When I was shopping with my future daughter-in-law last week, she pointed out a poster of Hocus Pocus with a smile on her face. She told me that she loves that movie. I smiled to myself for a different reason. I immediately thought of my three aunts.
Now, I mean no disrespect to my aunts. My aunts are way more attractive, alluring, kind and interesting than the stereotypical, storybook witch. But to me, in my own inner version of what a witch is, my aunts fit the bill: magical, crafty, resilient, mysterious, wise, attuned to nature, assured in themselves, faithful to Life. My aunts have always been a fun, spoiling, soft spot in my life since I was a little girl, but as I have grown older they have also become my inspirations.
My (only) three aunts are all in their 70s, yet they stay fit and active and “with it.” They are adventuresome and confident. I call this year, “The Year of the Aunts”. This is the first year in a long while which I have experienced one-on-one visits with each of my aunts. This is a rarity. We all lead busy lives and we are all spread out in different states. One of my aunts even lives in a different country.
We women need each other (even as awful as we can be to each other), and we need each other in all forms. We need our female friends, sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins, grandmothers, mentors, and aunts. Sometimes one of our female cohorts is more than just one of those things to us. We women are that powerful. We can be shapeshifters if need be. There is something unrepeatable in the strength at the core of a woman. We know this fact deeply and intimately, and we inevitably share the wells of this female strength and wisdom when we convene with each other.
I have always loved my aunts, but I didn’t realize until this past decade, how much I need them. I didn’t realize how much they teach me, just by being themselves. I didn’t realize the depth of the nourishment I get from each of them, and the familial care and concern they have always held for me, even when we are not with each other. I hope and pray, that I can be the same source of solidity and comfort for my nieces and nephews, in different stages of our lives. My own aunts have treated me, as if this was their sacred duty. Perhaps it is . . . .
Aunts, I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning. Welcome to poetry day on the blog. This past week our middle son and his longtime girlfriend and our granddog, Otis have been visiting, which means we have gotten even more bonus visits with our youngest son and his girlfriend, who live in our town. We are picking up our daughter tonight from her summer away, where she was studying abroad. I can’t wait to bring her home. My heart is full. I’m happy that we are a “place” which our adult children still want to come to restore themselves. I found this poem in a blog that suggested that we all could change our own personal stanzas to this poem which so aptly says, “I am from those moments.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
2179. Which part of democracy do you not agree with?
Hi, friends and readers!!! I’m back. I’ve missed you, and writing the Adulting-SecondHalf blog, so, so much. But I just came back from a wonderful trip to London and other parts of England. (My husband and I just had to check up on our daughter who is studying there this summer. We knew that she missed us. Ha!) I had never been to England before, and I was so utterly pleased with what I experienced. I am not a city dweller. I love nature. I like to call myself “Snow White.” But if I had to live in a city, London is the most liveable city that I have ever travelled to, and I have been fortunate enough to have visited many cities in our own country, and abroad.
But before I bore you to death with my trip details, I do realize that this is Friday and it is a good one!! It’s the New Moon. We are officially, fresh-starting the second half of the year. What do you want for the rest of this year? It’s a perfect time to reflect, get your thoughts down in writing, and start taking steps towards what you want. My first half of the year has been amazing – chock full of adventures, travel, visits with family and friends, weddings, the birthday clump of our family members, holidays etc. etc. Honestly, it’s been delightful, but it’s also been a lot. I like the second half of the year because things don’t get too drummed up for our family, until the holidays at the end of the year. Things in my life never seem as frenzied during the second half of the year. I like spontaneity and the second half of the year seems to allow for more of it. But, I digress. . . . today is Favorite Things Friday on the blog!! Today my favorite is packing cubes. I had never used these before in my travels, but my daughter insisted that they make a huge difference in utilizing space in your luggage. I purchased a soft set of about seven packing cubes for this trip, and while I’ve never been good about rolling up my stuff like little sushi rolls (my husband, being a long-time military brat, is a master at this), I loved how organized these cubes kept my stuff. My tops were with my tops. My bottoms were with my bottoms. My hair stuff was all together and easily found. My suitcase was no longer the jack-in-the-box jumble that it usually is, when I am travelling. If you have never tried packing cubes, I highly recommend giving them a try.
Okay, for those of you who want my reflections on London and other parts of England, here they are, in no particular order:
+ England has excellent food. It is a mistaken thought that the only thing good to eat in England is fish and chips. (although, I had fish and chips and it was yummy) I had incredible food including delicious steak ale pies, delectable sandwiches, fantastic Indian food, superfresh and colorful greens and fruits and desserts from Borough Market . . . now you may think, “Well yes, you were in a major city in the world. There is competition and variety,” but I will tell you that the best food that I had on my trip was in a tiny pub, out in the country, near Salisbury, England. We had “Sunday Roast” there which was like a fabulous Thanksgiving meal. You could choose beef or chicken or steak pie, and then on top of each of these was a huge Yorkshire Pudding. Yorkshire Pudding was maybe my favorite item that I ate the whole time I was in England. Yorkshire Pudding is a delightful, doughy cloud that you dip in gravy. I adore it!
+ I kept describing London as the most “wholesome” city I have ever been to, and we went all over London. My husband and I averaged walking about 20,000 steps a day. (my kids were never a fan of our style of vacationing. “Some people like to relax on vacation,” was something which we often heard muttered by one, or by all four of our children, on our various vacations) London has wide streets, lower buildings, less traffic (the London Underground is safe, easy to navigate, quiet, and reliable – we took it everywhere), and lots of green spaces. The people are reserved, but kind and polite and eager to help you. It’s a wonderful place for “eye candy”: beautiful historic cathedrals and buildings, colorful flowers outside of every pub, gorgeous, multicultural people with smart, dressed-up, intriguing style. In short, London is everything it’s cracked up to be.
+ My husband and I saw King Charles being driven out of Buckingham Palace, quite by chance. We noticed that the gates to the palace had been opened, and a crowd was gathering around the road by the gates. My husband and I were curious, but having it be our first day in London, we instead decided to meander over to the fountain in front of the palace to see it more closely. The next thing we knew, a police officer stopped traffic on the road, just a few feet away from us, and a luxurious black car drove by with the white-haired king sitting in the back, his fingers in front of his body, held in a position, much like when you were a kid and you were playing, “Here is the church, Here is the steeple”. His fingers were in “steeple position.”
+ We toured St. Paul’s Cathedral, The British Museum, Southwark Cathedral, The Tower of London and Westminster Abbey. All were interesting. I particularly liked the smaller Southwark Cathedral where Shakespeare is said to have spent a lot of time and I delighted in having the proper English afternoon tea experience (with a three stack tower of treats) at The British Museum while my husband satiated himself in Egyptian history. While all of the buildings and their historical significance were incredible, it struck me that Westminster Abbey was essentially an extremely enormous fancy mausoleum. And having spent most of our time in The British Museum staring at mummies and sarcophaguses from Egyptian tombs, it struck me that it is kind of sad and egotistical that many of the wealthy humans of our past were so fixated on the afterlife, and of being remembered by future people. (other than major historical figures and writers buried in Westminster Abbey, I knew very few of the names nor the significance of the people buried there) I honestly found the experience to be an excellent reminder that life on earth is NOW. And as happens on all of my travels, I was sincerely amazed how many millions of different people I was witnessing every day, all over just one city, on our great big Earth. (and as happens on all of my travels, there were plenty of Americans afoot. You just can’t escape us. There is a line from a song, whose band and name escapes me now, where the singer dejectedly and flatly states, “Oh, you’re all still here.” That line played in my mind a few times on this trip.) Anyway, what I felt deeply reminded of, when I reflected on all of the carefully planned, and elaborately and expensively made “death artifacts” is that our life’s experience is really mostly just consequential to ourselves, and to the few people in our inner circle. This realization is freeing. Stop focusing on making an impression on other people. Just be yourself, and be kind, and live each precious moment of your life fully and consciously. Don’t fear death. Focus on living your life.
+ My favorite part of the trip was being with family whom we don’t get to see often at all. (it’s hard, living across the pond, and all) They live by the sea in England, and we took a train out to see them, and even though we hadn’t seen each other in years, the love flowed fervently. We even met children that we had never met before and by the end of the night, we were all hugging and professing our love for each other. We “saw” each other. There is something so special and uncanny about “the family bond.” We even all went to Stonehenge together and I had honestly expected that to be the most spiritual experience of my trip. But it wasn’t. The most spiritual part of the trip wasn’t the cathedrals, nor the choirs singing in chapels, nor the mysterious giant rocks of Stonehenge. The most spiritual part of my trip was a reminder of just how beautiful and strong the elastic bonds of love, hold us all together. Great, loving arms enfold us all. This I know.
It’s great to be back. I love you. I missed you. See you tomorrow!!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1488. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? (Lucky for me, my husband is both.)
I saw this posted this morning and I know that it is the truth. That’s why I think I keep my circles small. I “catch” other people’s energy really easily, and I have actually been around people who have made me have to run to the bathroom to vomit. Truth.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, the people who you feel so “at home with and connected to” are priceless. You feel that in your body, too. You breathe easy. Silences aren’t uncomfortable. You share space and everything just flows.
I am going to use this as a segue to a humble-brag. Our eldest son and his girlfriend of a few years flew down to visit us this past weekend. Then on Monday, our son headed to a 4-day conference, for his job, in a city close to our city. Ironically, my husband is attending a different conference in the same city. Our son’s girlfriend asked to stay here, and hang out with me this week. I am thrilled. I have one daughter but two of our sons have long- term girlfriends whom I consider to be my other “daughters”, and I know that my daughter sees them to be the sisters she never had. I feel so blessed to have a good relationship with all of “my girls.” I feel grateful and “complimented”. I am breathing easy.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
The last of the mohicans left today. Our eldest son, his girlfriend and our daughter took to the road at 6 a.m. this morning, back to their own adult lives. My husband and I gave them huge hugs goodbye and then went straight back to bed. It’s a miracle that I am still not in bed right now. Our holiday season was really good. My daughter said last night that it was one of the best ones ever. And I agree. But I am pooped. Sometimes I marvel at the fact that we lived, for most of our married lives, in the constant, frenetic activity that comes with raising four kids, because when everyone’s home I find it to be wonderful, joyous and fun, but also exhausting. It’s amazing to me how quickly my husband and I have gotten used to the new normal of our quiet, orderly, empty nest, because for almost 28 years of our marriage, we had always lived with at least one extra kid. (By our tenth anniversary, we had all four kids) The brilliant writer Jane Austen once wrote that she hated tiny parties because they force you to be in “constant exertion”. I think that’s where the tiredness comes from all of the communing that many of us do over the holidays. You are in constant exertion of relating, sensing everyone else’s energy, catching up on each other’s lives, making meals, making plans, making and reliving memories . . . . I tried to really just savor it all. I made it my mission to savor my family’s laugher and expressions and relaying old memories and making new ones. (Our son’s girlfriend found a tree ornament last night on clearance that we bought because it perfectly depicted a crazy, inside, “you had to be there” spontaneous experience we all had around a fire pit one of the nights. These moments are priceless.) Overall, it was sort of a Venn Diagram Christmas experience this year. Some kids came early and left earlier and some kids came later and left later. They brought along friends and stories and new experiences throughout the course of it all. (Our youngest son even bought his first “adult” car in the middle of everything). This Christmas was its own entity, as all holidays end up being. We bring the framework of the aged decorations, standard traditions, and long standing recipes, but there is always room for the new activities and surprises that pop up at Christmas every year. There was a lot of exertion, but it was lovely. Life loved us this Christmas. “Love” was the theme this Christmas, for sure. And I feel that wonderful, satiated, “job well done” feeling that is also screaming at me to kick up my feet and to deeply rest in some quiet and solitude.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
One of my favorite parts of Thanksgiving, is the eavesdropping. I think most of us writer types are observers and eavesdroppers, and Thanksgiving is one my favorite times of the year to do it. I love hearing my kids catch up with each other, slipping right into the playful ribbing which they have always done with each other throughout the years. I love hearing my daughter, excitedly relay all of her happenings of the semester to her Dad, as she is savoring his one-on-one attention, as they prepare some of our Thanksgiving meal together. All of this background noise is music to my ears. I don’t even really listen to the words. It’s all the buzz of love, filling my house and my heart. This sound, by far, is one of my favorite sounds in all of the world.
I was thinking that it is easy to fall into the trap of only being thankful for the typical standards. Of course, I will never NOT be deeply grateful for my family and my friends and my health and my home and my faith. These things all go without saying. So, in the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about what NEW things in my life that I am grateful for this year. I am so thankful for bringing the practice of painting back into my life this year. I’m grateful for the Arts Center where I take my classes and the NEW friends who I have already learned so much from, in these classes. I’m thankful for some NEW appliances and outdoor furniture that we sorely needed, but had put off purchasing (out of a mix of stubborness, frugality and laziness and perhaps environmental consciousness (ha!), my husband and I tend to get our absolute full usage out of things, until they are way beyond their worn-off expiration dates). These NEW items have brought ease and pleasure into our lives. I’m also thankful for the NEW places we have visited, and the culture and fascination and beauty which they have brought into my perspectives and elevated living experiences. I’m thankful for the NEW apartments and living situations that all four of our kids have begun living in, this year. They all seem happy and comfortable and pleased with their NEW living situations, and that brings my heart joy and peace.
Readers, I am so thankful for all of you, NEW and OLD. Throughout the year, I occasionally get the pleasant surprise of meeting someone who reads my blog. Often it turns out to be a friend of a friend, and this brings me so much joy to hear that someone shared my blog, and it turns out that my blog resonates with this NEW person. That’s been the goal all along – to write my authentic thoughts and feelings as I go through a big transition stage in my life, and thus connecting with those who also like to deeply reflect on what they are experiencing in their lives, at any given point. One thing that always amuses me, is that these NEW people often feel the need to apologize to me, because they don’t always read my blog every single day. What?!? Are you kidding me?!? You don’t owe me anything. If someone reads just one of my blog posts and that’s all they needed, or they read my blog every single day, I am so utterly grateful, either way. I am touched. I feel a new form of connection with anyone who comes to commune with my words for a while, whether it be a one-time thing, or an occasional or regular experience. Anyone who has taken the time to read anything that I have written, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It means the world to me.
I wish you all a wonderful day, full of happy surprises. I know that the holidays are often a big old mixed bag of emotions – joy and melancholy, laughter, tears, arguments and hugs. So, what I wish, for all of us this holiday season, is the true experience of Acceptance. May we accept each holiday event, exactly as it comes to us, and realize that we can just experience it all, without needing to give anything a reaction or a definition. May we all stay more in the observer/eavesdropper role and just soak it all in, because often the holidays are just a microcosm of the intensity, beauty, frailty and reality of life and love. Maybe sometimes it is best to just be “the neutral watcher” to really capture the essence and the wonder of it all.
Again, thank you for being with me, readers. You are loved by me. I am so thankful for you and the blog.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I had my first child when I was age 25 and we kept on going, every two years or so, until we had our four children. A big family keeps you hoppin’. Many times over the years people would comment on how many loads of laundry we must do, how filled our pantry must be, how many times we must have to run the dishwasher, etc. etc. I would smile, and nod, and laugh, and say the same panned responses, again and again, but honestly, it was just my way of life. I didn’t really know anything different for most of my adult life. Yes, raising four kids was a lot. It was chaotic at times. But it was also full of fun, and adventure, and laughter, and excitement, and a menagerie of pets, to boot. It was our family’s way of life.
For the last half of the year, my husband and I have been true empty nesters. And it has been quiet, and orderly, and comfortably predictable, and we run the dishwasher maybe once a week. Our dirty laundry never piles up and there are rooms in the house that go unused and stay tidy. However, for this past week, all four kids have been home for the holidays. And I now completely understand the contrast, and why people would always comment on how many times we must go to the grocery store (this past week, it’s often been more than once a day), and how many times we must run the dishwasher (this past week, it’s been at least once a day). And I have come to realize now, that both ways of living life have their upsides (and their downsides). I see the merits in both ways of living. In the end, I mostly just feel truly privileged to get to experience and appreciate both ways of life.
“Storms draw something out of us that calm seas don’t.” ~ Bill Hybels
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Good morning, friends!! It has been quite a morning here. Unfortunately my website crashed, and I am out-of-town visiting a family member who is very ill, and I am currently in a different time zone than where I live. I am sorry for this delay on what is usually the best day of the week! Happy Friday!!
On Fridays, I try to keep things light. On Fridays, I discuss “the stuff” in life that makes my own life more interesting and enthralling. On Fridays, I share one of my favorites, whether it be a product, a book, a TV show, a website, whatever. Today’s favorite of mine is actually an email newsletter. It is called 1440 and it is the best, most unbiased source of news stories which I have encountered in a long, long time. Just the facts, ma’am! It is one of the only sources where I get my news information these days. I trust my own mind to make up my own opinions. I prefer to get my influence and my sway from myself, and the people whom I intimately love and trust. You can join 1440 for free, here (and fun fact: there are 1440 minutes in a day)
Friends, we have had some truly deep, tough, rough, yet also miraculous experiences as of late with older extended family members and their health concerns. My relationships with my family and with my friends are vitally important to me and I do my best to protect people’s privacy. That will always be my priority. My stories are my stories to tell, and my loved ones can decide if they want to share their own stories. Their stories are their stories to tell. That being said, I have had some really eye-opening moments of truth recently, realizing that it is truly our souls, our “essence”, which makes us alive, and makes us “us.” No matter what happens to our bodies, our deepest selves can, and do shine through. I trust the wisdom of the Universe more than ever now. When I am pushing against something, and my will is being overtaken by the greater powers that be, I understand that I am being lead to important lessons and evolutions of my own soul. As stubborn as I can be, surrendering to what is, brings a present peace, and eventually a future understanding and wisdom to me like no other experience does. Giving up the struggle (when the world is showing you a powerful “no”) usually leads to a confident quietude that is probably what is supposed to be our true, natural state of being all of the time. We often are our own worst enemies.
Sorry to get so deep on the lightest day of the week! I hope that this finds you all well and excited for the weekend. See you tomorrow, hopefully a little earlier!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
I messed around with this picture that my husband sent to the family chat this morning, as best that I could. I am always cognizant of protecting my family’s privacy. My family and my friends are kind and loving enough to indulge my need/inclination/passion/desire to write about our family and my friends and our experiences, on a public forum. My form and style of writing is called “confessional writing.” As a private person myself (believe it or not), I don’t take their kindness and gratuitousness for granted.
The above picture is one of our dogs, Ralphie, giving some morning love to our eldest son. Our eldest is a professional who lives in a different state. Our son was already in college when when we got Ralphie, as a puppy. Our son has lived on his own for many years now. And yet Ralphie unabashedly adores our son. Ralphie has this lavish, overflowing way of showing our son how excited our entire family is to have him home for the holidays, with his constant exuberant outpouring of adoration. Ralphie honestly cherishes all of us, and no one could ever question that fact. My friend recently brought up the old proverb, “Actions speak louder than words.” My other friend made the point that this can be read in a positive sense, too. You can show people how much you love them without ever saying it. Ralphie doesn’t have words, but his actions speak volumes. So many of us love dogs, because dogs have absolutely no shame about their love and loyalty. They don’t judge us. They don’t ask us to change. They don’t shame us. Dogs just love, like no other being on this earth. Dogs love. As they say, “Dog is God spelled backwards.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
This morning we are all dispersing. My husband and I are taking our eldest son to the airport (sniff, sniff). My middle sons are going to play a soccer game, and my daughter is headed to her job at a local bank. This is the way of families. We each head out in all different directions, and these different directions get more wild and longer and more disseminated, as our kids grow and move on to their own nuclear lives. Which is why the weeks like we just experienced, all cozied up together (including our beloved family dogs), without any real distractions, to just soak up each other’s stories, and energy, and laughter, and inside jokes, are more precious than gold. It’s like our shared familial love just got a little re-charging. We all got the boost we needed. We all got the reminder that each of us is deeply loved and each of us has a cheering squad, along our own individual paths in life. Today, I am feeling a little melancholy, but mostly deeply blessed. If I am honest, I sometimes get irritated when I see people wearing shirts or necklaces that state, “Blessed.” I think to myself, “You’re not special. Don’t be smug. We are all blessed.” But today, in the warmth of my freshly love-bathed heart, I get it. Those shirts and necklaces are meant to be a reminder to each of us, that we are all deeply blessed. Our lives are filled with blessings. And in the times like this morning, when I am most acutely aware of my greatest blessings, I am humbled and I am in awe, at just how good life can feel and it can be. And I know that this hopeful, beautiful feeling will sustain me, even in the times when my life’s blessings are a little more subtle and hiding behind some of life’s great challenges. But for today, I feel like wearing “Blessed” boldy and proudly. Today, my blessings are glowing to me. And it feels really good and I want this same feeling for everyone.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
