responses, but us.

I have often thought that our responses to situations come out of two places – fear or love. This is confusing sometimes, because how can you love something that you deem as truly awful? How can you approach something terrible with love? Faith comes from love. Hope comes from love. Curiosity and openness comes from love. Community and service and generosity comes from love. Optimism comes from love. Fear breeds faithlessness, hopelessness, closed mindedness, isolation, suspicion and greed and pessimism. Loving someone or something doesn’t mean that you always agree with it, or like it, or enjoy it. Loving someone or something doesn’t mean that you don’t want the circumstances to change. Loving just means fully accepting something as it currently is, and choosing a faithful, hopeful, curious, open-minded, service-minded, generous, optimistic approach to the situation, and to yourself and to others, all at the same time.

We recently spent a lovely night with close friends of ours whose home was greatly damaged in the Florida hurricanes of last fall. Despite the sadness, and frustrations, and the awfulness of the situation, our friends talked of getting closer to their friends and neighbors. They talked of the joy and excitement of seeing a waterway opened that had long been closed to boats and activities. They talked of fun changes which they can make to their home, that they had long talked about doing. They spoke with faith, hope, curiosity, openness, and abundance. They spoke of love for each other, for their home, for their community and for their state. Would have they preferred to not go through the travesty of the hurricanes? Of course! But they are choosing to respond to the situation out of love, and not out of fear.

It is my belief, that our souls decided to experience this lifetime. It is my belief that our souls decided that we were up for the adventure, and also for the triumphs and even the travesties that could come from this daunting adventure. Our souls signed on to carry out Sai Baba’s quotation: “Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.” Our souls decided to take this roller coaster ride of our lifetimes, knowing that at the end of the ride, despite all of its thrills, and all of its ups and downs, we would end up safely at our port of entry. Our love of tactile, sensual, creative experiences overcame our fears of the unknown, as we stepped into the seats to take the rides of our lives.

Much love to you all, my dear soulmates,

Kelly

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Holy Days

I like Christmas Eve best of the holidays because it tends to be the quietest time of the season. It is gray here today and typically, I don’t love gray days. Florida spoils everyone with its almost constant sunshine and so usually, I almost feel affronted when an occasional gray day appears, but today, I truly feel grateful for it. It is the closest thing that we’ll get to a snowy Christmas Eve. It is a quiet gray morning and it feels just right.

I read today that “holidays” really means “holy days.” We are currently experiencing a really spiritual time of the year. No matter what you celebrate or don’t celebrate, what religious/spiritual practices you do, or you do not partake in, there is a “holiness” about an ending of another year of our lives. Holiness means sacred. It means spiritually perfect and pure. There is a deep holiness to this time of slowing down and reflection and insight and reminders of all of the awe that comes from being alive. I read a quote this morning from the songwriter/poet, 77-year-old Patti Smith, that said something like, despite every negative thing that brings her down, going on around us, in the world and even in her own personal life, she still loves to be alive. She still loves to create. She still loves to do her work. If we are honest with ourselves, almost all of us, deeply cling to life. Maybe despite all of our grumblings, the truth is, most of us love to live.

I get really quiet at this time of year. I tend to go deeply inward. Sometimes this feels awkward and scary and I know that it puzzles those who are closest to me, and who also intimately know my wild, wacky, free-and-easy, cheerful loud sides. For me, these “holy days” are a time of absorption and sorting and processing everything (and all of the feels that come with that “everything”) which I have experienced in another whole year of my life. It is a time of deciding what I really need to part from, with all of the more accumulation of everything that occurred over another year of my life, and also what I need to hold on to, and to keep, as sacred. It is a personal system that requires stillness and awareness and vulnerability, and that is why I like the quietness of Christmas Eve.

I am wishing all of you the most lovely things in which these “holy days” have to offer. I am wishing for all of us the ability to surrender to what gifts this unique season has to offer to each of us – the kinds of unexpected gifts that may take quite some time to unwrap, and to ponder, and to assimilate into the new year. Happy Holy Days. May blessings abound.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fluidity

Everything is fluid. Even how you think about things is fluid. Especially how you think about things is fluid. We have started getting Christmas cards and a couple of them have come from people who were from a time when we lived in a whole different state. I have really fond memories of the people there. We were young families, literally raising our kids as a village. The neighborhood we lived in was mammoth. It was so big that it was essentially our neighborhood kids filling the entire elementary school. But yet, the neighborhood felt small, due to the wonderful circle of people we cavorted with there.

Many of our former inner circle there, like us, have left the neighborhood, for different neighborhoods (upsizing and downsizing) and like us, have even left for different states. We had to leave that neighborhood, and that state, back in 2011, for the necessity of greener pastures to support our large family quickly descending upon college age. So, leaving there, was truly bittersweet. We had poured our heart and souls into re-designing and adding on to the home where we lived there, with the faulty assumption that it would be the home that even our grandchildren would come to visit. And then, almost immediately after we finished the totally draining (both emotionally and financially) years long housing project, the Great Recession housing crash happened. We essentially had to give that home away for pennies on the dollar.

For many years, I had bitter feelings about that home. It had become a financial burden and albatross around our necks. It became “the thing” that made it hard to get “a fresh new start” in our new state. It was amazing that a creation that I had once had been so proud of, and had poured so much of my heart and creative vision into, had quickly turned into one of my biggest nightmares. It was a really humbling, shocking, disillusioning time in the lives of our family. And for years, only thoughts of anger and disbelief and frustration and regret, surrounded any ideas of our former home.

Today, out of curiosity, after receiving the cards that reminded me of our “former life”, I looked up our former home. It had been sold again in 2017 and the owners had added on even more beautiful updates. Interestingly, I noticed that all of my feelings of anger and disgust, had dissipated. I am back to feeling proud of “my former creation.” I am back to feeling deeply proud of the fingerprints, and the heartbeats, and the creative vision that we had for that home. I am mostly proud of the happy history and memories that we added to that place which we called home for a time in the life of our family. I am back to feeling only a full fondness for a lovely time in my life, and the lovely nest which we had created for our family at that time. And at the same time, I have no desire to go back. I am truly fulfilled at where I am in my life right now, and I see how all of the dots in my life have been connected and are being connected, as the picture of my life is being lived.

I have noticed this circling around of feelings and perspectives many times, about many people and situations, in my own life. I have also noticed this in the lives of others. Life has a way of softening the edges, after processing the hard stuff. How many people, having gone through vicious divorces, end up deeply hugging each other at their shared children’s major milestones? How many people have been able to find the gifts of lessons and silver linings, and forgiveness of self and others, in even the worst circumstances of their lives? Oprah Winfrey is credited with saying this: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.”

If you are going through a tough time in your life, give yourself the knowing that someday you will likely look at this situation with a different perspective. The worst, sharpest edges causing the gashes, and the bleeding, and the pain, will dull with time. The sharpest edges will stop being able to hurt you anymore. That’s the beauty of true forgiveness. It’s an acceptance of what is, and deciding to only take the “good stuff” from the situation. Forgiveness is finally stopping the continually gashing of yourself with the sharp edges, and allowing yourself to heal the wounds, so that when you come back to viewing the situation, you will see that the now dulled edges, can’t really hurt you anymore. You will find that with time and distance, the healing has created a strong (and sometimes scarred, but often stronger for the scarring) barrier to what was once a truly visceral, seemingly unending pain. Believe this. Stop poking at your pains and let them be. Allow the miracle of the change of perspective to appear when the timing is just right. Believe in impermanence and fluidity because they really are the only constants in life, besides the underlying Love that holds us all afloat.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Ingratitude

“Not using your talents is an act of ingratitude.” – Holiday Mathis

My husband was telling me that he read an article that stated that Thanksgiving is quickly becoming America’s favorite holiday. He said that the article suggested this is because Thanksgiving is less commercialized than other holidays, and it is focused on gratitude. It always feels good to feel gratitude. It always feels good to be reminded of all of the plenty and abundance in our lives. When people list what they are grateful for the common lists seem to be: family, friends, home, health, food, pets, savings, etc. That’s why when I read the above quote this morning, it gave me pause. If someone were sitting around the Thanksgiving table and they started spouting how thankful they were for their intelligence, their creativity, their physical prowess, their beautiful singing voice, their gardening skills etc. we might think to ourselves, “How arrogant!”, but yet, we all benefit when people use their talents to the best of their abilities. Our Thanksgiving feasts are delicious because talented cooks came up with the recipes. We are entertained Thanksgiving Day by the talented singers and dancers and musicians and float creators that start with the Macy’s Day parade. We often watch amazing athletes later that day, playing football and other sports. Many of us went to go see Wicked over the weekend (my daughter and I among them) and besides the incredible actors, the talent that went into making that movie from the writers, to the special effects people, to the directors, etc. etc. is a list as long as the credits that are played at the end of each film which we see.

I often would spout to my children, “Actions speak louder than words.” Gratitude is an action. When we are grateful to be alive, our actions reflect this. When we are grateful to be able to do, and to enjoy the things that come naturally to us, we are giving ourselves (and the world) the gift of gratitude in action. When we squander our gifts and talents, that is like throwing a present away in the face of the Bestower. Don’t be humble. Be thankful. Share your gifts with the world. They are singular. No one does anything like you do it, and no one will ever do things exactly like you do them, again. Don’t cheat yourself. Don’t cheat us. The opposite of today’s quote is: “Using your talents, is an act of gratitude.” Today, be your gratitude.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.