This was my favorite quote from my readings this weekend:
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” – A. Redmoon
That’s all I have for today. Be courageous this week. Listen to what makes you want to overcome your fears. That will tell you all that you need to know about what is truly important to you.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Happy Mother’s Day!!! I know quite a few of my readers out there are mothers like me. There is no experience out there like mothering, is there? Mothering brings out your fiercest side, and yet also your most fearful side, all at the same time. Mothering shows you the depth and the power of your love, and yet also the fragile petals of your own vulnerability. You enter into mothering, willingly and enthusiastically signing on to the dotted line of a lifelong contract, agreeing to something that you really have no idea actually what to expect, and just when you think that you have it all figured out, the seasons change and who you are as a woman and who you are as a mother changes with those seasons, and this metamorphosis happens, again and again, throughout your entire life. It’s daunting and extraordinary. Mothering is the most amazing, overwhelming, vital adventure of my life and I couldn’t be more grateful to the four beautiful souls who call me their mother, for this incredible journey and experience of mothering them. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Much like Shel Silverstein’s book, The Giving Tree is supposed to be an allegory of parenting and unconditional love, I think that this beautiful poem by Rumi is the perfect allegory to the required selflessness that comes from being a mother:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“My son has started calling me “mom” instead of “momma” or “mommy” and no one has prepared me for how devastating this is.” – @kelly_le (Twitter)
I saw this quote the other day and I found it to be so relatable. It is one of those first steps of independence your children take to move away from you, and you know that it has to happen but it still hurts. It’s proof that you are doing your job right, but it definitely causes a mother’s heart to pang a little bit. I remember being well into my early adulthood and my father would still tell us to, “Go ask Mommy,” even though we hadn’t called her “Mommy” for many, many years.
And staying with my sappy, sentimental side (What can I say? It’s Mother’s Day weekend), I read this idea the other day, that honestly, I never had heard before. The thought is that people die twice in their lives. The first time is their bodily death, and the second time is when the person’s name is no longer spoken. I honestly that think this is a beautiful idea. My grandfather used to hold our hands and squeeze them and say “Onka Dunka”. He told us it meant, “I love you.” I squeezed my children’s hands and said “Onka Dunka” to them all of the time. I hope that they will pass the tradition on. It keeps my grandfather alive.
“Every man has two deaths, when he is buried in the ground and the last time someone says his name. In some ways men can be immortal.” – Ernest Hemingway
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Are you overwhelmed? Are you feeling engulfed with things going on in your personal life, like your job, your personal relationships, your health, etc.? Are you feeling submerged by all of the emotionally charged world events, seemingly popping out of the news exponentially Every. Single. Day.? Today, it’s time to take all of these things that are overwhelming you, and tidily sweep them into the corner. Don’t worry about the size of the pile. Let it all sit in the corner. Breathe. Just breathe. Tell your Higher Power that you have a big old nasty pile in the corner, and that you don’t feel like you have it in you to handle anything right now. Look outside your window. Listen to the calming sounds around you. The same Higher Intelligence which created the Universe, and everything in it, is connected to you. A small part of this overall force of Love and Eternity and Creativity resides inside of you. You are a droplet of the Ocean of All That Is. If you don’t believe that this Force, which created everything which you see, and feel, and hear, and smell, taste and touch, can’t handle that pile of your frustrations in the corner, than you don’t have the right sense of awe and humility about the sun, and the stars, and the planets, and animals, and grass, and trees, and the oceans, and butterflies and children and the things that children create themselves. I understand that you may not believe in God in a religious sense, but would you ever go into a museum, and look and gaze and gasp at the most incredible painting which you have ever seen, and ask the curator, “Who imagined, and then created and painted this unbelievably beautiful work of art?” And the curator says to you, “Nobody. Nobody created it.” Would you honestly believe that curator???
Keep all of that mess and dirt in that corner, and know that if you, my little droplet, have a part to play in the clean up, you’ll be guided to do it, by your still, small, voice coming from that droplet of the Universe that resides inside of you (“this little light of mine”). Otherwise, the Painter of the Universe has got “this.” You don’t need to concern yourself with “all of the troubles of the world.” The Benevolent Oceanic Force who created the whole damn thing, is immensely more powerful than any of us little droplets could ever imagine (even the little droplets “in suits” and “in power” and “in uniforms” and “in robes” who have stayed small and lost and scared, and have forgotten the bigger picture from where they came from, and where they will return) Stay in the stream, friends. Ride the waves. Today, stay with the almighty part of you that is eternal, peaceful, intelligent, creative Love. When we all do this, the world becomes whole.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
credit: Rex Masters, Twitter
I think that I have rabies. No, I’m kidding. I don’t have rabies. (sorry to be insensitive to those who have, or who have had rabies. The shot in the stomach sounds terrifying. Is that stomach shot thing true or is that just an urban myth?) I am just having one of those weeks where it is truly astounding to me that it is only Wednesday morning. I am exhausted. My body is barking at me. My mind is melting, and my spirit is a little spent. Nothing truly bad has happened to me, there’s just a lot happening in my world, all at once, and my overall essence is rebelling. So, friends, today, I am calling in sick from the blog before I become incredibly annoying. See you tomorrow!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Like so many others, I was deeply disheartened to hear the news that Naomi Judd, the famous country music singer and other half of The Judds, had taken her own life over the weekend. Naomi took her own life days before The Judds were inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame. Naomi Judd suffered crippling depression and she brought a lot of attention to mental issues and depression and anxiety, by using her fame as a voice to these issues, in the way of writing books and doing interviews on the subject for many years.
Naomi Judd was the mother of Wynonna Judd, her partner in The Judds singing duo, and of Ashley Judd, a movie star, activist (one of the forerunners to bringing Harvey Weinstein to justice), and a person devoted to humanitarian work. Ashley Judd also has a degree from Harvard University.
All three Judd women suffered awful abuse from their childhoods on, but I remember being really interested about the Judds and their lives, when Ashley Judd wrote her memoir All That Is Bitter and Sweet, about a decade ago. With this book, she brought a rarely heard voice of empathy, of kindness, of being understood, of validation, to “strong women”, those women who are “too good”, “too smart”, “too together” to show their pain, their weaknesses, their flaws, or their needs to the world. See this excerpt:
“I needed help,” the 38-year-old actress tells the magazine in its August issue. “I was in so much pain.”
Judd, the daughter of country music star Naomi Judd, says she entered the Shades of Hope Treatment Center in Buffalo Gap in February for “codependence in my relationships; depression, blaming, raging, numbing, denying and minimizing my feelings.”
“But because my addictions were behavioral, not chemical, I wouldn’t have known to seek treatment. At Shades of Hope, my behaviors were treated like addictions. And those behaviors were killing me spiritually, the same as someone who is sitting on a corner with a bottle in a brown paper bag.”
Judd says she was visiting her sister, singer Wynonna Judd, who was being treated for food addictions.
“When (the counselors) approached me about treatment, they said, `No one ever does an intervention on people like you. You look too good; you’re too smart and together. But you (and Wynonna) come from the same family – so you come from the same wound.‘ No one had ever validated my pain before. It was so profound,” she says.
(from an interview Ashley Judd gave to Glamour magazine in 2011)
I don’t mean to alienate my male readers. I see you, too. I see the “good guys” out there who take it all on the chin and keep on going like Energizer bunnies. To all of my strong, good, smart, “have it all together” female and male readers out there, I see you. I understand you. I empathize with you. It’s admirable how you handle your pain, your life, and your hurts. It’s not easy. You may not emote about them, nor act out on them, as much as some others do. But you have them. Your human, living a human life, in vivid, erratic times. Your hurts, your pains, your needs, are every bit as valid and important, as anyone else’s in this world. You don’t have to be steel all of the time. You can cry. You can let it all out. You can let others know that you need to be held, and to be carried sometimes, too. You are lovable as the whole package of you. You aren’t loved just because you are fierce, and capable, and reliable and giving. You may be admired for those traits, but you are wholly loved for all of you – the whole package. Let yourself be vulnerable. Let yourself be authentic. When you do this, you won’t fall apart. In fact, you will never feel stronger in your life, than when you allow yourself to welcome, and to get to know the whole of you (even the parts that you deem to be “negative” or “bad” or “weak” or “flawed”), as you fall into the loving arms of the Universe. You will be caught by the strength of pure Love, that has never, ever let you go in the first place. You are never alone. I hope that today, if you needed to read this, oh strong, amazing, dependable one, that you hear it as if it were a message from God above, and it reverberates all of the way down to the depths of your soul, and it stays there for eternity. Every part of you is loved. You are whole and you are loved. You are amazing, all the way around.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Friendship checklist list:
– values you
– accepts you
– includes you
– protects you
– respects you
– supports you
– believes in you
– encourages you
– understands you
credit: @Mindset4_Life (Twitter)
I sent this to a few of my great friends last night. I’m extremely lucky to have some amazingly good friends in my life who hit all of these marks. Do you have good friends? Are you a good friend? Looking at the list, I thought to myself, no wonder why we love our dogs so much. No wonder why the dog is called “man’s best friend.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning! Happy May Day! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit (represents good luck on the first day of any month for superstitious people like me) We have had an eventful weekend. My daughter truly enjoyed herself at her senior prom last night, and today we are bringing home our youngest son from his university for the summer. I haven’t had too much time to focus my mind on writing poetry. My brain seems stuck on “to-do” lists lately. My regular readers know that my blog is all about poetry on Sundays. Poetry is the language of the soul. Poetry is each of our own personal languages. Write yourself a poem today. You won’t regret it. I’ll probably doodle a poem on the way home from the university later this evening. But since I must get on the road soon, here is a poem I found on the internet that marks the merry month of May. May is a special, gentle, kind, warm month, isn’t it? It lovingly marks so many beautiful endings like graduations, and the end of spring, but also exciting, happy beginnings like the delicious, anticipatory start of summer. Here is today’s poem:
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning! Welcome to the lightest, airiest, “okay, now you can breathe out” day of the week! I LOVE Fridays! On Fridays, I list one, or sometimes even a few, of my favorite things. The things in life are what make life interesting, and material, and a tactile, sensory experience. Before I get to my favorite thing for today, I have a little personal story about sea anemone earrings. A while ago, I purchased perhaps the least expensive thing you could ever buy from Scully & Scully, a longstanding, staid, high-end store in New York City, that’s been around since 1934. I think I purchased probably a small set of coasters, or perhaps maybe even just one coaster, but ever since then, I get their catalogs and their online store pops up on my feed. For instance today, some offerings popped up on my Google, showing me a beautiful Meissen tureen for the bargain price of $125,000. (but does it come with free shipping?) Anyway, it’s a fun store to “window shop.” (If you like Herend figurines, they carry the entire line, and some.) The other day, as I was perusing the internet, and Scully & Scully popped up once again, suggesting that I might be interested in a pair of lovely $12,000 sea anemone earrings. They were gorgeous! And so unique! But sea anemone earrings are not what you call everyday wear, and I have two kids in college, and “good earrings” make me nervous because if I lose one, I’ll be sick about it for months, and I am not Kris Kardashian – I don’t have $12,000 to blow on sea anemone earrings, nor would I ever spend $12,000 on sea anemone earrings, because even if I were filthy rich, my ingrained midwestern sensibilities, practicalities and self judgments would intercede firmly and fiercely. But, man oh man, did I want me a pair of sea anemone earrings!! So guess what? I went to eBay, and Mercari, and the like, and I started feverously scrolling for sea anemone earrings and I found a really cute lime green pair made by Betsey Johnson for around $20, and I love them! And if I only wear them three times in my whole life before I lose one, I can live with that fact. And the point of my long winded story?! Go after what you want. Don’t get fixated on “THE one and only particular solution” to anything in life (i.e. job, person, house, college, vacation spot etc.) There are all sorts of “sea anemone earrings” out there, that will please you, and that will suit your particular needs and wants. Be open to what the Universe has to serve! Explore and enjoy!
On that note, I even have another bonus favorite for today, before I get to my real favorite. This is a favorite household tip. (insert my husband and children guffawing – housekeeping has never been my strong suit). If you have a clothes washer that tends to get smelly (ours is one of those. Years of washing six active, sweaty people’s clothes on a daily basis lends to pure stanky smelliness), pour a bottle of Listerine in it and run a cycle. The Listerine kills the bacteria that makes the washer smelly and the smell goes away instantly and you have a fresh, clean washer. I bought a drugstore brand version of mouthwash for $4, ran it in my washer, and it did the trick, after years of wasting money on “magic formulas” made specifically to clean washers which never worked. I found this household tip on one of my days of getting a little lost in clickbait (instead of doing laundry), and it turns out, the tip is a gamechanger. Enjoy!
Finally, here’s my real favorite of the day. I am fortunate to have a wonderful herd of elephants in my life. Actually, I am fortunate enough to have a few herds whom I rely on, when I lose my way. Do you? This is from the website that describes what these beautiful elephant ornaments really mean:
In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors. They literally form a circle around sisters who are hurting or grieving. And often, they will kick dirt up around her to mask the scent of suffering…in turn, keeping her safe from predators.
And yet, we are the same. This is what we do. This is who we are. And this is who we are meant to be for each other. We all have elephants in our lives. Sometimes we are the ones in the middle, and sometimes we’re on the outside kicking up dirt with fierce, fierce love. But the circle remains.
The ornaments are as lovely as their sentiments. You can buy your herds some here as a way of letting them know how much you love and appreciate them:
Stainless "Friendship/Sisterhood" Elephant Ornament
And that is it for this Friday! Thank you for being one of my herds, dear readers! I hope that I have helped you in times that I have not been hurting and grieving, but feeling strong and positive. You have always surrounded me in times that I need it, and for that I am forever grateful. Have a wonderful weekend!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
What has you imprisoned? Now you may scoff and say, “Nothing has me imprisoned. I am a free thinker from a free country.” But, if we are honest with ourselves, we all have the things in our lives that imprison us. And usually, we don’t even realize this fact until usually some life crisis or a big change in our lives happen that makes us do a whole lot more self examination than we typically take the time to do, on a daily basis. (This is the hidden blessing of crises. Crises make us get really real with our own selves, if we want to rise out of our crises, like a phoenix from the fire. Otherwise we just succumb to difficulties and wonder “why me?”)
What is imprisoning you? Your financial obligations? Your lifestyle? Your daily habits or even addictions? Your need to please others? Your concern about image and what other people think about you? Your religious/political beliefs that may have been imposed upon you as a child – have you ever really examined these beliefs to see if they really are truly your own beliefs? Your sense of duty? Do your fears about the future, or your regrets about the past imprison you, keeping you frozen and catatonic? Your need to be “right”? Your beliefs about “others” and what they think and do? What about your beliefs about yourself, do they imprison you by making you stay in a certain “mold”, a mold that maybe you never intentionally created, but was fitted for you by someone else, or even by society?
What has you imprisoned? Where do you feel free in your life, and where do you feel stuck? Are the choices which you are making in your life, truly the right ones for you? You are the key, to get out of the prisons of your own making. We all have prisons that we have created for ourselves, and we all have the keys to get out of them. However, it is impossible to escape from a prison that you don’t admit that you are in, in the first place. Don’t be your own jailer. Make the changes in your life, that you need and want to make. These changes are your keys out of prison. Self awareness and courage will bring you to the ability to make changes, which will ultimately bring you to your freedom – your freedom to be the ultimate expression of your own true self.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
