SJP and Next Chapters

“How best to feel like yourself is the thing I’ve probably spent more time thinking about than I have beauty or aging, because there’s just simply not a lot I can do about it. I could do more, but I guess I don’t want to.”

“You want to be the person with the most experience who is a leader or relied upon as a professional, as a friend, as a wife, as a partner. That only comes with time spent living. So why are we not valuing that, instead of being focused on the fact that time spent living also produces wrinkles?” – Sarah Jessica Parker

I love these quotes from Sarah Jessica Parker from a recent magazine interview. Sarah Jessica Parker was angered not long ago, by many people calling her “brave” for being photographed with graying hair and no make-up. She insisted that there are a lot more brave things that people are doing in this world besides just allowing the natural, physical process of aging to happen. I like SJP’s idea of valuing the experience and the wisdom that can only come from aging. I also like the idea of focusing on “how best to feel like yourself“. If we don’t figure this out now, as we are getting older, than when will we ever figure it out? The time is now.

In other news, my husband and I were at a neighborhood fair last night and my husband pointed out these signs to me, shown below. (He knows me well.) Some people will read this sign as saying that the “The Author” is themself, some people will read this as saying “The Author” is God/Universe/Spirit, and some people will read “The Author” as being both themselves and God, and do you know what? Everyone is right.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Fret Less

What makes the other people in your life happy?

My husband loves to go biking on his beautiful, orange, sexy Italian bicycle for miles and miles. He comes back home all covered and dripping in sweat, with the widest, longest lasting grin that I ever see him wear.

My friend loves to kayak. She is a teacher, so she is off work for the summer, so our friend group rarely hears from her during the day, because she spends her days in bliss, floating and rowing on our beautiful, clear Gulf waters. Almost every morning we get a text, “I’ll be out on the kayak today!”

My daughter is loving her new, engaging, interesting college experiences. On Facetime, she delightedly showed us a coaster that she had made in a crafting class (she loves doing artistic things), and was thrilled to relay that she spontaneously jumped into a volleyball game. Apparently her days of playing volleyball in middle school came right back to her, and she was proud of the “high fives” that she received from new friends, for some smooth moves on the sandy court.

My youngest son loves showing us the creative projects that he is required to come up with, during his summer’s internship. Part of the job requires him to take pictures of happy customers with the power tools that he has sold to them. Every day, it is fun (and sometimes even surprising – there are some adorable, teeny women who love themselves some power tools) to peruse the pictures of the happy, anticipatory faces of the various customers with the tools that they are purchasing, probably with ideas of what they are going to create and improve in their own sweet nests at home.

A few of my friends are in new, fresh, budding love relationships. It’s so delightful to see friends whom I have known for decades look like excited teenagers again, as they explain the fun that they have been having getting to know the new loves in their lives. I sometimes can see their original fresh faces (the faces which I met when we were teenagers) shining through their smiles, as they excitedly, and yet shyly, describe their new escapades.

Our two eldest sons were visiting each other last week. They cheerfully and teasingly described biking to the beach together, and trying out delicious new restaurants which they both enjoyed. There’s nothing a mother loves more than seeing her kids lovingly share experiences together, even when they are no longer under her roof. When your kids elect to be together, instead of being forced to be together, you know that there is real honest love there. (good heart medicine for mamas)

Friends, the news these days is often not good at all. Reading the news or watching the news, makes me feel sick in the deepest pit of my stomach. To offset those sickening feelings which I know aren’t good for my mental or my physical health, I try to think of happy thoughts. There is no easier way to do this, than to think of the people whom I love, doing the things that make them feel happy and whole and alive and inspired. And when I do this, guess what I feel inside? Happy and whole and alive and inspired. People who love me, can think of me in my purposefully cluttered writing nook, every once in a while gazing out of my large windows, to see the inspiration of the gorgeous nature surrounding me, enjoying the quiet snores of the dogs whom I adore, contentedly napping all around me, as I connect with the deepest, most creative, most eternal part of myself, struggling to type the words fast enough, that are bursting forth from my heart. I am so happy writing my blog. What makes the people whom you love happy? Think about that thought. Imagine it fully. Now, transit that thinking into what makes you happy. Go do more of it. Fret less, experience more. Look for the happy.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday Whimsies

“You know you’re an adult when everything annoys you.” – an anxious panda (Twitter)

“I believe in annoyed at first sight”. – @williedontmiss (Twitter)

My husband and I have a little getaway planned this weekend for just the two of us. We need it. I think that we both have morphed into “grumpy old men” lately.

“It hit me that I’m not a snob. I’m not anti-social or emotionally unavailable. I just don’t form close bonds if the energy isn’t right for me. I use my discernment and this taught me that perfect alignment asks you to be very selective.” – Valencia (Twitter)

“The most important thing when attending any function is planning your escape.” – Dan Regan (Twitter)

“Whenever you are alone, remind yourself that God has sent everyone else away so there is only you and God.” – Rumi

We were talking to our daughter last night about her first impressions of college. She loves it. And although she still plans on being a finance major, she thinks that she may minor in Astronomy (she’s had two days of Astronomy class and she LOVES it.) And finally, the only downside of being in college that she sees so far, is that there are people everywhere and anywhere. She can never escape from people. (Yep, she definitely has our genes.)

“People cry not because they’re weak. It’s because they have been strong for too long.” – Johnny Depp

If you need a good cry, please cry. Cry. Tears are our bodies’ release valve. You’ll feel better after you cry. I always do. I consider myself to be a happy, strong person and I cry a lot.

“Sometimes miracles are just people with kind hearts.” – The Burly Monk (Twitter)

Be someone’s miracle today. Yes, you do have that power. It’s been built right into your kind heart. Many kind hearts have been my miracles over the many years of my life. I am so grateful for the walking miracles all around me.

And for self care advice:

“Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions.” – Your Tango

MrsBeesEmporium, Etsy

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

There’s a Hole in the Bucket

Love is an action, but the feelings that you get from loving are incredible. Those feelings have to be love. So love must be a by-product of acting on love.

I’ve been wallowing in love-sickness these last few days. We took my youngest child and our only daughter to college on Friday (she opted to start this summer). Why is it that when you take a kid to college, everything that you do, and that you see, reminds you of them?!? Everything. I was in the grocery store yesterday, and on the clearance shelf they had a big bag of candy corn. I got a lump in my throat because my daughter is the only one in our family who actually likes candy corn. I almost publicly cried at our local grocery store over a huge, stale bag of candy corn.

My daughter seems very happy though. She’s meeting lots of people and I am so thankful for the technology of Facetime. Our youngest son is living with us this summer, while doing a summer internship. (His epilepsy has been well under control. Regular readers, thank you so much for your love and concern, and your prayers and good wishes. He is doing so much better than last fall. We all are doing so much better, and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your love and support.) My youngest son is one of our middle two sons, of our family of four children. He shared a bedroom with our second eldest son, his entire childhood. He has never had the experience of being an “only child” with his parents’ attention entirely focused on him. Never. There has always been at least one other child at home, every time that he has lived with his parents. I am not sure that our youngest son is enjoying this “only child” experience all that much. He seems to find a lot of reasons to work late, and to go to the gym for hours and hours. I’m hearing, “Don’t worry about me for dinner,” a lot. Interestingly, all four of our children are dating only children. I can’t decide whether this means that onlies are somehow attracted to big, loud, boisterous, chaotic families, or if my kids are just tired of sharing with others?! It’s probably a mix of both.

On Twitter this morning, the Wise Connector posted this:

I like this take on the “Bucket List”. As a 51-year-old woman, the “Bucket List” thing kind of stresses me. I start worrying about prioritizing, and questioning whether I am wasting too much time, and even the state of my health. “The Bucket List” makes me concentrate on my demise too much. Last night, a group of good friends and I went out to celebrate one of our friend’s birthday at a new restaurant in town. The company was great, but the restaurant sucked. This restaurant is not long for staying in business, we all agreed (interestingly this restaurant is in one of those “doomed” locations. Three restaurants have already failed at that same spot. This is a phenomenon I have noticed my entire life, wherever I have lived. Some locales just seem to be cursed in this world.) Still, I am thrilled that we went to this new place. I am always curious about new places, and new people, and new things. I am thrilled for the experience which we had last night. I love having my curiosity satisfied, and now that particular restaurant will be conveniently tossed into the orange bucket above, leaving more room in the other bucket, which we middle-agers are expected to obsess over.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Dog, It’s Friday

As you all read this, I am likely on my way to taking my youngest baby (out of four) to college. This Friday’s vibe is honestly probably filled with a lot more anxiety and angst than I typically allow myself to feel on a Friday. What is my usual Friday vibe? Life is fun. Life is good. What material things in life add to the good and the fun? On Fridays, I discuss my favorite “stuff”, versus anything deep and yearning. Please check out previous Friday listings for good discoveries under the heading of “Stuff” and please share your own “good stuff” in my Comments section.

Here is my favorite for this Friday:

Rhoback Golf Shirts – I bought three of these golf shirts for my incredibly finicky, picky husband for Father’s Day. And do you know what? He loves them. And so do I. They look so good on him, that all three of my sons decided that they each wanted a Rhoback golf polo as well. Rhoback has created “performance polos” to match the modern man’s need to be active and versatile, in a moment’s notice. These polos are made of high quality, stretchy, cooling material, and they are cut at the perfect length, in order to make them look good both tucked and untucked. Further, Rhoback shirts offer a plethora of patterns, from conservative, to fun and wild. Rhoback shirts all have stripes on the back of the necks to replicate the Rhodesian Ridgeback dogs which these shirts were inspired by – Rhodesian Ridgeback dogs are always active! The men in your life will love these wonderful shirts!

Have a great weekend friends. Stay active! See you tomorrow.

“Deepwater Giant” by Kefan Weng

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Rhonda Real

I have a good friend who reminds me of so many of my other good friends (and even myself) . She is generally upbeat, positive, excited and always looking for the silver linings, but lately she is struggling. Her life is feeling somewhat “exhausting” and overwhelming at times lately, and she is upset with herself for not feeling like her usual chipper self. When we had lunch the other day, she apologized for being “Debbie Downer.” I said, “You are not Debbie Downer. You’re Rhonda Real.”

Why do we women apologize so much for the moments in our lives that we don’t feel 100 percent amazing? Why do we feel so responsible to be happy and cheerful all of the time? Every time I have a friend who is going through a tough time, I notice a trend (and I notice this in myself, too). She puts on a brave front and expertly covers all of her cracks, until she finally breaks down. She takes forever to admit that she is going through a tough time. Next, she apologizes profusely about going through a hard time, and then she apologizes even more so, for venting her emotions about what she is experiencing, as if she has control over either experience. And then she finally clams up, like a little crab that is embarrassed to have shown her vulnerable little legs of emotion. Why do we women feel like we have to apologize for being human??? I read something recently that makes a lot of sense. Negative emotions are only poisonous to us, when they are blocking out all other emotions. But most of us feel all sorts of emotions, all day long. There is no shame in feeling negative emotions. There are four general states of being: glad, sad, mad, or scared. Ideally, we would prefer to stay in “the glad” category all of the time, but that’s not realistic in a healthy (versus numbed out) human life. Sadness is necessary to process grief. Fear alerts us, and it keeps us safe and anger inspires us to do something about a situation that we perceive as being wrong or unfair. Anger actually has a lot of energy. Bottom line, if you choose to block or numb out all of your feelings, you block out the good ones, too, and that’s not the goal. The goal is to experience our feelings in the “glad” category for a lot of our times.

Perhaps if we weren’t so horrified and judgmental and apologetic about our lesser emotions, we would suffer less. If we can accept that sometimes we will feel sad, scared and angry, and just notice these painful emotions and accept them (without wallowing in them), they can be used as tools to get us back to our better feeling “glad” state of being. What are our emotions telling us? If we are scared, what can we do to feel more safe and secure? Are our fears truly valid or have we exaggerated them in our minds? If we are angry, what action can we take or boundaries can we put in place, in order to not feel used and abused? (Another interesting thing I read recently, is that science shows that the physical effects of angry or scared emotions, only last 90 seconds in our bodies. If we breathe through the emotions, instead of feeding them more fuel with angry or scared thoughts, the physical aspect of the emotion will pass and we can make more rational choices about what to do next. So don’t count to ten, instead count to 90, the next time that you feel angry or scared, as long as you aren’t in serious, imminent danger.) If we are sad, we can nurture ourselves, like we would nurture our loved ones going through a hurtful moment, knowing that unprocessed grief will cause more damage to us in the long run, in the way of physical ailments and mental breakdowns. In short, if you get curious and detached about your own emotions, you realize that all of your emotions have their place in your life, and they are actually quite useful. And also realize that we all love Rhonda Real, because she authenticates our own living experience. She helps give us permission to be our fullest selves. And she is so lovable, no matter what state of being she is currently experiencing!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Strikes Me

Art by Maya Fidavi

This was artwork posted on Twitter this morning. It struck me. I had to pause on it. I love it. Do you know what I do when I find artwork like this, when I am scrolling on Twitter? I print it out. I paste these pictures that wow me, into my journals, on my calendar, in various notebooks, so that in times that I just need the pick-me-up of visual candy that is just my taste, I have it right in front of me, to peruse and to enjoy. Artists are so generous to freely share their beautiful works. Sometimes I look for ways to buy or to support their work, whenever I can, because they make my world a more special place. Creative people make us look at the ordinary, in extraordinary ways. And oftentimes they do it for free. They do it because they love to do it and they are compelled to do it because they are deeply connected to their truest selves. And that’s why we feel so moved by their creations. It comes from an otherworldly, eternal place which we sometimes forget about its existence. Artists are the reminders of the beauty surrounding us, and the beauty within us.

And Think Smarter posted this great reminder on Twitter:

We are taking our youngest child of four to college on Friday, as she opted to start in the summer for a lot of good reasons. My emotions this week are Hurricane Mama. But I keep reminding myself that is because I have experienced so much love, and so much pride, and a load of growth, and constant wonder raising this family whom I love more than life itself.

What Think Smarter didn’t say, in this particular post, is that “The price of safety and comfort, is banality, and dullness, and having to live with the “what ifs” and the “I wonders.” Always live fully. Always live life to the fullest. It’s worth the risks and the losses. It is.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Little Red Vest

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

When Trip, our Boykin spaniel, was a puppy he would often swim in the pool, along with our Labrador retriever, Ralphie. He never loved the pool as much as Ralphie does, but he swam in it fairly often. Trip swims well. He is a sporting dog, bred to retrieve fallen birds in bodies of water. But then, for some strange reason, Trip just stopped swimming in the pool. He preferred to hang out with the boss lady, our herder, the rough collie, Josie, who runs around the pool, barking out orders at everyone, like a frantic, control freak lifeguard who can’t stop blowing the whistle. Trip seemed to have developed a little bit of fear of the pool, seemingly, out of nowhere.

Now, when we take Trip out on boating excursions (Boykins are bred to be boating dogs), we put a little red life vest on him. Trip loves swimming in the saltwater, and the minute one of us jumps out of the boat, he jumps out, too, often landing right on top of whoever is swimming in the water outside of the boat. He never thinks twice about swimming all around in the ocean, which in theory, is a lot more dangerous than swimming around in a little pool, especially with our vigilant lifeguard Josie guarding it, as if she were a presidential secret service agent. Honestly, on boating days, it is often difficult to coax Trip out of the water and back into the boat.

So this weekend, when we were having a fun pool day at home, my son decided that he was going to get Trip comfortable swimming in the pool again. To do so, he put Trip in his little red life vest. Surprisingly, that’s all it really took. It was like the red life vest flipped a switch, and we couldn’t keep Trip out of the pool. It didn’t take any coaxing at all. The little red life vest gave Trip all of the confidence that he needed to become a pool hound all over again.

That got me to thinking about how we all have our own “little red life vests” that get us over our fears of doing things. We put so much confidence into our own “little red life vests”, even if they are just symbolic, like lucky charms. I looked up why we put so much reliance on our lucky charms and I questioned if they really “work.” Supposedly they do:

“Relying on lucky charms is superstitious, but in fact, it actually works. Researchers have found that people who believe they have luck on their side feel greater “self-efficacy”—the belief that we’re capable of doing what we set out to do—and this belief actually boosts mental and physical performance.” – Psychology Today

The study says that people who tend to have better luck after carrying certain items have so because of the belief that they are protected from bad luck. This belief acts as a blocker from failure as people go out and give their best shot without worrying about what they might lose.” – Times of India

Now, I have often heard less superstitious persons than myself, proudly and smugly proclaim, “I make my own luck!” And that is true. Obviously, the studies show that people who believe in lucky charms, get into a mindset that says that they cannot fail, and thus, it is that mindset which helps them to succeed (not the inanimate object). Having lucky charms, is a Jedi mind trick that we play with ourselves. But, so what? Obviously, in many cases (such as with Trip), it works. And it’s fun.

What’s your “little red life vest”? What’s a big fear that you have? Can you find “a little red vest” that will help you to overcome your fear? Just remember to never forget that deep down you have made your own luck. Remember that your little red vest is just a little crutch that you made for yourself, and the power was never really transferred to that placebo pill, or to that dream catcher, or to “my precious” (Lord of the Rings reference). The power to overcome your fears and challenges and move on to your victories was always inside of you, your mind just needed a physical trinket and symbol of that fact, to remind itself of its own great and powerful abilities.

“Luck is believing you’re lucky.” – Tennessee Williams

“You can live a charmed life by causing others to live a charmed life. That is, be the source of ‘charm’ — of charming moments and experiences — in the life of another. Be everyone else’s Lucky Charm! Make all who you touch today feel ‘lucky’ that you crossed their path. Do this for a week and watch things change. Do it for a month and you’ll be a different person.”- Neale Donald Walsch

Monday-Funday

Happy Juneteenth!!

What is the history behind Juneteenth?

Freedom finally came on June 19, 1865, when some 2,000 Union troops arrived in Galveston Bay, Texas. The army announced that the more than 250,000 enslaved black people in the state, were free by executive decree. This day came to be known as “Juneteenth,” by the newly freed people in Texas.” – credit, Smithsonian

My husband and my son both have off from work today because Juneteenth finally became a federal holiday just last year. Sometimes it takes a long, long time to do the right thing. But it’s never too late. Shame can only start to be healed by first accepting, admitting, and taking responsibility for wrongs committed.

I like this line from the Smithsonian’s historical explanation of Juneteenth:

“The historical legacy of Juneteenth shows the value of never giving up hope in uncertain times.” – Smithsonian

Sometimes the only thing that gives us the will to go on with strength and resilience is the beautiful, uplifting, beacon-like feeling of hope.

“There’s no other race, to me, that has such a tough history for hundreds and hundreds of years, and only the strong survive, so we were the strongest and the most mentally tough, and I’m really proud to wear this color every single day of my life.”Serena Williams

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Happy Father’s Day!! It was so interesting raising our four children, together with my husband. There are many times when I watched my husband in awe. I would think, (perhaps with a little bit of competitive chagrin) “Oh, wow, he handled that so much better than I did.” There is no doubt in any of our minds that my husband is entirely devoted to our family. We are his purpose and his passion and for that, I am forever grateful.

Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Poetry speaks in the movement of spirit. In many ways, poetry is otherworldly. It offers portals into other unseen places. My son is taking a Stress Management course this summer (a course required by his university’s business management program. This is good progress.) Yesterday, my son had to color a mandala, as an assignment for the class. Now coloring and art has never been his forte, and so when he showed his finished assignment, he was poking fun at some of his color choices and coloring outside of the lines. I reminded him that coloring the mandala was never about the end result, but more so about the mindfulness of doing the project, and the relaxation that this would bring. This is the same with writing poetry. It requires concentration and diving deep. The end result really isn’t all that important. Poems that speak to me, might not speak to you. But the poets, when writing the poems, spoke to themselves, from the depths of their own souls and from the wilds of their own imaginations, and time stood still for them. Listen to your wild soul today. Write down the poem and hear what it has to say to you. Here is my poem for the day:

You are the best gift which I ever gave to our children

Your steadfastness, your devotion, your selflessness,

Allowed me to build a soft nest on a solid, steady, rock,

That remained unbroken and safe, even in the worst of storms.

Your strong arms held us steadfast through it all,

And I never questioned that they wouldn’t.

I have loved your strong arms, since they first held me.

And I can think of no better arms to hold tight our family.