Tag: reflection

Cycles

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Lin

When you have spent a good portion of your life striving to get ahead, raising a family, doing your best in the societal constructs of our times, and you come to a point of culmination – family grown, savings in the bank, learning from your past achievements and your failures, you give yourself a little timeout time to just breathe, and to bask, and to celebrate, and to reflect. And then . . . . the fear of growing stale and bored starts building up in you, and so you start to explore new things for new times. And these new things feel exciting and scary and uncomfortable and necessary if you want to continue to grow. My husband and I are starting baby steps into some new things, for this new phase of our shared lives.

Recently, my husband and I talked to each other about an older couple who lives across the street from us. Our neighbors are kind, and predictable and reliable. They are a comfort to watch them in their completely regular everyday routines. They are like a wonderful, well worn pair of your favorite slippers. But this couple is older than us – much older. We aren’t ready for “settled in our ways” yet. And so we have started considering new ideas and new interests and this is kind of unsettling. We are brushing the dust off of some of “our old ways”, and we are getting brave to explore parts of ourselves which we may have yet to discover. We are stirring things up to get “unsettled in our ways.”

If I have seemed distant and distracted on the blog lately, it’s because I am. I am propping up my courage to actively explore what I want in the next five years, and beyond. I am trying to get really real and authentic with myself, about what is working, about what isn’t working, and about what needs to change, and about what needs to be brought in, and about what needs to be let go, now that I am at the early stages of a brand new era of my life. I am starting to execute ideas that have been building in my mind, and this is exhilarating and intimidating all at once. I haven’t felt those kinds of feelings, this deeply, for a while, since I was finishing up my last stage of the first half of my adulthood. I understand that these are just the cycles of life, which keep on cycling us forward into our futures. And like all of the beginnings of my past life cycles, I am full of hopefulness and trepidation in equal measures. But the energetic momentum keeps me moving forward into new adventures. I honestly can’t wait to see what is up ahead and around the bend.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1690. Who makes you laugh without even trying?

Too Much

Nothing is more lush than the beginning of summer. The start of summer is full of sun, and colors in their most full and vibrant varieties, and long, lingering, “hesitant to go to sleep” daytimes. No one rushes in summer. There is a feeling in the air, that there is time enough to get everything done, even if “everything” includes a whole lot of nothing. No one makes any excuses in summer. You don’t have to make excuses when languid is the expected pace of anyone and anything. Summer is the excuse. I read an article today that suggested that depending on the person or the situation, the beginning of summer is either a time of hope, or a time of dread. I reflected on this idea. When I was a child, the beginning of summer was bursting with hope and excitement. School was off, pools were open, trips were planned, new adventures were as ready as one’s imagination, on a daily basis. When I was a mother of young children, I felt pretty much the same way. It was a relief to get off the hamster wheel of the school and sports schedules that pulled us in exponential directions. It was okay to sleep in, because the daylight would last seemingly forever. Now I am an empty nester. And I live in Florida. Florida is notorious for hot and humid summers. And we are only at the starting gate of “Hot and Humid.” I don’t dread summer. I enjoy the buttoned down casualness that seems to overtake even the most “buttoned up” of any of us (myself included). But any beginning “hope” of the summer season, quickly turns to “I really, really hope summer’s over soon” as the sun turns itself to the Broil setting, and the hopeful blooms of lush quickly turn into dry, shriveled patches of parched surrender, and hurricane season swoops in with its dramatic, unpredictable flourish. I get it now. The beginning of summer can be a time of hope and yet also, a time of dread. And Summer, with her optimistic, light-filled, bright disposition, boldly bouncing in, donning her hard-to-miss ANYTHING GOES colorful t-shirt, laughs at the idea that anyone could dread her coming into town. “Is there really such thing as too much of a good thing?” she boldly asks, as she heralds in the only season which we collectively dare to answer that question.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:

1682. What do you consider unforgivable?

Unplugged

Credit: Gregorio Catarino, X

The picture above kind of sums it all up, doesn’t it? My husband, two of our sons and our daughter all had plans to go to the gym this morning. (I didn’t. The gym is not my thing.) Needless to say, those plans never came into fruition. The day after any big event/holiday/vacation is such a hodgepodge of emotion and sensation, isn’t it? Satisfaction. Relief. Exhaustion. Disbelief. It takes a while to process everything that goes into “the biggies” once they are completed, right? We are made up of our minds and bodies and spirits, but sometimes these three aspects need to get synched up, in order to move forward. Our minds are already going to: “Time to clean up and let’s move on to the next thing. Get your calendars out.” Our spirits are going: “Wow. A lot just happened over these last few weeks. How am I feeling about everything that went on? I didn’t realize that I could feel this many things all at once. I need a good laugh/cry/bath/sigh/hug from my better half/last piece of pie, before I can move on.” Our bodies are going: “Ugh. Help me. System overload. Can we please get back to normal before I explode?!”

Try not to jump right back into the saddle until all three of your aspects of yourself are ready to move ahead into the new year. If we all made “overall health” a desire for 2024 what would that look like? What does your mind need to stimulate itself more healthfully in the new year? Our minds are like German Shepherds. They need to work constantly and if they are not given a task, they will make a mission for themselves. Have you let your mind run amok like an untrained German Shepherd? Get a leash and be the leader of your mind this year. What about your body? What could be tweaked (or even overhauled) for a healthier new year for the daily vehicle which allows you to experience life? And spirit . . . Sweet spirit. Has your spirit been neglected? Is it a tangled ball mess of emotion that could stand some dedicated quiet and safe detangling time, perhaps at the end of each day with some meditation or prayer or with a good listener?

Sometimes when we are utterly depleted, these are the times that make us most open and receptive to what needs to be tweaked and even changed in our lives. These times of overload, force us to stop and to reboot. Are the programs that we are running “in all three facets of the game” the same ones that we want to utilize in 2024? What’s ready to be shut down? What’s ready to grow? It’s not lost on me that we end every year with the bang of “The Holidays.” It’s overwhelm by design. It forces us to collapse and to refocus, just in time for a precious, fresh new year in our lives.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Whoa

I always tend to get a little frustrated at this time of year. This time of year is also around my birthday, and so my juices really get flowing, thinking about what I want in the new year. I get excited about the little tweaks that I want to make in myself and in my habits, and I get electrified about the adventures that I want to plan, and to go on. I get revved up like a racehorse, chomping at the bit, in a starting gate. I want to “Go!” And sometimes the holidays feel like an annoying distraction. Sometimes the holidays feel like this inching along, tedious, busy work detour to go through, before I get to the place where the starting gate is able to be open once again. And as I write this, I realize that this is a terrible attitude.

You have to get to the finish line before you start the next race. And you have to take a slower paced victory lap, in order to build your stamina, and to catch your breath before you are ready to start a new race. You have to process what you did right in your last run, and where there is room for improvement. You must take the time to rest, and to celebrate your growth and the experience which you gained, and to integrate these aspects of wisdom into yourself, before you start galloping off again. A deliberate slowdown is important, and this celebratory, introspective time is not meant to be rushed through. The holidays are the time to cool off, to stand still, and revel in the adornment of the “Garland of Roses”, celebrating another year lived in your own precious life. To run races, one right after another, again and again, is just not sustainable. So, in short, whoa Nelly! (Or in my case, whoa Kelly!) The new race is right around the corner. Take a breath. Rest, reflection, and revelry is every bit as important as racing onward.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Marco!

credit: Just Mike, Twitter

Laughing is good. There are a lot of funny people in the world. I saw someone pose the question on Twitter the other day, “Would you rather be smart or be funny?” A lot of people responded that most funny people tend to be quite smart. “Funny” itself is kind of a cute, funny word.

I pick up our youngest child, our daughter, from her university today. After a small bout of homesickness, she came out of her shell and took her first summer session at college by storm. My one son exclaimed that his sister had done more activities this summer at college, than he had done there in all four years. Funny.

Our daughter will be home for a couple of weeks, before she heads back to school for fall session. I am excited and aware. Once a child leaves home they never come back quite the same. And this is not a bad thing. It’s fun to see the facets of your children that are glistening new aspects of themselves, which only occur when they leave the nest and really explore things on their own, with a blossoming adult outlook. This is when your relationship with your children starts to evolve into a mutual, adult relationship, and this is when we parents and children start to explore each other’s personalities, experiences, perspectives on a more level ground. We get to know each other more as “people” versus rigid, hierarchical roles. I honestly enjoy this shift. It’s surprising, interesting, and a growing moment for both of you.

As has been the case with all four of our children, I think that our daughter is most excited to reunite with our dogs. They never disappoint. Dogs never hold back their exuberant feelings of love and excitement.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Quietly

Image

I’m not a quiet person. No one has ever really accused me of being quiet. No one in my family really is all that quiet. My family tends to do things big, and loud and in numbers. Interestingly, my sons have the tendency to get into serious relationships with ladies who are only children. My eldest son flew in with his girlfriend (an only child) last night. I kept watching her, wondering what she could possibly be thinking/feeling, while digging into a seafood boil with a cacophony of loud, cackling people, while going through piles of family pictures, and all of the while, three energetic dogs swirling all around her, throughout the night. If she hated it, she’s an excellent pretender. She’s lovely. My middle son has dated his girlfriend (also an only child) since high school. Recently I heard her describe our family like this, “They’re loud and there are a lot of them, but they are so much fun.”

Still, relatively speaking, I notice that I have grown quieter as I have aged. I do like to “hide in the corners” more, and just observe. I find myself wanting to really just soak it all in. Watching my family, never grows old. Marinating in what really matters in life, is the most alive I ever feel, even when I am being unusually quiet and still.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

The Wide Open Sea

Yesterday, a good friend of mine from college announced that she was taking an early retirement from a career that she has had since we graduated from college almost 30 years ago. I am so excited for her, and I am also extremely curious to see what she ends up doing next. I think that this new stage of life, this second half of adulting, sometimes feels a little rudderless. The options are starting to open up more and more, and that feels exciting, yet daunting, and sometimes overwhelming, all at the same time. For a long time, I was sailing along in the narrow channel of raising a family, while my husband built his career and supported our family, and now, I am seeing this wide open seascape at the end of the channel. It’s thrilling, but my compass is doing that wild shaking and moving that happens sometimes with compasses. It hasn’t quite settled down yet. I am eager to watch the other ships who have travelled the narrow channel with me, enter into the big, blue sea. I am curious as to where their new travels will take them, as the confines of the structural shores, slowly fade away. I want to be inspired by the other captains’ ideas and visions. I want a new destination point. I don’t like feeling rudderless.

This is a time period in our lives where “the lulls” are starting to be broken. Our kids are growing up and moving out. Our priorities are starting to shift, sometimes rapidly. We’re getting signals by watching the changes in other people’s lives that remind us that we don’t have to keep doing things the way which we have been doing them. There is no “one size fits all” formula to live life, and that seems more acutely evident now, than it ever has before. Two others of my closest friends from college become official empty nesters this year. By summer, all of their children will have graduated from high school and moved on towards their own adult lives. I am only one year away from this phenomenon myself. Wow.

I am guessing that in this next stage of my life, I will be doing a lot of loop de loops. There is a great deal more space in wide open sea, to change directions, and to stop and to explore small islands of curiosity. There is more space for error in wide open territory. Of course, the weather can get turbulent. There may be less “protection” from the winds of change, that my narrow channel afforded. Still, I am ready for the adventure. Anticipation is a delicious part of life. Anticipation of the unknown is one of the biggest thrills in life, if you can get past the fear.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. - Douglas MacArthur

Are you passing on love, or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.