Tag: Stephen Covey

Decency

To be clear, I am a registered Independent voter and I deeply love and respect the Republicans, Democrats and Independents in my small, intimate circle of family and friends and neighbors. Somehow, we all have managed to agree to disagree, to understand that we all have different political issues that are the closest to our hearts, and never have we been unkind nor brutal nor disdaining of each other for seeing things in different lights. I have learned so much by listening to others’ insights, even when I disagree with them. Sometimes I have even had my mind changed. Never have I allowed politics to interfere with the bonds that I hold dear.

This has never been a political blog, nor will it ever be. I will take down any hateful, disrespectful, political comments. There are plenty of other forums available for that nonsense. That being said, I can’t ignore what happened on Tuesday. It makes me believe in democracy and the power of the people again. It makes me believe that above all else, there is an enormous group of people who want to get back to decency, and to the issues that most deeply affect the group as a whole, even when we disagree on how to address these issues. In reading about Tuesday’s results, these are the quotes that resonate with me:

 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18

“Character is destiny.” – Heraclitus

“We need to ask the uncomfortable question: Is making something easier always a good thing?” – Spencer Rascoff (on the ramifications of AI)

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – Stephen R. Covey

And from Isaac Paul and The Tangle (a newsletter that tries to understand and explain both sides of the table):

“Speaking of messaging, the economy is still king.“

“Decency is about to make a comeback . . . . I think what we saw last night is a good reminder that you can run on decency and still win.”

“Colom is the same candidate who stood in line at Trump rallies, met the president’s voters, asked them about their concerns, and talked to them like human beings rather than try to prove them wrong or mock their positions. His race is yet to be called, but he may actually flip the seat blue. This is good politics.”  (Scott Colom is the Democratic candidate who is still in the running to be an elected senator in the deep red state of Mississippi)

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Warning: It’s Obvious That You’re Not Listening

“The biggest communication problem is we don’t listen to understand.  We listen to reply.” – Stephen Covey

I wish this statement wasn’t true for me, but it is, unfortunately, very true.  It’s like when someone starts talking, key words that they are saying start pinging and all of my experiences that have anything to do with those key words come to the forefront of my mind, banging loudly and insistently, to get out into the open.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I said, “I don’t mean to interrupt but . . . ”  I wouldn’t need to buy Mega Millions lottery tickets.

A friend in a book club of mine was a psychologist who studied group dynamics.  In order for group communication to be effective, she said that you should let at least three other people speak before you speak again. I wonder if waiting that amount of time makes you finally start listening to others or if it just means you are better formulating in your mind what you are going to say next?

I guess not being a good listener kind of makes you a “know-it-all.”  It means you must think that you have already heard it all, seen it all, processed it all and it is only you there needed to spout it all out.  It is like arrogantly believing that the person you are talking to hasn’t gone through meaningful life experiences that you could gain any knowledge from.  It’s assuming that they are just lumps of clay there to absorb all of your thoughts, explanations and stories without believing that they have anything interesting or insightful to say.  Ugh!  When you look at it that way, you realize how much you miss out on by not really being present to what someone else is saying.  By devising your next soliloquy while the other person is talking, you are cheating them out of an attentive listener and you are cheating yourself out of absorbing some possibly truly important wisdom and delightful observations.

“You can’t fake listening.  It shows.” – Raquel Welch