“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott
So, I’m not going to be writing the blog for the next week or so. I have some summer adventures planned and I want to put my full attention there.
I love to write. I love to write daily. But sometimes, you even need to take a break from what you love. It gives you fresh exaltation when you get back to it. When you find yourself missing what you love, you get really clear about who and what and where means the most to you. I hope that you will miss reading the blog as much as I will miss writing it, and that we’ll all be back together here in early July.
In the meantime, I hope you’ll take some time to read some stuff in my archives. I’ve written almost daily blog posts since 2018. There are some hidden gems in there.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
(I’ve never been a big fan of squirrels.) I’ve taken an informal survey of friends and family and we all agree that this last Daylight Savings change has been a bigger doozy than usual. I still don’t think that I have fully adjusted to it. Have you?
I just glanced at a good article by Chani Nicholas that contained these questions to utilize when you find yourself triggered by something:
“What am I feeling and why? What was the incident that got me here? Is my feeling a proportionate response to this event? And if not, what is the situation reminding me of?“
By bringing ourselves out of the emotional aspect of happenings, and by looking at the situation under an analytical lens, we can do less reacting and thus more healthy responding. We can also learn more about ourselves in the process and about what areas in our lives could use some healing. The next time that you feel a strong negative emotion about a happening, use the questions above to journal about the situation. The insight that you glean by doing this, could be priceless, and it can lead you to some area in your life that you can change, or at least help you to change the way you are thinking about it.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1087. Who would call you their biggest cheerleader?
If you want to make people exceedingly intrigued by you, and perhaps even envious of you (although this is not advised – when people are at their most envious, they are often at their worst) you don’t need millions of dollars, a perfect body, a beautiful face, a loving relationship, amazing kids, and a fancy car. You just need to be “happy.” Choose to be happy every single day. You will absolutely glow. Unfortunately, happiness is something that is available to all of us, but we make it so hard. There are people I have known who had all of the things listed above, and they were some of the most miserable people I have ever known. Happiness truly is an inside job. A happy optimist isn’t in denial. The happy optimists recognize that there is a lot that needs to be different in the world. So they choose to work at changing these things, or they choose to accept these things. And then the happy, optimist goes on to savor the myriad of things that are completely wonderful in this world. Don’t make happiness elusive. Don’t make happiness contingent on what you have or what you don’t have. Don’t compare others’ happiness to your own. Like love, happiness just is . . . . And happiness really is available to all of us. Happiness is a peaceful contentedness that is still there in the background, when sad feelings arise. It is the peaceful contentedness that is still there, even when fear is at its height. Happiness is living life in gratitude and appreciating the stories about the experiences of the moments. Why have we chosen to make happiness such a rarity? Is it smarter to sound sad, angry and bitter? Does it really matter how “smart” anyone is? Be happy. Today, choose happy at all costs. You’ll be amazed that you had the power to be happy within you, all along. And you’ll also be amazed at how magnetizing a power that true happiness can be.
“Whoever is happy, will make others happy.” – Anne Frank
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Here is the question of the day from 3000 Questions About Me:
1629. How are you still similar to your younger self?
I read a good interview with Martha Stewart, age 81, in AARP magazine. These were some good quotes (takeaways) of hers from the article:
“Aging isn’t something I think about. How old I am, slowing down, retiring – I just don’t dwell on that. People talk about aging successfully, but I think of it as living gracefully and living to the absolute fullest.”
“And I continue to think that the most important part of aging well is to stay curious, to try new things every day.”
“In this life, you have to work at staying better. That’s really all you can do. You work at it.”
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
We have been hanging out with our two middle sons and their friends this past weekend. Our sons are 25 and 22. They eat a lot, and they have high, fast, young people metabolisms. I’ve been trying to keep up as best as I can. This lipstick will definitely come in handy for the rest of the week. I just couldn’t keep it secret from you until Favorite Things Friday. Ha!
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
If there was any good that came out of that horrible, horrible day, it was that beautiful sense of connectedness with our fellow citizens, for weeks and months and maybe even a few years afterwards. If only we could use this day of remembrance to get back to prioritizing that deep feeling of compassion and unity, we would honor those who died in the highest way possible.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Yesterday, I had an interesting observation. If you consider the idea that all living things are just various containers/receptacles/vehicles for Life Force, the energy that gives the spark of life and vitality to every living thing, then it occured to me, despite my human smugness, Life Force, in that very moment, was having a much better time being contained in my robust, leaning towards the sunshine bamboo plant, and also being contained inside of my contented, little brown dog, Trip, as he lay napping happily at my feet with one paw resting on my foot. I, at that time, was grumbling over my weekly calendar, all the while worrying about the people and the details of the upcoming week. So the Life Force inside of me got to feel tumult and angst and a little bit of agitation about things maybe not going exactly as I had hoped and planned. Maybe being in a human container, is not the highest goal for Life Force. Maybe Life Force is much happier being contained in a tree, or in a bird, or in a fish. These entities do a much better job of acceptance and joy of just being peacefully themselves, in the moment, than we humans ever do, that is for sure.
Later last evening, my husband started talking about his excitement for the upcoming football season and the Vuelta (which is a bike race in Spain that lasts 21 days. “We” just finished up watching the equally long Tour de France about a week ago.) So, I put my foot down and I announced that last night was my night to choose what we would watch. I was in the mood for an uplifting, heartwarming movie. So I Googled “uplifting, heartwarming movies”. Many websites that I looked at that contained lists of “uplifting, heartwarming movies” had overlaps of the same suggested movies, and we have already seen the majority of these movies, but what struck me the most, is the fact that most of the movies listed were from the year 2000 and below. Little Miss Sunshine (2006) and La La Land (2016) seemed to be the most modern movies on the lists. Despite having seen it several times, we chose Jerry Maguire (1996). It never disappoints. Still, using just this one example, it was a reminder that society desperately needs an infusion of “uplifting and heartwarming.” We’ve collectively been through a lot, particularly in the last few years, so maybe it’s time to set aside dark and depressing for a little bit. A large dose of “uplifting and heartwarming” would do us a world of good. Large doses of anything are made up of small particles of the same matter. Maybe if we each choose to be a small particle of “uplifting and heartwarming”, we will start seeing “uplifting and heartwarming” in masses, everywhere we go. Maybe we will even see “uplifting and heartwarming” in the movies, again.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
The older I get, the more I hear the mantra “Keep moving” from people who are older than me. I think that this is probably excellent advice to heed.
Yesterday, Dr. Nicole Lapera tweeted this, “Not everyone is seeking to grow or change. Adjust accordingly.” A person agreed and responded, “Don’t project your desire to grow on to others.”
We often talk about projecting our own negative qualities on to others. “He’s so angry. She’s so negative.” When we are feeling judgmental about others, we are often told to seek out the very attribute that we are judging about others, in ourselves. (When you point a finger, three fingers point back at you.) This new take on projecting what seems like a positive quality, i.e. “your desire to grow”, made me pause.
When we do something for ourselves, for our physical/mental/spiritual health and it feels amazing and makes a huge difference in our own lives, it is natural for us to want to shout it from the hills. We suddenly see how pervasive ‘that thing’ that we have changed in ourselves, is also in our loved ones, in our acquaintances and in our society, and we want to “heal” everyone. We want everyone to experience the relief and the awakening that we are feeling. And then we feel a little shocked when we are met with disinterest, or resistance, or even anger and backlash.
I guess that this all comes down to that nasty “unsolicited advice” lesson. And if, in this instance, we look at the three fingers pointing back at us, what questions could we ask of ourselves? “Do I need validation for my new way of looking at/doing things in my life? Am I afraid of losing people/places/things that aren’t able to change along with me? Do I have control issues? Do I have a savior complex?”
It’s such a hard thing for us humans to go it alone. We are social creatures. It is difficult for us to grasp that our only project in our lives, is our own life. The only person whom we can change, make happy, and journey with, from start to finish, is ourselves. And that in itself, is A LOT. We don’t need to take on more. Any one life to steer, is enough to handle in any one lifetime. Yes, it hurts to see people whom we love struggle with things that we see could easily be fixed and healed. But other people’s lessons and journeys are not ours to fix and to heal. The best healing and fixing we can do for anyone else is to love them, know that they are being held by forces greater than us, and trust that they are on the right journey meant for them. And then we healthfully steer ourselves back into our own lanes, and we continue to keep moving on our own journey, humming a little tune to the beat of our own precious heart.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
This is the first year in a long while that I don’t have any “major biggies” right outside of my starting gate. Last year was our daughter’s senior year in high school. Our daughter is the youngest child of four kids. My mantra was “Finish Strong” and as I gazed at my 2022 calendar there were already dates filled with prom, tennis tournaments, college acceptance dates, graduation, a mother/daughter trip, etc. I started 2022 with a stomach full of dizzy, erratic butterflies and a planned up schedule with no time to think. The only plan was to execute “the plan” and to “Finish Strong.”
The first part of 2022 was focused on getting our daughter settled at her own starting gate of adulthood. The second part of 2022 was supposed to be about getting settled into our own empty nest, but a lot of happenings started occurring, right around June that took up most of our time and attention: my mother-in-law became quite ill before she passed a couple of weeks ago, our youngest son decided to graduate early from college, and so, as I ponder things, I realize that I ended up finishing this past year still feeling a little bit “unfinished.” The dizzy, erratic butterflies decided to stay with me all year long and those little buggers can be quite distracting.
I could be wrong, but it feels like the butterflies have flown on for now. Maybe they are just sleeping, but right now, I think I am where I thought I would be this past June. I am only now at the true starting gate of our empty nest. I did “Finish Strong” last year. And it finally feels like I am where I thought I would be in the middle of last year: at the starting gate of Part III of the book of my life. I have a wide open slate and it feels daunting and exciting all at the same time. I wanted to end this post with a play on the mantra “Finish Strong” so I looked up synonyms for “strong” so that I could write “Start Strong” as my mantra, but with more cache. “Start Forceful”? “Start Tough”? “Start Solid”? Interestingly, “in fine feather” was listed as one of the synonyms. “Start in fine feather.” This resonated with me. The angsty little butterflies who were with me all of last year have finally flown on, and now I too can follow into this next stage of my life, “in fine feather.” To me, “in fine feather” is not too bold, but instead sounds confident, excited, quirky, fun and anticipatory. Today truly feels like the first day of this next stage of my life. Today, I start this next leg of my journey in fine feather.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
Our daughter came home for the weekend, from college. She says that the university keeps her dorm as cold as a meat locker. Her theory is that this reduces mold spores. By the age and the look of the dorms, I think that this is a legitimate theory. So in turn, she told us that she did not sleep well here at home. Now, our home has become way too hot.
I read an article about Kelly Ripa’s new book: Live Wire. Here’s what she says about having an empty nest: “It’s scary, thrilling, liberating, shocking . . . and quiet.” In my early experience, that synopsis is spot on. Another thing that Kelly talks about in the empty nest chapter is this: “I don’t know how to make dinner proportionally.” This quote has been my story for my entire married life. I either underestimated our hunger to the point that we all needed a second dinner, or there were leftovers enough to justify the purchase of a new freezer. And I agree with Kelly Ripa, this cooking for two is insanely weird. I told my husband that we are mostly going to eat frozen vegetables from now on, because our produce is continually going bad. Life seems to be a constant cycle of getting used to “a new way of life.” New normal . . . new normal . . . new normal . . . .
Kelly also spoke about trading youthful confidence for certainty as we age. I like that thought. I think what I am becoming more and more certain about as I get older, is how little I really do know.
Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.
