Author: admin

Vacationing All Wrong

“I’ve always been skeptical of the staycation. The coinage is too cute for what feels like a consolation prize: While other people are off exploring the Blue Lagoon by camper van, you get to stay in your very own home and go to your usual supermarket for Cheerios!

So I was intrigued to discover, thanks to my colleague Catherine Pearson, that I have been vacationing all wrong. Evidently, my tendency to stumble into time off without a plan is unlikely to produce a restorative effect. Instead, one should imbue the time off with the urgency of a weeklong trip. Jaime Kurtz, a psychology professor at James Madison University and the author of “The Happy Traveler: Unpacking the Secrets of Better Vacations,” advises asking oneself, “If I were moving away soon, what would I most want to do, and who would I most want to spend time with?” – from a The New York Times article by Melissa Kirsch

This article caught my attention immediately because it took a quote from a professor from my alma mater, James Madison University. (Go Dukes!) Now that we are empty nesters, my husband and I have found comfort in not having to schedule our major vacations during the summer months, due to our kids’ school and sports schedules. Our kids are grown. My husband and I can take vacation any time of the year that we want to vacation. By traveling mostly in the fall and in the spring, we often miss major crowds and major heat. It’s a relief. It’s relaxing.

So essentially, when we have time off in the summer, my husband and I do tend to “staycation”. However, I like the idea of treating a staycation with more intention and preparation. My friend told me recently that she and her longtime partner have made a pact to schedule at least one day-trip a month, to a location they have never been before. There is much less hassle, packing and expense with these day trips and yet they still have the thrill of anticipation, novelty, adventure and escape.

Pick a day this week that you don’t have a lot scheduled and treat it as if it were a vacation day. Use the professor’s question above to help guide you: “If I were moving away soon, what would I most want to do, and who would I most want to spend time with? (and don’t let your practical mind take over with thoughts like, “Well, I would tidy up, dust and start cleaning out drawers”, unless these activities are what you really enjoy doing on your vacations.)

And on an entirely different note, I watched this TED Talk yesterday and it is one of the best TED Talks that I ever watched. For those of you who consider yourself to be creatives (which should be all of you), this is a “can’t miss”:

And final thought of the day from the movie, Wine Country:

“From one old lady to another, get over all your shit, ‘cause it is later than you think.” -Lady Sunshine 

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Goodr/Better/Best Friday

I had a doctor’s appointment this week and the doctor was probably in her early thirties. At one point she said to me, “You’re young. You’ve probably got about thirty years left.” And that last part took my breath away a little bit (I wish that she had just left it at the first sentence). First, I felt indignant that the doctor was writing me off at age 82 (even though the current life expectancy for women in the United States is 79). And second, she struck my panic button.

“Yikes! I’ve got “a lot of a lot” to pack into my next thirty years (or more, fingers crossed),” I started thinking to myself as I could feel my heart beating in my neck, and at that moment, I started wondering if perhaps the doctor had made a terribly inaccurate estimate, and maybe to the surprise of us both, I was about to stroke out and die, in her office, right there, on the spot. But, thankfully, I caught my breath. I decided to give the woman a pass. She’s a good doctor. These are the kind of dumb things that I said to older people when I was younger, too. Karma is a b*tch.

Since it turns out that I have a good thirty years left in my lifetime, I must take care of my eyes, and so this brings me to today’s favorite on Favorite Things Friday: Goodr Sunglasses. My friend has been wearing a pair of these shades that are amazing looking. She looks absolutely cool and badass when she wears them, and so I asked if I could copy her (since we live in different states). She kindly obliged. Her style is called “Amelia Earhart Ghosted Me”. Goodr Sunglasses were originally created by runners, for runners, so that runners could have more stylish and affordable sunglasses options than were currently available at the time. But these Goodr sunglasses are so good, so light, so comfortable, so stylish, so affordable (and they’re polarized) that even us non-runners are flocking to their website. Check out their website. I am willing to bet you won’t be leaving the website without purchasing at least one pair.

Have a “goodr” weekend than you ever had in your life, friends! See you tomorrow!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Muddled-Ment (new word by me)

When I was with my best friends from college a couple of weeks ago, we got to talking about the young girls’ body confidence these days, and the fact that most young women these days often wear, on average, about a third of the body coverings that we wore at their ages. Some of my friends are thrilled with this evolution, some of my friends are struggling with it (especially when it comes to our own daughters) and I, myself, sit somewhere in between these two opinions. I think that it is important to have pride and confidence in the precious, unique vehicles which house and transport our souls. But sometimes it seems to me, that putting so much focus and emphasis on “in your face”, look at my body, look at my body, look at my body, look at my body, puts too much emphasis on physical looks (especially for women) and not enough emphasis on the person as a whole. (which ironically is what I think the whole “body positive” movement is trying to do – bringing the emphasis back to unique qualities of the individual) As in anything, the pendulum always swings back and forth, this I know.

Anyway, I’m not here to debate the merits of any side of this story. I can see all sides which is often the case in my own life, which leaves me in an almost constant state of “muddled-ment” and puzzlement about many things. (An unmade mind is a messy, sleepless, frustrated thing. Sigh.) Today, though, I would like to share this beautiful piece below by the writer, Molly Burford. It’s easy to compliment someone on their looks or their outfits. Take some time today to compliment someone in your life for what makes their own unique spirit so special. Take some time today to compliment yourself about something distinctive that makes you stand out from the crowd (and make sure that it has nothing to do with looks.) I imagine that a lot of these compliments below, apply to you, my readers. Consider yourself complimented and as always thank you for reading the blog. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ The medical term for buttcrack is “gluteal cleft.” That actually sounds fancy and sophisticated. It’s nice that we can put a pretty spin on anything with words.

+ I’ve been writing this blog practically every single day for about five years now, so I realize that I am at the risk of repeating my stories. Luckily, there is a search feature on my website, at least at my end, where I can make sure that I haven’t already relayed a story, much like we so often have the habit of repeating our favorite stories to people, in our daily lives. There should be a special word for the action of our loved ones kindly listening with supposed engagement and interest, again and again, to our same favorite stories. It’s a significant word needed that recognizes how important our stories are to us, and yet also encapsulates the patient love from our listeners who recognize our own need for repetition. Our stories make us. Our loved ones understand this, even if they can also repeat our own stories for us, word for word. Any ideas for a word that captures this kind of love?

+And on that note, before I wrote this bullet point, I searched up “Stanley” on my blog listings to make sure that I haven’t repeated this story. This is Stanley:

I was at Nordstrom Rack one evening, and Stanley’s cute little face was staring at me, from a shelf, just like above. He was all by himself, sitting among some decorative candles and fancy toothbrush holders. Stanley is a piggy bank, and piggy banks are almost sacred in my family. Or should I say, lucky pennies are sacred in my family. For generations, my family has saved “lucky pennies” which we have serendipitously found throughout the years, and then we keep them in jars and in piggy banks, in our homes. I have never received a gift of a purse, or a wallet, without a lucky penny stuffed in it, by any of my female relatives. My husband knows that finding me a “lucky penny” on the ground, on any given day, is sure to make him a lucky man. (wink wink) All in all, piggy banks serve as beautiful visual reminders of all of the luck and the abundance which we already have in our lives from the get-go.

The truth is, I didn’t really need Stanley. We already have an austere looking, serious silver-plated rabbit “piggy bank” (who unfortunately, has no name) on our bedroom bureau, and this rabbit wasn’t completely full of lucky pennies at that time (although pretty close). And also sticking with the truth, Stanley was kind of expensive, especially for The Rack. But I had to have Stanley. When I went to pay for him, the cashier was thrilled. I think that she would have excitedly rung a bell, if there had been one, sitting by the register.

“Oh my goodness, someone is finally buying Stanley!” she said with glee, and that is the moment when I realized that Stanley already had a name. “Wilbur” was no longer an option. “Every day, we employees have checked to see if Stanley is still here. He’s almost become a store mascot. I’m not sure what I am feeling right now!”

I promised her that I would take good care of Stanley. And I do. I have already fed Stanley quite a few lucky pennies, as has my husband. (I find myself working harder to scour for lucky pennies, now that Stanley rests next to his buddy – the currently full of pennies, and “full of himself”, rigid rabbit.) I also gave Stanley his decorative headpiece, inspired by a documentary I watched about India’s painted and dazzled elephants. (don’t ask – it makes sense to me) And that is the story of Stanley. Please forgive me, if you have already heard or read this story. Please be patient with me, if I repeat it again. Thank you for witnessing me and my story. Stanley is proudly part of my story. . . . Did I ever tell you about Stanley? . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Tool Time

I saw this meme as I was scrolling on Twitter this morning, and I was amused at how the creator got what he or she thought to be a hilarious meme, “sort of” wrong. Ryobi tools and Milwaukee tools are owned by the same company. Ryobi is just the less expensive brand of the same tool maker. Let me put it in fashion terms: Ralph Lauren is the luxury brand, and Polo is its more affordable line. Versace is the luxury brand, and Versus is its more affordable line. Milwaukee is the luxury brand, and Ryobi is the more affordable line.

Now you may have never taken me to be a tool aficionado, and with this assumption, you are correct. Beyond a hammer and a screwdriver, I’m pretty hopeless when it comes to tools. I only know about Milwaukee and Ryobi because my youngest son had an internship with their parent company last summer. Last summer, I learned more about tools than I ever wanted to know. (on an aside, the Milwaukee “Sharpie type” pens are the best, most long lasting, I have ever used. The next time that you are in Home Depot purchasing potting soil, slide over to the Milwaukee section and buy a pen. You won’t regret it.)

Experiencing this other person’s gaffe this morning, reminded me of why knowledge is so important. We often make assumptions and jump to conclusions, without understanding the full picture. As we age, and with a lot of experiences already under our belts, we often forget to ask the who/what/where/when/why/how questions that were pounded into us, by our English teachers when we were kids. We project what we think that we “already know” on to our experiences, and we forget that we are still susceptible to mistakes and misjudgments. It’s so easy to end up with egg on your face when you are poking fun at an experience that you don’t have full knowledge about. The safest thing ever to poke fun at, is yourself. No one knows you like you do, and even with your own self, you still have some knowledge to learn. Today get curious. Ask yourself a who/what/where/when/how/why inquiry about yourself. You might be surprised to learn that you are more multifaceted than you realized. And if you see something that seems a little “off” to you (like the Ryobi guy using a Milwaukee tool), don’t be afraid to investigate. Ask questions. Try to come to understanding versus presumption.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Years ago, I got a lot of giggles from a little cartoon called “Making Fiends.” The show featured two little elementary school girls who couldn’t be more opposite in their inherent natures. Charlotte was an overly bubbly, perfectly happy, “Pollyanna” type who was absolutely oblivious to any negativity, and Vendetta was an evil, cranky, manipulative, angry little witch who created havoc wherever she went. For some reason this show just tickled me. I think that this is because on any given day, I could relate to either one of them, at some level. Today when I was looking up memes for my Monday blog post I found one that Charlotte would have posted:

And then I found one that Vendetta would have posted:

If you need a little goofiness in your day, here’s a little “Making Fiends” short to enjoy:

See you tomorrow, fiends (I mean, friends)!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

“Love is the poetry of the senses.” ~ Honoré de Balzac

Welcome to poetry day on the blog. I’m still playing around with poetry. It’s not my “first language” in writing, but I find it interesting. I find it to be a worthwhile pursuit, and good use of my time and of my mindspace. Every Sunday, I suggest that you, my readers, write a little poem or two of your own. If you think that you “can’t” write a poem, look what a teacher on Twitter (shared by Joseph Fasano) got from one of her young students when given a poetry prompt (what a beautiful poem!):

And here is my own poem for today:

“A Moment in July”

I wanted the slow down.

I wanted the unending exhale.

And the Universe answered,

With a pressing heat,

that makes moving through air,

feel like moving through sludge.

“Learn to sit still,” she whispered,

As my skin felt like it was melting away,

And I had no choice but to become one,

with the steaming, still atmosphere around me.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Chapters

credit: Positive Call, Twitter

I just showed this meme (above) to my husband and he mentioned that he thinks a lot of kids these days seem to think that they should be starting at Chapter 20. (yes, he and I have become the old, know-it-all cranks, whom we told ourselves we would never become. 😉 )

The beauty of getting older is reflecting on all of the chapters behind you to see how they shaped who and where you are today. This meme is the epitome of showing that it is always, always about the journey and never really about the destination. (I mean, we still don’t know how the Bezos/Amazon story ends yet, do we?) The destination is just something to aim towards, but the journey is where the all of the experiences happen. The journey (also known as the chapters of our lives) are all of the ups and downs, the adventures, the heartaches, the happenings, the experiences of our lifetime that chisel away at who we are becoming, throughout our entire lives. Why would anyone want to skip to Chapter 20? You would miss out on everything that made you. You would miss out on all of the explanation and understanding of how you even got to Chapter 20. You would miss out on being at Chapter 20, and being able to look back fondly at Chapter 1, and notice how Chapter 1 is innocently filled with high hopes, and impossible dreams, and vivid visions, and smile to yourself, to see how far you have come. There is something extremely special and satisfying about reveling in everything that it took to get you to Chapter 20.

When I am reading an excellent book, or watching a wonderful movie, I never want it to end. No matter how good the ending ends up being, I’m always a little disappointed. I’m sad that the experience is over. Excellent chapters make you want to experience a never-ending story. None of us know when it will be the final chapter of our own book, so we should just savor the chapters while we are in them. And the truth is, none of us can be entirely sure that there actually is a last chapter . . . .

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Stupid (Fun) Friday

Happy Friday!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! Lately, all of us probably have some of the same favorites: water, shade, ice cubes, ice cream . . . . My own favorite for today, is dual purpose. It keeps my hair off of my neck, and it has a personality – it is a little sneaky and clandestine. My favorite for today is probably more for my female readers, unless you have a man bun (see above). (I’m still in awe that I have any male readers – thank you, guys!!) Today’s favorite is The Hidden Pocket Scrunchie Hair Elastic. This cute, fun scrunchie has a zipper pocket where you can keep things like money, air pods, chapstick, etc. If you are doing some weeding outside (what are you crazy? There’s a heatwave going on!), and the ice cream man happens to pull up, all you have to do is reach up and pull the dollars out of your hair. How fun! I got mine at a local boutique but you can find them at Target and Amazon.

Bonus Favorite: For those of you who have dogs who love the water as much as our Ralphie, the Labrador retriever does, we finally found a collar for him that does not leave a rash around his neck, from its constant dampness. The collar is called the Coastal Pro – Waterproof Dog Collar. Ralphie’s collar is a beautiful shade of aqua blue (and it hasn’t faded) but these collars come in all different, vibrant colors. For those of us, whose dogs are also part fish, these collars are a must. We got ours on Amazon for $15.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

“Fresh Eyes”

credit: Outlookindia

There is so much heat in the air, that even sitting in the air conditioning feels like being in a tanning bed. I feel like a slug. I don’t want to move. It feels like it takes the gallant effort and mental fortitude of a Navy Seal to psych myself up to go outside, just to get my mail. There’s summer in Florida and then there is “summer in Florida, amirite?!?” We are definitely in “amirite” territory this week. (in case you haven’t heard enough complaining about this unprecedented summer heat wave, I just indulged you.)

I’ve gotten a few dozen new subscribers in the last week or so. Thank you, welcome. I’m so honored. I love to write and I would do it in a void, but it feels truly validating to be read. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I wrote a blog post once about my writing process, and about how what you get in your email, is usually the first draft. I can almost guarantee that you will find at least one typo or grammatical error. That’s why I have my editor (aka my wonderful husband) read my blog post every single morning. My sweet husband then texts me, how much he liked my post and what he got from it, and then right after that text is “And here are all of your mistakes:”. And I always think to myself (almost every single day), “How did I not catch that mistake?!? How did I miss that?? I’ve read over my post 3-6 times before publishing! How does that happen? And how does my husband spot the mistakes every single day, right away?!?”

Now my husband is not critical. He is the most supportive person in my life. My husband just happens to be far more detail oriented than I am. (All you’d have to do is look at our respective packed suitcases, desk tops or individual grocery carts to see how differently our minds work.) While in a hotel room my husband might hone in on the small knick by a light switch, while I, at the same time, am determining what the overall ambiance of the room, the hotel, or even the whole town itself, intuitively feels like to me. My husband is detail oriented and I’m big picture, and this is why we work well together.

And now is the moment that I finally get to my point: “Fresh Eyes” on any situation in your life is so important. An open mind to what these “Fresh Eyes” see, is also equally as important. Make sure that you have at least a couple of people in your life, who you admire, trust, and believe that they have your best interests at heart (friends, family, minister, therapist, mentor). When you have a situation in your life that you want some feedback on, go to your trusted “Fresh Eyes” people. Be open to what “Fresh Eyes” see. Don’t beat yourself up for not seeing what “Fresh Eyes” puts a spotlight on. Your “Fresh Eyes” people are coming into the situation, having never seen it before. When I write my blog posts, my mind already knows what it is trying to say. Often I can’t type the words fast enough. I often miss my mistakes, because my mind already sees what it wants to see. It already has a fixed idea or a prejudice as to what the blog post is saying. “Fresh Eyes” usually don’t come into any situation with a predetermined agenda.

If you prefer “finished product” with few or no typos, just go read my blog on my website in the afternoon. Rarely do I change the ideas or sentences in my posts, but sometimes I get the inspiration to do so. Therefore, what you get in your email every morning, is usually not the final “turn into the teacher” paper. I rely on my favorite “Fresh Eyes” to give me different perspectives, and to help me to clean things up a little bit here and there. Having two extra sets of eyes or more, is never a bad thing with any situation in life. Ask a beautiful monarch butterfly. It has 12,000 eyes (is it a wonder that butterflies are not easy to catch?)!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.