Tag: respect

Respect

My son, who is finishing up his four years of medical school in May, finds out if he gets a residency today. (sadly, some medical students after doing everything that they possibly could to get into medical school, and then doing everything in their power to pass all of the rigorous testing that medical school entails, still do not end up with residencies) On Friday, if my son has a residency, we will find out where his residency will be on National Match Day, when all graduating medical students who have residencies will find out where they will spend the next five years as medical residents, working crazy hours and making relatively low salaries while they do it. A mysterious algorithm spits this all out on one day. (it’s oddly similar to the NFL draft)

I don’t say this to brag. I am extremely proud of my son. I am extremely proud of all of my sons and my daughter. (along with my husband, my four children are my absolute favorite people on this Earth, not because of their many talents and gifts and loving natures, but mostly because they are mine) I am writing this because we don’t come from a long line of medical people in our family. We knew nothing about medical school and residencies and cadavers and National Match Day until our son decided to take this path in life. And yes, down the line, after our son pays hundreds of thousands back in medical school loans (we paid for his undergrad, a lot of medical students have undergrad loans, as well), and he pays his dues as a resident for another five years (in their first years of residencies, all doctors have to do a general medical rotation, in which they continue to witness the highs and lows of the ER, and the cancer ward, and the psych units, much like they already experienced in their four years of medical school), our son will hopefully have a well-paying, highly respected position at a hospital. But, please realize, most doctors don’t do this for the money. (that might actually be a foolish choice) My son’s two brothers have made plenty of money right out of college, selling tech products. My son’s best friends have made plenty of money right out of college as engineers or as “finance bros” in New York City. My son has not picked the easy route to a prosperous life. His climb has been on the rough side of the mountain. His climb has been an intuitive one, listening to a deep, deep calling, along with all of his medical school friends who have heard the same calling, and were brave enough to listen to it, and to follow it, despite all of the roadblocks and hardships and calamities that taking this calling endures. And for the rest of us on the other side of the mountain, thank God that these people followed this calling. For we all call to them, when we are at our weakest. And they come running.

Witnessing our son’s journey from deciding he wanted to get into medical school (less than half of people who decide to apply to medical school, get in, often applying to 40+ medical schools each), hearing horrific and inspiring and shocking and hopeful and devastating stories that were not fictional depictions of what goes on in hospitals, (Truth is always stranger and certainly more poignant than fiction.), watching our son work grueling hours, while taking one difficult test after difficult test after difficult test, in order to graduate from medical school, I have never felt a more profound respect for those in the medical fields, than I feel right now. I don’t give my respect away easily. People have to earn my respect. My son has earned my deepest respect. His fellow medical student friends have earned my deepest respect.

For those of you in the medical fields, you are among those elite people who make choices not just for yourself, but for all of us in society. Police officers, soldiers, teachers, firefighters and many, many others belong to this most elite of tribes. Thank you for listening to your calling and for serving the rest of us with your incredible gifts. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Relationships

I’m sorry that I have been delayed with my post this morning. I’ve been constantly interrupted by my own distractions. Ironically, I was incredibly excited to have a totally unscheduled day. Perhaps there is wisdom to having a regular schedule.

I printed this out the other day. I also texted it to my husband. It’s an excellent reminder. We have always declared that it was vitally important to both of us to have genuine, authentic relationships with our adult children. I do not care to have any relationships, with anyone, based on fear, obligation or guilt, for the rest of my life. I’ve noticed that the relationships that we take the most for granted are often the ones with whom we are closest to in life. Some parents seem to have this sense of entitlement of “owning” their children, even after their children have long embarked on becoming adults. Some parents seem to think that they are “owed” a relationship with their children, just because they are their parents. But our children didn’t ask to be born. Once we are all adults, relationships are mutual. Would you choose to be close friends with anyone who was described as above? Would you choose to spend a lot of time with someone described as above? Would you want your children to spend a lot of time with the type of person described above? We are always modelling living to our children, even when we are all adults. What are you modelling to them with the relationships that you accept and expect in your own life? If your adult children have the traits described above, you have the right to limit your interactions with them, as well. Adults have the right to choose what kind of relationships, and how much of a relationship that they would like to have with anyone. When you are in mutually loving and respectful relationships, what you choose to do for, and what you choose to do with each other, is done out of choice, and because of honest love and connection. If you are still financially supporting your adult children, ask yourself why? Are you truly giving unconditional gifts, or are you trying to leverage that support with manipulation and control? Healthy relationships with anyone do not require manipulation and control. In fact, utilizing control and manipulation is the sign of unhealthy relationships. This poem by Kahlil Gibran has always been one of my absolute favorites. It speaks ultimate truth:

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
     And he said:
     Your children are not your children.
     They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
     They come through you but not from you,
     And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

     You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
     For they have their own thoughts.
     You may house their bodies but not their souls,
     For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
     You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
     For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
     You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
     The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
     Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
     For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

995. What are you hypocritical about?

Monday – Funday

A wise person once said to me, “You don’t go to the gym, see a totally fit, “stacked” person and say to yourself, Hmmm, I wonder why they are here? They are already totally fit.”

When you see the totally fit person at the gym, you inherently realize that they are there at the gym to maintain their body’s strength and flexibility. They got fit at the gym, and they stay fit by regularly going there to work out. Their body’s strength and flexibility and health are a priority to them, and this is shown by their actions.

My hairstylist is 60 and I have been going to get my hair done by her for almost a decade. Since I’ve known her she has always been thin and svelte. Even during the pandemic, she kept her weight steady. My hairstylist also has to stay on a gluten-free diet for her digestive health, and she told me once that it really bothers her that people assume that she is thin only because she is on the gluten-free diet. She works hard at maintaining her weight, and her health, and it “irks” her that people think that she just lucked into her long-lasting body type.

Whatever you admire about a person – their relationships, their career, their style, their health, their knowledge, etc., most likely did not come easy. Even if the natural, raw talents and abilities were there, it is difficult to grow, and to maintain these gifts. It’s an uncomfortable truth, but the facts are, people live their priorities. It’s insulting to someone to treat their best attributes, assets, and gifts as only lucky breaks, which just happened to easily and randomly fall upon them, out of the clouds, and then magically stay there, without any effort on the lucky person’s part. When you see the admirable “finished product” of success, health, happiness, you don’t see all of the “behind the scenes” of blood, sweat, and tears, research, desire, tough decisions, and prioritizing that it took to get there, and then also, to keep it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Mad Respect Friday

John Cena has set a new record for most wishes granted through the Make A Wish Foundation. He has now granted 650 wishes to critically ill children — more than anyone else in history. (Tweet sent this morning by @Goodable)

Happy (Favorite Things) Friday!! Happy Best Day of the Week. Today, my favorite is John Cena. He is my favorite wrestler of all time and I have never even watched a full wrestling match in my lifetime. When my youngest two children were little, they were big fans of wrestling. They bonded over it. Earlier this summer, my youngest son showed me a news story where John Cena surprised one of his biggest fans, a Ukrainian boy who has Down Syndrome and is currently a refugee, by surprising him and spending a whole afternoon with him. When they had to leave Ukraine, due to the war, the young man’s mother told him that they were going to look for John Cena, as it was the only way to get him to leave their home. When John Cena saw this story on the news, he decided to make the young man’s mother’s words, the honest truth. What a wonderful, big-hearted man!! John Cena’s catch phrase is: “Respect: Earn It!” John Cena, you have earned our respect.

Have a fabulous weekend! Respect yourself. Respect others. Show respect and appreciation to those who have earned your respect. The way to make the world a better place is just to work on being a little bit better, ourselves, each and every day. Those little bits add up, sometimes even to Guinness World Records.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday-Funday

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

I think this is why there is such an outpouring for the loss of Queen Elizabeth II. She didn’t sit on her throne of entitlement. She didn’t expect or demand people’s respect (while arguably, she had more “titles” and “higher up duties and obligations” and “familial roles” than almost anyone). She earned people’s respect. There are so many examples in life, where people have expectations of treatment just because they have a certain title or a function, and they believe that’s all it takes for others to bow down to them. And then they sit in their victim chairs and pout, when they don’t get the respect which they think that they “deserve.” That’s not how life works. Respect is earned through our actions, our values, and how we treat others. Respect is not “a given”, just because of the titles and roles one has in life.

RIP, dear Queen Elizabeth II

You have earned our respect.

To Thine Own Self

I think the reason why President H.W. Bush’s memorial is hitting so many of us so hard is because we are searching for a simpler sincere truth.  We are searching for common values that can resonate with all of us, from our deepest inner beings.  I don’t discuss politics with my friends.  I don’t consider myself a particularly politically-oriented person, yet so many of my friends, in all different age groups, whose political leanings I honestly could only guess at, have expressed a certain wistfulness for the days when our country seemed easier to define.  We had a unified pride in the United States, while still understanding that we had differences in opinions.  The vision and love and respect for the United States seemed to be more of an understood commonality back then, than it seems to be now.  A friend of mine who now has a grandchild, told a few of us, those of us who are mothers in our forties, that she hopes that we have raised a generation of children that will bring things back to a simpler, respectful honor.  I do, too. . . .  I do, too.

President Bush (’41) was supposedly a wonderful letter writer.  He hand wrote many, many letters.  I think that is the wonderful part of being naturally inclined to write.  I told my husband recently that one of my favorite things about this blog, is that my children and grandchildren will have my voice.  They may better understand me and thus, my influence on them, by my writings.  That is why I aim to be as authentic as I can be, when I write.  I want them to know me, at my very core, goodness and flaws.  I want them to glean understanding of me, my points of view, my interests, my cares and loves, so that they can better understand how I may have touched their lives.  I think that it is a blessing to have the need to write.  I am so grateful for this inclination.

I watched an interview with Jenna Bush Hager, in which she was introducing her new baby daughter to George and Barbara Bush, her grandparents.  Jenna asked her grandfather what words of wisdom that he thinks of, to give to the newly born babies of this world.  He thought for a moment and then he stated very firmly, “Be true to yourself.  To Thine Own Self Be True.”