Mondays seem to be a good day to talk about apologies for messing up. All of my horoscopes today seem to be warning me to be careful with what I say, and how I say it. (I’m a Sag – this should be a daily, flashing red light warning for me.) I saw this quote in a store the other day:
“Apologize for your mistakes, not your feelings.“
Make sure that when you apologize, you have actually done something wrong, or hurtful. You never should apologize for just being you (and that includes having and experiencing your feelings). And for when you do make mistakes, remember this:
“Go get a plate and throw it to the ground.
Did it break? Yes.
Now say sorry to it. Sorry.
Did it go back to the way it was before? No.
Do you understand now?” – Mindset for Quote
I think that this is a good reminder that apologies don’t fix everything. That being said, I think that an apology is the first step towards amends. You can either leave the plate lying on the floor, broken to pieces, or you can express your deepest apologies, and do your best to glue it back together. Will it be the same as before? No. But, if the plate is gingerly cared for, and shown that it is worth being glued back together, perhaps what comes of it, may be even more beautiful and precious than it ever was before. I wrote about this years ago, when I talked about the Japanese process of Kintsugi:
“Insecurity is the root of all “evil”. Not money, not drugs, not greed or lust. These things are just symptoms of being raised with a lack of sense of self. Parents wonder how they can protect their children from the world. Not understanding that when children are raised in emotionally healthy, secure environments where they’re fully able to be themselves – they don’t need protection. They’re prepared.” – Dr. Nicole LePera
Late this week, our middle son asked if he could come home (our home) for the weekend. He wanted a break from the bustling city that he lives smack dab in the middle of, and he is anticipating a really busy fall, so he thought that it would be a good time to come visit us. We, of course, were delighted. Getting past my own insecure fears of “Is everything okay? Does he have something serious to discuss with us?”, I decided to stop with the doomsday thoughts and to just enjoy the experience of having our youngest two sons home with us, out of their own volition. (our youngest son is living with us, this summer, while he does an internship in our city) So far, the visit has been wonderful. Currently, our middle son is biking with his father, as I write this. Our son didn’t get in until late last night, because he had an exam to take and a paper to finish. So once again, I had to talk myself out of my own insecure fears of our son being exhausted and driving on the road, late at night. He arrived here happily, confidently, and all in one piece.
I absolutely believe that most of the world’s ails are caused by unhappy people and I agree with Dr. LePera, that most unhappiness comes from insecurities. We did our very best to raise secure-in-themselves children. There is no one in the world who never, ever feels insecure, but people who confidently know themselves seem to be able to get past their insecurities quicker, and with less damage to themselves (and to others). Still, I have come to realize that being a mother, has added a whole new nest of insecurities to the ones I already have brewing in my own pot. And even though my children are grown, I see that I still host some insecurities about my mothering skills and abilities. (Does our son really want to come home for “no reason” other than he loves us? Did we do a good enough job raising a child who will know and honor, when he is too tired and worn out to drive long distances at night??)
I have come to peace that none of us will never be out of “The School of Life” until we take our last dying breaths. We will never have it all figured out, but we can always improve and be a little better than we were, the day before, if we are willing to be honest with ourselves and to try.
I cut and pasted these steps to help lessen your own insecurities, from an excellent article from BetterUp. You can read the whole article by Shonna Waters, by clicking on the highlighted words below:
Let go of people and situations that fuel your insecurities.
Be proud of your progress, no matter how big or small it is.
Don’t be afraid to admit to your insecurities. We all have them, and they can only be cured, by admitting to them in the first place. As Dr. LePera says, when a person is fully themselves, that is when they are best prepared and protected for dealing with life’s challenges. You can never be fully yourself, until you accept and get to know, and embrace all parts of yourself, even the parts which feel a little scared and insecure, at times.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Happy Friday!!! Happy Best Day of the Week!! For the fun of it, I googled “Why is Friday so great?” I like this answer the best, coming from an article published by Popsugar in 2015:
Why is Friday the best?
“You’re a bit willing to take more on: Fridays are the day for saying yes to anything, because you’re just ready for the week to be over. And sometimes you find yourself agreeing to something you might not usually try, which turns into a fun adventure. Friday night!” (credit: Sarah Lipoff)
Sarah had me at “fun adventure.” For some reason Fridays make you feel more open to “fun adventures.”
On Fridays, I am about the fun adventures that the stuff in our life creates for us. On Favorite Thing Friday, I list at least one material item that has made my own life better, more interesting and/or fun.
Today’s favorite I’m honestly still on the fence about, but for those of you who sleep with white noise machines, you will love it. It is small, has six different sound options, a sensitive volume control, and a timer function. I have never been a fan of white noise machines, but my husband and I recently stayed at a hotel that had one and we decided to try it. We liked it so much that evening, that we decided to purchase one for our bedroom. The rain sound is the one that I have found to be the most soothing so far. HoMedics White Noise Sound Machine can be purchased on Amazon for a little over $20. This same hotel had lofi music playing in the background at breakfast. It was a lovely way to start the day.
Have a fun, adventurous Friday, and a soothing, soulful night of sleep! See you tomorrow!!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
When you have a family, “Our Family” becomes the entity that is the most important thing in your life. The individual players are, of course, of high importance, but ultimately, as the leaders of “Our Family” you make decisions that are ultimately best for the entire entity. All of your major decisions – where you live, what you spend your money on, what you eat, where the kids go to school, how much time and energy you spend at work, etc. are all predicated with the overall idea of, “Is this what is best for “Our Family?” Almost every member of “Our Family” makes sacrifices for the greater good of “Our Family”, especially the leaders of “Our Family” (particularly if they are good, conscientious, caring leaders, with a vision of hoping to achieve the highest state which “Our Family” could reach). As the leaders of “Our Family” you are completely devoted to this entity outside of yourself. It gives you more purpose, meaning, pride, humility, a sense of duty, and satisfaction to see “Our Family” thrive, more than anything else does, in your life.
I wish that I felt that the majority of our country’s leaders, saw our country, as my husband and I see “Our Family.” I wish that our leaders saw “Our Country” as something far more important than themselves, and their own individual gains of power, wealth, control and security. I think that the people who started “Our Country” were those kinds of leaders. History tells us that many of our forefathers were reluctant leaders. They understood the kinds of individual sacrifices it would take, to keep moving forward towards the sacred vision of the highest form they visualized for “Our Country.” But they knew that the future of “Our Country” was greater than their individual desires. They felt a sense of purpose, meaning, pride, humility, duty and satisfaction to create a country the likes the world had never seen before. And so they put their energy, their talents, their faith, their vision, not into themselves, but mostly into “Our Country.” I’m not saying that they were perfect leaders. There is no such thing. Obviously, history tells us that “Our Country” has made some awful, dire mistakes. This is the way of anyone’s individual families, neighborhoods, teams, organizations and countries. Still, these entities which have strong, self-sacrificing leaders, are the institutions that stand the test of time. When a family, neighborhood, company, team, organization, country is lead by someone who cares about the well-being of “Our Family”, “Our Company”, “Our Team”, “Our Country” to the point that they would give their entire selves, possibly even their very own lives, in order to see “Our” thrive to heights never achieved before, there is almost nothing that can stop the forward, upward motion of that entity.
Where are our true leaders? Who is stepping up, not for the sake of themselves, but for the sake of “Our Country”? Let’s find these true leaders. Let’s put them into power. Let’s move forward and upward for the sake of “Our Beloved Country.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
It’s not lost on me that we are experiencing a Super Full Moon today. For many of us, full moons signify the ending of something big, and the doors to new beginnings. Our youngest child, and our only daughter left for college less than three weeks ago. My entire mantra for the first half of this year has been “Finish Strong.” It was my entire focus. And I believe that we did finish strong. My daughter loved and soaked in all of her senior events (as did we), and although we are all in a period of adjustment, I believe that she has a strong beginning set in place for the start of her adult life, away from home.
I’m not sure that I have fully allowed myself to feel the emotions of the magnitude of what this means for me. I was a stay-at-home parent to our four children. Mothering was not just one of my roles. It was my main role. It was my occupation. So not only is my main role of daily parenting coming to an end, I am also retiring from my occupation. Double whammy.
I don’t need suggestions of what to do with my time. I’ve never been bored. I am a curious person. Curious people are rarely bored. I think what I am struggling with right now is finding a new mantra – an aim to set my Sagittarius arrow towards. As it is said, “Shoot for the moon.Even if you miss it you will land among the stars.” (Les Brown) For now, this mantra is “Start Strong”, but that’s kind of nebulous. I haven’t worked out the details of what that means. But I will figure it out. This I know. Curious people have a knack for figuring stuff out.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I’m sorry for the bad quality. I literally took a picture of this Tweet and put it up here. Hank Green is one of those science guys on Twitter (a Bill Nye kind of guy) who helps to explain science to us unscientific types. This is one of the first photographs from the James Webb Space Telescope. Mind blowing. So many responses to this tweet referred to “existential dread.” Sometimes I wonder if “existential dread” is actually synonymous with “egotistical dread.” OMG, what?!? We’re not the center of the Universe?! Our current drama that’s playing out is not actually all that important at all?!? I honestly don’t feel dread when I read about scientific discoveries like this. I feel peace. I like the relief and the quick change in perspective that it gives to me.
In other news, I read this profound quote the other day:
Everybody has a heart; you just have to find the location. — “The Goldbergs,” “The New Landlord” (1949)
Playing detective to find out what is really at the heart of any matter, explains a lot. Last night, I was at a dear friend’s house, and we were trying to help another friend understand why she had quit doing one of her great passions/purposes/talents in life (something which she loves to do as much as I love to write, maybe even more, and honestly she is better at it, than I am at writing). It turns out that what was stopping her from doing her avocation was related to a great loss that she had experienced, which was closely tied to her passion project. My one caring, questioning friend helped our dear friend get to this heart of the matter, and the relief that our bereaved friend seemed to feel, coming to this realization, made me hopeful that she will resume with her passion soon again. What is near and dear to anyone’s heart is found in the tender, vulnerable parts of what matters to that person the most. And everybody has at least one thing, or at least one person, that matters to them greatly, and that is where they store most of the whole of their precious, beating heart.
On a lighter note, my second eldest son and I had a text exchange, in which we were discussing his longtime girlfriend’s upcoming birthday. My son is in medical school and if he weren’t in medical school, he probably would have been an engineer. He is a science geek. My son would adore the first part of my blog post and would already be off looking for more information on the Webb telescope without finishing the post. “Subjective” is his least favorite word. He was the kid whom I always had to remind, “DO NOT touch any buttons or levers anywhere, at any time, do you understand?” In my humble opinion, he tends to be a tad practical, and perhaps not quite sentimental enough, when it comes to getting his girlfriend gifts. So, I texted him this thought:
“I read something that you should never buy a woman something that has a cord.”
His reply:
“Hahaha Damn, I’m glad I’m not a woman then.”
And of course when I mentioned this text exchange to my antagonistic youngest son, this son went on to give plenty of examples of women who love receiving fancy curling irons and blow dryers and he reminded me of all of the women who buy power tools from him every single day. (I get it. I get it. Perhaps I should have been more direct in my communication about maybe finding something with a cord, that also may have some sentimental value, or perhaps I should learn to just butt out – something that I need to work on every single day of my life. Yes, I can be nosy. I can be bossy. My heart is usually in the right place, but still, I need to work on these attributes of mine, this I know.)
I think I’ll end this post with a word that I learned from Rex Masters on Twitter the other day. It is a Japanese word: kuchisabishii – it means the times that you are not hungry, but you eat because your mouth is lonely. My mouth is lonely a lot. In fact it’s kind of lonely right now, so I am going to sign off. See you tomorrow!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning. My regular readers know that I devote Sundays to poetry on the blog. I don’t have a poem today. I don’t have a poem in any way. I’m not sharing one I wrote. But what I have, is wrote in quote. Poets don’t always write in rhyme – for that, they don’t always have the time. Sometimes poets just really have wise things to say, and so that is what I am sharing with you today.
“I have never started a poem whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering.” – Robert Frost
“Poetry is the clear expression of mixed feelings.” – W. H. Auden
“If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.” – Emily Dickinson
“A picture is a poem without words.” – Horace
“Poetry is nearer to vital truth than history.” – Plato
“If poetry and the arts do anything, they can fortify your inner life, your inwardness.” – Seamus Heaney
“A poet looks at the world the way a man looks at a woman.” – Wallace Stevens
“To have great poets, there must be great audiences.” – Walt Whitman
Thank you for being my great audience, readers. I love you. Have a blessed, poetic Sunday. <3 (Write a poem. Discover the ending. Make sense of your mixed feelings. Blow your own mind, or perhaps just take a photo and see the poetry in it. Find the vital truth that only your deepest inwardness knows. Fall in love with yourself through your words. You are a great poet, even if the only audience is yourself. <3 )
How’s everyone’s summer going? An informal survey with my friends and relations says that it is going “really fast.” I feel the same way. But really, we all get the same 24 hours in any day. And summer is roughly equal to the same amount of time as any of the other three seasons. Perception is a funny thing.
I saw the quote listed below and it reminded me that almost all of us have had a summer crush/vacation connection (usually in our teenage years), or perhaps, we all can think of that just one particularly amazing summer in which everything was just right: our bodies looked and felt great, our trips and our weekend events were amazing and particularly memorable, we felt unusually relaxed and connected with all of our friends and our family, and the weather cooperated perfectly through it all. We just wished that the summer would never, ever end.
“I’ll never regret someone that I had an amazing time and experience with. Even if we fall off, you made my life special at a certain time. We grew together, even if we grew apart. Thank you.” – Poem Heaven (Twitter)
There is something about the slow, lazy, dreamy summer days that make you feel nostalgic for it, before it is even over.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
James Caan is my favorite for today on Favorite Things Friday. Any time I went to a movie, and I found out that James Caan was in it, I’d be glad. I loved his expressions, from the crazy temper of Sonny Corleone in TheGodfather, to the smirky-ness of Walter in Elf. I loved his confident, macho, wise-ass demeanor.
The quote above by James Caan, is all that any of us parents are trying to do, right? We don’t get a degree in parenting from esteemed universities. We pretty much get on the job training – sink or swim. We try our best to carry on the traditions that we love from our families of origin, and we try our best to make the changes that would have made our own childhoods better. It’s not easy, but the loving part is in the earnest trying to be better, and to do better, in the hopes that our children will do the same, and improve upon us, so that the generations ahead will move forward towards a goal of loving, parental perfection. This is perhaps an unattainable goal, but at least it’s a point in the horizon worth pointing our ships toward.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Never forget how unique and wonderful you are in this world. There is only one of you. That makes you priceless and precious. Treat yourself as such.
It was interesting to me, last weekend, when we were driving through a part of Florida that had recently been decimated by a hurricane. Instead of rebuilding homes on their land, it appeared that a few people had purchased large, expensive RVs that they parked under metal RV “carports” on the land that used to be a beach homestead. Many of these fancy RV “carports” actually had screened in porches built into them. It was a fascinating solution.
My husband and I are embarking on that stage in life, where a lot more opportunities are opening up to us, as to where to live and how to live. It’s exciting and daunting, all at the same time. Still, as I ponder these decisions, I have to remind myself that “wherever you go, there you are.” We are all like our own little RVs, carrying around our own awareness and perceptions, our egos and personalities, our thought tickers (kind of like a stock tickers), our hearts, and our baggage.
One beach that we recently drove through is home to gorgeous, multi-million dollar homes where a lot of the Nashville country stars, and Hollywood stars with southern ties, are known to have beach houses. People like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Trisha Yearwood are all said to have residences there. None of these stars’ lives mentioned, have been “a cakewalk.” Clearly, no matter where you live outside of your own body/”RV”, that outside spot doesn’t protect you from the hurricanes of relationship, mental health, and addiction issues. Wherever you park your own little personal RV, that’s where you are. No matter how fancy the outside of your parking spot is, what truly matters is what is going on inside of your own unique RV.
How is maintenance going on your own personal RV? Are you fueling it up healthfully? Are you shading it from the hot summer sun? What about that thought ticker that is constantly scrolling? Is that thought ticker stuck on repeat? What are the quality of thoughts that are constantly being played and replayed on it? How’s the windshield on your own little RV body? Do you keep it clean, so that your perception is clear and wide open? Is your RV carrying too much baggage? Are there things/habits/relationships that need to be kicked to the curb and let go, so that you can ride to your destinations, freer and lighter? How about that heart engine of your own beautiful little RV? That’s what needs to be protected the most, because, otherwise your RV isn’t going anywhere.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
