Fur Babies

I have two dogs. They were born on the exact same day in May, exactly one year apart. Ralphie, our Dudley yellow Labrador is a little over two and Josie, our tri-color Collie is a little over one. They are both wonderful creatures.

Ralphie is over-the-top, in your face exuberance and intensity. He is smart as a whip, lead hopelessly by his bear-sized nose, and constantly on the move, unless he is entirely passed out. Still he keeps his fervor going by swimming in his sleep. When he gives kisses, they are full, wet and all encompassing. His huge tongue is like a wash cloth you would use to wash your car, and with a few passionate licks, he has managed to cover your whole face, your ears and your neck. He is not at all protective, he would definitely have the “flight” tendency in a “fight or flight” scenario. He is so absolutely and completely in-tuned to us, his family and to himself. Every night, he comes to the couch, where my husband and I are sitting, to remind us that it is his bedtime by lying his head on one of our knees.

Josie is elegance, sweetness and perkiness all wrapped up in the package of a beautiful, warm, fluffy dog. My daughter calls her the teddy bear. I liken her to a giant Pomeranian. She is a cuddle-bug, with a capital C. Her licks are dainty, with her small gentle tongue barely darting out of her mouth as she “cleans” your hands, much like a cat. She lays with her front legs crossed, very lady-like, even when she is deep in sleep. She is always alert to dangers, warning us, dependably, of the impending doom of the Amazon delivery person or the pack of squirrels living in our trees.

Walking the dogs every night is interesting. Ralphie always has his nose to the ground. He is on a mission and seemingly unaware of anything other than what he is tracking with his stoutly snuffer. Josie, being a herding dog, has her head on a swivel, only occasionally indulging in the scents on the ground which Ralphie is likely to roll around in, if he feels any slack in the leash. Josie always greets the other dogs, ducks, and deer that we see regularly, pertly, prettily, excitedly, with her beautiful, fluffy tail swishing elegantly as she gives each and every creature we meet, a delighted, buzzing look as if to say, “Isn’t life just grand?!?”

The dogs are a perfect yin yang to each other. Josie loves playing life guard to Ralphie, as he does his Navy seal routine, treading water and swimming in our pool tirelessly. She runs around the pool, watching him, barking warnings when she thinks that he is too tired and should get out of the pool. Josie is the first to bark warnings of impending visitors to our home. Ralphie loyally follows behind her, looking confused and bewildered, hackles up, sounding out the occasional deep “Woof!” to back her up (to which fight he is not at all sure), his formidable size and intense stare, enough to sometimes get people to forget, that he is just a big, goofy Lab, easily won over to anyone who offers a pat or a treat.

We adore our dogs. Our sons are all coming home this weekend, all with the same sentiment, “We miss the dogs.” Our dogs are so uniquely themselves. They don’t try to change or to be something different than who they inherently are to the core. They don’t try to be like each other. They adore our family, each other and life, sharing toys and playful romps with exuberance and yet restraint. Animals have so much to teach of us about living life. Ralphie and Josie, are my friends, companions, inspiration, comforters, protectors and mentors, and not necessarily in that order.

Not So Dull

When you have a rough start to your week, when everything feels a little bit off the track, getting back to the mundane, “dull” routine, feels wonderful. Laundry, sorting mail, dusting shelves, watering plants, driving to tennis lessons, walking the dogs, planning meals – all of these things are actually a delicious relief and activities to look forward to doing and to completing. When I am emotional, I tend to want to chuck it all, bring it all back to ground zero, quitting everything extraneous and just cling to the basic necessities. That says something about the “necessities” right? Despite considering myself a spontaneous person, I love the structure of my life. I love to scratch things off of my to-do list. Perhaps that is the main point of life’s little emergencies. Perhaps they are nothing more than reminders that the ordinary days are not as banal, and meaningless and non-stimulating as they feel sometimes.

I’ve mentioned before that my new TV addiction is Outlander. In almost every episode, the major characters face huge, yet unique “life versus death” obstacles, suffer major injustices and devastating losses; they go through and yet prevail from serious abuses of power, and at the end of it all, they still manage to look gorgeous and to celebrate with a delicious romp in the bed with each other, making all the right moves and saying all the right words to each other, after experiencing more troubles in just one episode, than anyone in real life, can expect to face in one lifetime. Why do I like the show so much? You would think it would bring up serious questions of my inadequacy. Or maybe getting lost in the fantasy of it all is part of my delicious, conventional, everyday routine? I’m not sure. But for the rest of this week, I am sure that vicarious thrills are quite enough.

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Da-na-na-na-nana-nana

Hey friends! Please don’t worry about me. It’s just that the week has started out with me having to put out a few small fires (not literal ones, don’t worry!). My time is being sucked into the vacuum of necessary, immediate attention. I hope to be back to regular form by tomorrow. In the meantime, as seen in a couple of flower pots:

You’ve Got Mail

Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn. I switched up my wreath on my door to a vivid orange one. I put an orange-red coat of polish on my toenails. As you know, I often compare us Second-Halfers to Autumn, a season which many people consider to be the most beautiful of the year. To celebrate, I’ve decided to send you, my readers, a card. (Keep in mind, I live in Florida. We like cheesy alligator references.)

I have more of these blank cards. So, if you, my very smart and creative friends, could come up with other things to write inside of them, I would love to have your ideas! See you tomorrow!!

Leaning In

I read an excellent article the other day. It is entitled How Emotionally Intelligent People Wisely Deal With Their Problems by Ayodeji Awosika. The whole premise of the article was that to solve your problems, you must lean in to them and tackle them full on. His most highlighted sentence in the article was this:

“Avoidance lets you off the hook in the short-term, but it doesn’t fix your problem, and often the problems you ignore compound and get worse.

This was my favorite excerpt from the article:

“When you lean into your problems you more or less have this conversation with yourself:

“Okay. This is where I’m at. This is what happened. I’m responsible for the situation and addressing it head-on — while uncomfortable — will lead to either a solution or the peace of mind in knowing I did everything I could to improve it.” “

None of this is earth shattering information. We all know it. Everyone has problems. Everyone has been guilty of keeping their “head in the sand” from time to time. But the author is so correct in saying that the longer we avoid dealing with a problem, often the bigger it grows to the point of sometimes feeling insurmountable. We so often can be our own worst enemies in this crazy game called Life.

I’ll end with Awosika’s words:

“When you lean in, you build emotional muscles that grow as a result of the stress that comes with truly dealing with a problem. Not only can you produce a better outcome, but you get to put a deposit into your confidence & resilience account.

Do this often enough, and you’ll have the reward of being able to say “I’m someone who can handle my life.”

I like the last line: I’m someone who can handle my life. That’s a good mantra.

It Can Wait

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Happy FRIDAY!!!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! Hello, wonderful friends and readers. It’s here. Our favorite day of the week! Here at Adulting – Second Half, we don’t delve into the deep end on Fridays. We keep it light and airy. I list three favorite things, songs, websites, stores, pet products, etc. etc. that make my material life just jam! I strongly wish and encourage that you guys would add some of your favorites in the Comments section. You can never have too many favorites!! For example, I have four favorite kids and two favorite dogs, but I only have one favorite husband. New readers, please check out previous Friday posts for more ideas to add to your list of favorites. Here are this Friday’s Favorites:

Owen Barry purses – I’ve always been a bag lady (a shoe lady first, then a sunglasses lady, but handbags are right up in there, in my list of obsessions! Oh wait, jewelry too . . . . ) Anyway, I think one of the biggest delights of getting older, is really honing in on what you REALLY like. A lot of the experimentation is over and you really know what really works for you and you OWN IT. When it comes to handbags, big, soft, supple leather is what I love in a handbag. I love a leather handbag that is soft like butter and keeps getting softer and softer, the longer that you carry it. I am currently carrying around a wonderful Owen Barry bag, that just makes me happy just thinking about it. It melts into me, when I carry it. Owen Barry is a British company, but many American stores carry the line.

Faux Fur Throws – I love throws. I have baskets of them everywhere. My favorite throw lies on my side of the bed. It is a light brown, thick, luxurious faux mink that alternates between making me feel like I am staying in the Waldorf Astoria in their presidential suite, or I a wild, unruly native in a tee-pee on the set of Dances With Wolves. It all just depends on my mood and my imagination that day. Grandin Road carries a nice collection of these fabulous, over the top, blankets.

Vera Bradley Iconic Campus Backpack – I have always been a proponent of well-made, long-lasting book bags. My daughter is currently carrying this one around in an understated, quilted navy material. It it is holding up very well, despite the fact that she never goes to her locker, so all of the contents of her locker are loaded up into this model every day, which makes it seem like she is carrying around boulders. When my kids were little, I always ordered them Lands End backpacks with their initials embroidered on them. Often, despite being carried by a boisterous pack of rough and tumble little kids, we typically got more than one school year out of them. This Vera Bradley model is the grown-up, sophisticated version of that, for my teenage daughter.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Joey: You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie, or Friday with no two pizzas.
– Friends

Fix or Feel

A friend of mine sent some helpful “keeping it all in perspective” one-liners to our group chat yesterday. One of the questions spoke to what is commonly seen as a male’s need to fix a situation versus a female’s need to just talk about the problem and vent. A minister suggested that you ask a person, “Do you want me to fix it or feel it?” The minister said that 95 percent of the time, his wife answers, “Feel it,” so he just becomes the best attentive listener that he can be. I think that I have a tendency to want to do both things for the people I love (feel it deeply with them and fix it right away), in an extreme, instantaneous manner to get everybody back to copacetic as quickly as possible. And then I wonder why they get annoyed with me. I plan to utilize this question more often. It puts me in mind of this hilarious, “Nail in Her Head” video. Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O11_Ma20Rk

Happy Friday Eve, friends!

What’s In Style

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I remember watching an interesting TV show several years ago. It was a follow-up show to free extreme makeovers people had gotten from the TV show, over a year prior. It was a talk show, maybe Oprah or something very similar to her show. They revisited the people they had given expensive makeovers to, in order to see if the changes had “stuck” and if the changes had made a difference in the people’s lives and self-confidence levels. Interestingly, very few people kept the new style given to them (in the ways of clothes, hairstyles, make-up etc.) Most reverted back to what felt more like “themselves.”

One woman stood out to me. She agreed to get a makeover because her children were embarrassed by her outlandish, sexy style. They were an affluent family. The woman’s original style could best be described as Dolly Parton/Pamela Anderson, on steroids. She had bleached blond hair done up very big, with lots of extensions. She had very long fingernails, all bejeweled. She wore very colorful make-up and plenty of it. She wore so much jewelry that she sounded like a one-person marching band when she walked. This woman seemed to be a very fun, friendly personality and she was “game” to trying a new look. Her kids wanted her to be “toned down.”

The makeover was amazing. The woman was a naturally attractive woman and with the modern, svelte clothes, her straightened, sleek hair, and her overall gorgeous sophistication, the audience couldn’t help but jump up and give her a standing ovation, when she sauntered out on the runway to show off her new look. She glowed in the adoration and seemed genuinely excited to give her look a run for it, in her normal everyday life. But a year later, when the show visited the woman, she was back to her sexy, bosom blonde bombshell self, maybe even more so. She told the host of the show that while it was fine to try on a new persona for a little while, it didn’t feel like it was herself. She missed what she felt was the “authentic her” when she looked in the mirror.

After A Star is Born, everyone raved about how lovely Lady Gaga looked in the movie, au naturel. Her toned-down hippie chick beauty was stunning, yet I read that being in that “form”, was her least favorite part of making the blockbuster movie. She couldn’t wait to get back to her over-the-top shock style that she is known for and what she feels is the essence of her.

Diana Vreeland, long time editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine had a very distinct style. Modeled after Japanese Kabuki theater, she liked to keep her skin very pale, and yet she wore her blush on her cheeks, like two very distinct pink circles. Apparently, while on a flight one time, a well-meaning flight attendant came over and started rubbing Ms. Vreeland’s cheeks, “Here dear, I’ll help you blend your make-up.” It was a story the bemused, authority on fashion, loved to share at dinner parties.

What I take from all of this, is that we all look best when we look in the mirror and we see “ourselves.” No one knows us, better than us and the way to feel totally alive is to be ourselves, completely, from the inside out. Now certainly, if you are representing a company or entity that you work for, you must wear the uniform, but when you are just representing yourself, wear YOUR uniform and wear it proudly with no apologies or explanations needed.

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Everlasting Peace

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This was posted on Twitter’s Think Smarter today. Is this really true though? We all say that we want peace more than anything, yet so many of our actions vie for attention, appreciation, applause, adulation and approval. Our actions show that we are addicted to the a-words, yet seeking peace outside of ourselves, by depending on what other people do and think, and relying on experiences outside of us to go exactly how we want them to go, almost always never happens. These things are not within our control. Being out of control makes us feel anxiety, not peace. Depending on outside influences and circumstances, does not brings us peace. Why do we always get so confused on this matter?

I think it may be because if we are honest with ourselves, we are more likely to get appreciation, applause, adulation, positive attention, and approval from other people (no matter how fickle and fleeting) than what we give to ourselves. I read this statement recently, scratched in one of my old notebooks:

We are much harder on ourselves than life is . . .

I am currently re-reading one of my favorite spiritual books of all time – The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The premise of the book is that the peace that we are seeking lies within every single one of us, if we get past all of the layers of self-chatter, self-recrimination, judgments, beliefs, fears, pains. If we stop and observe all of that constant self-chatter, we are reminded that there is a very peaceful, non-judgmental observer who is seeing our “monkey mind” at work – the part of us that can actually observe our thoughts. That tranquil, loving observer is inside of every single one of us – the soul/spirit/God part of us, who just quietly experiences everything going on. It watches the things going on outside of us and takes in our physical sensations. It watches our minds and our thoughts, our brains trying to calculate and to make sense of everything, to give everything a story and meaning and a connection to our prior experiences – trying to give the illusion of control. This tranquil observer then experiences the emotions that the thoughts and the sensations from our experiences, evoke in our bodies and in our hearts. It makes no judgments, it makes no conclusions. This tranquil part of us is just aware. It is our awareness. It is our peace and it is always a part of us. It never goes away. We just have to get still enough to remember that it is there for us Always. Be still and know that I am. (Psalm 46:10)

Confession to Make

Driving around this weekend, I saw the life that I used to live, for years and for years and for years. That life was standing or sitting on the sidelines of so many sports fields and courts, cheering for my kids while they were playing soccer, basketball, baseball, football, lacrosse, softball, running track, tennis, etc. etc. Granted, I’m still a tennis mom, but I like to think that I am a less intense and obnoxious “stage mom” than I was in prior years. We’ll see about that during high school tennis season in the spring.

Someone recently told me that accusations are confessions. I had to sit with that one for a while. I really had to ponder as to what that means and if I agree with it. I decided that I do. Luckily, for the rest of us parents, on sports sidelines, there is always THAT one parent who is so over-the-top with their “cheering/sideline coaching/pushing/berating/protecting/yelling/screaming/demeaning”, that our own ridiculousness pales in comparison. We all get high and mighty about THAT parent, rolling our eyes, pitying the poor child and the poor spouse, smugly proud of keeping our own competitive ugliness, a little more contained and hidden out of view. At least, we’re not getting kicked off of the field. Hmmm-hmmm.

That’s when it dawned on me that the statement “accusations are confessions” does make sense. It is NOT saying that what we are accusing the other person of, is not happening. THAT over-the-top parent is just demonstrating, in a very extreme way, what we don’t like about ourselves. We project all of our embarrassment and shame on to THAT parent because we don’t want to own the part of ourselves that has similar tendencies, though perhaps not as extreme. Perhaps THAT parent is the most honest parent among us, because they are owning and showing their true feelings and ego issues, in a very out loud and honest way.

I decided that for now on, when I get annoyed at someone or something and start to feel the accusations rising to the surface of my mind, I am going to look a little harder for my confession in the accusation. It has been said that the people who drive us craziest are often the ones who are most like us. Self awareness is all of the rage right now and self awareness teaches us a lot – especially about the only person we have the power to change – ourselves.