Blog - Page 132 of 232 - Adulting: Second- Half

Friday, you look Great!

Good morning friends! Today is my favorite day of the week and typically on “Favorite Things Friday” I list three favorite things or songs or books or movies, etc. that make the tactile world we live in, so much fun. My process is this: when I revel in a “favorite”, I run to my Barnes and Noble Desk Diary calendar (a previous, and still all-time favorite) and I scribble that particular favorite anything, on my nice large Friday space. Unfortunately, today’s space is filled with plenty of “to do” stuff, but alas, no favorites. This morning, I was lamenting this with my husband, scrambling to find “favorites” and asking him to brainstorm with me. My husband reminded me that I treasure my authentic connection with my readers, so I can’t be fake, and pretend to love and to adore anything that I have barely tried. So, today, I have no favorites to share. Please forgive me. As I have mentioned, I am in the midst of a three week period, crammed with “big ‘stuff’, events, celebrations, concerns, etc.” that in an ideal world, would be spread out a little more evenly throughout the year. It’s like having too much salt on one part of your meal. That salt tastes better when it is evenly spread, but such is life, sometimes! I’m rolling with it, and I’m trying to stay in the moment.

The other night, I was returning 18,000+ HomeGoods decorative items (only a slight exaggeration), because we are in the middle of changing around our bedrooms and as we all know, what looks good in the store, doesn’t necessarily translate at home. In trying to appease the understandably exasperated sales clerk, I started listing all of the things which we have going on in our family life (which precipitates me having to get my rooms in order, in a big hurry), all happening in this short time period. As I was doing this, I was incredibly annoyed with myself. It’s so lame to do this. The clerk isn’t going to remember any of that stuff, which has nothing to do with her, and frankly, she doesn’t care. Nor should she care. Yada yada yada. But I kept on rattling on and on. Eww. Yuck. I don’t owe the clerk an explanation. She doesn’t owe me anything but courteousness. So much nervous energy happening, as I spout out loud, what my frenzied, and emotionally charged calendar events look like throughout the rest of this month. But you know what? We were both wearing masks, but we caught each other’s eyes and our eyes smiled, knowingly and warmly, at each other. We got it. Two middle-aged women who have been around the block a few times, gave to each other, in just that one look, the feeling of understanding, humor, empathy and reassurance. That, my friends, is the beauty of our shared humanity. And that shared humanity will always, always be a favorite of mine. I revel in it! Have a great weekend!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Beautiful Mother Earth

Happy Earth Day! “Earth Day” and I were born in the same year – 1970, although the Earth, herself, is actually 4.543 billion years old. Damn, it sure took us a while to realize that maybe we should celebrate Earth, and to work on not taking her so much for granted (and we really are just at the beginning baby steps on that quest, aren’t we?). What do you love most about Mother Earth? Is it her endless gifts? Is it her awe-striking beauty? Is it her resilience? Is it her loyalty and steadfastness? Is it her ability to house and to feed a whole plethora of living beings? Is it her healthy, reliable relationship with the sun and the moon and the stars? If there was one utterly, genuine physical example of Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree, Mother Earth is the ultimate, in the “unconditional giving and loving” regard. On this day, and every day, dearest, most beautiful, most awe-striking, most loving, most nurturing, most hospitable Mother Earth, we humbly say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

“We should honor Mother Earth with gratitude; otherwise our spirituality may become hypocritical.” – Radhanath Swami

“Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.” – Native American Proverb

“Praised be You, my Lord, through our Sister, Mother Earth, who sustains and governs us, producing varied fruits with coloured flowers and herbs.” – Francis of Assisi

“When we recognize the virtues, the talent, the beauty of Mother Earth, something is born in us, some kind of connection, love is born.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“How strange that nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!” – Emily Dickinson

“We still do not know one thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us.” – Albert Einstein

Lovely quote about the world for Earth Day

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Karma

Think Smarter (Twitter) nailed it again. Karma is more complicated than we use it in the casual sense, here in the West. From a Eastern religious viewpoint, karma involves past lives and future lives, and the inner and outer states of our consciences, etc. Still the basic premise of karma is, “What goes around, comes around,” or “The energy that we put out, is the energy that we get back.”

When my kids play sports, and a bad call is made, I always think to myself, “Well, karma is a bitch,” and more often than not, the consequences of karma happens. Referees have a tendency to make good calls and to make bad calls, for both teams. Still, I find the karma idea, quite comforting. It helps me to stop ruminating in “the unfairness of it all”. The idea of karma helps me to keep my head in the game, right in the very moment, as the game is being played. Perhaps karma is just another word for “faith.” Perhaps karma is saying, “The Creator of All That Is, being incredibly creative and powerful, will best know how to take care of this situation. Trust this, and move on.”

I think that we like the concept of “karma” because rarely is justice served instantaneously. Swift justice is a rare thing. And justice is complicated. The motivations behind actions can be “good” or “bad” and even the labels of “good or bad” are often subjective. “Good” deeds can be done with bad intentions, such as a large donation being made to a worthy charity in order to sway a vote, for example. “Bad” deeds can be done with good intentions, such as stealing a loaf a bread, in order to feed a child.

The bottom line is, if you are comfortable with how you live, and your motivations, and your actions, karma is a comforting concept. You do what you have control of doing, and then you let go, and you trust the Almighty Universe with the judgments and the consequences, of all that is going on around you. Perhaps, the hardest part of all of this, is that you must trust the Universe with the timing. When it comes to karma, the Universe doesn’t use Amazon Prime. There is rarely instant gratification with the justice which we feel is deserved and we want served. But maybe that is the merciful side of our Universe. We all have made mistakes, and we all have made bad judgments, and we all have done things which we regret doing, with motivations coming from the lesser sides of ourselves. We are all relieved when we are forgiven and we are shown mercy for our own transgressions. Often, we feel the most relief when we have to pay a price for our wrongdoings. Experiencing consequences often makes us feel like we have “done the time for our crime”. Experiencing the repercussions of our actions, helps us to forgive ourselves. Finally, experiencing the negative ramifications of our actions, usually motivates us to do some self examination in order to change our future actions, so as karma states, the consequences of our future actions will be better for us in our own lives, and for all others in our outer world.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

You Be You

“Not altering others’ perception of me was one of the best decisions I had ever made. Be at peace knowing everyone has a different version of you in their heads.” – Inner Practioner (Twitter)

“You’ll always be ‘young’ in someone’s eyes and ‘old’ in someone else’s eyes, ‘talented’ to a friend and ‘terrible’ to another. The world is never gonna agree on a definition of what you are, so you might as well ignore that sh*t and be whatever you wanna be for yourself.”- Think Smarter (Twitter)

I remember a time years ago, a close friend of mine said to me, “You are just like me. We need to have people around us, all of the time.”

And I remember thinking that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, a lot of the times, I am on an on-going quest to try to find even more time, to be just by myself. But I didn’t say anything. She needed to see me a certain way, and I knew that nothing that I said, was going to change her mind. Maybe she was on to something that I didn’t perceive in myself?

My youngest son called me late last night to tell me details about a test he had just taken, and about other things going on in his life. He likes having me as a sounding board and as a champion. Out of my three sons, he is the one who calls me, out of the blue, most often. My middle son seems to find the question, “How was your day?” to be bordering on intrusive. I have four children, and I am four different “mamas”. I am the same being, yet how I am perceived by each of them, and how I interact with each of them, is completely different.

This is not to say that I am a “chameleon.” I don’t like to be calculating and manipulative. I am too old and I have worked too hard on learning about myself, to settle for fake relationships. My circle is small, but it is authentic. I like to think that I’m genuinely the same person, no matter what I am doing, or where I am going, or who I am with (with different levels of intimacy, of course). However, it is easy to forget, that the people in our lives, bring their whole life’s experiences to the table, wherever we meet. And all of those experiences often get projected on to us. And we subconsciously are doing the same thing to the other people, who we interact with, in our lives. We like to believe that we don’t have preconceived notions and preferences about other people and things, but be honest with yourself about what comes to mind when I say “Irish” or “pitbull” or “lawyer” or “football player” or “shy person.” Whatever came to your mind when you looked at those words, all came from your own conditioning from the people, and the teachings, and the experiences in your own life. Also, whatever came to your mind when you read any of those words, is likely all together different than what came to my mind, or to any of my other readers’ minds. And who’s right?? As they taught us in Marketing 101 in college, “Perception is reality.”

I think what is so freeing about turning fifty, is the earnest letting go of the illusion of control. By fifty, you finally start to understand how fruitless it is to try to control anything outside of yourself. This lesson starts to get understood, usually because you have quite a few failed experiments under your belt, in trying to control everything under the sun (including other people’s perceptions of you). At the same time, understanding that you are now in the second half of your own precious life, you certainly will not allow anybody, nor anything to control you, either. Freedom is the state of being in which you stop trying to control, and yet you also do not allow yourself to be controlled. This is a daunting, but exciting experience. Shackles off!! Freedom feels freeing, doesn’t it?

I once read a book, that unfortunately, I cannot remember the title. (story of my life – I apologize) In the book, the main character was a complete mess, as mother and as a wife. She was not cut out for the homemaker role, at all, which was tough, since the book took place in a conservative Southern town, during the 1950s. However, the same traits that made this character a difficult family woman, also made her a deliciously wild and fun friend. Her friends adored her! And the book was mostly about the daughter coming to terms with that fact. The now grown daughter was learning to see her mother, in a different light, through the eyes of her mother’s loyal and adoring friends.

I like the idea that I am still considered to be “young” by some. I can live with someone perceiving me as “weird.” That seems to be a compliment these days. Some of our best cities in this country, use the slogan, ‘Keep (insert name of whatever amazing, quirky city) weird.’ It would be interesting to hear all of the labels people have for me. Or not. Maybe labels are a waste of time. They certainly are limiting. Once you put a label on something, and you attach all of the conditions that you have for that particular label, you start to lose the essence of the special and unique experience. Are all birds the same? Of course not. Are all cardinals the same? They have a lot of similarities, but those of us pet lovers know, that never have our dogs nor our cats (even of the same breed) ever been entirely the same. I imagine that it is the same for cardinals.

This is a very long post that could just as easily be summed up with “You be you.” What other people think of you, is none of your business. It’s meaningless. “You” is an ever evolving concept anyway, isn’t it? I will tell you that I love “the loyal reader” version of you. In my eyes, you are amazing!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday Fun-Day

Dear Hostess Cupcake,

I recently read this quote attributed to Jon Sinclair: “Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo.” Whether you get the job at Phil’s Phine Dining or not, you are headed to your ultimate destination. In fact, scratch that, you are already living your destination: You are living the adventure of being a Hostess Cupcake. That’s it. That’s the goal. And you are doing just fine at it! If you don’t get this particular job, it may sting a little. The rejection may take a little bite out of you, but there will be many other jobs along the way. And you will look back at your beginning years so tenderly and fondly and compassionately. You will be so proud of each step of your journey. It will all make sense to you in the end (and sometimes even in lucent moments along the way), Cupcake. Trust that. Trust the journey. Always just be your delicious, truest, sweetest self, and know that everything is going to be okay. Everything is okay. Look inward. The best part of you is inside of you, Cupcake. It’s pure and clean and lovely, and all of the other Cupcakes have the same sweet inners, too. It’s easy to forget that fact with all the fancy icing we use to cover up the insides, but in the inside, we are all just sweet, mushy, fluffy love trying out this adventure called Life. Enjoy the ride, Cupcake!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

afaoipdvishuqb v4jlgbv sL (Kidding. If you read yesterday’s blog, you’d get it. Ahem.)

Sundays are devoted to poetry here at Adulting – Second Half. On Sundays, I call it poetry workshop day and I share a poem which I have written or I share a poem written by somebody else, which has moved me. Poetry is mysterious, yet exposing, all at the same time. Like a painting, poetry allows you to bring so much of yourself and your own story, to the words and to your perception of the poem. It is possible to make a poem (whether your own words, or not) completely your own, which makes it such a deeply personal and profound form of writing. I would love to see your poems in my Comments section, but regardless, write a poem today. It will show you your heart and soul in written form. Here’s my poem for today:

Thanks for coming out with me last night,

I missed your fun and your free,

I missed the frenzied energy of strangers moving together,

Noticing each other’s beautiful humanity,

Without ever sharing words.

I missed that feeling of being fully alive,

And that aliveness coursing through my being.

Last night was a glimpse of the casually carefree,

A feeling which I had almost forgotten, even existed.

Reminder to self: It is a blessing to have fun,

And to feel fun fully. It is a blessing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

A New Adventure

We are headed out to start the first of the activities on the schedule for parents’ weekend, sponsored by our sons’ fraternity. I’m as prepared as one can be for . . . hatchet throwing. It seems to be the new in-vogue activity these days. It used to be mystery rooms and just my luck, just in time for parents’ weekend for a fraternity, hatchet throwing is now all of the rage. And it is right next to a brewery. Brilliant.

I’ll be giving my sons, the two biological brothers and also fraternity brothers, a little gift in an envelope which I have prepared. I went through old family photographs last night and I found the most adorable pictures of the two brothers, doing their thing together, when they were little toddlers. I think their other fraternity brothers will get a kick out of it all. I will be careful that these photographs aren’t used as targets, though. Those pictures are among the most precious things we own.

If tomorrow’s blog looks like this:

‘avjhpoaiujn;oa iowlnh 9 oao;janhpnvlaj

You’ll know that I wasn’t all that successful at hatchet throwing. I am aiming to not lose any of my bodily extremities, nor my mind. My intentions are good. I always aim to be a “cool mom” now that my kids are grown. I can’t say that I often succeed, but I try.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Say Hey It’s Friday

10 Happy Friday Memes To Make You Glad That It's Friday

Hi friends!! TGIF!!! Fridays are devoted to what makes life fun here at Adulting – Second Half . On Fridays, I typically list three favorite things, or songs, or books, or movies, etc. and I kindly ask you to add your favorites to my Comments section. Aren’t we always looking for fun new ideas to make life a little more snazzy and “in-color”?! Yesterday, my husband and I were recuperating from our second Pfizer vaccine shots. Yesterday, my three favorite things were my bed, my ceiling fan, and Advil. But, I do feel incredibly grateful and relieved. I do believe that life is roaring back for all of us!

Here are today’s favorites:

Trader Joe’s Grapefruit Scented Candle – As you know, I recently shopped at a Trader Joe’s after a long hiatus. I’m a candle-aholic, so even though I have 500 scented candles, I just had to put the Grapefruit scented candle into my cart, because the sweet stock person told me that she can’t keep these candles in stock! And I completely understand why! It is incredible. It makes an entire room smell like a crisp, clean, reinvigorating grapefruit orchard. Frankly, it is so good, I was tempted to make a 45 minute trip to our “not so local” Trader Joe’s for another one.

The Sanctuary’s Holy Mist – If you need a boost after exercising or if you are feeling depleted and need to be recharged, buy this wonderful Palo Santo spray to help reset your “energy field”. It smells wonderful, it’s light and refreshing and it serves as a wonderful reminder that you can always press the “reset” button on any day that seems headed into the wrong direction. Holy Mist is a physical representation of “clearing the air.”

Michael Franti & Spearhead’s “Say Hey I Love You” – I LOVE Michael Franti’s music. This song is the perfect way to bring in the weekend. No matter what’s going on, make it your weekend plan to stay upbeat and enjoy! This is your precious life. Enjoy it!!

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Five

A friend and I were watching a girl on our tennis team play an opponent from another school.

“Damn, she’s such a five,” my friend said to me.

“What do you mean, “she’s a five”? I asked.

“She’s so even keel and unflappable, ” my friend said.

“Yeah, you’re right she doesn’t play emotionally. She keeps her composure. She never gets “too high with the highs, and too low with the lows”, I said.

“Exactly,” my friend said. “I’m Italian and I’m menopausal. I’m not a five. At all.”

“I’m not Italian and yet I’ve never been a five,” I said. “I’m a five until something sets me off, and then I go from five to ten in nanoseconds,” I said, not so proudly.

We watched the “five” girl, play her match. Her matches tend to be long and close, but she almost always wins them. She never tries too many fancy shots. She remains steady and even and reliable and determined and polite and kind and pleasant. She just stays focused on winning each point. Nothing seems to phase her.

When Five (I’ll call her that for now on) got off the court, I congratulated her on her long, hard-earned win and I relayed what my friend and I noticed about Five. “Is that your natural state? Do you have to work on being so calm, cool and collected? Are you always so self-possessed?” I peppered her with questions. I, a middle-aged Five-to-Ten-Rocket, was trying to learn skills from a young adult solid, locked-in Five.

“I think that’s just how I am. I don’t see the point in getting upset about anything,” Five answered. Then she smiled at me sweetly and handed me a Snickers bar.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Breathe.

Why is it that all of your year’s biggest events all seemed to get bunched up into a three week span, in any one year? I’ve lived long enough to have experienced this phenomenon, again and again and again. And of course, at the same time, all of the regular daily stuff, and all of the little pop-ups (and even sometimes, unexpected big pop-ups) that show up in life, still happen, too. I spent most of this morning so far, making arrangements and changing arrangements, and letting people know arrangements, etc. And this morning, I have also had quite a few people tell me to, “Breathe.” At the tennis tournament yesterday, while watching our daughters play a very tight tie-breaker, all of the other tennis moms, looked at each other and reminded each other, to “Breathe.” Last night when I was trying to fall asleep, which I couldn’t do, even though I was utterly exhausted, my husband whispered to me, “Breathe.”

Now of course, we don’t need a command to breathe. We don’t even need to tell ourselves to breathe. It’s automatic. And if we aren’t breathing, we’re dead. So what do we mean when we tell ourselves, and we tell others to “Breathe.”? I think “Breathe.”, is shorthand for “Bring your attention back to your breath.” “Breathe.”, is shorthand for, “Get out of your crazy, over-wheeling mind, which is living in the “What ifs?” and the ramifications of all of the “what ifs” of the future, and notice how your body is taking care of you. Your body is your vehicle that’s going to take you through all of your experiences that are crammed into a two-and-a-half week time period, and you don’t want your body to get sick. You don’t want your mind to stir up all sorts of emotions such as fear and distress and overexcitement with its whirl of endless streaming thoughts. These thought storms, when overdone, cause all of these overwhelming emotions, which are taxing on your body, and can cause your body to break down. So, Breathe. Take each moment at a time. That’s how life works. Life works in “the now” and the easiest and quickest way to remind yourself of that fact, is to Breathe. The Universe has got this. You’ve got this. Don’t miss out on anything. Don’t miss out on any moment, or on any nuance. Just breathe. Breathe.”

Breathe.

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.