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Hip Hoppity Friday

Yesterday, during a text conversation with friends, when one friend remarked about how it is interesting to note the things that really excite us now, as we are older, which may not have excited us as much when we were younger, I enthusiastically agreed and I then sent this picture (above) to the group. This big boy decided to visit me on my side porch, out of nowhere yesterday. And yes, I got excited. Really excited. I decided that the toad was a good luck sign. Then, my very practical friend, who has lived in Florida a lot longer than I have, warned me that it looked to be a poisonous Bofu toad, whose poison could easily kill my dogs if they messed with it. So then it became obvious to me, that the only good luck was that our dogs were inside when the Bofu showed up. I was reminded of the Chinese parable about the farmer who goes through a series of experiences that show that good luck can be bad luck and vice versa. As my husband often likes to say, “Don’t get too high with the highs, and too low with the lows.”

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! My favorite for today, is supposedly an old, classic beauty secret which I only recently discovered. It’s called Bio-Oil Skincare Oil and it has been used for scars and stretch marks for decades, but what I find its best use to be for me, is for my legs when I shave them. The skin on my low legs has become thin and dry and so lately, when I was shaving them, I ended up with itchy scrape marks. Bio-Oil Skincare Oil took care of that problem for me. (Just be sure not to get it on your clothes, for it will leave oily stains.) The nice thing about Bio-Oil, for an oil, it melts into your skin fairly quickly and it leaves long-lasting moisture. (perhaps my toad friend could use a bottle of Bio-Oil)

Have a wonderful weekend! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

More Little Nuggets of Truth

This is another sweet nugget of truth which I found in one of my inspirational folders, while cleaning out cupboards:

The Symptoms of Inner Peace by Dr. Jeff Rockwell

1. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.

2. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

3. A loss of interest in judging self.

4. A loss of interest in judging others.

5. A loss of interest in conflict.

6. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.

7. A loss of ability to worry (this is a very serious symptom).

8. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

9. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.

10. Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes of the heart.

11. Increasing susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

12. An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen.

And also in these same folders, I found some notes that I learned from one of my mentors when I was in my early 30s (which was over twenty years ago, sigh.) She said that she had seven rules/reminders/wisdoms to live by, in order to live a good life. Here are her rules that she laid out for herself:

  1. I am responsible to state and meet my own needs. Other adults are responsible to state and meet their own needs.
  2. Do not be a hypocrite. We are all always changing and growing. Don’t say “I’ll never”, instead say, “As it stands today, with my current scope of wisdom and knowledge, I don’t see myself doing ‘whatever’. ”
  3. The only person you can ever change is yourself.
  4. Don’t judge others on their preferences and habits. No one is 100 percent evil and those who hurt others were often hurt themselves. Still discern who belongs in either of these two categories: “Allowed to be close to me” and “Not allowed to be close to me.” Boundaries are for you, in order to protect yourself.
  5. What people think of me is none of my business.
  6. I am only in competition with myself. I am the only “me” that will ever be, thus I am my only project.
  7. I am human. I will make mistakes. Make apologies and amends where possible. Change my actions and move forward in a healthier direction. Forgive myself.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It is Your Turn

I’ve been cleaning out cupboards and closets lately, and when doing this yesterday, I came across three stuffed folders of writings/pictures/philosophies, etc. that had inspired me throughout the years enough to want to print them, and to keep them, and to even stuff them into moving boxes to take to our next homes. (I have plenty of those folders all around my house. This was just from one shelf, from one cupboard.) In it, I found a list of all of the children, and their birthdates, and their middle names, born to nine of us women who have remained good friends since college. (Interestingly we have had 24 children amongst us: 12 boys and 12 girls. Nature knows what it is doing.) What was really cool is that when I came across this list, I realized that the youngest baby born to our friend group was having her ninth birthday yesterday!

Another thing that moved me (once again) was from a eulogy of a friend of a friend’s father. This man grew up in a working class family from my hometown, Pittsburgh, PA, and he ended up being a very successful dentist, builder and developer, after he had successfully served in the Marine Corps during VietNam. He raised five children with the love of his life, and together they had seventeen grandchildren. He died in 2008. The eulogy mostly consists from what is written at the top of the eulogy: “Our gift to you from the family is a list of sayings, thoughts, that our father expressed to others and advice from his personal letters. They may not all be original, but they do represent how he lived his life.”

Readers, there are quite a few of these sayings and thoughts and philosophies that the family attributed to this wonderful man. I am just going to list a few:

Tell your family and your friends that you love them . . . every day.

If it’s going to be, it’s up to me!

Always, always, always treat everyone with respect.

If a poor kid from Pittsburgh with average intelligence could do it, then anyone can.

Do small things for others – leave notes, compliment them, smile, you will make their day.

The glass is half full.

Lead by example. You don’t always have to tell someone. They will see.

Only ask of others what you are willing to do. Be humble and sweep the floor and take out the trash.

We are the stuff of stars.

See God in nature – everywhere.

Never forget that freedom comes from responsibility and discipline.

You must constantly thank others.

Life is but a series of learning experiences.

We adults miss so much. We become wrapped up in success and worldly things.

Tell others how proud you are of them. Do it often and tell them specifically.

Be patient. Things may be difficult now, but there will come a time when these will be your most happy moments.

Always be questioning everything. Have a hunger and thirst for knowledge.

A man’s life expands and contracts in direct relation with his courage.

If I listed everything that this man did and accomplished in his life, your head would spin. He died at the age of 68. Here is the last of his words printed on the eulogy:

I am the bow and you are the arrow. I have pulled the string tight and true. Soon I will release the tension and you will enter the universe of life. It is your turn.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Museday-Tuesday

+ The sun’s light looks a little different on this wall than it does on that wall, and a lot different on this other one, but it’s still one light. We have borrowed these clothes, these time and place personalities, from a light, and when we praise, we’re pouring them back in.
– Rumi

This week, instead of looking for things to criticize and to critique, let’s look for what’s to praise. Let’s pour the light back in, this week. When we pour light into something, we illuminate it. And illumination helps us to truly see the full scope of everything, and to understand.

 + Speaking of “different”, a spotless baby giraffe was born at a Tennessee zoo recently. She’s spotless! She’s not albino, she’s all brown. This baby giraffe is believed to be the only spotless giraffe alive in the world today. The zoo is holding a naming contest for her:

“the naming contest list to four choices: Kipekee, which means unique; Firyali, which means unusual or extraordinary; Shakiri, which means “she is most beautiful”; and Jamella, which means “one of great beauty.”

Those aspects which each of us have, that make us unique to anyone else, is our own special brand of “kipekee/firyali/shakiri/jamella”. Show off your own “kfsj”. When you’re purely yourself, you’re spotless!

+ Do you remember when almost all writers had pen names? I decided this weekend that if I ever decide to use a pen name it’s going to be “Anole Dogsmile”. It came to me this weekend. It started when I had that uncomfortable feeling you get when someone is staring at you, and I finally noticed that what was staring at me was a tiny, little, newborn anole. He was sitting on the screen behind me, just holding his ground, and staring me down, and around that same time, I glanced at Ralphie, our Labrador retriever, and I had an epiphany that all three of our dogs’ lips naturally turn upwards. They are almost always smiling, and then I thought about it and I realized that most dogs have this same trait. Dogs not only smile with their tails, but they were born with natural perma-grins (much like dolphins). So if you ever pick up a book by “Anole Dogsmile”, that’s me.

+ I read an interesting expose by Donna Cunningham about the difference between two different kinds of “guilt.” One type of guilt is true guilt. This is the guilt that you were designed to feel when you have done something against your own moral code: such as steal, cheat, lie, etc. This type of guilt is used as a healthy course correction. You feel true guilt in order to get yourself back on track, and to perhaps even make amends to people you may have hurt. True guilt tends to dissipate quickly after you change your actions. The other kind of guilt, is more of an emotional manipulation/power play that is unfortunately a frequent transaction in our society. We use it, and others use it on us, to get people to do what we want them to do. This is not healthy, “true guilt.” This is an unhealthy, passive-aggressive/emotional power trip, which often leads to holding resentment. Resentment is as dangerous to our bodies as toxins and pollutants. Built up resentment makes you feel like your insides are being eaten up. When you are feeling the emotion of “guilt”, ask yourself, “What have I done wrong?” Disappointing someone for not doing what they want you to do, is not doing something wrong. Why are anybody else’s feelings/needs more important than yours? You should not do things out of FOG – fear/obligation/guilt (the unhealthy guilt) nor worry that if you don’t do what they want, you’ll be abandoned. You may sometimes choose to do things that you don’t necessarily want to do, with the awareness that you are making this choice, not out of FOG, but out of kindness and consideration. You haven’t given your power away when you make a conscious choice. What is the remedy to the unhealthy kind of guilt? (Cunningham defines unhealthy guilt like this: “Guilt is resentment turned inward . . . (it) is no more than secret resentment of unwanted obligation.) The remedy is essentially, to grow up. Own your own life and your own power. Be cognizant of your own needs and your responsibility to your own adult life, and for meeting your own needs. Learn to be comfortable with sometimes disappointing others, and be respectful of others’ right to say “no” to you (don’t just manipulatively “give to get”). Healthy, wholesome, true adult relationships are based on love and mutual respect for the other’s right to live their own lives as they see fit. A true relationship is not based on fear, obligation and guilt. A true, loving, healthy relationship is based on respect and autonomy and mutual affection and honesty. As Cunningham says, “Resentment alienates us from our fellow man. Guilt alienates us from ourselves.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

And even those who know the content, bring their own perspectives and experiences and projections to “reading” us. In the end, only us and our Creator know our true “content” and sometimes our “content” even reads as a mystery to us, as we go through the chapters of our lives.

When I was young, we were taught to respect and revere books. Books were considered sacred. We weren’t to fold or tear the pages. We treated the cover gingerly, sometimes even putting a cover on top of the cover, in order to keep the book protected. We were taught never to judge nor pick a book by its cover. Sometimes the most wonderful books had the plainest of covers and/or most banal of titles. Often a book that resonated with me, might not resonate with my friends, and that was okay. There were a sea of books in the library, for all of us to find our match. The library was the quietest and most peaceful part of the school. Each precious book had its own spot on the shelves, where it rested, until small hands and eager minds picked it up and opened it, to see what wonders lie inside. It was intoxicating to get to know a new book and to learn something new and interesting and unknown.

I like the thought that we are each our own book. Though I cannot possibly read all of the books ever written, I do know that books are so much more than their covers and their introductory descriptions, and what other people think of them. Each book holds a story, told like no one has ever told it. And that is precious and unique and sacred.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning! Welcome to poetry day on the blog. On Sundays, I often implore you to write yourself a poem. This poet says it best:

I follow a man named Joseph Fasano on Twitter. He’s an English teacher in NYC, but he is also a published prose writer, poet and a musician. Joseph Fasano is also an incredible curator of other people’s poetry. I highly recommend for you to follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter. You will learn so much. Recently he assigned his students this: “Your assignment tonight is to read a writer someone told you not to“. Readers, let’s follow that assignment. Go to a banned books list and amaze yourself by just how many of the books on that list you have already read, and loved (and perhaps, were even assigned to read in school). Let’s not let sterilized AI and limited, fearful ideology take over the beauty, creativity, honesty and humanity, that comes from the written word of so many different perspectives and experiences, told in the voices of true, vulnerable humans, seeking some form of wisdom and understanding. Empathy is uniquely human when we decide to utilize it.

Below is one of Joseph’s most excellent poems. (anyone who has ever had to leave a terrible situation, can relate to this one):

And he posted this poem the other day. This poem so reminds me of my grandparents’ generation. They just had a way with living life in acceptance that I think we may have somewhat lost throughout the years:

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Little Tidbits

Our dog, Ralphie, the yellow Labrador retriever has an enormous mouth with folds and folds of lips. We feed all three of our dogs, a mix of three different kinds of kibble that our veterinarian recommends. One of the brands of their food has three different sizes of kibble, just in its bag alone. Lately, we have figured out that “Ralph, the mouth”, who eats everything you can imagine (he loves bananas!), does not prefer one of the kibbles in that mix, which are little dark brown pieces smaller than the size of a pea. He picks them out and sort of hides them under his bowl. How he is able to quickly scarf down everything (we feed him with one of those slow feeder maze bowls, to help keep his weight down, by making him eat more slowly) and still pick out those tiny little pea-sized kibbles and hide them, using just his enormous, lippy mouth, is still a mystery to me. I’ve never met a dog like Ralphie before him. Like our son says, “Ralphie is always on a mission.”

Changing the subject, I read a cute story about Paul Newman yesterday. A woman happened to be on vacation in the same beach town as Paul Newman and his family. Early one afternoon she went into a little sweets shop and she saw Paul sitting at a corner table eating a donut. She didn’t want to appear flustered and starstruck, so she ordered an ice cream cone and then quickly left the shop. After the woman walked a few steps, she realized that she had been flustered and starstruck and had left her ice cream cone in the shop. As she turned around, Paul Newman was right behind her. He gave her a flash of his gorgeous blue eyes and a big smile and he said, “It’s in your purse.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Smiley Friday

Happy Friday, friends!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! Today my daughter officially heads back to her university for fall semester of her sophomore year. She and her father managed to fit all of her things into her car. (I stayed hidden under the covers. I wasn’t sure what types of emotions might be erupting from this situation, and I decided that my excitable energy would not be good for the mix. I kept our crazy spaniel, Trip, with me, too, for this same reason.) Speaking of emotions, ours are a big ol’ mixed bag here. Back to school (even when it comes to college) has a tendency to bring up nostalgia, excitement, wonder, fears, hopes, relief, and exhaustion with adjusting to a new schedule. I know the “mixed bag” well. Our family has done the “back to school” experience for over two decades. As I send prayers and blessings to my own daughter, I do the same for your own back-to-schoolers. Praying for safety, wisdom, knowledge, fun, confidence and inner growth this school year, for all of our babies and our grandbabies (and for their teachers, and for all of us who love these precious kids more than life itself)!!!!

Today my favorites are going to highlight two of my most loyal, wonderful readers whom I have never met in person. (It turns out that they both live all of the way across the country from me, in beautiful California.) I feel so grateful that they both found their way to my blog somehow (I like to believe that it was a mystical sort of fate). Both of these women are excellent writers, and they have supported my blog for years with their daily presence, their frequent comments, and their financial generosity. Kelly and Gail, I love you for what you have shared on the blog, in so, so many ways. I am grateful for you both. I am humbled by you both. I am inspired by you both. I appreciate you both. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (Please know that I feel this way about all of my dear readers, but these two women deserve this special recognition from me, in a way that I can give back to them. This I know.) Please go to these links for Kelly’s and Gail’s websites to enjoy their own amazing gifts for the written word:

Home

https://gaillfontana.com/

I know that some of my other wonderful readers are also great writers and poets. Please add your own links to your websites in my Comments Section. I am so greatly honored that other writers like to read my work. It means the world.

****Also speaking of support, I added a new tip jar to my Home page (see the Leave Tip black button on the Home page). It is safely and securely run by Stripe, and it accepts Google pay. I have decided not to add distracting advertisements to my website, and nor do I make “fake reviews” for financial support from companies, so I rely on keeping this website alive from the generosity of my dear husband’s support and from other donations. (you have to pay for a web host, and for WordPress in order to maintain many blog websites) I write daily, and I offer my blog up to anyone in the world who wants to read it. (I don’t do Patreon or Medium or Substack, which require paid subscriptions.) Therefore, if you feel an urge to help with the costs of keeping Adulting – Second Half going, I am ever so grateful!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Thoughts for Thursday

+ I’ve been complaining a lot in real life, and also even here on the blog, about how “stuck” certain situations seem to be in my life. I’ve often heard organization gurus talk about how clearing out your living space helps to bring movement to “stuck” energy, and I know this, in my heart, to be true. Yesterday, I got proof. I’ve spent most of this week, cleaning out some closets and organizing my things, and that in itself has felt amazing. (Why do we put this chore off when we know just how good that it feels when completed??) Anyway, two small situations in my life that had felt a little angsty and “hopeless” to me, miraculously turned around yesterday. If you feel “stuck”, put that irritation and angst away for a little while, and instead go all in with cleaning out a couple of your drawers, or a shelf, or a closet. As within, so without.

+ Dr. Nicole LePera recently wrote this Tweet on Twitter:

LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT GO UNNOTICED: 1. Being happy in your marriage 2. Taking a pay cut to do a job you love 3. Making a major life shift at 50 or 60 4. Enjoying your own company 5. Being able to say “no” comfortably 6. Using your gifts to help others 7. Divorce from a dysfunctional situation.

Isn’t this the truth? I know many people who are financially/professionally successful. But I know a lot less people who have accomplished any or all of the things listed above. These things are rare accomplishments because they require a lot of self-awareness, prioritizing, sacrifice, authenticity and bravery. And interestingly, these accomplishments listed above, are what often brings the most intrinsic satisfaction to one’s life. Bravo, to my courageous, dedicated friends and readers, who can count yourself as accomplishing at least one of those items on Dr. LePera’s list! Your accomplishments do not go unnoticed. They are admired, respected and appreciated.

+ I read an interesting article recently that talked about when we are going through a big change in our lives (such as empty nest, relationship changes, job changes, etc), we have a tendency to want to torch everything to the ground, and to start fresh, but this is a major mistake for most. Our everyday routines give us structure and predictability, in a world that often appears chaotic. Our daily routines help us to stay disciplined, feel purposeful, and they stop us from ruminating and overthinking. When going through major changes in our lives, it is best to stick with the routine, but also to “watch” ourselves in it. What needs tweaking? What could be added? What could be let go? You’ll learn more about yourself, by observing yourself right where you are, than chucking it all, to go meditating on a mountain in a different, exotic country. And when you do decide to go on your mountaintop meditation journey, you’ll already know exactly who you are, and you’ll have brought your healthiest, wisest self with you, in order to just enjoy the major change and the sensations that you’re experiencing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Four Laws

Anne Lamott likes to repeat this often in her writings, and in her social media:

The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit

by Harrison Owen

1) Whoever shows up are exactly the right people to show up.

2) When it begins is exactly the right time.

3) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened.

4) When it’s over, it’s over.

Harrison Owen was an Australian writer, explorer and photographer who wrote these principles after observing the interactions of many different people and types of groups, all over the world. He developed a process for running large group meetings, based on these four observed principles. He called this process “Open Space Technology.” Harrison Owen drew up these principles with the idea of getting the most out of large meetings of people, in the way of creativity, and open-mindedness and the flow of concepts and perspectives and ideas.

Nowadays, The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit are often used as a spiritual reminder to individuals and to groups, to help them come into a peaceful acceptance of what is, and also, to let go of what is not in our own control.

If you are having a circumstance or a happening in your life that you are struggling with accepting and/or you are trying to control the outcome to no avail, does it bring you comfort to apply “The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit”? We often spend way too much time in the “would of/could of/should of”, “hindsight is 20/20”, things didn’t turn out exactly how I had hoped and planned, thoughts and feelings of regret, about events that have already passed in our lives. If we can consider that the “The Four Immutable Laws of Spirit” may possibly be the undeniable truth, then we can shift our awareness to the lessons, the awakenings, the positive gifts and elements that came from the situation, and our own personal growth that occurred from the circumstance, which will help us in our lives’ experiences, going forward.

When something is in the past, it is what it is. It happened the way that it did, with the people who were part of it, during the circumstances that are already over. And when an event is over, what is best left, is not to ruminate on wishing that things had gone differently, but to accept the event for what it was, and to explore the truths, and the emotions, and what is salvageable and helpful to bring forth into the now experience of your present life. If you can get yourself to believe that the circumstance happened exactly as it did, in order to bring to you (and to the others who were involved) these very life lessons and skills and awakenings, you can find peace about the situation, instead of staying mired in frustration about your regrets, and your own lack of control. If you can believe that there is a bigger process in play, with more meaning and intricacy and overall connection involved in it all, than you could possibly understand with your one small, human mind, than you can find peaceful presence in every moment of your life. Use what works.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.