Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ Like so many, my husband and I went to see the movie, You Can See Everything this past weekend. Our kids liked it better than we did (it’s three hours long, which for middle-aged people who frequent the bathroom, is just too long), but the film certainly raised some interesting questions. I couldn’t help going down some rabbit holes about the movie, about Theranos, about Elizabeth Holmes, and about what makes any of us susceptible to deception and fraud. The movie makes you question whether Elizabeth Holmes is deliberately manipulative and deceptive, or whether she is living in her own made-up reality, and has deceived herself as much as anyone else.

One podcast I listened to about the movie, was a panel of mental health professionals. They were debating about what circumstances which would have helped to “create” an Elizabeth Holmes (the usual nature versus nurture debate), but the more interesting part of the conversation to me, was about why any of us are easily deceived. (Theranos bilked “smart” investors out of billions of dollars, even when there was no obvious proof that its blood-testing machines had any efficacy at all). Who, in their lives, has never been a victim of some level of fraud or deception? Most of the experts seem to come to the conclusion that the reason why even the “wisest” among us, can get duped, is that we humans are very attached to our own stories and narratives. We want to believe what we believe, and we don’t want to have to make any changes to the narratives which we have created. Facing reality could force us to have to make hard decisions in our lives, which we aren’t prepared to make. Facing reality can make us face hard truths about our own selves, and a lot of the times, our fragile egos just can’t handle this. The stories we tell ourselves serve us well. They make us feel safe and in control. Sometimes the lies that we tell ourselves are so entrenched, that on a conscious level, we truly believe the lies told to us, or the lies we’ve told ourselves, even when the irrefutable facts sit right in front of our faces. So, in this sense, are we all simultaneously living out own little realities (as marketers know – Perception is Reality)? We all could be experiencing the exact same circumstances in the physical world, and yet our perceptions of these experiences is what actually makes each of our own realities true to us. Maybe we are all living in our own little worlds?

The mark of a good film is that it makes you think long after you’ve seen it. In that sense, You Can See Everything is a good film. At least that is my reality for now (truthfully, right after I saw it, I didn’t honestly think it was that good of a movie). A good reminder to protect ourselves from all sorts of deception, is knowing that we can always change our minds.

+ I’ve used the catch phrase on my blog for many years now -” Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.” The other day I saw it worded in a different way that made its meaning even more clear to me:

“Your trauma isn’t your fault, but it is your responsibility.” In other words, how the pain in your life (and we all have pain) arrived at your doorstep, often isn’t your own fault, but how you choose to alchemize, heal, react to and repair your pain, is your onus. We can all leave the world a little bit better, if we work to heal our own individual pain.

Monday-Funday

Meme Credit: Achalika, Twitter

Yesterday, I had an interesting observation. If you consider the idea that all living things are just various containers/receptacles/vehicles for Life Force, the energy that gives the spark of life and vitality to every living thing, then it occured to me, despite my human smugness, Life Force, in that very moment, was having a much better time being contained in my robust, leaning towards the sunshine bamboo plant, and also being contained inside of my contented, little brown dog, Trip, as he lay napping happily at my feet with one paw resting on my foot. I, at that time, was grumbling over my weekly calendar, all the while worrying about the people and the details of the upcoming week. So the Life Force inside of me got to feel tumult and angst and a little bit of agitation about things maybe not going exactly as I had hoped and planned. Maybe being in a human container, is not the highest goal for Life Force. Maybe Life Force is much happier being contained in a tree, or in a bird, or in a fish. These entities do a much better job of acceptance and joy of just being peacefully themselves, in the moment, than we humans ever do, that is for sure.

Later last evening, my husband started talking about his excitement for the upcoming football season and the Vuelta (which is a bike race in Spain that lasts 21 days. “We” just finished up watching the equally long Tour de France about a week ago.) So, I put my foot down and I announced that last night was my night to choose what we would watch. I was in the mood for an uplifting, heartwarming movie. So I Googled “uplifting, heartwarming movies”. Many websites that I looked at that contained lists of “uplifting, heartwarming movies” had overlaps of the same suggested movies, and we have already seen the majority of these movies, but what struck me the most, is the fact that most of the movies listed were from the year 2000 and below. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) and La La Land (2016) seemed to be the most modern movies on the lists. Despite having seen it several times, we chose Jerry Maguire (1996). It never disappoints. Still, using just this one example, it was a reminder that society desperately needs an infusion of “uplifting and heartwarming.” We’ve collectively been through a lot, particularly in the last few years, so maybe it’s time to set aside dark and depressing for a little bit. A large dose of “uplifting and heartwarming” would do us a world of good. Large doses of anything are made up of small particles of the same matter. Maybe if we each choose to be a small particle of “uplifting and heartwarming”, we will start seeing “uplifting and heartwarming” in masses, everywhere we go. Maybe we will even see “uplifting and heartwarming” in the movies, again.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

It’s Me, Friday

Happy Friday!! Happy Favorite Things Friday!! I’m not going to be writing much today, because I am going to a matinee with my favorite daughter (yes, she’s my only daughter), doing one of my favorite things (going to the movies), and seeing a movie based on one of my favorite books of all time. (Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume) I’m so happy that they finally made a movie out of this great book. I love all things book related. Not only are books my favorite, but so are bookstores, and libraries, and those little free libraries that look like bird houses, and bookmarks and book covers . . . . . .

Today’s favorite has nothing to do with books, however. Today, my favorite is a hairspray that the kind, informed clerks recommended to me, when I was at Sally Beauty Supply the other day. (Remember, I live in humid Florida. Humidity is not kind to hairstyles.) When Sally clerks first recommended their best selling hairspray to me with the selling feature of “it works, but you can still comb through it” in my mind, I automatically turned that statement into, “Oh okay, so it doesn’t work.” But I took the professionals’ advice anyway, and it turns out, this hairspray is good stuff. It works! Professional Sebastian Shaper Plus Hairspray is the best that I’ve tried yet in my long life with my fine and stubborn hair.

Now, I’m going to go use a little bit of this liquid gold in a bottle on my hair, as I prepare to see my movie with my best girl. Have a great Friday!! See you tomorrow!!!

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Family Movie Night

I read something yesterday that struck me as very important. It was the question, “Is your soul begging for attention?” Our Soul’s siblings, Mind and Body are loud. They like a lot of attention and they know how to go about getting it. Our Soul sits quietly in the background, like a small, smoldering fire, that is just asking for some kindling and some stoking, to keep it alive and fiery and full of color and energy. Our Soul begs for attention through deep yearnings and leanings and our intuition. Our Soul is always trying to guide us to our life’s purposes, and to our strongest inborn talents and our most innate pleasures.

Early in March, when it became evident that the coronavirus was here to stay and that we would have to quarantine, we called the college boys home, we called our grown son, more than ever, and we called on all six of us, to make the best of a strange, scary situation. It was during these early days of the pandemic, that I heard my Soul begging for my attention. I needed to find a calming, group activity, that my entire family and I, could look forward to sharing together. With very limited options, I came up with “Family Movie Night”. Every Thursday night, one member of our immediate family would pick a movie for all of us to watch together (keeping the choice secret until the 8:00 pm start time) and then, we would discuss the film afterwards. Even my grown son, would watch the same movie, at the same time, and then Facetime with all of us afterwards. My family delighted me with their participation, their kindness, their enthusiasm, and their creativity. My daughter took things to a whole new level when she started decorating to the theme of her chosen movies, with coordinating snacks and goodies. I am the goofy, emotional, book/film nerd of my family and I think, at first, everyone went along with my idea because frankly, there wasn’t much else to do, and they love me and they like to please me. But as time went on, everyone seemed to look forward to “Family Movie Night”, more and more. We all got to see movies which we might have never chosen to watch, but ended up loving and appreciating; we got reacquainted with some really excellent old classics; and we got a lot of cuddle time on our large, semi-circle couch. My soul adored and relished in the attention.

Still, sometimes even really, really good things must come to an end. Everything has its season. With everything opening up more, and the college boys heading back to their campus lives, my daughter’s high school classes about to begin, and my husband’s and my eldest son’s work schedules getting back to a busier fall pace, the time has come for the Grand Finale of “Family Movie Night.” Tonight, I will host the last of nineteen Movie Nights, held in a row.

It’s a strange feeling to feel nostalgia and melancholy about something that hasn’t even ended yet. I knew that I would have to be the one to “officially” close out this chapter in our family’s history. No one else would have the heart to officially mark the end of “Family Movie Night”, but there would be individual excuses to bow out, and the tradition would fizzle and trinkle away, crowded out by penciled up calendars, and needed attention to other activities and obligations and priorities. I honestly didn’t want this tradition to go out, in the way of an aged-out athlete or an oblivious, elder business owner, who can’t move on, nor accept change, thus creating a whole lot of awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings, for everyone involved. I wanted everyone in my family to feel okay about the normal and natural progression of change in life. I didn’t want any guilt or discomfort to be part of what was otherwise. a wonderful memory and enjoyable experience for our family. That’s my job as a mom, right? Our job as mothers, is to nurture our babies so much, that they feel absolutely secure and confident about leaving our nests, and trailblazing their own paths in life. Our job is to make sure that they are paying attention to their Souls. And we do this by being wayshowers. When we pay attention to our own Soul’s yearnings, our children learn to do this for themselves.

I have the Grand Finale movie chosen for tonight. It is still a secret. I haven’t seen the film myself, so it might end up being a bomb, but my family gets a lot of laughs out of the “bombs”, too, so I’m not worried. It will be a good night. It will be a good ending to a great experience. It’s time to close this small chapter out, in the life of our family. I can’t wait to see what comes next for us. If I listen real closely, I know that my Soul will guide me to the next, right thing.