Tag: aging

Morphing

I fear, as I age, that I am becoming more and more “set in my ways”. This is something that I swore to myself, that I would never become. “Set in my ways.” To me, “getting set in my ways” is as ugly a sign of aging, as the ever increasing age spots that appear to be multiplying on my body at an exponential basis. Two age spots have just appeared on my left hand, I noticed, as I just glanced down at my hands, resting on the keyboard.

Daylight Saving Time (there is officially no “s” after Saving, btw) has thrown me for a big old loop. And this is annoying, because this fall end of Daylight Saving Time, is the one part that I used to actually always like, and to look forward to, but now, I notice that this particular Daylight Saving Time has just made me feel grumble-y. I am kind of annoyed that it is now light outside when I drive my daughter to school. I miss the darkness that helped to camouflage my bedhead, my crooked glasses, and my smeared mascara running down the side of my cheek that is typically more wrinkled than the other side of my face because I sleep on my side, much to the chagrin of my perfectionist dermatologist. The mask is off, and all of my morning imperfections are bared for every sneering, judgmental teenager to see.

Since the clocks fell back, everything feels just not quite right. Everything feels just a little “off.” When I was younger, I think that I just rolled with things a little bit better. Or maybe I wasn’t as perceptive. I didn’t notice as much. Maybe life was more of a blur when I was younger. Maybe I wasn’t quite as introspective and self aware back then. I’m almost 50. I’ve accumulated a lot of moments in life. I’ve learned that change is inevitable and I am not really in control of almost anything. I dropped that delusion a while ago. (well, maybe I still hang on to that illusion of control, here and there, but at least I am now aware that I’m delusional)

I had lunch with a good friend of mine the other day. We have known each other for thirty years. Lately our lunches center around the game of, “Is this normal?” Like, for instance, my hips are achy almost every single night, “Is this normal?” And then when she cops to achy hips, too, I feel sorry for her and greatly relieved, all at the same time. I imagine that if I called her up right now, somewhere in the conversation, I would sneak in, “Daylight Saving Time really messes with me more than ever. Is this normal?” And being a good friend, whether she honestly feels this way or not (although I suspect that she does), she would say, “Oh yes. I hope that the Florida legislature abolishes it soon. It really messes with my circadian rhythms, more than ever. I’m a mess.” And then I would smile with her, knowingly and appreciatively.

Yep, those are the kinds of conversations I have now with my friends. “Never Have I Ever” has morphed into “Is This Normal?” so fluidly, that I’m not even sure, exactly, of the precise moment when the game changed. And change irritates me now more than ever. I feel grumble-y, even after a restful weekend, with an extra hour of sleep. Is this normal?

“Oh, my ways are strange ways and new ways and old ways, And deep ways and steep ways and high ways and low, I’m at home and at ease on a track that I know not, And restless and lost on a road that I know.” – Henry Lawson

That’s All

I was perusing a store that had these hilarious, just black and white, greeting cards. These cards are from a line called “That’s all.” Their tagline is “Say it like it is.” All of the the cards have “That’s all.” printed on their insides. The outsides say things like “Cancer sucks.” and “Grow up, Get a Job and Get Out.” and “Congratulations on your divorce. We hated him.” and “The empty nest thing is way beyond traumatic.”

I love these cards. I love to get a good chuckle from greeting cards. I like the short and sweet, to the point, direct, wry humor of these cards. I think I am going to try out the theme of these greeting cards today, with my blog post:

Image result for maye musk quotes

“Why hide my age when I have so much to show for it?” – Maye Musk, age 71

That’s all.

So Much Sense

Image result for funny tortoise pictures

I learned a new word this morning. I get a daily email from word genius and like an annoying, smug, little know-it-all kid in your honors English class, often I look at the “word of the day”, that comes on this email and I say to myself, “Oh, phhhh, I already know that word.” Well, lah-ti-f-ing-dah! (that one is not actually a real word. It’s not likely to be featured on word genius any time in the near future.)

Today’s word is a lovely word. I absolutely plan to add it to my vernacular. Today’s word is Senescence, pronounced Sa-ness-scents. It means “the aging process.” Now if you are thinking, “Oh, phhhh, I already know that word,” to you I say, “Well, Lah-ti-f-ing-dah!” I personally don’t recall ever hearing the word, senescence, and I think it sounds a hell of a lot better than the totally annoying, abrasive, constantly overused word “aging”, that seems to be coming at me at all angles, these days. Doesn’t Senescence Home sound like somewhere you’d actually want to got to, versus “Old Age Home”? Even “Anti-Senescence Cream” makes me want to put the cream back on the shelf, saying to myself, “Maybe I actually want some senescence. It sounds mysterious, sensual and sophisticated.”

Us second half adulters have earned our senescence, which to me, seems to really mean “the essence of sense.” We have so much sense now that we have matured, that we have lengthened the word “sense”, to “senescence”. I’m proud of my hard-earned senescence.

word genius likes to give you fun little facts about the “word of the day”. Today we read that tortoises have what is called negligible senescence, meaning that with proper care and exercise, tortoises can live indefinitely. I think that I might come out with a whole new skin care line. (because we don’t have enough of these products, right Ulta? Ha!) I will call it “Tortoiseshell Luxury Shield Cream – for elegant people who only want to experience negligible senescence.” Anyone offering seed money for this promising enterprise?!?

Real Beauty

I took the above from my favorite Twitter feed. (Think Smarter) Is it just me or does there seem to be so much emphasis on physical looks these days? Or do I just think about it more because I am getting older? When I think about a famous beautiful person who probably aged more gracefully than just about anybody, it had to be Audrey Hepburn. In her words:

Image result for Audrey Hepburn Quotes beautiful older woman
Image result for Audrey Hepburn Quotes beautiful older woman

Real beauty is timeless and breathtaking.

Talking ‘Bout My Generation

I wrote an answer, not too long ago, on Quora that seemed to resonate with people and now unfortunately, some people have mistaken me as some sort of an “expert on aging.” Almost every morning someone poses a question to me, about being old. I’m not sure that I am ready, mentally or emotionally, for the “wise old lady” reputation. I mean I’m only 48, for goodness sake! Still, Quora fits my “know-it-all”, “let’s sit around and philosophize about life” personality to a tee, and I have a hard time not answering questions, which people have asked me to answer. Today, someone asked me to answer a question on how old people feel about the younger generations having it easier than we did. This was my answer:

This question is written with the assumption that the younger generations DO actually have it easier than we do and I do not necessarily believe that statement. I think that whenever we compare generations, we are already starting with faulty premises, because it is not a level playing field. It is always comparing apples to oranges because the circumstances each generation are born into are always different i.e., technology, leaders, economics, social movements, world problems, health issues etc. etc.

I have four children ages 15–23. In some ways their childhoods were easier than mine, but in other ways, I think that they had it harder. I think there seems to be more pressure for kids to succeed in school and in sports, at levels that are insanely difficult, compared to when I was a kid. Further, the fear from violence in our society has been taken to whole new levels. When I was a kid, you could still meet your loved ones at the gate when they were getting off of an airplane, without even going through security. The only drills we ever had in school were sporadic fire drills. These negative changes, make me sad for the younger generations and sad that our previous generations have allowed these situations to spiral.

I believe that the duty of any generation is for the individuals in that generation to be the best individual version of themselves, and to foster their own individual talents and gifts, to the highest degree, so in turn, a world of inspiration, beauty and wonder is being passed on to the next ones, inspiring them to do the same. This is the only way that this world will elevate and prosper. That is the sacred duty of all of us, regardless of what generation we were born into in our lifetimes.

Now, in all fairness, I am not the only “old lady guru” on Quora. In fact, this answer had over 100 other answers from other “gurus”. I never read the other answers on Quora’s questions before I answer a question, because I don’t want to be influenced by other people’s answers. However, I do read the answers after I have written and posted my answer. What made me sad about this question/answer was that most of the 100+ “answerers” felt the same way as I do. The conclusion seemed unanimous: Our younger generations don’t really have it as good as we did, in many, many ways. What does that say about us???

Heaven’s Waiting Room

People like to say that Florida, where I live, is Heaven’s waiting room. There are a lot of older people in Florida, that is true. However, I must add that the older people in Florida are among the healthiest, “youngest” elderly citizens whom I have ever encountered.

There is a man who lives in my neighborhood, who I have only talked to a handful of times, yet I consider him to be a major inspiration for what I want to be like when I am elderly. He is in his 80s and every time that I see him (which I feel like happens on almost a daily basis), he is doing two things: smiling and exercising. This man waves to everyone, whether he is walking or biking. I don’t think that I have ever encountered him in a bad mood, even when he was an officer for our neighborhood’s homeowner’s association. (This is no easy feat.)

Pablo Picasso said that we don’t age – we ripen. Florida is a good state to ripen in. Smiling and exercise and sunshine are good conditions to ripen in. This man proves the point that age is just an attitude. I think all of us who are getting older should have gratitude for that fact. It means that we have been given more days to age and to ripen. Every day that we are alive is a precious gift of wonder and miracles. There is no wonder why my neighbor is smiling and soaking in the sunshine as he waves to everyone on his bike. He gets it.

Potty Break

Yesterday, I ran a lot of little errands. And I had stop at the restroom, at almost every errand stop. That is one of the biggest physical changes, I have noticed with the aging process. I used to have a super-charged, extra large bladder. It was like I had an internal super sponge. Not to brag, but my bladder was like an internal extra-absorbent adult diaper. Even when I was pregnant (many times), I could hold it longer than most people. I got annoyed with people who had to stop a lot, when we were on road trips. I would ask trip buddies to eat grapes, instead of drinking any liquid on the road. (okay, not really, but my friend’s dad used to implement that rule when they traveled on vacation, for real. I thought that this was a pretty novel idea before I could empathize with the need for frequent bathroom stops.) Then, when I got deeper into my 40s, looking for the bathroom, became first priority, no matter where I went. I suppose that a big part of aging, is gaining compassion. Everything that annoyed you about other people when you were younger, will be inflicted on you, personally, when you are older, to drive the empathy and compassion lesson, home.

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” ~George Bernard Shaw

Hello Washer, Is That You?

My husband and I have been in the market for a few appliances. We recently bought a water softener and we’re looking around for a new washer and dryer set. What we are finding is that there is quite a premium on appliances with features that we don’t want or need. It may be an age thing, but we don’t feel the need to communicate with our appliances, remotely from our phones. At all.

When the water softener salesperson came over, the final price came in freakishly high, somewhere around $6000. When we scoffed, he said, “Wait, wait, I may be able to bring the price down. Do you need the Wi-fi option?” Uh, no. All that I want my water softener to do, is to do its job of bringing Florida’s ridiculously hard water (We’re talking chunks of brick. Our regular water here feels like some of the beach is being hosed into the house. On a positive note, it is good for exfoliation.) down to something I actually want to drink and to bathe my body in. I don’t even want to have to remember that my water softener exists, let alone communicate with it, on my phone. My husband would ideally like to chuck his cell phone all together, so no, we don’t need the Wi-fi option. Great, because that brought the price down by half.

A sweet young worker (the smart reader, see previous blog), working on renovations here this week, excitedly espoused about the washer and dryer that he and his girlfriend just bought. He grabbed his phone, told Siri to launch the washer app and showed me how he could turn his washer on, from his phone. Hmmmm, when I’m away from my home, it’s by design. I’m escaping my chores. I don’t want to think about my chores at home. That is why I leave my home, from time to time. Escape. Further, I’m not good at turning things on and off, on my phone. I have trouble getting my phone’s flashlight to turn off, when I accidentally turn it on, somehow. I can only imagine the fiasco of me not being able to get my washer to turn off remotely and having to race home from my “Escape from Home”, to deal with the situation manually, which is all that I want to do in the first place.

I never wanted to become an old curmudgeon. When I was younger, I told myself that I would always remain hip and up with the times. Ha! Those are the things you tell yourself, when you are young. I remember my grandfather exclaiming loudly that he would hang up on us, and hard, if he ever heard an answering machine on the other line. When garage door openers first came out, my parents called them the “epitome of lazy.” Of course my grandfather got an answering machine and who doesn’t have a garage door opener these days? So, probably within a few years my water softener and my washer/dryer will be on my phone’s Contacts list. We may even have a Home Appliance group chat with each other. Never say never.

The Power of Earrings

I went to Target (otherwise known as Tar-jshay) with my daughter yesterday evening. I found a pair of earrings that I liked and I decided to put them on right away, at the cash register, because I had forgotten to wear earrings when I was getting ready. The earrings are long dangles with all different colored tassels. They are playful and fun and surprisingly, not heavy. When I put them on, our cashier exclaimed, “Oh yes, those are great! They make you look happy and young.” She then started stammering something about me actually “being young” and then I didn’t need anything to make me look young, and then she turned as red as her red Target shirt.

I just giggled and said, “That’s great. In that case, I’m never going to take them off.” I mean fashion earrings are a lot cheaper than a face lift or even some of these wrinkle creams on the market. Still, it was one of those moments in life when you notice a shift. Years ago, I was the young person giving stupid, backwards compliments to older people. (unintentionally and meant to be kind, of course) Often I would say, “Wow! You look great for your age!” Note to young people – just stop at “great.” Another thing not to say is “Wow! You look great for having four kids!” Again – just stop at “great”.

I would like to pretend that the comment didn’t bother me at all, but that would be a lie and I wouldn’t be writing about it this morning. Still, the cashier’s comment bothered me only slightly and more, it made me reflect. We put such emphasis on looking and being “young”, yet as I’ve aged, I’ve experienced many, many benefits to being older. Younger isn’t necessarily better. It’s just different. I took the earrings off last night before I went to bed. Maybe today I’ll wear one of the many vintage clip-on pairs that I have collected over the years. Instead of “young and happy”, perhaps the vintage earrings will make me look “older and sage.” I like having the option. It makes me feel free.

Madonna’s Butt

I have to confess that I am not above reading Hollywood gossip, as much as I don’t like that quality in myself. The other night, I found myself clicking through a series of articles discussing/criticizing/critiquing the possibility that Madonna had recently invested in rather unflattering, butt implants. Madonna is aged 60. The overall consensus of the articles that I clicked through, seemed to be, that Madonna takes herself too seriously and that she is not aging gracefully. Many Madonna fans are finding it disconcerting to see her show a level of insecurity that she never seemed to portray before, with her current seemingly unending quest, for hopelessly trying to retain her youth.

Now I don’t know Madonna personally, so I have no idea what her mindset is and I say, if her butt implants make her happy, so be it. But as a woman approaching 50, the question does come up from time to time, “What does aging gracefully mean for me?” There isn’t always a simple, easy answer.

When I was in my 30s, raising small children, I belonged to a neighborhood pool club where all of the other 30-something moms, living in our neighborhood like me, would congregate with our kids. The 30-something moms, sat in the area in close proximity to the kiddie pool, bathrooms and snack bar, for obvious reasons. The 40-something moms had their own area. Their area was closer to shade and the tennis courts. A lot of times, their teenage kids weren’t even at the pool.

I bring this up, because looking back, while the 40-something moms didn’t have our youthful freshness, our sag-free skin and our budding energy levels, they made up for it all and some, with their confidence, ease and comfort level with themselves. They had nothing to prove. While us 30-something moms offered each other a lot of support and camaraderie, there was also a great deal of competition. Who bounced back to bikini body after pregnancy the fastest? Who packed the healthiest snacks and safest pool toys for our kids? Who managed family, marriage, career, beauty, etc. the best? The 40-something moms had enough experience under their belts to know that the competition game was silly and futile. They knew that time was ticking and it was high time to make sure that their own needs were being taken care of, too. A lot of them were excellent tennis players, who spent a lot of time honing their individual skills. They were lovely in their poise and certainty. They were so attractive because of their easy self-assuredness and confidence and their seemingly lack of care about the fleeting things that really don’t matter.

I read a book many years ago, written by a naturopath. I cut out an excerpt from his book and unfortunately I can’t find the name of the source. Still, his wisdom has served as a guide for me, many times, when the reality of aging has reared its ugly head, when I gaze into the mirror on a day when no amount of mental cheerleading makes up for the degeneration that the reflection of the reality of aging, is showing. This is what he said:

“What you need to remember is this: healthy-looking women are way prettier. It’s dumb to think you’re ever going to look young again. You are not. If you set your heart on looking twenty-eight or thirty-eight, you’re going to break it, no matter what this cosmetic maker or that plastic surgeon tells you. Ain’t gonna happen. The best you’re going to do, if you go down that road, is look like a vaguely delusional woman of precisely your age who has gone to a hell of a lot of trouble and expense to achieve a slightly weird look. The real goal is much simpler and easier to achieve. The real goal is to be a terrific-looking woman . . . of precisely your age.”

I think that is what Madonna’s critics are trying to say. Be the best version of yourself at the age that you are currently living, Madge. You don’t have to be young Madonna. You were already her. Be the version of Madonna who has experienced a lot of life and knows the serene value of that wisdom and experience. Be the beautiful image that reflects the irrelevance of the fleeting, and the in-depth beauty of the experienced and the enlightened. Continue to be the renegade to help guide others to what really matters – the inner core of self-awareness and the confidence to let that boldness and fearlessness fly in a way that moves past age and decay. That boldness is timeless. And incredibly beautiful.