Dear Readers,
It occurred to me that I have been carefully checking in with the people whom I am closest to – letting them know that I care, even if I seem distant and/or unavailable, lately. I have been telling my loved ones that I am just in a digestion state of all of the change that has occurred (and is occurring) in a short period in my life, and I best sort out my thoughts and my feelings in my solitude. I ask them to be patient with me. I remind those dearest to me that I love them and I care about them. You, my readers, are a very important relationship in my life. I appreciate you, and I am grateful for you, more than you know. I realize that I owe you this same consideration. Please be patient with me. I love you.
When I was young, I naively thought that all change was relatively instantaneous. People are single. Then they get married. People are students, then they are professessionals. People are childless. Then they are parents. People are alive, then they die. The truth is much more nuanced. Even changes that seem sudden on the outside, usually take a great deal more time to process and to move through on an internal basis. A change happens, and then we have to work through that change to come to a level of peace and acceptance with it. Most change comes with heavy doses of both joy and grief. We are changed by change, but this internal change never happens in minutes, or days, even if the physical change itself, did happen, out of left field, in a mere instant.
Recently, a memory from twelve years ago, popped up on my feed. It was a picture of us dropping our eldest child at college for the first time. Our four children have happy/sad expressions on their faces. They are standing closer to each other than usual. They don’t know what to expect. None of us did. Change brings fear because it is a walk into the unknown. Change also brings excitement because it is a walk into the unknown. In all of these twelve years since that picture was taken, all four of our children ended up attending that same university and graduating from it (our youngest child graduated from there, this past May). They have since all started their professional lives and embarked on their complete independence from us, their misty-eyed, reluctant, hopeful and relieved parents. This year, our eldest son got married. Our second eldest son is getting married in two weeks. When I looked at that photograph from 12 years ago, I thought to myself, “That was the very beginning of the end of my raising children, and now, this year, I am at the end of the end of raising children.” This change in my life has physically taken twelve years. I think that this major transition I’ve been going through, may even take a little bit longer to set in for me, both mentally and spiritually. I am quietly and reflectively guiding myself towards peace and acceptance. I am allowing both the grief and the excitement that only major life changes can bring, settle into my heart and into my being and into my understanding and wisdom.
So, this was my long way of saying, “Don’t give up on me. Adulting – Second Half isn’t going anywhere. In fact, I have a hunch that it even may come back with a vengeance, as writing is the best way I process anything in my life.” We are taking a long trip right after the wedding, so I may not be back here until later in September. But, assuredly, I will be back!
I’m going to end with this quote, I read recently (you know I love me some quotes):
“Be crumpled. So wildflowers will come up where you are. You have been stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender.” – Rumi
See you later in September! (please read some of the archives in the meantime – there are some gems in there)
Much love,
Kelly
