aging Archives - Page 4 of 6 - Adulting: Second- Half

Monday Fun-Day

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I was reflecting on one of those “coming into my age” moments. Last week, I was having a Zoom meeting with my mentee, who is in the 4th grade. She made a reference comparing me to her grandparents.

“Oh,” I said, trying to hide the horror and shock I was feeling, in my voice. “So, you think that I’m about the age of your grandparents?” I looked off to the side, trying to look casual and only mildly interested.

“Oh, no, no,” she said, not so convincingly.

But then I thought about it more. Her mother is in her twenties. I have a son who is 24 years old. If her grandmother also had her mother in her young twenties, there is even a chance that her grandparents are younger than I am. Things That Make You Go, Hmmmmm.

Never

I’m a deep person. I enjoy meaningful, interesting conversations. A lot of the time, small talk annoys me and bores me. I usually get off on intensity. But honestly, lately everything just feels way too intense. Lately, all the irons in the fire feel way too hot and I can’t find tough enough gloves to avoid the heat. I’m a little raw these days. I found this poem this morning, which was cut out and pasted in one of my journals. I’m sorry, I don’t know who to attribute it to, but I found it to be very helpful and I hope that you enjoy it, too.

Never

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. – Proverb

Never look for something you do not need to do

Never put your trust in one on whom you can’t rely

Never try to be someone which, for you, would be a lie

Never try to control something that cannot be controlled

Never worry about aging, or the process of becoming old

Never try to run the lives of children you hold dear

Never try to live a life completely based on fear

Never try to make okay that which simply is not

Never try to cover up something you have just forgot

Never act if you are doing this life yourself

Remember you have to participate and there’s really lots of help

Never forget to remember that you can have some fun.

You don’t have to make trouble to do it, only let it come.

Soul Sunday

Fortune for the Day – “To change one’s life: do it flamboyantly. Start immediately. No exceptions.” – William James

Sundays are poetry workshop days here at Adulting Second Half. On Sundays I share a poem and I fully encourage you to share your poetry in the Comments section. It’s fun to play with words!! Please give it a try. I moderate all comments and I would never allow negativity in this sacred space, where we share what is on our hearts and minds – openly, freely, authentically. Here’s my poem for today:

invecchiamento

Sometimes I accept the inevitable,

I let it flow,

I’m at peace with it.

Sometimes the frustration builds,

And I try to dam it all up,

Trying to defy the laws of nature

And gravity.

Sometimes I laugh at my acts of futility.

Sometimes I marvel at them.

Sometimes I play the comparison game.

Who of us is doing it better? And in what way?

And does it matter? And do we really have a say?

Sometimes I stop paying attention to the things which I cannot change.

And I am at peace,

I am at peace with aging.

Aging.

Morphing

I fear, as I age, that I am becoming more and more “set in my ways”. This is something that I swore to myself, that I would never become. “Set in my ways.” To me, “getting set in my ways” is as ugly a sign of aging, as the ever increasing age spots that appear to be multiplying on my body at an exponential basis. Two age spots have just appeared on my left hand, I noticed, as I just glanced down at my hands, resting on the keyboard.

Daylight Saving Time (there is officially no “s” after Saving, btw) has thrown me for a big old loop. And this is annoying, because this fall end of Daylight Saving Time, is the one part that I used to actually always like, and to look forward to, but now, I notice that this particular Daylight Saving Time has just made me feel grumble-y. I am kind of annoyed that it is now light outside when I drive my daughter to school. I miss the darkness that helped to camouflage my bedhead, my crooked glasses, and my smeared mascara running down the side of my cheek that is typically more wrinkled than the other side of my face because I sleep on my side, much to the chagrin of my perfectionist dermatologist. The mask is off, and all of my morning imperfections are bared for every sneering, judgmental teenager to see.

Since the clocks fell back, everything feels just not quite right. Everything feels just a little “off.” When I was younger, I think that I just rolled with things a little bit better. Or maybe I wasn’t as perceptive. I didn’t notice as much. Maybe life was more of a blur when I was younger. Maybe I wasn’t quite as introspective and self aware back then. I’m almost 50. I’ve accumulated a lot of moments in life. I’ve learned that change is inevitable and I am not really in control of almost anything. I dropped that delusion a while ago. (well, maybe I still hang on to that illusion of control, here and there, but at least I am now aware that I’m delusional)

I had lunch with a good friend of mine the other day. We have known each other for thirty years. Lately our lunches center around the game of, “Is this normal?” Like, for instance, my hips are achy almost every single night, “Is this normal?” And then when she cops to achy hips, too, I feel sorry for her and greatly relieved, all at the same time. I imagine that if I called her up right now, somewhere in the conversation, I would sneak in, “Daylight Saving Time really messes with me more than ever. Is this normal?” And being a good friend, whether she honestly feels this way or not (although I suspect that she does), she would say, “Oh yes. I hope that the Florida legislature abolishes it soon. It really messes with my circadian rhythms, more than ever. I’m a mess.” And then I would smile with her, knowingly and appreciatively.

Yep, those are the kinds of conversations I have now with my friends. “Never Have I Ever” has morphed into “Is This Normal?” so fluidly, that I’m not even sure, exactly, of the precise moment when the game changed. And change irritates me now more than ever. I feel grumble-y, even after a restful weekend, with an extra hour of sleep. Is this normal?

“Oh, my ways are strange ways and new ways and old ways, And deep ways and steep ways and high ways and low, I’m at home and at ease on a track that I know not, And restless and lost on a road that I know.” – Henry Lawson

That’s All

I was perusing a store that had these hilarious, just black and white, greeting cards. These cards are from a line called “That’s all.” Their tagline is “Say it like it is.” All of the the cards have “That’s all.” printed on their insides. The outsides say things like “Cancer sucks.” and “Grow up, Get a Job and Get Out.” and “Congratulations on your divorce. We hated him.” and “The empty nest thing is way beyond traumatic.”

I love these cards. I love to get a good chuckle from greeting cards. I like the short and sweet, to the point, direct, wry humor of these cards. I think I am going to try out the theme of these greeting cards today, with my blog post:

“Why hide my age when I have so much to show for it?” – Maye Musk, age 71

That’s all.

So Much Sense

Image result for funny tortoise pictures

I learned a new word this morning. I get a daily email from word genius and like an annoying, smug, little know-it-all kid in your honors English class, often I look at the “word of the day”, that comes on this email and I say to myself, “Oh, phhhh, I already know that word.” Well, lah-ti-f-ing-dah! (that one is not actually a real word. It’s not likely to be featured on word genius any time in the near future.)

Today’s word is a lovely word. I absolutely plan to add it to my vernacular. Today’s word is Senescence, pronounced Sa-ness-scents. It means “the aging process.” Now if you are thinking, “Oh, phhhh, I already know that word,” to you I say, “Well, Lah-ti-f-ing-dah!” I personally don’t recall ever hearing the word, senescence, and I think it sounds a hell of a lot better than the totally annoying, abrasive, constantly overused word “aging”, that seems to be coming at me at all angles, these days. Doesn’t Senescence Home sound like somewhere you’d actually want to got to, versus “Old Age Home”? Even “Anti-Senescence Cream” makes me want to put the cream back on the shelf, saying to myself, “Maybe I actually want some senescence. It sounds mysterious, sensual and sophisticated.”

Us second half adulters have earned our senescence, which to me, seems to really mean “the essence of sense.” We have so much sense now that we have matured, that we have lengthened the word “sense”, to “senescence”. I’m proud of my hard-earned senescence.

word genius likes to give you fun little facts about the “word of the day”. Today we read that tortoises have what is called negligible senescence, meaning that with proper care and exercise, tortoises can live indefinitely. I think that I might come out with a whole new skin care line. (because we don’t have enough of these products, right Ulta? Ha!) I will call it “Tortoiseshell Luxury Shield Cream – for elegant people who only want to experience negligible senescence.” Anyone offering seed money for this promising enterprise?!?

Real Beauty

I took the above from my favorite Twitter feed. (Think Smarter) Is it just me or does there seem to be so much emphasis on physical looks these days? Or do I just think about it more because I am getting older? When I think about a famous beautiful person who probably aged more gracefully than just about anybody, it had to be Audrey Hepburn. In her words:

Image result for Audrey Hepburn Quotes beautiful older woman

Real beauty is timeless and breathtaking.

Talking ‘Bout My Generation

I wrote an answer, not too long ago, on Quora that seemed to resonate with people and now unfortunately, some people have mistaken me as some sort of an “expert on aging.” Almost every morning someone poses a question to me, about being old. I’m not sure that I am ready, mentally or emotionally, for the “wise old lady” reputation. I mean I’m only 48, for goodness sake! Still, Quora fits my “know-it-all”, “let’s sit around and philosophize about life” personality to a tee, and I have a hard time not answering questions, which people have asked me to answer. Today, someone asked me to answer a question on how old people feel about the younger generations having it easier than we did. This was my answer:

This question is written with the assumption that the younger generations DO actually have it easier than we do and I do not necessarily believe that statement. I think that whenever we compare generations, we are already starting with faulty premises, because it is not a level playing field. It is always comparing apples to oranges because the circumstances each generation are born into are always different i.e., technology, leaders, economics, social movements, world problems, health issues etc. etc.

I have four children ages 15–23. In some ways their childhoods were easier than mine, but in other ways, I think that they had it harder. I think there seems to be more pressure for kids to succeed in school and in sports, at levels that are insanely difficult, compared to when I was a kid. Further, the fear from violence in our society has been taken to whole new levels. When I was a kid, you could still meet your loved ones at the gate when they were getting off of an airplane, without even going through security. The only drills we ever had in school were sporadic fire drills. These negative changes, make me sad for the younger generations and sad that our previous generations have allowed these situations to spiral.

I believe that the duty of any generation is for the individuals in that generation to be the best individual version of themselves, and to foster their own individual talents and gifts, to the highest degree, so in turn, a world of inspiration, beauty and wonder is being passed on to the next ones, inspiring them to do the same. This is the only way that this world will elevate and prosper. That is the sacred duty of all of us, regardless of what generation we were born into in our lifetimes.

Now, in all fairness, I am not the only “old lady guru” on Quora. In fact, this answer had over 100 other answers from other “gurus”. I never read the other answers on Quora’s questions before I answer a question, because I don’t want to be influenced by other people’s answers. However, I do read the answers after I have written and posted my answer. What made me sad about this question/answer was that most of the 100+ “answerers” felt the same way as I do. The conclusion seemed unanimous: Our younger generations don’t really have it as good as we did, in many, many ways. What does that say about us???

Heaven’s Waiting Room

People like to say that Florida, where I live, is Heaven’s waiting room. There are a lot of older people in Florida, that is true. However, I must add that the older people in Florida are among the healthiest, “youngest” elderly citizens whom I have ever encountered.

There is a man who lives in my neighborhood, who I have only talked to a handful of times, yet I consider him to be a major inspiration for what I want to be like when I am elderly. He is in his 80s and every time that I see him (which I feel like happens on almost a daily basis), he is doing two things: smiling and exercising. This man waves to everyone, whether he is walking or biking. I don’t think that I have ever encountered him in a bad mood, even when he was an officer for our neighborhood’s homeowner’s association. (This is no easy feat.)

Pablo Picasso said that we don’t age – we ripen. Florida is a good state to ripen in. Smiling and exercise and sunshine are good conditions to ripen in. This man proves the point that age is just an attitude. I think all of us who are getting older should have gratitude for that fact. It means that we have been given more days to age and to ripen. Every day that we are alive is a precious gift of wonder and miracles. There is no wonder why my neighbor is smiling and soaking in the sunshine as he waves to everyone on his bike. He gets it.

Potty Break

Yesterday, I ran a lot of little errands. And I had stop at the restroom, at almost every errand stop. That is one of the biggest physical changes, I have noticed with the aging process. I used to have a super-charged, extra large bladder. It was like I had an internal super sponge. Not to brag, but my bladder was like an internal extra-absorbent adult diaper. Even when I was pregnant (many times), I could hold it longer than most people. I got annoyed with people who had to stop a lot, when we were on road trips. I would ask trip buddies to eat grapes, instead of drinking any liquid on the road. (okay, not really, but my friend’s dad used to implement that rule when they traveled on vacation, for real. I thought that this was a pretty novel idea before I could empathize with the need for frequent bathroom stops.) Then, when I got deeper into my 40s, looking for the bathroom, became first priority, no matter where I went. I suppose that a big part of aging, is gaining compassion. Everything that annoyed you about other people when you were younger, will be inflicted on you, personally, when you are older, to drive the empathy and compassion lesson, home.

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” ~George Bernard Shaw