RIP – Angela Lansbury (Darn, we’ve really lost some good ones lately, haven’t we?)
On a positive, hopeful note, Angela Lansbury was days before turning 97-years-old. Loretta Lynn died recently at age 90. Both women worked at what they loved, well into their elder years. This common trend towards longevity means that us middle-agers still have a lot of life to live, and a lot passions to explore. Vida!
The other day, my husband and I were riding through a car wash and I smiled to myself when the long stringy flaps moved up and down and all around our windshield. I was remembering being a little girl in a carwash with my Pop-pop. My grandfather used to call those washing flaps, “the dancing ladies”. Yesterday, the picture on my blog held this quote from Cesare Pavese: “We don’t remember days, we remember moments.” How true is that statement?! Sometimes I remember the oddest of things. I wonder why certain, seemingly inconsequential “moments” stick in my mind. This quote does remind me that when we remember, and when think of people, we think of their “idiosyncrasies”, like my grandfather calling the carwash brushes, “dancing ladies.” When we think of the people whom we love, we think of moments with them, that make them unique to us. All of the little habits, and the ways of people are what makes them special and distinct and interesting to us. Even in a field of daisies, each little daisy has its own way of being, and dancing in the sun. Each little daisy is wonderful in its own way and helps to make the field of daisies what it is – a feast for the eyes.
In other news, I read a good article today that discussed the difference between having “expectations” versus having “requirements”. The article said that when you set expectations you allow for a little “wiggle room”. You are being hopeful, but you often set yourself up for disappointment. Requirements are more ironclad. Requirements mean business. Requirements require clear communication and boundaries and consequences. Are there areas/relationships in your life where you could step up your expectations to requirements, for access to you and to your precious time? Are there promises which you’ve made to yourself that could use the reinforcement of “requirement” status?
Now I’ll leave you to your day, my little daisy. Before you leave, this is a REQUIRED assignment: Take this moment to think of a trait that makes someone whom you love “so them.” Now think of a unique trait (positive only please) that people would think of when they would think of you. Smile and have a wonderful Wednesday.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
“The basic needs of life are often taken for granted. Not by you. Your life is good because you don’t wait for a loss to appreciate the miracle of such things as breath, water, food and a safe place to enjoy them.” – Holiday Mathis
” . . . . .don’t waste time on things you don’t need to invest yourself in.”-yourtango
” . . . your allies might be feeling a bit neglected considering how much energy you’ve invested in dealing with the haters. Go out of your way to express your gratitude and love for their presence in your life.” – Astrotwins
“A tug-of-war could go on forever, so let go of your end.” – Christopher Renstrom
I am a Sagittarius and these lines above, are from my daily horoscopes from websites I check out regularly. Whether you believe that astrology is true, or just for fun, or it’s all really just phooey, (and those are my individual and collected beliefs, on any particular day, in any particular mood), I enjoy reading my daily horoscopes, and starting my day, gleaning some inner wisdom from them. Clearly, today has a pronounced prominent theme. The theme is – “Let go of the negativity, and focus on all of the positives that I have going on, in my one, quickly moving, amazing, interesting, blessed life.”
I have to say when I read the Astrotwins line about “allies”, you – my loyal, devoted readers, were among the first to come to mind. I am so grateful for your presence in my life. I do not take you for granted. I savor my mornings writing to you, versus writing to some empty void. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your time and for your attention. Time is your most precious resource, and your time is appreciated by me, more than you know. I love you, my allies.
Today, no matter what your astrological sign is, let’s just take the advice for Sagittarians. Be thankful for your food, your home, your clothes and your breath. Realize the miracle in all of these things. Don’t get mired in the drama that detracts from your one precious life. Show gratitude and love for your “allies” (taken from a post I wrote last week, where the colonel asks his Soldiers these questions, in order to understand them better and to gain their trust:“Who do you call when you have some good news? Who do you call when you have some bad news? Who do you call when you want to laugh/cry? Who loves you back home?”) Friends, it doesn’t matter what “title” these people hold in relation to you, whomever is the answer to the questions above, these are the people who are YOUR allies. Stop taking your allies for granted. Stop assuming that they know how much they mean to you. Don’t neglect your allies. And finally, whatever you are struggling with, let go of your side of the rope. There is no game, when you refuse to play. Surrender. Trust the Universe with your fracas. Just for today, let it go. Let it be.
Have a great day. Today you are all centaurs with me. The stars are aligned for it to be a wonderful, fabulous day filled with gratitude and love for our food, for our shelter, for our allies, for our ability to let things go. Today, if nothing else, let’s spend it being thankful for our miraculous ability to just breathe.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
In all seriousness, I love the profound essay that William Shatner recently wrote about his not-so-long-ago foray into space. See below:essay by William Shatner
Good morning. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Poetry is the heartbeat of communication. You have to be deliberate when you write poetry. It’s hard to be sloppy with it. It’s a concentrated effort. I think that’s why it is meditative to write poetry. Having just taken my first sip of coffee, after a delicious morning of sleeping in, I’m not ready to be so concentrative and meditative, therefore I will share one my favorite poems written by Langston Hughes. (I’ll probably fiddle around with my words later. You should, too. Try writing some poetry. You’ll like it.)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Friends and I were having a discussion about different frustrations going on in our lives. I blurted out “That’s why it is so hard trying to be healthier in a world that mostly isn’t!” My friend said, “That’s a profound statement.”
By the time we reach middle age, my husband likes to say that pretty much everyone has gone through at least “one major biggie.” Something happens that rocks your world. Whether it be a major health situation, a relationship breakdown, or a career crisis, or something of the like, these are the pivotal moments in our lives. These are the moments where you either decide to get introspective and mindful, owning the parts that you play in the situation, and coming to the realization that the only person whose thoughts and actions you have any control over, are your own. Or, you stay mired in the victimhood of the situation, casting blame and moping in despair, on the throne of martyrdom, until the next crisis rears its ugly head.
It’s lonely to work on getting healthier in mind, body and spirit. There are plenty places to do it: nature, gyms, health food stores, churches, therapists, self-help books, support groups, yoga studios, etc., but oftentimes, if the quick fix doesn’t happen, we swiftly go back to our old habits, patterns and beliefs and feel sorry for ourselves. We always want the quick fix – a magic pill, with an absolute 100% guarantee.
It’s difficult, in any situation, to feel like you are that only kid who sees/accepts that the emperor obviously isn’t wearing any clothes. It feels lonely. Whether it is noticing all of the processed crap in our grocery stores, or facing all of the unhealthy communication styles in every social institution that we have (such as manipulation, passive aggressive comments, sarcasm, bullying, and sneaky half-truths. It’s funny that we’re so afraid of “direct communication” because we think that it is “mean”, but direct communication is the kindest, most honest and clear form of communication which we can utilize. People can deal with being disappointed that you aren’t able to go/do/be something that they want you to go/do/be, and you can live and deal with the knowledge that the person is disappointed. We’ve all coped with all sorts of disappointment in our lives, and we’re all still standing.) When we can sit with ourown difficult emotions, instead of lashing out, or doing mindless, addictive behaviors to avoid feeling our feelings, or depressively shaming ourselves for having negative feelings, we are on a healthy road to acceptance and self-love and compassion for ourselves and for others. The ability to sit with our own difficult emotions is a simple process, but not an easy one. It’s actually pretty grueling. It takes constant practice and discipline to decide to work on being the healthiest version of ourselves. And that’s why it seems to be such a rare phenomenon in our society. Any family, social group, institution is usually only as healthy as its least healthy member.
It’s not our jobs to “fix” anyone but ourselves. Self improvement is a lot in itself. And when we keep the focus on ourselves, we can notice the unhealthiness in the people and the organizations and institutions surrounding us. We can use these observations to place boundaries to keep a safe path for ourselves to continue to grow and to heal and to prosper in our own lives. A great question to start with, to really get a detached view of yourself, and your individual beliefs, is to take a look at a situation that bothers you, and ask the question, “What story am I telling myself about this situation?” You may be incredibly surprised about some of the falsehoods, silliness, and level of emotional control you have given to others, in this particular happening.
Our “stories” often aren’t full of facts at all. They are mostly our own perceptions, based on our own emotions and past experiences. My eldest son and I love watching indie films and thought-provoking shows, and talking about them afterwards. My husband and I recently watched “The White Lotus” and we really liked it and we recommended it to him. As expected, he loved the show and he binge watched it. When my son and I discussed the show, I was amazed at what stood out to him (parts that seemed relatively inconsequential to me). He made a lot of references and analogies to meditation, an interest of his that has he has been spending a lot of time on lately. I laughed to myself. My son is 26 and I’m almost 52. He’s half my age. Of course, what stood out for him in the show, would be different than what made an impression on me. I imagine if we both wrote reviews of “The White Lotus”, people might wonder if we watched the same show.
When I am being mindful, I notice when I am judging others for their lack of self-introspection, and then I can notice my physical, mental, and spiritual response to my judgment. What story am I telling myself about this person/situation/experience?
The sewing project above, if it were truly healthy (and not just cute and funny) would read, “People in therapy are often in therapy to deal with their own perceptions about, and need to control the people in their lives who won’t go to therapy.” But that of course, would make the sewing project above much more time-consuming, difficult, and expensive, wouldn’t it now? That would be quite a demanding project.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I read an excellent thread on Twitter this morning written by Daniel Blackmon (@UncleRedLeg), who, in his own words, is this: “Army COL, Field Artillery Junkie, husband, dad, lifter and pretty good golfer.” It was in response to a family member asking Blackmon how he felt about the military having to deal with all of this “woke crap . . .You know all that inclusion crap, all that can’t call parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad,’ all that pronoun stuff.”
My husband and I are both children of fathers who served in the military. Our family has quite a few military veterans and I am extremely proud of that fact. I was curious about an Army Colonel’s response to this question, because quite honestly, all of our fast moving societal changes, has me, this sometimes obtuse and stubborn, middle-aged lady confused and muddled and frustrated and trying to balance and to explore what I think is right and is healthy and is worth supporting. I LOVE Colonel Daniel Blackmon’s point of view. I think what the bottom line of his essay is saying is to stop making assumptions. Get to know people, individually. Be earnestly and openly curious about everyone whom you meet. If you want to earn people’s respect and trust, ask questions and listen to their answers. Daniel Blackmon says it best:
“So, inclusion…why is it important? Inclusion is not about overtly empowering people who don’t deserve it. The cream will always rise to the top. It’s about applying a level playing field as much as that’s possible. Some folks will always have more talent, more brains, more acumen for leadership, more hustle. These are not traits that any one group of people have a monopoly on. Inclusion is about caringabout your people irrespective of what they look like, what kind of background they come from, or who they love. Inclusion is about building trust that might not initially exist because of all of those previous reasons. . . . . . If I have to give an order to a group of people that will put them in harms way, they damn sure better trust me enough to know that I have done everything within my power to ensure maximum levels of success because if they don’t and I didn’t, the results will be catastrophic. . . . . I am committed to let my people know I care about them because trust is a two way street and if you don’t have the trust of your Soldiers, you don’t have their respect. The men and women of our Army are raised by all types, a mom and dad, just a mom, just a dad, 2 moms, 2 dads, uncles, aunts, grandparents, foster parents and the list goes on. What I’ve taken to doing is not asking about their mom or dad but asking, “Who do you call when you have some good news? Who do you call when you have some bad news? Who do you call when you want to laugh/cry? Who loves you back home?” Most ofthe time I get pretty generic answers but sometimes the answer is surprising and what is even better is the look on the face of the Soldier when they get to tell you who that person is. It also puts the onus on the Soldier to tell me as much or as little as they want to about their family situation and more importantly, it lets them know that when they’re ready, they can tell me or their leader and not feel like they will be judged. It’s not “woke” to care. . . . (I, the blogger, repeated this part once again foremphasis): If I have to give an order to a group of people that will put them in harms way, they damn sure better trust me enough to know that I have done everything within my power to ensure maximum levels of success because if they don’t and I didn’t, the results will be catastrophic. . . .At one point in my life when I was a young man, this wasn’t as obvious to me as it is now. I wish someone would have explained it to me better. Maybe then I could have built better teams, been a better leader, made more of a difference. But I am committed to it now. I am committed to let my people know I care about them because trust is a two way street and if you don’t have the trust of your Soldiers, you don’t have their respect . . . .”
My takeaway: Don’t decide anything or anyone is “crap” until you really get to know them. It is not “woke” to care.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
RIP – Loretta Lynn This loss really got to me yesterday, although I think that a peaceful death, in the homestead that you love, after 90 years of exuberantly loving life, is a lovely, gentle, fitting ending to a beautiful life on Earth.
I have never been a huge country music fan, but I always found Loretta Lynn interesting and intriguing. I watched Coalminer’s Daughter more than a few times. I read two of Lorretta Lynn’s books. I even drove my children by Hurricane Mills ranch in Tennessee when I was doing a nine-state road trip with four little kids. (Don’t ask – these are the things that you do when you are young, and energy-filled, and crazily optimistic.) We stopped at a small country diner down the road from her beloved ranch, and we were told that she often made her way down the road to have dinner there. Even as long as we lingered over biscuits and gravy, sadly, Loretta Lynn didn’t show up that evening.
Years ago, I watched Mike Wallace interview Lorretta Lynn on 60 Minutes. At this point, Loretta was already up there in age, (probably in her late 70s or early 80s), and she was as positive, charming and authentic as ever. I remember Mike asked her one of those annoyingly obvious-answer questions, like sportscasters ask quarterbacks after they lose a huge game, “How do you feel about losing this game?” Mike asked Loretta the “duh question” (although I don’t remember what the actual question was that he asked her), and she answered back in her simple country twang with “Well, of course I felt terrible. Wouldn’t you, Mike?” I could tell, it was at this moment in the interview, that Mike Wallace, a longtime, veteran journalist, appeared to be a little shaken by Loretta Lynn’s frankness. He became a little sheepish, but also utterly charmed. Loretta could say things like this with her down-home, no BS, this is the way of life, common sense, and still be utterly kind and gracious. She didn’t come off like a sarcastic harpy. She came off as innocent, pure and real, looking imploringly at him with her gorgeous, full of fun, sparkly blue eyes. And I remember watching Mike falling a little bit in love with her, as I believe the rest of the audience was doing as well. I know that I did.
As I was reading some of the tributes to Lorretta Lynn yesterday, I ended up on her Instagram. On her personal Instagram, Loretta posted many, many pictures of the obvious loves in her life: her late husband, Doolittle, her children, her family and friends, playing music with her country music friends and colleagues, her ranch, her horses. I noticed without fail, she would post the picture and she would write things like this: “This is Mooney. I sure do love this man. I love you, honey,” or “Ernest brought up my horse to the ranch to cheer me up. I sure do love that horse,” or “This is the woman that helped raise my kids. She is like our family. I sure do love . . . .”
Since the news of her death, there is an obvious outpouring of loss and sadness over a real American treasure, Loretta Lynn. She lived the American dream, but she was also honest about the hardscrabble life of the poorest, working class members of society (particularly women), before it was cool to be honest about anything. She never walked away from the truth ever. She lived her life purely, focused on what she loved. She loved her husband, her family, her friends, her music, her ranch, and her faith throughout her entire life. She lived her life honestly, abundantly, authentically, excitedly and gratefully.
What do you“sure do love” in your life? Focus on what you “sure do love” every single day. Because honestly, that is really what life is all about. A little country girl from Butcher Holler, Kentucky, knew this truth, and Loretta Lynn lived this truth probably better than almost anyone in the world. And that is why it hurts so much for us to let her go.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
There are so many things vying for our attention and energy these days. And we give it away so freely and easily, as if we have endless stores of it (even though we don’t). We forget to harness our energy. We forget that it is “us” that has the wheel. Your still, small voice inside of you – your perfectly attuned, highly perceptible, built-in GPS system will never scream out for your attention. It won’t try to compete with, nor enforce control, as to where you put your attention and energy (and thus your precious time). But if you listen to your body and to your emotions, you will understand if where you have been putting your attention, your focus and your energy, is really the best place for you to spend it. What increases your energy? What depletes it? What restores and renews your energy? What flames and burns your energy out quickly? Where are your energy leaks – slowly and secretly draining out your energy stores, little bits at at time? Do you need to bank your energy somewhere else? Have you built appropriate boundaries around your energy stores?
Spend some of your time, energy, and attention on these questions today. The insights which you get from this exercise will be incredibly valuable. (Remember, as the post by Think Smarter states: “Our energy IS our true currency.”)
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Our daughter came home for the weekend, from college. She says that the university keeps her dorm as cold as a meat locker. Her theory is that this reduces mold spores. By the age and the look of the dorms, I think that this is a legitimate theory. So in turn, she told us that she did not sleep well here at home. Now, our home has become way too hot.
I read an article about Kelly Ripa’s new book: Live Wire. Here’s what she says about having an empty nest: “It’s scary, thrilling, liberating, shocking . . . and quiet.” In my early experience, that synopsis is spot on. Another thing that Kelly talks about in the empty nest chapter is this: “I don’t know how to make dinner proportionally.” This quote has been my story for my entire married life. I either underestimated our hunger to the point that we all needed a second dinner, or there were leftovers enough to justify the purchase of a new freezer. And I agree with Kelly Ripa, this cooking for two is insanely weird. I told my husband that we are mostly going to eat frozen vegetables from now on, because our produce is continually going bad. Life seems to be a constant cycle of getting used to “a new way of life.” New normal . . . new normal . . . new normal . . . .
Kelly also spoke about trading youthful confidence for certainty as we age. I like that thought. I think what I am becoming more and more certain about as I get older, is how little I really do know.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Welcome to Soul Sunday on the blog. Sundays are devoted to poetry here. I have chosen to share a poem written by a poet named R. DeArcos, which I think captures the feeling of how small and alone you feel when you are facing an enormous natural tempest. It is my personal spiritual beliefs that we are all one with all of creation, but when you are facing down a storm, you definitely feel small and alone. The storm is just being a storm. It’s nothing personal, but it sure feels that way.
This will be my last post regarding Hurricane Ian for a while. I promise. Most of our Floridian friends and family have spent this weekend processing our feelings about what we have just gone through. The build up of fear, uncertainty, feelings of being overwhelmed, guilt, sometimes perhaps even shame, survivor’s guilt, worries, anger, grief, etc. is all piled into your being and it takes a while, for these sensations to be fully released and washed away. (and for those people dealing with the major aftermath of Ian, those feelings will be stirring within them for quite some time) Honestly, the release of emotion is exhausting, but cleansing, until only relief and gratitude remains.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
