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What Is Resonating Today

“I saw my shadow today. 6 more weeks of dieting.” – Jessie@mommajessiec (Twitter)

“You’ll solve the problem and get a surge of gleeful excitement. This kind of charge could get addictive. And who do you have to thank for it? The problem itself, without which none of this would be possible.” – Holiday Mathis

“Welcome to your 50’s; you’re unable to drive at night now.” – whatitsmenej (Twitter)

These quotes above, are what is resonating with me this morning. Using my recent colonoscopy as a springboard, my husband and I decided to give the popular “intermittent fasting” a try, in order to lose some of the pandemic pounds that were so easily added over the last couple of years. (Why is it never as easy to take these pounds off, as it was to put them on?!?) We went to bed at 8:23 p.m. last night, to end the suffering. I am seriously considering going on Ralphie’s (our Labrador retriever) diet, instead. A couple of cups of Hills Science Diet RX Ridiculously Expensive Emergency Lose Weight In a Big Hurry or Pay For ACL Surgery kibble actually sounds like a bountiful banquet, compared to yesterday’s Jello and broth cuisine. (although, of course, Ralphie was still begging for my Jello . . .)

And how about Holiday Mathis’s quote? It’s true, isn’t it? There is great satisfaction in solving problems, but if there are no problems, there is nothing to solve. We all know the typical, classic good feelings, such as giving and receiving gifts of love and kindness, or finding something, like a book or a movie or an adventure to be funny and fun and enthralling, or the feeling of being totally passionate about someone or something, or the feeling of great pride in achieving a hard-won goal. (and honestly, one of my all-time favorite feelings is satisfying my raging curiosity) But right up there, in the all-time greats of feelings, is the satisfaction of problem-solving, right? There is something really triumphant feeling about checking off another thing on the “to-do” list. So, the next time we look at our exhausting, seemingly never-ending to-do lists of things to do and to fix and to solve and to get to the bottom of, let’s also look at these lists as a list of things that are going to bring us the excellent feeling of great satisfaction, with each item that we finish, and cross off of the list. We all know, “There is no light without darkness.”

Finally, when I was young and stupid, it used to annoy me when older women would complain about driving in the dark. “Things have a weird haze to them at night now, especially the street lights.” “My depth perception is all funny at night.” “I don’t like to drive too far in the dark.” Damn, it wasn’t a made-up thing. Add “I don’t like to drive too much at night anymore,” to my list of things which I told myself that I would never, ever say when I got older, but have already said, more than once. Never say never.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Lesson of the Curls

Quotes about Psychological projection (26 quotes)

The ego loves projection,... | Quotes & Writings by Your Voice | YourQuote

This is how my mind works: For some crazy reason, as I was folding some laundry earlier this week, I started to think about a girl who I was friends with, in middle school. We were in a lot of the same classes and we played on the basketball team together. One day, we were being driven to practice by her mother, and I distinctly remember my friend turning around, from her front seat, looking at me, and saying how much she hated when people didn’t comb out their hair. Now, this was back in the early eighties, when a lot of us girls set our hair, in pink foam curlers, at night (you know the ones). Lovely. Just lovely. Ha! Anyway, my friend and I were no exception to the pink curler habit. Now, my friend, was a really cute girl, and she had really cute, short blond hair that she set in these pink foam curlers, every single night. And truth be told, my friend seemingly never really completely combed out any of those curls. It was something that I had actually noticed about her many times. Even that day, I had noticed a row on the back of her head, of uncombed out, blonde curls that could have easily still been molded on to the pink foam, that’s how perfectly and distinctly those curls sat, perched on the back of her head. But really, she was an adorable girl, she was my friend, and I figured that she liked to wear her hair that way.

At that moment, when my friend decided to announce that she hated uncombed hair on people, I kind of froze. My first go-to move, as any insecure, gawky, middle-school age girl would do (and honestly, probably the first go-to of any woman, of any age, who feels a little insecure about her own looks and persona, on any particular day) was to quickly finger my own hair, to make sure that I had combed it out sufficiently. My next go-to, which is always my go-to move, to this day, was to start panicking and to start over-thinking about the situation. Was this a test? What would a true friend do? Should I tell her about her own uncombed curls? Does she know about her curls, and is daring me to say something? Would this turn into an argument? Would she start counter-attacking me? Could I handle that? Was our friendship doomed over uncombed curls?

I remember deciding to just meekly agree with her and then quickly change the subject. “I know, I hate that, too. How’d you do on the English quiz?” I must have said something to this affect. But obviously and pathetically, this is an exchange that I still go over in my mind, from time to time, forty years later. (Am I alone in remembering some of this crazy, random stuff? The amount of stuff that I don’t remember scares me sometimes, but these kinds of seemingly inconsequential, quirky memories are the kinds of situations that my mind likes to catalog, and then send frequent pop-up reminders, like pop-up ads on the internet. And next, my mind goes, “Hey, this could be a blog post.” And then, here we are . . . )

As I pondered this situation, in my mind, once again, earlier this week, I thought to myself, “It really is true. Whenever we really have a visceral reaction to something, or when we decide that we have to announce that we “hate” something, there most likely, is a hint of whatever that thing is, inside of us, that we have decided to disown.” The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. If we are indifferent to something, we really don’t care about it. The things that we are indifferent about, have no meaning or interest to us. Love and hate evoke passion and strong feelings. We feel attached to the things which we love, and yes, it is true, we even feel attachment to the things which we say that we hate.

I decided that I might finally be able to put that silly memory about my friend to rest, if I memorialize it, by playing sleuth on my own self. The next time that feel the need to announce that I hate what someone else is doing, I must look for that same action in myself. I must humble myself to find it, try to correct it, and to forgive myself for 1) doing it, and 2) for projecting it completely on to someone else. I am the only “project” that I have to work on in this world. And oh my, what an eccentric, complicated, interesting, goofy, fun, intriguing project I have been assigned! The project of “me” is enough for any one lifetime. This I know.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Fill

Like so many others, I was shocked to read the story of the former Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst, killing herself by jumping off the 29th floor of a New York City building. Cheslie Kryst was an absolutely stunning young woman, who had both an MBA and a law degree from a very prestigious university. She worked as a correspondent for Extra Television (for which she had been nominated for Emmy awards) and she had her own fashion business. In March of 2021, she wrote as essay for Allure magazine about turning 30. Here are some excerpts from that essay:

“Each time I say, “I’m turning 30,” I cringe a little. Sometimes I can successfully mask this uncomfortable response with excitement; other times, my enthusiasm feels hollow, like bad acting. Society has never been kind to those growing old, especially women. (Occasional exceptions are made for some of the rich and a few of the famous.) When I was crowned Miss USA 2019 at 28 years old, I was the oldest woman in history to win the title, a designation even the sparkling $200,000 pearl-and-diamond Mikimoto crown could barely brighten for some diehard pageant fans who immediately began to petition for the age limit to be lowered.“

A grinning, crinkly-eyed glance at my achievements thus far makes me giddy about laying the groundwork for more, but turning 30 feels like a cold reminder that I’m running out of time to matter in society’s eyes — and it’s infuriating . . . .

After a year like 2020, you would think we’d learned that growing old is a treasure and maturity is a gift not everyone gets to enjoy. Far too many of us allow ourselves to be measured by a standard that some sternly refuse to challenge and others simply acquiesce to because fitting in and going with the flow is easier than rowing against the current. I fought this fight before and it’s the battle I’m currently fighting with 30.

When I graduated from college and opted to continue my studies at Wake Forest University, I decided I’d earn a law degree and an MBA at the same time. (Why stop at two degrees when you can have three?) I joined a trial team at school and won a national championship. I competed in moot court; won essay competitions; and earned local, regional, and national executive board positions. I nearly worked myself to death, literally, until an eight-day stint in a local hospital sparked the development of a new perspective. . . .

I discovered that the world’s most important question, especially when asked repeatedly and answered frankly, is: why? Why earn more achievements just to collect another win? Why pursue another plaque or medal or line item on my résumé if it’s for vanity’s sake, rather than out of passion? Why work so hard to capture the dreams I’ve been taught by society to want when I continue to find only emptiness?

Too often, I noticed that the only people impressed by an accomplishment were those who wanted it for themselves. Meanwhile, I was rewarded with a lonely craving for the next award. Some would see this hunger and label it “competitiveness”; others might call it the unquenchable thirst of insecurity.“

After reading this, I ran into the kitchen and I hugged my daughter and I reminded her that she is lovable just as she is. She is she. And that is wonderful, and it is enough. It will always be enough. Just fully “being” in every single moment, is all that is required to live, and to experience this awesome adventure which we call life and living. That existential hole that exists in all of us, cannot be filled with beauty, accomplishments, money, stuff, addictions, trips, awards, compliments, degrees, relationships. It can never be filled with externals, as desperately as we try sometimes. Our voids are filled, when we realize that everything that we need is already contained inside each and everyone of us. The one universal thing that every single one of us human beings shares, is Awareness. We all share the ability to notice what we are sensing, to notice what our fleeting thoughts are saying to us, and to be mindful as to where our emotions land in our bodies. We all even have the ability to notice the universal “hollow of the void.” If we can accept that everyone has the same exact peaceful, untouchable, eternal Awareness, inside of each and every one of us, and that Awareness unjudgmentally notices and stays in awe of everything in our unified experience, then we really aren’t alone, nor separate, are we? The Awareness is what is truly experiencing a (and every) lifetime in a certain body, in a certain set of circumstances, during a certain time period. And the Awareness is experiencing everything, at all times, forevermore. (Remember Awareness is the ocean, we are the waves.) Our silly little made-up egos and personalities (the little ripples and waves), are just along for the ride of the bigger Ocean’s overall experience. The hole isn’t empty. It never has been. It has always been quite full and it flows eternally. We just need to remember that we are not separate from Life/Awareness/Ocean/God. We are all One with it. And if we can keep that perspective, and remember to just live in the moment, and if we don’t take our own “little selves” too seriously, we can experience our lives the way our lives were meant to be experienced, moment by moment, in peaceful awe and pleasure and in pride of our One Ever-Flowing Beautiful Creation.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

“Some people are museums of little things that matter.” – ghost @dead poet ______ (Twitter)

I love this quote. We all know people like this, don’t we? These are people who have a knack of putting neat little touches on anything and everything. Or these are the people who know just the right words to say, or the things to do, just at the right time. I have always said that I want this blog to be a sweet little museum of thought and ideas. I like being a curator of “things that make you go hmmm.” I like being a curator of little thoughts that can make a big difference. I like being reminded of the little things that matter.

With that thought in mind, Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog and I have discovered a new (new to me, anyway), interesting, spicy new poet. He’s a little profane and to the point, which makes his poetry so good. My amazing aunt, who has been a wonderful supporter of my blog, since day one, recently told me that she likes all of the different “voices” which I bring to the blog. She was paying me a kind compliment, but I, of course, had to make the joke that the blog’s different “voices” all come from my multiple personalities (you know, all of the little voices in my head 😉 ). Today, I celebrate the naughty, edgy side of my personality, by sharing this poet’s work. If you prefer to keep Sundays sweet and holy, perhaps it is best to read Jonny Ox’s poetry, tomorrow.

Jonny Ox | Words, Daily affirmations, Quotes

Jonny Ox — Just in case you don't know what's happening,...

Someone should knock on common sense's door and make sure that fucker's still aLIVE. -Jonny Ox - America's best pics and videos

There is enough pain in the world nd those of us who recognize it are obligated not to cause a@ single drop more -jonny ox - America's best pics and videos

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

These Five Statements

The Wise Connector on Twitter posed this question a few hours ago. Most people answered “I need help” but many people admitted that all of the above are difficult things to say. I wonder if you could test your own personal evolution with the idea of reaching the point in your own life, that none of these statements would be hard to say. All of these statements could just roll off your tongue, as easily as “I’m hungry,” or, “I like Netflix.”

For the longest time, I didn’t tell people that I loved them. I just assumed that they knew and honestly, it felt a little squirmy to say it. Then, something clicked in me, probably about ten years ago, that made it much easier and pertinent for me to tell my people that I love them. If I am honest though, it mostly comes out as, “Love you!” For some reason “Love you!” feels light and casual and less vulnerable. Lately, I have been making the conscious effort to add “I” in front of “love you.” I’ve been telling my people, “I love you.” The “I” connects and commits me to the the love which I so deeply feel for my loved ones. So, my wonderful readers, know this: I love you.

The things that I am most proud of in my life, I have had to make a conscious, deliberate decision to do, and to be. Usually these decisions came from wanting to make a change from something that was causing pain in my life. That’s the beauty of pain. Pain is viscerally telling us that we need to take things in a different direction. I wonder if we all have some areas of pain in our own lives, that could be healed by us being able to say, any and all, of the statements written above, with purity of heart and intention and commitment? It could be that simple. It really could.

“To anyone afraid to love, Unconditional love is the greatest of gifts. My dad loved with everything he had. He had so many reasons to be scared to love. So many loved ones kept dropping the body. Instead of being scared, he loved more. I am beyond grateful to receive and to give that love.

Love completely and be kind. Of all the lessons he taught me, these feel the biggest.” – Lara Saget, about her late father, Bob Saget

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Somebody

I’m hesitant to write this because I am fully aware that this will come across as a brag, or at the very least, a “humble brag”. It will make it seem like I need approval and accolades. I don’t. For the most part, I deeply know and I understand my own intrinsic worth (and thus, everyone else’s worth – it’s a package deal). I also recognize that we all volunteer our time and our resources to entities that are important to us, in order to make a difference in this world. Many people volunteer a hell of a lot more of their time, money and energy than I do. I am grateful for all of the generous, kind people who surround me in this world.

Still, I must share what is on my heart. I received a card from my elementary school mentee yesterday and this is what she wrote:

“I want to thank you for being with me this whole time and talking to me when I need someone to talk to. You also listen when I’m talking to you. You make me feel like I am really somebody!!”

I am choked up every time I read it (which has been around 600 times since yesterday). I haven’t always been a great listener. In fact, for most of my life I have been a great interrupter. Being an active listener is something that I have had to make an earnest effort to work on, over the years. I also have a “save the world complex”. Being an avid reader has made me feel like I can find the answers to mine and everyone else’s problems, if you just give me enough time to research it, and then explain it. I love to spout out knowledge and advice. (Ask me how that’s worked out for me. The world is still a little bit of a mess, isn’t it? And frankly, I have probably lost a couple of frustrated friends along the way, due to my overreaching.)

What this note from my dear young friend reminded me about, is that it doesn’t take much to make a difference in someone’s life. What most people want, in order to feel like a “somebody”, is just someone to be there, and to listen to them. My young friend didn’t write about the gifts which I have bought for her, nor about my treating fast food on occasion. My young friend wrote about me holding space for her.

The Inner Practitioner (Twitter) writes about these steps for holding space for someone, in order to give them the most honor and respect, and in order to show them that we value them. When we hold space for someone, we are showing them that we know that they are fully capable of “doing this thing which we call life.” When we hold space for someone, we are sharing our pleasure in being part of their support system. We are happy to witness their life’s experience. (The steps below are in the Inner Practitioner’s own words and quoted):

STEPS FOR HOLDING SPACE
1) Really listen to understand.

2) Feel what they are saying.

3) Don’t take on their energy.

4) You don’t need to solve their problems.

5) You don’t need to agree with them. You don’t need to share your disagreement with them.

6) Let them be themselves without any judgment.

7) No matter how they feel, their feelings are valid. Support their feelings. Let them know that their feelings are valid.

8) If you can, use empathy instead of sympathy. Sympathy means understanding from your own perspective. Empathy means putting yourself in others’ shoes to understand them.

9) Practice makes perfect.

I know that this “holding space” effort, will be a lifelong lesson for me. But I also realize what an important lesson it is. Everyone on this earth deserves to feel like they are “a somebody” because they are somebody. What a privilege and an honor it is, to be able to show someone what an amazing “somebody” they are, just by holding space and listening to them. We are all stitches and blocks and material, in this quilt of life which we all share and create together. We are all a “somebody” that helps to keep the immense quilt of Life all sewn together, and to make it a delightfully beautiful, never-finished, work of art.

No Mud, No Lotus

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I was surprised to read about the death of Thich Nhat Hanh. (pronounced Tik-Nat-Hahn – I just looked it up). I am embarrassed to admit that I believed that this Vietnamese Buddhist monk and peace activist and sage writer, had passed on long ago. Why does it always feel like the wisest people have long past on, before our own lifetimes? I think that it’s hard to recognize true wisdom in living people because we are all flawed. We have the tendency to give our mistakes the glowing glare of a spotlight, and thus, they often overshadow our finest attributes. Once someone has passed on, we are more prone to focus only on the good that they brought into this world. Why do we struggle with doing this while people are still alive? I think if we were kinder in our valuations of our own selves, it would be easier to focus on the best in others.

Thich Nhat Hanh said this:

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

When I read this quote, I couldn’t help but think about all of the hype about the new metaverse. I even read that someone was going to have their wedding in the metaverse. I’m all for progress, but are we skipping over experiencing our own incredible world for “greener” pastures? Have we really soaked up this experience enough before searching for new worlds? Do we appreciate the miracle of our every living moment, right where we are? Along these lines, Thich Nhat Hanh also said this: “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

I’ve read that if you smile for no reason, your body starts loading up on happy endorphins. I’ve also read that if you smile before picking up a phone call, the listener will hear your smile in your voice. There is nothing wrong with having “a stupid grin” on your face. In fact, “stupid grin” is a stupid oxymoron. Smile. Smile often.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

You are beautiful. Know this. Treat yourself as such. If you love yourself, you will give your best love to others.

“I promise myself that I will enjoy every minute of the day that is given me to live.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

I hope that we are all able to savor every minute of today. Today is another miraculous gift, given freely to us to experience as deeply as we allow ourselves to experience it.

“Around us, life bursts with miracles–a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

RIP, Thich Nhat Hanh

Monday Fun-Day

(credit: Rex Masters, Twitter)

I think one of the biggest lessons in aging is coming to terms with how little we actually know about anything. The so-called “experts” change their minds about everything all of the time. And we all have a really hard time keeping our “slants” whether they be political, personal, spiritual, etc., out of anything. As one ages, you gain a lot of insight and experience into how little we really know about anything. When you can finally relax into the acceptance of this fact, it makes it far easier to savor the mystery and intrigue of it all.

TOP 25 MYSTERY OF LIFE QUOTES (of 112) | A-Z Quotes

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope that this blog finds you warm and well. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Last night, our daughter, the baby of our family and currently a senior in high school, came out to dinner with us. This is a rare occurrence these days as she naturally soaks up her social time with her friends and her boyfriend. My husband and I soaked up her presence with us, as every moment of her still being the baby in our nest, is a numbered one and part of a quickening countdown. My husband asked me the other night, “Why do you keep bringing up her being a senior?” I laughed to myself. I foolishly like to believe that I am preparing myself ahead of time. It works out well in our marriage though. I tend to put myself through all of my emotions before something happens and it always hits my husband the hardest after things happen. We have been able to support each other well, this way, throughout the years. We take turns being strong for each other.

I don’t really have a poem of my own today. I am feeling sentimental, though. I introduced poetry to my own children with the fun and funny poems written by the late, great Shel Silverstein. Here’s one to bring a smile to your face:

Shel Silverstein's Poems Live On In 'Every Thing' : NPR

I hope that you welcome today as a day to accept “everything on it.” It gets heavy, but life is delicious when you welcome all of it, on to your plate.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Advice

I read an excellent article by Karen Nimmo, a clinical psychologist, the other day. The article was stating that we make a big (while well-intentioned) mistake by telling our young adult kids that we just want them to be happy and do what they are passionate about. Nimmo says that kids will look around the world and see that very few adults are great examples of that over-simplified formula for life satisfaction. In an already confused and sometimes even panicked state of trying to figure out their next steps into their burgeoning adulthoods, this “just be happy and do your passions” sometimes just adds more anxiety and frustration to their psyches.

I thought to myself, as my empty nest stage is a few short months around the corner, if someone told me to “just be happy and to live my passions” in this new stage of my life, I might want to hit that person. Life isn’t that simple. Sometimes we’re happy. Sometimes we’re not. Sometimes we know our passions and sometimes we don’t. What once made us passionate, can lose its luster, and many times our passions remain elusive.

Nimmo says that a healthier thing to say to our young adult children is this:

“I want you to get to know yourself. To keep it real. To understand that sh*t happens to everyone. And to have skills to deal with it when it does.”

The above statement is a lifelong process, isn’t it? Perhaps that is the biggest adventure and opportunity of each of our lives – the pathway to getting to know our own selves and to have the skills to deal with life’s surprises, and ups and downs, along this pathway.

In support of Nimmo’s statement above that she advises us to tell our kids (and perhaps ourselves at any new stage of our lives), she recommends several reminders and hints that make that goal such a good one:

First, she says, remember that you don’t need “a grand plan.” Very few people have such clarity of purpose at a young age (or at any new stage in life) and Nimmo reminds us that a lot of the fun in life, is not knowing where it’s headed. She says to follow your curiosities. These experiences may lead to your passions, but even if they don’t, they’ll add to your life’s knowledge base and they’ll broaden your perspectives. Nimmo also reminds us that a single decision isn’t going to shape your life. Don’t overthink it. We get something from every path we have taken in our lives. There are lessons gained from every kind of experience we have in life, even the ones which we deem to be negative. Nimmo ends her thoughts with these ideas: Put your whole heart and fully engage with everything that you do. Make sure you have fun along the way, and “keep topping up your tank” with self-care, so that you can do all of the above, with your best and fullest abilities.

It’s not lost on me, that at my stage of life of trying to guide and support my children into the beginning stages of their own adult lives, I am also taking baby steps into a new stage of my own life. Isn’t the Universe brilliant? As we know, we are all the children of the Universe and the lessons of life always apply to every single one of us. As we guide, we are being guided. Maybe this truth about life (Guide and be guided.) is easier to understand, digest, and live, than “Be happy and live your passions.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.