admin, Author at Adulting: Second- Half

We Will All Benefit

On Friday night, my husband and I were at this little local “hole in the wall” restaurant. (Are you sensing a theme here? Wow, this writer and her husband really love those “hole in the wall” places and let’s take another guess. . . . they then went home and watched another episode of whatever “violence, gore and sex” Netflix series they are currently addicted to – and she has the nerve to write about these things, as if that is interesting) Anyway, there was a singer there who was my absolute favorite kind of restaurant entertainment. He was unobtrusive, yet you found yourself singing along to his melodies. The singer added his own twists to the very famous songs that he was covering, but he didn’t butcher them. He was so emotionally involved in what he was doing, he was fun to watch, yet he didn’t beg for your attention. You could talk to your dinner mate or you could engage in his music and either way it was good. He also introduced me to my new favorite song, Jack Johnson’s “Better Together”, which I promptly came home and downloaded to my old-fashioned iPod. (enter my kids’ groans – Mom, you still use your iPod?!?)

Watching the singer, singing his melodies, happily and evidently, for no other real reason than the pure joy of it, (this was not a big venue) reminded my of a line in a book that I just finished reading. The book is called How To Walk Away by Katherine Center and it is all about the cataclysmic changes a young woman goes through in her life, when she tragically loses her ability to walk in a devastating accident. The main character in the book was a talented singer and always loved to sing before the accident. After the accident, the main character’s sister is desperate to get her depressed, paraplegic sister to sing again. The sister tells of reading an article that said if we don’t use our God given talents, if we don’t foster our passions, then our life can just collapse in on itself, much like a black hole.

Watching the singer at the restaurant, doing his thing, makes me believe that statement. Our particular joys and interests and talents and proclivities seem to have a way to pop out of our beings, even if we try to squelch them. How many would-be artists have pages of work memos and school papers, bordered in doodles? How many athletes are always physically moving and fidgeting, their bodies humming, always looking for an excuse to spring up into some kind of kinetic action?

I think what is sometimes tragic is that we seem to get confused that we have to make a living at what we love to do. I am sure that the restaurant singer, who was donning one of those rubbery wedding bands that a lot of the hipster men seem to wear these days, obviously had other responsibilities and he wasn’t likely supporting himself or his family members, with his gigs in teeny “hole in the wall” restaurants. Yet, his musical gift, the gift that was implanted in his very own DNA has to find its outlet, some way, somewhere, otherwise I suppose that it is possible, that his life could collapse, in on itself. That, or he could remain a shell of himself, a zombie living out a life that is constantly blowing out that very flame of passion, burning inside of him.

My guess of why some of us do everything that we can to squelch our own inner passions to the point of sometimes forgetting what they are, is that we don’t understand that even just a little release of these talents into the world, keeps the flame glowing steadily. I think that maybe sometimes we are afraid that if we let the light shine, it might overtake us and overtake our whole lives, until we are uncontrollable, raging wild fires. We don’t understand that there is a lot of real, sustainable life available to us in between gaping black holes and turbulent infernos.

When people are trying to find their way back to their talents – those passions that make them feel alive, it is often said to look back at what you loved to do as a child. What made you lose time when you were an uninhibited, spontaneous, “full of yourself” kid? What special traits of yours seem to pop out, into your adult life, despite you trying to keep them contained in a box on a shelf? Are you doodling in the borders? Are you writing long, flowery paragraphs in response emails sent to coworkers or your kids’ teachers? Are you showing random kids playing in the street, how to dynamically kick a soccer ball? Maybe take a chance of fanning your own inner flames. You, and the rest of us, will only benefit for it.

George on Sleep

I slept in late today and it was delicious. I’m still a little sleep foggy. So today, I am going to give the late, great George Carlin my blog platform:

“People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.’

If you didn’t know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you’d seen.

They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the ‘mind adventures’ got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren’t unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.’

So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, ‘The creature is regenerating itself.”
― George Carlin

Casual Favorite Things Friday

Art speaks for itself, but sometimes the conversation balloon can be helpful.

Hi all! Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!!! It’s been a good, busy, productive week and now it is time to have some fun!!! New readers, Fridays are definitely casual and upbeat here at Adulting- Second Half. On Fridays, I list three favorites – anything from TV shows, to books, to websites, to jewelry, to food stuff, etc. etc. You get the picture. Please add to the list by putting your favorites in the Comments section and please check out all of the previous Friday posts for more fun favorites.

Let’s get this party started!

Jiuhong Stretch Removable Washable Short Dining Chair Protector Cover Slipcovers – Our kitchen chairs are getting a little ratty. We use them every day (like many people, we use our dining room set one time a year at Thanksgiving and also, mostly as a place to set piles of stuff). Anyway, after years of supporting four big, sweaty men and their big, sweaty, hungry friends, and also many spills and mishaps, our chairs might even be refused from Goodwill. However, these incredible slipcovers that I easily put on the chairs yesterday, made my husband and daughter think that we had gotten a whole new set of chairs! They give our breakfast area a whole new modern look and at $35 for six covers, they may be my bargain of the year. I read in the reviews that a lot of people buy these to protect their chairs when their grandkids come over or they are having a big party. Overall, I am more than pleased with this purchase!! You can order them on Amazon and there are many patterns to choose from.

Clays & Birds Twitter Feed – My aunt told me about this wonderful Twitter feed yesterday. On this past 9/11, this feed devoted its site to the brave service dogs and their handlers, who did the very difficult job of search and rescue at the site of the fallen buildings. The big “takes” I got from the stories (besides a complete and utter reminder of why I love and respect dogs, as much as I do), is that dogs get emotionally overwhelmed like we do and oftentimes, these search and rescue dog/people teams are volunteers and are not at all paid for their training and service. Wow! On the first point, the stories talked about the dogs getting so drained and overwhelmed by only finding deceased people, that live firefighters volunteered to be “found” alive by the dogs, to keep the dogs’ morale up. I know that our dogs get very upset when any of our family is emotional. It was such a reminder of the fact that animals have bigger hearts than we often give them credit for having. On the second point, there are websites that you can donate money to these volunteer search and rescue efforts, as they are a very vital and worthy cause. Check the Twitter feed out and have a box of tissues handy.

Military Working Dogs Forever Stamps – My mother always taught me never to settle for the flag stamps at the post office. She always looked through the mailing stamps available and picked the prettiest ones for her correspondences. I have always appreciated that lesson. It was not lost on me, even at a young age, that she meant that on a bigger scale, with all of our little choices that we make throughout the day. For often no upcharge, you can drink your water out of the prettier glass, or your coffee out of the mug that makes you smile, etc. etc. The little details often do matter. Anyway, as a person who loves stationery and always looks at the new stamps available, these have been my favorite stamps to come out all of this year! For the very reasons, discussed above, you can’t help but appreciate the loveliness and dignity of this stamp collection.

Have a great weekend, friends! Thank you, truly, for your support and validation!

From my other favorite Twitter feed (Think Smarter):

Thank Yourself

Have you thanked yourself lately? Have you given yourself some appreciation? Have you told yourself how grateful you are for the life that you have created? I think that you deserve some recognition for all that you do for yourself, don’t you? I’m sure that you are good at feeding yourself criticism and admonishment to do more and to be more, but have you balanced that out with any loving kindness and valuing of yourself?

Have you thanked yourself for everything that you have tried in life, even when it was hard? Have you really thanked yourself for all of the experiences you have tried – the new places you have gone to, the new foods that you have attempted to cook and to savor, the new abilities that you have taken the time to learn and to master, the new jobs and career paths that you at first had so little expertise in, the new relationships that you have nurtured, willing to risk your fragile heart? All of those things take so much bravery and courage. You deserve thanks for all of those experiences.

Have you been grateful to yourself, for all of the fun that you have given to yourself – interesting books and movies and shows and music and art that you have gotten lost in, amazing trips and vacations to places so different from what you call home, the willingness to laugh out loud at all of the absurdities that come with life? It’s great that you let yourself relax and to laugh and to smile and to take pause.

Have you said thank you to your body lately – the vehicle that allows you to experience all of the sensations that life has to offer? Have you thanked it for taking you to where you want to go, to helping you bring forth more life into this world, for continuing to run on the low fumes of lack of sleep and good nutrition, that sometimes come from the busy life that you lead? Have you thanked it for being so reliable and rarely breaking down? Or do you just get angry at your body for not being photo-shop beautiful or for finally breaking down and getting sick, when it has been pushed too far?

Have you been grateful to yourself for the comforting nest that you have created for yourself and for your family? Have you really said thank you to you, for giving yourself that comfortable couch, that warm bed, those cozy pillows, that eye-catching statue that is so aesthetically pleasing to you, and those large windows that allow the beautiful nature to feel like it is part of your inside home? Have you really thanked yourself for creating a soothing place to call home?

Have you thanked your sensitive heart for risking hurt with every new relationship that you have entered into? Have you thanked yourself for nourishing your relationships to the point that you really understand the depth and the breadth of your deepest love, even with the vulnerability that comes with that gift from your heart? Have you thanked yourself for co-creating every wonderful, wonderful relationship in your life – the good ones that you have with your partner, your family, your friends, your pets, your co-workers, your God? Those relationships that you work so hard to nurture are perhaps the most beautiful gift that you have given to yourself. Have you really said thank you to yourself for co-creating and nourishing them?

Have you thanked yourself for removing yourself from harm – harm and hurt from toxic relationships – toxic people, toxic places, and toxic things that were sucking the very life, right out of you? You took those very courageous, heart wrenching steps for yourself, to disentangle yourself from pain, when nobody else would or could do it for you. Wow, how amazing and loving and strong and protective of you! Have you really said thank you to yourself for all of this?

You are amazing to yourself. You do so much for yourself, even in the sometimes constant barrage of criticism and total lack of appreciation. There is no one who has done more for you in your life, than you. There is no one who is more reliable, willing and able to be with you, from your very beginning until your dying day. There is no one else in this world who is wholeheartedly with you, in your every triumph, and in your every stumble, than your very self. Have you thanked yourself lately? If there were any other person in your life, who has done this much for you, and stuck with you throughout your lifetime, through all of the good times and all of the bad, you would probably be on your knees and in tears of gratitude, for everything that this person has done and has been for you. How could you not love yourself? At the very least, have you thanked yourself?

9/11

As awful as 9/11 was, I remember feeling so close to everyone. I remember feeling love and compassion for others, strangers even, like I never had before. We were living in Pennsylvania when it happened, and our neighbor was on a business trip in NYC. He was in the World Trade Center. Thankfully, he was a survivor of the attacks. A couple of weeks after the attacks, he came to our house to tell us about the experience. I remember how much he emphasized how kind everyone was to each other, as they hurried down the staircases. He said that it was less of a panic and more of a unified urgency to help each other to safety. Out of one of the most hateful acts ever to be perpetrated, came out a universal Love like most of us had never experienced.

The Golden Carrot

My husband showed me an article in the Wall Street Journal over the weekend that showed a mansion on the market with its own underwater labyrinth of caves, meant for scuba diving. It is located outside of Kansas City. Overall, the mansion cost over $30 million dollars to build. Right now, it is listed at $11.8 million. Another 13,000 square foot mansion in Pennsylvania is being auctioned by its owner, in hopes for a quick sale. The mansion took three years to build, got finished around 2009 and cost over $35 million dollars. Having been up for sale since 2016, it is now being auctioned for $14.9 million. Up the highway from us, is a home that has been for sale for as long as we have lived here (over eight years). It boasts the largest residential pool in our county with 14 waterfalls and a lazy river. The 21,000 square foot mansion also has its own in-house ice cream shop.

It struck me that there are many reasons why these enormous, very custom homes do not sell very easily. First of all, and obviously, there is a very small pool of buyers with the financial ability to purchase these mansions. Further, if one has the ability to buy and maintain such a home, they also have the ability to build their own creation, custom to their own interests, which might not include scuba caves and ice cream shops. It also struck me how quickly these homes seem to go up for sale, after being having been completed. They don’t seem to be utilized and enjoyed, very long, despite all of the vision and planning and resources, that it took to create them. It really is the perfect analogy as to how life works.

Human beings get focused on our goals. It is in our human nature. Our DNA propels us to move forward, always with a little bit of discontent, believing that our next achievement is going to bring us the contentment that we crave. If we didn’t have that craving for the new attainment, would we have ever progressed beyond our cave dweller state of being? The thing to remember, though, is that the most enjoyment usually comes from the process of trying to attain our target. The excitement of building an idea in our head of what we would like to obtain, create and/or achieve, and then finding the means to bring about this idea into the material world, is the thrill of living. When we actually accomplish our goals, there is often a sense of disillusionment, maybe even some disappointment, after the initial exciting sense of glory wears off. We go after our prizes, but rarely is it the end resulting prize, that brings us the most pleasure. The process of working towards the achievement of the prize is really what keeps our juices flowing. And how often, after finally completing our mission, do we soon start searching for our new mission to fulfill? We put our 16,000 square foot colossal ideas brought to fruition on the auction block, and we start focusing on the next castle in the sky, to fulfill our dreams.

I don’t think that there is anything wrong with this realization. Again, I think that it is this constant yearning, in our human nature, that is what has brought us to all of our creative advances, so far. I think that it is probably more peaceful, wise and exciting, though, to clearly understand this, about our own very natures. We think that we all crave contentment, and so we strive at goals, with the idea that the achievement of said goal (money, power, relationships, physical prowess, genius creations/inventions, material items, academic/industry prizes, world peace, fame etc. etc. etc.) will give us this feeling of contentment. Yet it rarely does, or if it does, it only does so for a short time, before we are on our yearning search, to complete a new ambition. So perhaps the real answer to achieve contentment, is to be content with our discontent. Perhaps, coming to peace with the idea that our journeys will never be satisfied, that we will always be craving more experiences, more discoveries, more advancements and, the best part of this dissatisfaction, is the action and energy, that it propels us to take. We crave a sense of fulfillment, achievement, and contentment that stays with us only briefly when we win the gold medal. But if we realize that what really gives us contentment, is getting back into the training for the next race, our heads buzzing with the excitement or working towards the next Olympic gold medal, we are okay knowing that the carrot will always be on the stick. We will be honest with ourselves, knowing that our true contentment really comes from the chasing of that carrot, not the consuming of it. We will enjoy the process of living, with the realization that the process has no real end.

All I’ve Got

Josh – For the first time in my life, I’ve stopped thinking of myself as a child, imitating an adult.

Cornelia – You feel that way, too? – From the film While We’re Young

I was reading that Noah Baumbach, the writer of the movie While We’re Young (cute, fun 2014 film, starring Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts) has come out with a new film that is going to be featured on Netflix. It is called Marriage Story. Actors Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver are the main characters in the movie and there is a lot of Oscar buzz around it. (that doesn’t say much these days – it could be a bad omen) I was all set to download the film, until I disappointingly, figured out that it doesn’t “drop” until December. It’s kind of like seeing Christmas decorations in stores already. How much anticipation do we need?!

Today’s Monday. That’s all I’ve got. Have a good one, friends!

Two Sides to the Blade

PRAYER OF THE SELFISH CHILD

by Shel Silverstein

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep,

And if I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my toys to break.

So none of the other kids can use ’em….

Amen.

“Egos trip, but humble doesn’t stumble, baby.” – Think Smarter (Twitter)

My husband and I stopped at a local “hole in the wall yesterday”, known mostly for its kooky-named craft beers. It was in an industrial park, was furnished with thrift store furniture, had only one, addicting, retro arcade game, only played vinyls on an old school record player, and until recently, was only open on Sundays. And it was so cool.

I read about it, in an article written by a hesitant fan of the place. The writer was caught on the edge of the blade, that we have all been before, that edge of wanting to share with the world, something that you love and adore; something that is so unique and special and unfathomably undiscovered, wanting to give a shout-out to the creator of such an amazing thing, and yet shaking in fear, and prescient of the disappointment, of the other side of the sword. The other side is knowing that inevitably, your discovery’s amazing-ness will catch on, the item/restaurant/singer/band/foodstuff/TV show/vacation spot/store/blog (ahem) will become as immensely popular as it deserves to be, and the magic of the best-kept secret gemstone, will be lost to the masses, to the pretenders, to those who only appreciate that which is already “proven,” and thus your discovery’s novelty, rareness and sui generis will fade to the rank and file, putting you on yet another quest for the next, unexplored, uncharted, great thing.

I almost felt guilty going to the joint yesterday. Wonderful places, yet undiscovered, make you question whether you are worthy. I wanted the waiter to say, “It’s okay. You’re kinda old, but you are cool enough to be here, because you were brave enough to try.” This is probably how the first discoverers of the ancient Egyptian tombs felt. I am sure that the explorers to the new world, had to wonder if it might be better to keep their magnificent findings, to themselves and retrospectively, the native people would have probably been better off remaining undiscovered. Things tend to follow the same cycle of life, that we do. Nothing escapes it. New, fresh, undiscovered people, places and things, grow and peak and then start to decline to the archives, until some of the new, fresh, undiscovered people of the new times, rediscover the validity of the stunning archives, and the cycle starts all over again. It’s the cusp periods, on the edge of the blade, that have us all holding our breaths, watching that what we love and sometimes try to hide and hoard, about to enter its peak on the life cycle of its ultimate story and history.

Ruminating

“The wise do not attach themselves to the ups and downs of life, but stay above them.” – Rumi

I recently read an excellent book that came to me, at just the right time. As an avid reader and a dedicated over-thinker, I believe sincerely that this is how our book connections happen. It so happens that the president’s daughter recently quoted a poem by Rumi, the ancient poet and philosopher, which reminded me that I had purchased a book about Rumi’s writings earlier this year. So, I looked for it and I read it over the past weekend. The book is called Rumi: Tales of the Spirit – A Journey to Healing the Heart, by Kamla K. Kapur. It turns out that even though Rumi is often known for his poetry, he was also an ardent story teller. In this book, Kapur translates twelve of Rumi’s stories which read more like parables or even sophisticated fairy tales, and then she explains the deeper depth of meaning, that she believes that Rumi is trying to convey. It is one of those books that you think about long after you have read it. It is a book that you keep for later reflection. It is one of those books that will find you, again.

The parables of Rumi that struck me the most were the ones talking about our need to let go of attachments. When your children start leaving the nest at a clip pace, and you have reached middle age with an acute sense that everything in your physical world is aging along with you (your things, your relations, your body), it becomes painfully clear of all of the strings that need to be cut. Just how attached am I to my children and the futures that I envision for my children, and the beliefs and mannerisms and ideas that I think they should have, to match my narrow vision? Just how attached am I to my main identity that I have taken on as my children’s mother and caretaker? Just how attached am I to all of the physical things that we have accumulated along the way to support our family and the life of our family unit? ( You may recall that I recently blogged about, while sobbing, just how hard it was to sell a family car that long had been part of our family history.) Just how attached am I to the relationships that I formed to teachers and coaches and friends, because of the connection to my children and their activities? Just how attached am I to my fading youth, and the vitality and beauty that flows away and starts to just trickle, as I age? Just how attached am I to the way things were, when the focus of our lives was this budding, growing family? Just how attached am I to all of the ups and downs, the exciting roller coaster of feelings that raising a family inevitably brings with it?

In the book, Kapur describes attachment this way:

“Attachment is something or someone we grasp desperately for our own survival; something or someone we think belongs to us instead of the Power that made it. . . . .Attachment to our opinions, prejudices, judgments and beliefs also imprison us.”

Recently my husband and I attended a dinner party at the home of a very wealthy man. He had vast collections of everything you could imagine. He had several gorgeous antique cars (and another warehouse somewhere else, apparently, full of more of them), beautiful paintings everywhere, rare hood ornaments, a brown liquor collection, a wine collection, a cigar collection, several antique sculptures, and he had so many Persian rugs, that they even surrounded his large, indoor pool. Many of us party goers asked him fascinated questions about his many beautiful objects. We asked him if it made him nervous, having everyone milling around and touching his things.

He looked at us incredulously. “No, I love to be able to share what I have found joy in,” he said.

We asked him if he rolled up the antique Persian rugs when his grandchildren came over to swim.

“No! I like the rugs to keep their feet comfortable,” he said, earnestly.

When we asked him what his favorite thing was, out of all his vast collections, he answered, without missing a beat,

“My marriage,” he said with a sweet smile.

Rumi says that detachment is not saying that you should own nothing. It is saying that nothing should own you. This man, who hosted the party, was a testament to this wisdom that Rumi extols.

The author includes one of her favorite Aboriginal proverbs, in the chapter on detachment. I’ll end this post with it:

We are all just visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. We are here to observe, to learn, to grow, to love and then to return home.

(For more reading on detachment, I also highly recommend Karen Casey’s Let Go Now – Embracing Detachment)

That’s Weird

Hi guys! Happy Friday!! The weekend is here! Happy “Favorite Things Friday”! On Fridays, I keep this light and on the material plane. I typically list three favorite items, cleaning products, foods, songs, websites, etc. that just make life a little more life-filled. Please see previous Friday posts for other favorite things and please add your own favorites to the Comments section. Without further ado:

Amkiri Visual Fragrance Tattoos – I bought this wand and stencils temporary tattoo kit for my artistic teenage daughter to have fun with, and to share with her friends. (including me) It is sophisticated enough to be an upgrade from the Crackerjack stick-on tattoos, but nothing you have to commit to for life (or even for a day), like an actual tattoo. (they are pretty easy to remove) My daughter has a blast experimenting with the stencils and her own designs. The ink actually smells divine, to boot. So much fun to be had and worth every penny!! **helpful hint – My daughter says that baby powder and hairspray makes the tattoos last longer.

Bumblebee Tuna Packets – These packets are a fun, easy, healthy way to snack or to grab lunch on the go. The packets even have a built in spoon. There are so many different flavors to try, but we have decided that our family favorite is the Lemon Sesame Ginger variety. At only about a dollar a package, this is a wallop of good healthy protein, at a great price!

OPI Alpaca My Bags – A while ago, I featured my favorite nail polish colors on a Favorite Things Friday post. I have a new color to add to this list. This is a fabulous shade of blue. It is not a garish turquoise or ultra bright sky blue, but more of a grey-blue or a cornflower blue. It adds a sophistication to blue nail polish which is perfect as we head into autumn and the more subdued shades of the season.

Have a great weekend, friends!!!