admin, Author at Adulting: Second- Half

Gummy Cubs

This week I purchased a couple of bags of teeny tiny gummy bears from The Fresh Market. They are like baby gummy bears. They are gummy bear cubs. These little cubbies taste amazing . They taste way better than regular sized gummy bears. Why is that? I hate that baby anything tastes really good – veal, chicken eggs, grapes before they turn into raisins. It’s just not right. But who doesn’t pick out the raisins from their oatmeal cookies? Let’s just be honest.

Have a silly Sunday! See you tomorrow.

Jumping to Conclusions

If you really want to test how positive or optimistic a person that you really are, watch your reaction to someone, who you love, not texting you back quickly, or not showing up immediately to a planned get-together.

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My friends and I had a hilarious discussion about our overreactions to everything. I have very smart, creative, imaginative friends, but like all things, being smart and creative and imaginative, can be a blessing and a curse. A friend of ours was meeting a mutual friend, but when she showed up, the friend wasn’t there. She texted the rest of us and said that the friend wasn’t responding to texts or calls. We all started reassuring our friend for about three minutes, but then the texting wildly veered into questions of car accidents, heart attacks, amnesia, early onset Alzheimer’s, passive-aggressive behavior from someone who secretly doesn’t like you, etc. etc. . . . . Turns out, a few minutes later, there was a text back to my friend and it was all just a very explainable miscommunication. Yawn.

Why do we go to over-reactions so often? Any time that I lose something and I can’t find it, before you know it, I am convinced that a very stealthy, clever robber (who probably lives in my attic) has stolen it. It never fails, I find the nail clippers or the pizza cutter, soon after my mind goes to crazy-land. In this particular situation, I know why I over-react. I’ve conditioned myself to believe that when I start blaming other people (real or fictitious) for my own foibles, the Universe will send me a lesson. I’ll find my object (yay!), but I will have the right dose of guilt and shame to punish myself for believing that someone is out to harm me. It’s a lesson that I’ve never fully learned and digested, because I do it to myself, again and again and again.

I wonder if we over-react for the adrenaline rush – the excitement, the flush the that comes to our cheeks, with our hearts pounding. I wonder if we do it to ourselves, because our otherwise normal, day-to-day life seems somewhat routine, dull, and boring. If we over-react, our lives are seemingly filled with mystery, intrigue and diabolical characters, just like the movies.

I always feel stupid and annoyed with myself when I realized I pushed my own panic button. I preach to myself (and to others, if I am honest) to stay in the moment, live in the now, deal with things as they come, but actions speak louder than word, right? I am also annoyed with how my mind always goes to the worst case scenario. Maybe, as a self-professed optimist, I need to take baby steps. I’ll allow myself to still over-think, and to over-hypothesize, but this creative over-reaction must always lean to the positive.

Dogs, Shells, Mimosas . . . Friday!

Today, we get to be like our dogs!! We always say that we want to come back as them, right?! Honestly, I want to come back as either my husband’s boss’ dog or my aunt’s and uncle’s dog. No doubts!

Happy Friday, friends and readers!! Today is Favorite Things Friday!! On Fridays, we stay away from deep thoughts and reflections here at Adulting-Second Half (unless you are pondering as to whose dog you want to come back as). On Fridays, I list three favorite things, websites, songs, products, anythings that keep my life going along in a fun way. Please share the love with your favorites in the Comments section (shout out to Kit, my most prolific commenter, so far! Kit, today you are my favorite!) and also check out previous Friday posts for more favorites. You can never have too many favorites!

Here are today’s favs:

Cherub’s Doses & Mimosas song – Please just ignore the nasty lyrics and profanity and just jam to this tune. My sons were annoying our neighbors with this tune blasting out of their waterproof JBL speakers (that they kept testing by throwing the speakers into the pool – you are impressive, JBL) this past weekend and I found myself not able to stay still, from its beginning until its end. (much to their chagrin) Try not to even bob your head, or lift your shoulders while this song is playing. See, not possible. Close your eyes and go back to your night club days, so very long ago . . . If you can pretend that you don’t understand English, this is the perfect Friday mood setter song.

Betta Fish – One of our pets is Big Dickie. He is the Betta fish who lives in a container in our powder room (you do the math). Big Dickie has lived with us for a few years now. He is a beautiful, gorgeous, giant red Betta fish. (all of the Bettas with huge, big, fancy fins are the males). Bettas actually have personality. Any time, any one of us uses the powder room, Big Dickie rises the surface to greet us. He thinks that it is feeding time. (circle of life moment). Bettas can’t move fast, because their fins are actually quite heavy for their bodies to lug around. So they just sit still and stare at you (if look closely, they actually have very interesting, expressive faces) Big Dickie actually has a little leaf perch, suctioned to the side of his bowl, so that he can rest. If you want a low maintenance pet that is really quite interesting, I highly recommend a Betta (two male bettas will kill each other in an aquarium – they are also known as fighting fish, so keep ’em separated.)

Shell Jewelry – I’ve always loved shell jewelry, even when I didn’t live in Florida. Right now cowrie shell jewelry is all of the rage. Cowrie shells are those white shells that look like a piece of macaroni, often confused with puka shells. Pukas are white shells that look more round and bead- like than cowries, but they are lovely, too. I love brown and white shells made into jewelry. One of my favorite pieces of jewelry is a wampum bracelet that my husband bought for me in Martha’s Vineyard. (my grandparents eloped there during World War II – very special place to me) Wampum is a purple and white shell that Native Americans used throughout history as a form of currency. The wampum jewelry on Martha’s Vineyard is made by the Aquinnah Wampamnoag tribe who have a reservation on the island.

There you have it! As always, thank you for coming by! I love you guys!!

Infinite Merry-Go-Round

I don’t have any tattoos, but this was posted on Think Smarter (Twitter) this morning and it made be giggle, so I thought that I would share the giggle with you.

Here is a small part of The Magnificent Marvelous List of the Never-Ending:

Corporate meetings.

Dusting.

Surfing the internet.

Trying to match black pants to a black top.

Taking the dogs out.

Lawn/plant care.

Shoveling snow.

Spending money on your kids.

Trying to lose weight.

Doing laundry.

Bills.

Dishes.

Rush hour traffic.

Complaints.

The list goes on and on . . . . it’s well, never-ending. But hey, these are the constants in our lives. We can always rely on these steadfast happenings. We can always take these tasks up, right where we last left off. They are always right there, waiting for us, tempting us to try the futility of actually finishing them all up for good. There is no beginning and there is no end to these things. This list is a great way to teach kids the concept of infinity.

My meditation yesterday talked about making peace with the fact that we will never “get it all done.” It’s a truth that we understand intellectually, but we still chase the idea like it’s a real possibility. We drive ourselves crazy in the process.

Despite earnestly reading and considering my morning meditation, last night, after dinner, and after dinner clean-up, and after walking the dogs and after putting away some laundry, I wanted to sit down and to relax, but then I notice a few of my plug-ins needed new refills and then I thought I should replenish the toilet paper rolls in the bathroom cabinets and then it occurred to me that I might be out of AAA batteries, so I had to check the pantry to see if I needed to add them to my shopping list, which reminded me to go order dog food on Amazon . . . . . as I continued on and on, I realized that it was almost time for me to go to bed.

I read once that we are all going to die with our in-boxes full. I think that if I can really cement this fact into my mind, I might be able to relax a little bit more and just let Life flow. Life is the journey, the process, the experience, the adventure. It has no real beginning and it has no real end. And so many of our daily tasks mimic that truism. So, in short, let’s just chill. The dusting, the matching, the surfing, the traffic, the laundry will always be there for us, when we want to entertain the idea of conquering them all for good, again. In the meantime, in the words of The Beatles:

“I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and
round
I really love to watch them roll
I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and
round
I really love to watch them roll People say I’m lazy
dreaming my life away (My lord…)
Well they give me all kinds of advice
designed to enlighten me (My lord…)I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and
round
I really love to watch them roll
I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and
round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round.”

Major Awards

I wanted to share with you a major award I received a few years ago. I was hesitant to share it with you, because I understand that a lot of my readers are mothers and I didn’t want to make you feel bad. Perhaps some of you have won this award in previous years, yourselves. Maybe even some of you are even in the “Hall of Fame.” Here it is:

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (I figure that you are probably giving me applause right now.) I’m very proud of this award. I actually picked it up for myself. I just knew that my family wanted me to have it. I am a very intuitive person. I actually wrapped it up for myself at Christmas one year, and I acted totally surprised and delighted when I opened it. It was so fun to watch my four children eye each other up and down suspiciously, trying to figure out which one of their siblings was the suck-up. See, “Best Mom Ever” move, if you ever saw one.

In all seriousness, I want to award all of my readers who are mothers this award right now. Copy it, print it and hang it up where you can see it every single day! Mine sits right on my desk. And if you are not mothers, pick out what you are, realize how much time and energy and life force you have put into being the most important personal identity that you have, and award yourself for it!! Best Wife Ever, Best Dad Ever, Best Husband Ever, Best Dog Mom Ever, Best Boss Ever, Best Friend Ever, Best Sister Ever, Best Provider Ever, Best Philanthropist Ever, Best Child Ever – give yourselves the damn awards!!

Mothering is a guilt-filled job. We never think that we do it right. We try to be the best parts of our own mothers, our own grandmothers, all of the best TV moms ever played, what all the expert books tell us to be, a twin to that “soccer/PTA/doctor mom who still manages to bake cookies in high heels”, and we always come up short. We think that we fail miserably and we get up the next day, and attempt it bravely all again. We forget that we have an entirely different set of circumstances (and an entirely different set of kids) than our mothers had, our grandmothers had, than what is on the fictional TV/movie set, the study subjects in parenting books, or even what our friends and neighbors have in their lives. We forget that we are our own individuals with our own personalities, and what our kids really need is just us, our most authentic selves. And they need to see us love ourselves, forgive ourselves, and honor ourselves for trying our best. Our children watch us, and if we love ourselves (our true authentic selves), forgive ourselves, and honor ourselves for trying our best, that is what they will allow themselves to do for their very own selves. What is more important than that?

I want you to give yourself your award today. You get up every day and you try so hard. You work really hard at what you do, and yet you are your own worst critic. Why not try being your own best award giver, versus your own best roaster? The Heavens above clap for you every single day. There are so many angels above and angels on Earth who think that you are just divine, and courageous and amazing and brave and all together wonderful. Believe them. Give yourself the award. Pause in its glory and then go out, with your head held high. You deserve nothing less. (and don’t forget to award others around you for all of the goodness that they bring to your life, too. Let’s make it “Awards Day” every day!!)

“Recognition is not a scarce resource. You can’t use it up or run out of it.” – Susan M. Heathfield

“People work for money but go the extra mile for recognition, praise and rewards.” – Dale Carnegie

“There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” – Mother Teresa

“There are two things people want more than sex and money: recognition and praise.” – Mary Kay Ash

Instant Bake Oven

I purchased a few boxes of those “cake in a mug”, single serving cakes and brownies that you just add water to the mix in a mug, microwave and “Voila!” I bought them mostly for my daughter who loves to bake and who wishes that we kept more bake goods around the house. Unfortunately for her, I have virtually no self-control when it comes to sweets, so I can’t have them around (especially now that I no longer have to compete with three teenage boys, for whatever is in the pantry). I have to rely on my laziness to not want to get into the car, put on some lipstick, drive in the car, park and go into a store, in order to buy any goodies and other irresistible temptations that are likely to fall into my cart, especially if they are buy-one-get-one. And if I am too lazy to do that, certainly I am not up to getting out the mixer, the ingredients, the bowls, the spoons, preparing everything, baking, cleaning everything up, all for a plate of cookies that is going to last two minutes, tops, in physical form, in our household, and inevitably add six pounds to my waistline by the end of the day.

So, I thought as a nice gesture, I would buy her these single packets, as her busy school/activity schedule doesn’t allow for her to do much baking either.

“So, how are the instant mug desserts?” I asked my daughter, smiling hopefully.

“Eh,” she said. (In some weird way, while I was bummed for her, I was sort of relieved. If she said, “Great!”, before long I would have wandered into the kitchen, picked out an extra large mug and at least two packets of the easy bake oven mix, as I’ve never been good at following recipes to the T. Then, I would have nuked up my own sugar bomb in the microwave, in seconds flat. And then, one to two hours later, I would have repeated the process, maybe even saving some time and just eating the batter. It just occurred to me that these mixes are the descendants of the Easy Bake Oven family, but instead of the anticipation of a light bulb SLOWLY cooking your food, like all things today, you get much more instant gratification, with the seconds flat microwave option)

“You know,” my daughter said. “They over-simplify things these days. I would have more than willing to crack an egg, just for something just a little bit more satisfying.”

How refreshing to hear a 15-year-old complain about today’s world being too focused on immediate gratification! There’s hope for us yet.

“We’ve become so addicted to instant gratification that we’re blind to the impact it has on our lives.”
― Frank Sonnenberg

“We want instant lunch, instant cure, instant miracles, instant salary, instant success— instant everything. This instant civilization, we have obsessed with, has made us grow a tad too impatient in virtually everything about life. And, of course, that doesn’t serve us so well.”
― Boniface Sagini

Shiitake on Gossip

On the way to school this morning, my daughter and I were discussing one of her classes that bores her to tears. She said, “You know, Mom, I just don’t give a shiitake mushroom about it.” That got us into a fit of giggling. I think that captures the Monday morning sentiment for most of us. My husband wondered aloud this morning, “I wonder how many people consider Monday their favorite day of the week.” We all agreed that these people would have to be very rare birds. (or mushrooms)

As you know, I am not above perusing gossip columns. (at least I own it) I check out Perez Hilton, radaronline, TMZ, etc. once in a blue moon, or if I am honest, once in a moon of any shape, size or color. I look at these websites to stay light and bemused (and probably to scoff in a tone of superiority – “Why are these people so famous? This is ridiculous” and then I say to myself, “Well, it could be because even middle-aged people like you, who can’t put a name to most of these young celebrities, read these stupid columns for ?!fun?!”). I, of course, go into my reading of the gossip, with a cynical mindset. My shadow side likes to read the Comments to the gossip the best, for the snarky, witty amusements. I, of course, never expect to glean any wise insights from these Comments which more often than not, take any stupid Hollywood gossip straight to the dark, divided road of political and racial issues. So, anyway, imagine my surprise when I actually found the need to write a Comment to a gossip story down in my special, precious wisdom notebook, to ponder myself, and to share with you, my friends and readers.

The story in question which I was perusing this weekend, was gossip about Justin Bieber’s and Hailey Baldwin’s upcoming nuptials. Now I, like a lot of the world, thought that these two were already married, but honestly, I don’t care enough to find out the true backstory. (as if finding out a true story about anything is actually even possible these days – it’s funny to me, that at a day and age of information onslaught, when nothing is seemingly secret or sacred, we know less truth about anything than ever before, but that’s for another blog) The Comments section about this Buzzfeed story, was abuzz with wiseacres putting bets on to whether this relationship would last more than two years. Some romantics really like these two celebrities, and were hoping that the Baldwin/Bieber marriage would last “forever.” Here’s where the wisdom popped out of the Comments section, like a huge gold nugget, in a gold pan otherwise filled with useless silt (or shiitakes gone bad). It was written by the sage user named “violinfemmes” (no “t” on purpose, I guess) Violinfemmes wrote:

“A word to the wise: When you focus on forever, you forget about now, and in a marriage, when you forget about now, you lose your chance at forever.”

Damn. I should ask violinfemmes to be my guest blogger. I believe that this astutely written wisdom, applies not only just to marriage, but to life in general. Damn. Do you know what I took from this experience? I am proud that I take the time to read the gossip. It is like panning for gold, and deeply challenging panning, at that. You know, in the end, I guess that I give a shiitake mushroom about what’s happening in this crazy world around us. Shiitake can be very appetizing and satisfying to devour. Frankly, I’ve always been the weirdo who loves mushrooms.

Dirty Laundry

I have proven to myself once again that I am a strong woman. I am capable of rising above my strong sense of smell and my acute gag reflex. My three man-children are home this weekend and all three of them took me up on my offer to do their laundry. My eldest son paid to fly in a extra large bagful for the occasion. The smells, a pungent mix of sweat, dirty shoes and mildew and God know what else, layered together in piles of clothes and towels that probably hadn’t see the light of a clothes washer in quite some time, were nothing short of overwhelming. The dubious, edgy t-shirts gotten along the way, I decided not to ponder about too much. I asked them to empty pockets beforehand so that I had no mysteries to unravel and stress about, long after they head back to work and college. Luckily, they complied.

It’s funny how your perspective changes on doing chores, like laundry, for your children, once they are out of the home. I actually, in some weird way, kind of enjoyed the experience (clothespin on my nose and all). And my sons’ warm appreciation for it was certainly at levels I wasn’t used to experiencing when they were all living at home. Old fashioned family days, with all six of us together, just doing our thing, swimming, eating and drinking, playing with the dogs, eating and drinking, playing games, playing pool, eating and drinking, teasing each other playfully, watching movies, eating and drinking, falling asleep on the couch, are just so far and few between now. Those types of days that felt like they would go on forever and ever, are now such a novelty and a gift. I was filled with so much love, and pride and gratitude for this family, that my husband and I created yesterday. Maybe that is the blessing of our children growing up and creating their own adult lives. We all just seem all the more acutely aware of the mutual appreciation that we have for each other now, and for the blessing of our many happy family times and memories. The grumbling about the chores and the expense and the worries and the exhaustion, that abound when raising a large family, gives way to allow gratitude and gratefulness and mostly a quiet thankful awe of it all, to rise to the top and to see everything, even smelly loads of laundry, in a beautiful, new light.

All of the dirty laundry is clean and refreshed now. The adventures my sons are experiencing in their new lives, sometimes far away from us, will be encapsulated in the new rounds of foul-smelling laundry that they will inevitably bring home next visit. And I will welcome it all, with open arms, gladly and giddily.

Babes in the Wood

Happy New Moon! I know a few people in the world who are seemingly innocent, naive, wide-eyed, unsuspecting “babes in the wood.” Everyone who is kind, worries about and prays for these people. Everyone who is prone towards evil, preys on these people. Still, in my observing experience, these darling people do life, just so well. Nothing gets them down. Nothing blocks their sunshine. Things seem to always work out for them, in such serendipitous ways, even as we hold our breath watching them innocently walk into, what we perceive, as the jaws of doom. Sometimes we even try to “save” them from themselves.

I like to think that God wanted these open lambs here as reminders to let go of all of that cynicism, worry, guarded-ness, and negativity that we think protects us from the dangers of the world. Whose really naive, us, with our often pointless, rigid control tactics and hard armor, or those who walk in bountiful faith in Life and in themselves?? I sometimes wonder if these people know that they have been born with a glorious, spiritual army, protecting their every turn on the road of Life and that is why they can experience life so openly and sincerely. I think if I would bring this up to some of these beautiful, childlike people, they would say, “Don’t you think that we all have great spiritual protection – angels on Earth and angels unseen?” And then they would happily go on their way, and the rest of us would watch them in sheepish wonder.

Date With My Bed

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Happy Friday, friends and readers!!! I don’t know about you, but I worked hard for this Friday – emotionally and physically, but now I am all spiritually happy! I am in my Friday mojo!! New readers, it is all about the stuff and fluff here at Adulting – Second Half on Fridays. Nothing serious is discussed or even contemplated. On Fridays, I list three favorites: things, books, beauty products, music selections, pet products, food/drink etc. Please give us some of your favorites in the Comments Section and please check out my previous Friday posts for more favorites. Here are this week’s favorites:

Start Where You Are: A Journal for Self-Exploration by Meera Lee Patel – My dear friend gifted me this beautiful journal. It looks like it is hand painted. It is full of gorgeously painted famous quotes and then a section with questions, guiding you to how the quote might apply to your life. She bought herself one, too and we were laughing that the only problem with it, is that it is so pretty, we don’t want to ruin it with our own messy handwriting. Check it out and learn about yourself in the process!!

Girl Power Feminine Venus Symbol Earrings – “The two standard sex symbols are the Mars symbol ♂ (often considered to represent a shield and spear) for male and Venus symbol ♀ (often considered to represent a bronze mirror with a handle) for female, derived from astrological symbols, denoting the classical planets Mars and Venus, respectively, and the elements … ” – Wikipedia

I first saw these earrings on Carly Shannon of the TV show, Travelers. She was a total bad ass character, so I think I thought that maybe if I would get and wear these earrings, I would feel more bad ass, too. I also noticed that Dog’s (the bounty hunter) late wife Beth wore them as well, and no one could deny her level of tough.

Anyway, I love these Venus symbol earrings. I got mine on Etsy from a shop in Norway (women are bad ass all over the world). The shop is called MistyAurora. They are the perfect size – big enough to be noticed, but not too big to be considered over-exaggerated. Girl Power!!

Hadaki XBody Bag – I’m fickle. I get bored easily. I like a lot of variety when it comes to my accessories. Still, I have carried the same Hadaki crossbody bag, as my “official dog walking bag” for years now, and it still looks brand new. Keep in mind, I walk my dogs almost every single day, and at least once a day. My particular bag is a brightly colored, laminated cloth bag, with a sturdy nylon strap. It is big enough to carry poop bags, hand sanitizer, bug spray, a small credit card wallet, dog and horse treats, and my phone. The quality of this bag is unparalleled. Hadaki is based in New Orleans, one of the best cities in the United States!

Have a wonderful weekend!!!