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Friday Fun and Stickiness

Happy Friday! Happy Friday Favorites!! On Friday, I keep it light and superficial on the blog and I discuss my favorites, such as products, beauty items, books, movies, websites, games, etc. It is the sensual stuff in life which makes it fun, so on Friday, I talk about the stuff that make my senses happy. Please check out previous Friday blog posts, for more favorites.

Before I get to today’s favorite, however, I have “a no horse pucky” story to tell you. Long time followers of the blog, know that I occasionally interject “no horse pucky” stories into the mix. (search up “no horse pucky” for more weird stories on the blog) These are stories that are so ridiculous and incredulous, you might think that I am pulling your tail. But I am not. Everybody has these crazy stories that happen in their lives every once in a while. These unusual events are so much fun to experience, and to retell.

Yesterday, our eldest son sent me a strange text. For background purposes, our eldest son is a tech professional who was attending a conference for his company in Boston earlier this week. My eldest son is a tall, gregarious twenty-six year-old man, who has curly red hair. (I only note his hair color because redheads/gingers can never be anonymous. They are rarely forgotten, primarily because they are so rare. Ask any ginger you know. This is the truth. When we took our son to Puerto Vallarta Mexico, when he was a toddler, the older village folk treated him like he was a god. They kept touching his hair for “good luck.”)

Anyway, the first line of the text said this: “Hey Mom! Random question for you, do you remember that apartment complex we moved into when we first moved to Charlotte (NC)? Was there a Colombian family there you gave a Steelers ornament to?”

Me: “Yes. Wow. Why?”

Our family moved from Pennsylvania to North Carolina in 2002, when our eldest son was six. We stayed in corporate housing apartments for three months that summer, until our house was ready to be moved into. While we were living in those apartments, we befriended a very nice Colombian family. They had just relocated to North Carolina from Columbia, because they wanted a safer place to live. Despite being well-off, educated professionals, and middle-class citizens in Columbia, they lived in constant fear of being kidnapped for ransom. That was a common thing in the early 2000s in Columbia. They said that they lived in terror, if any of the family members were even five minutes late coming home from work and appointments. We had a couple of enjoyable dinners together. I remember that they had lovely heirloom furniture and the wife introduced me to the wonders of cooking with capers. However, when we moved out of the apartment at the end of that summer, we lost touch and we never spoke or contacted each other again. We were never friends on social media.

Bottom line, it turns out that their son holds the same exact tech job, for the same exact company which my son works for, except that their son resides in Washington, D.C. and our son lives in New Jersey. Both young men happened to be at the same conference in Boston. Their son thought that he recognized my son (20 years after seeing each other at the age of six!) after they were talking and they realized that they had both lived in North Carolina as children.

Our son: “He told me his family kept that ornament for like ten years. LOL”

No horse pucky. In my opinion, coincidence is God being anonymous. This story brightened our day.

Okay, on to my favorite for today. It’s been a stressful summer, full of change and trepidation for our family and for our extended family. I have been looking for more items and objects to help me with mindfulness. On a whim, I purchased a Brain Games Sticker By Number book at our local grocery store. This book is like painting by numbers, but easier and less messy. The only skill that it requires is a steady hand. It’s such a satisfying, meditative activity and the end result is always really cute. I’ve already finished putting all of the stickers on that one particular book, and thus I have purchased three more of these Brain Games Sticker By Number books from Amazon. Try it. You’ll like it. You’ll relax doing it.

Have a great Friday! Go discover a new favorite to enjoy!! Don’t be afraid to play with stickers, no matter what your age!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Marco!

credit: Just Mike, Twitter

Laughing is good. There are a lot of funny people in the world. I saw someone pose the question on Twitter the other day, “Would you rather be smart or be funny?” A lot of people responded that most funny people tend to be quite smart. “Funny” itself is kind of a cute, funny word.

I pick up our youngest child, our daughter, from her university today. After a small bout of homesickness, she came out of her shell and took her first summer session at college by storm. My one son exclaimed that his sister had done more activities this summer at college, than he had done there in all four years. Funny.

Our daughter will be home for a couple of weeks, before she heads back to school for fall session. I am excited and aware. Once a child leaves home they never come back quite the same. And this is not a bad thing. It’s fun to see the facets of your children that are glistening new aspects of themselves, which only occur when they leave the nest and really explore things on their own, with a blossoming adult outlook. This is when your relationship with your children starts to evolve into a mutual, adult relationship, and this is when we parents and children start to explore each other’s personalities, experiences, perspectives on a more level ground. We get to know each other more as “people” versus rigid, hierarchical roles. I honestly enjoy this shift. It’s surprising, interesting, and a growing moment for both of you.

As has been the case with all four of our children, I think that our daughter is most excited to reunite with our dogs. They never disappoint. Dogs never hold back their exuberant feelings of love and excitement.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Cycles

When endings come in life either through death, or divorce, or moving to a new house, or changing jobs, or children growing up, I’ve come to understand how complicated the grief of this situation can be. When endings come, you don’t just grieve the loss of the person, or the loss of the place, or the loss of the thing, you also grieve the loss of yourself that has identified strongly with that person, or that place or that thing, or that function, or that title. Even though we are human beings, there is a huge part of us who identifies ourselves by what we do, and we label ourselves accordingly. For me, I have many labels: I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, in-law, friend, homemaker, writer/blogger, American, Florida resident, JMU graduate, UF parent, Pittsburgh native, avid reader, dog owner, animal lover, boater, walker, mentor, deep thinker, adventurer, brown-eyed girl . . . . The point that I am making is that any of these labels that I identify myself as, can change (and have changed over the years) through death, moves, job changes, health changes, relationship changes, aging, world events (hello, 9/11 and the pandemic) etc. So when we are having a hard time letting go of someone, something, or some place, a lot of that difficulty of letting go, is the letting go of that function, or that label that connects us to the person, the place, the pet, the job, the house, the title etc. In order to let go, it feels like we almost have to cut off a piece of our own selves, that is still clinging to make this part of our lives, an ongoing part of our present circumstances. We have a hard time surrendering this person, place, or function, or thing, to our past, because we still desperately want it to be part of our present. We aren’t ready to sever that part of ourselves.

With the ailing of our extended family member, I’ve been reflecting a lot on grief and why it is so hard and unique to each individual. A lot of how hard you grieve someone or something, is how much you sunk your whole self into a relationship or a situation. When endings come around, you have to face that the definition of whatever you are grieving – the relationship, the place, the role, is soon coming to a close. There is no going back and changing it and making it different anymore. It is what it is, becomes the final statement. And so when you are packing up your things from your desk, or when you are turning in your keys, or you are signing your divorce papers, or you are attending a graduation, or a retirement party, or a funeral, you are giving away a little chunk of yourself. You are closing out a chapter on YOU. And that is so incredibly hard.

There are so many endings in life. Life is cyclic in nature. Summer is soon coming to a close. Many people have already experienced their long anticipated summer vacations. And there is grief in these facts, for many people. But as the saying goes, for every ending, there is a new beginning. I can’t wait for the cooler weather of fall and even the overload of pumpkin spice everything. I hate saying good-bye to anything or anyone important to me, but I also love anticipating fresh, new hellos to what’s next in my life, and the new pieces of myself that these new, fresh hellos will reveal to me.

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” – Frank Herbert

Your Spirit

I always tell my family that none of us are even leaving this life with our bodies. And they groan, “Mom, you’re so morbid.” But I think that this is an important concept to fully understand and to grasp, in order to best savor your life. I love my stuff, but I get that what I really love, is the experiencing of “my stuff.” I love to play around with clothes and fashion and shoes and make-up, and I love to drive around in my car with the convertible top down, but I do these things with the full understanding that it is the experience of playing around with my stuff which actually enthralls me. Life is the experience for the spirit to enjoy. My body is the vehicle to get my spirit to all sorts of experiences. My physical home is a place that protects my body and comforts my spirit. But none of this is mine. My spirit (which is my peaceful awareness of all that it is experiencing) is the only eternal part of me, and the memories of all that my spirit has experienced in this life, is the only thing that I’ll be taking with me, when I leave this Mother Earth and journey on. I hope that I am collecting an incredible treasure trove of memories to take with me, because that is the only treasure I have amassed which truly has any real meaning and eternal value.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

I’m in one of those “Would you rather be right or be happy?” moments. This is a lesson that comes up to me a lot in my life. I guess that I am sort of a righteous person. (ugh) One day, this lesson will sink in, and this lesson will stop landing at my front door. What lessons come to you all of the time? Look at regular patterns in your life which frustrate you. The failed lessons will keep coming back and around again, until you get it “right.” Then, you’ll be happy. Imagine that, being in a state of “right” and happy. Ha! Honestly, it’s probably best to just breathe. Just breathe.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. Sundays are devoted to poetry on the blog. Every Sunday I try to inspire you to write some poetry and to share it. I rarely have anyone share their poems on the blog (except me), but I hope that you are still writing some poetry. It’s so good for your soul! Morgan Harper Nichols, the wonderful writer and musician, offers this way to get started on our own poetry, “the poetry of your life”:

“Places to find the hidden poetry of your life:

1. the last sentence of the last paragraph in your last journal entry

2. the words you meant to say just before you walked away

3. the words you use to describe the side character you wish had been a main character in the show

4. the way you talk about the strongest person you know

5. the way you explain why you said “I love you” that first time

6. the sentences you backspaced when you felt like you were just rambling

7. the last sentence of the long caption you wrote

8. the way you describe how you made it through something you never thought you would

Of course we are not going to find “hidden poetry” everywhere in everything, but I do believe the poetry in our lives is hidden in more places than we may realize.”

These are amazing prompts and ways to bring more creativity and soulfulness into your life. Give one or two of these writing ideas a chance today. You won’t be sorry. Poetry is cathartic.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Endings

We are currently going through an end-of-life situation with a relative and having to slog through the process of agonizing hopes and decisions. I don’t wish this predicament on anyone. It is one of those times in life when you realize that you really never knew what someone was going through, until you are going through it yourself.

I highly recommend watching these two short documentaries with loved ones. Although extremely emotional and difficult watches, they will really help with starting conversations about where everyone stands, on how they would like their end of life to look like. It’s important to know what your loved ones would really want for their own end of life passage into death.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Friday Favs

Hi friends. I’m not in my usual light-hearted Friday mood. Sorry. We are having to deal with a loved one’s serious health issues in our extended family, and all of the emotions and fears and decisions that this entails. Prayers and good vibes appreciated. This, too, shall pass . . .

Following in the tradition of Favorite Things Friday, my favorite for today has been around for a while, but for some reason I just finally stumbled upon them. I’ve always appreciated that when staying in hotels, they give you make-up remover wipes in individual packets. The typical make-up removal pads which are sold in big plastic blocks, tend to dry out, and the blocks are certainly not a convenient item to carry around in your purse. It turns out that Neutrogena sells bags of Make-up Remover towelettes, in individual, single-use packages. They are perfect and fragrance-free! I am thrilled to have finally discovered them.

You can find the towelettes at Target or Walmart or at this link on Amazon:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Price

“You cannot have diamonds without paying the price. Even those who come by their diamonds via gifting, pay the diamond price one way or another. It is something to consider before purchase or reception.” _ unknown

(I think that the quote above is a fancy, riddle-ly way to say, “Be careful what you ask for.”)

Ever since the Mega Millions lottery has been over $500 million dollars, I’ve been buying a couple tickets. Why not? Whomever wins has the same abysmal odds as I do. It’s actually been an interesting, life-affirming self-awareness exercise. In thinking of what I would do if I won, I immediately thought about how I would want to keep the winning of the Mega Millions relatively secret, not just for safety, and not out of greed, but mostly because I wouldn’t want much to change in my life, at all. Of course, I would want to help out my friends and my family but I think that I would do so, in nonchalant, secretive ways. I wouldn’t want the important relationships in my life to change, and I am old enough, and I am wise enough to know that they inevitably would, if I were revealed to be an instant multi-millionaire.

We were having a Facetime catch-up with our three sons last night, and our middle son who is currently in medical school, said that he and some of his fellow students were talking about what they would do if they won the Mega Millions (which is now currently worth more than a billion dollars). Would they finish medical school? Would they go on to practice medicine? My son said that he thinks that he would finish pursuing his medical degree, but he is not sure if he would go on to do his residency. Some of his friends said that they would quit altogether. That made me sad. It is incredibly difficult to get into medical school. (I witnessed the process with my own eyes. I have mad respect for those in the medical fields. It’s one of those needle in a haystack processes, getting into medical school, and then being totally dedicated to the daunting undertaking of seeing it all through.) It made me secretly hope that none of these students would experience huge windfalls before they realized their dreams. We desperately need dedicated, smart, resilient people in our healthcare system.

I’ve written previously about a babysitter we had for our first son, when we were new parents. Her family won millions in the lottery. Her father told me that the best part of winning the lottery for him, was feeling “secure.” Later I learned that our babysitter’s parents divorced, and her father and her brother were killed in a four-wheeling accident. Security comes in many forms, and security comes in many illusions.

That being said, I’ll probably buy a couple of Mega Millions tickets before Friday. It’s fun to get caught up in the excitement. And if I win, you may never know . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Keep On

credit: @tinybuddha, Twitter

I have often thought that one of my biggest blessings in my personal life is that I get a lot of joy out of the little things. Like for instance, I spent all day yesterday in delicious, giddy anticipation of another episode of Better Call Saul being released to Amazon. All day long, I reminded myself, “We get to watch Better Call Saul tonight!” (and even more exciting was the fact that 89-year old actress Carol Burnett was featured in this particular episode. I watched The Carol Burnett Show all the time, when I was a little kid. Carol still has “it”! And earlier yesterday, my friend texted Joni Mitchell performing her incredible song, “Both Sides Now” at a recent folk festival. Joni is 78 and suffered from a debilitating brain aneurysm in 2015. The message I got from the Universe yesterday: Just keep doing what you love. Do what you love until you can’t do it. Love sustains you. Love creates you. Keep doing what you love in some form or another, until you can’t do it anymore. Be yourself until the very end. So, on that note, you and I will be here at the blog on a daily basis for a long, long time. I hope that you’ll stay with me!)

I typically reserve poetry for Sundays. However, I read a poem yesterday that profoundly touched me and I feel the need to share it today. We have an extended family member who has been riding a roller coaster of major health issues all month. This situation has been incredibly stressful and painful for her, and for all of us. I found myself doing my typical, yet not helpful habits of future-tripping, ruminating, second-guessing, etc. This poem helped me to find my center. If you need some summer centering, I hope that this poem touches you, too:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.