Tag: middle age

Wednesday’s Whimsies

+ This is a limpkin. When in mating season, male limpkins scream (literally scream – people often confuse their screams of that of a hurt child) all day and all night in order to attract the lady limpkins, and to make it clear that the area that they are screaming in, is their territory. There is no mistaking that a screaming male limpkin means business. There is a local limpkin who has decided that the small lake on the other side of our backyard is his territory. Sigh.

+ I learned a great new word this week: farrago. It means “a confused mixture.” It’s like a fancier, more sophisticated way to say “hodgepodge” or “mishmash.” At times when I feel like my own life is a confused mixture (and that is more often than I like to admit), I think that I will use the term “farrago”. This word makes it sound like I still have everything under control.

+ My friends and I were at Carrabba’s last night celebrating a birthday, and Carrabba’s has a special going on that if you order a meal in-house, you can get another meal to take home for the next day, for only $10 (which is less than half their usual price for meals). So, I am really looking forward to Chicken Parm for lunch today. I don’t know how long this special lasts but you might want to check it out.

+ I am extremely disappointed with Dalai Lama, and the video circulating of him asking a young boy to “suck his tongue.” As the saying goes, “Never meet your heroes.” What I think is more important is, be careful who you make your “heroes.” Shouldn’t anyone whom we consider to be a “hero” be someone whom we know very well, and with whom we have had extensive personal experience with? Or maybe having heroes really isn’t a good idea at all. All humans are fallible. Perhaps it is best to work being your own hero.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Crazy World

Our youngest son graduated early from college in December, and he will be starting his first “real” job out of college this summer. He and one of his long time best friends are planning to be roommates downtown in our city, so they have been apartment shopping. I took them out to lunch the other day and it was amusing to hear them complain about all of the “crazy” things that you have to do in the adult world. They were making fun of so many things that just don’t make sense. I laughed and I told them, “Guys, you’ve only just begun. Get used to “crazy”. It’s everywhere. At least you are aware of all of the “crazy”, even if you have to be a part of it.”

Along these lines, on Easter, our youngest son was complaining about the fact that two times in a row, his Starbucks barista did not put any ice into a special new drink, which is supposed to be known and created and advertised for its full-out freezing iciness. I said to my son, “Well, next time you’ll have to say, ‘This drink is known for having a lot of ice in it, right?’, to you know, kind of jog his memory.”

“I shouldn’t have to do that, Mom. It’s his job to know how to make the drinks,” my son said stubbornly, as I barely stifled my guffaw. “Darling, there are a lot of things in this world which should happen or shouldn’t happen, but still don’t or do happen. Part of being an adult is learning how to navigate a system that’s all kinds of crazy without going crazy yourself.”

I’ve learned in life that smiles, kindness, friendliness, foresight, self-deprecating comments mentioning that I can sometimes have a tendency to be a PITA, or sometimes a little “high maintenance”, lowered expectations, and accepting that I will have to make many reminder calls and I will have to repeat many questions (and then self-deprecatingly admitting that reminders can be annoying), have helped make it easier for me to navigate my own little corner of cray-cray. The goal is “to be in this world, but not of it“, right? Of course, it took a little while to get my process into play, and being at peace that I even have “to do this process” (which sometimes feels fake and manipulative) is still something that I am working on, now in my ripe old fifties. It’s interesting being the observer of my children as they enter the arena of Crazy World, right out of their Starting Gates of Adulthood. Maybe they’ll turn crazy enough to change the world into the way that it should be.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

Credit: @MindPsychology, Twitter

It feels so good to be back in my writing seat this morning! Did everyone press your reset buttons this weekend? Are you reset, renewed and rejuvenated for the year ahead? As a big picture person (Thank goodness that I’m married to a detail-oriented person. We’re yin/yang this way. I set up the plans, and my husband makes sure that we have food/gas/directions and a perfectly packed trunk), a question that I often ask myself, or I tell my friends and family to ponder, is: “What’s the endgame here?” What am I ultimately trying to achieve? What’s most important for me in this endeavor?”

When you are dealing with a situation that you are frustrated with, and you are overthinking it, and you find yourself feeling annoyed, irritated, and possibly even stubborn and hopeless about it, take a few steps back. Pause and ask yourself if the thoughts that you are thinking, and the actions which you are taking, are necessary in order to bring you to the ultimate result, which you are trying to achieve. If you ultimately want peace for yourself, is it truly in your own best interest to hold on, like a dog on a bone, to your side of an argument? If you have grown enough in your career to support the overall lifestyle that makes you feel comfortable, is it still necessary to overwork/over-volunteer for things, as if you are desperately trying to climb the corporate ladder? If you want to keep climbing “the ladder” to see what level you can ultimately achieve, do you need to do more? If you can’t stand managing people, is the title of “manager” truly important for you to have on your business card? If you are tired of yard work, could you envision yourself living in a simpler condominium? You get the (big) picture . . . . What’s the endgame here? This “step-back and pause for a minute” question, helps to bring better clarity for ourselves. It shows us what our own honest priorities are in our lives. It helps us to eliminate confusion, and the “shoulds”, and rote thoughts and rote habits, which are things that have a tendency to cloud our clarity on what we ultimately want to achieve, and to feel, on a daily basis. It pulls us out of the deep-dive weed bed of too many details and compulsions.

If you have a frustration going on right now, ask yourself, “What’s the endgame here?” Once you have the end goal figured out, you can then see if your thoughts and your actions and your plans are matching up to that end goal. We all know that there are no guarantees. Life likes to throw curveballs at us here and there. But even when running in circles, it still feels better to know that we have taken clear-headed steps towards a direction of our own choosing.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Good Friday

Good morning, my beautiful friends and readers. Thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for “hearing” me. I love you. I started this blog in 2018, when my eldest of four children officially left the nest, by graduating from college and moving to a whole other city. And every year since then, I have written a blog post almost every single day. This blog is one of my own favorite things of all time. It has become my lifeline back to me. However, consistently, I have taken Easter weekend off from writing, since the day that I started the blog.

This is a holy time of year. Easter, Passover, Spring. This time of year is the biggest, most gapingly open portal to hope which we receive in any given year. It’s the perfect time to press the “reset” button. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are (or aren’t), you can’t help but to feel the renewal of life and hope all around you. This time of year, is the best time of year for me, to quiet my thoughts, and to let the good of life, just soak in. I hope that you are able to do the same.

Here are a couple of bonus favorites (for Favorite Things Friday), to tide you over. I hope that you are eager to come back to the blog on Monday. I know that I will be more than eager to write it.

L’Oréal Paris Age Perfect Satin Glide Eyeliner with Mineral Pigments – Oh my gosh. I can’t believe I forgot how much I love this eyeliner. I recently randomly pulled it out of a cup of eyeliner pencils that I keep by my bathroom sink, and then I instantly remembered how great it is, the minute I started putting it on. This pencil is so rich, so smooth, and so long-lasting. I love eyeliner, like Cleopatra loved eyeliner. I have a lot of eyeliner pencils. This one is the best!

Good & Gather Crushed Garlic Cubes and Crushed Ginger Cubes – I purchased these wonders at Target recently, and they have become flavor game changers. You keep them in your freezer (they look like small ice cube trays). Then, when you need to put something on the skillet, you just blop one of the frozen cubes on to the pan and it turns into the perfect mix of oil and flavor, to help to make whatever you are cooking, taste divine.

Have a wonderful weekend friends. I hope that the weekend ends with us all feeling refreshed, renewed, relieved, revived, rejuvenated and reoriented to living our lives with excitement, hope and energy. I will see you back here on Monday.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

For Your Ear

It always delights me when a friend, or another reader of my blog, claims one of my posts, as absolutely theirs – just the words/messages that they were meant to read at that particular moment. I firmly believe that all of us are just channels for Creative Intelligence. So, yes, I believe that it is true – if something on my blog, resonates deeply with you, the message is meant for you, and Creative Intelligence was just using my writing as a way to get the message to you, and to bring it to your conscious awareness.

There is a lot written about finding one’s purpose. The problem that arises most often with “finding one’s individual purpose” is self-acceptance. We are conditioned to believe that a certain type of person is ideal, and we try to be that “ideal” human whether it be a job title, or other titles/functions which we hold in our lives such as spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend, neighbor, congregant, group member, etc. Instead of listening to our own deepest callings and desires to do things in our own unique way, we live up to flimsy images, and not to the depths of the yearnings of our own individual hearts and souls.

As I mentioned yesterday, the flowers in our yard are particularly beautiful this spring. The blooms are bursting out proudly. The hibiscus is out-loud everywhere, the orchids are struggling to hold their enormous, healthy blooms up elegantly, and the bougainvillea went from almost-died-from-frostbite, to you-had-better-trim-me-up-soon-if-you-want-to-be-able-to-find-the-front door. All of this happened in what seemed like a matter of just a couple of days. You get the picture. My overall point is that I am so utterly grateful that all of our plants are so robustly, and proudly blooming, and being so fully and completely, the ultimate version of themselves. The combination of all of them together, by each being their individual best and brightest version of themselves, is breathtaking to behold. This is how it goes in life. It is never just one type of flower that makes an amazing garden. There is not just one dancer nor one singer who makes the whole of a sensational, Tony awarded Broadway show. There is not just one spice nor ingredient that makes an amazingly delicious dish.

Don’t be ashamed of the channel which Creative Intelligence has chosen for you. My begonias are not sad that they aren’t wildflowers. They are doing “begonia” this year like I have never seen them do it before. Be honest with yourself. What do you love to do? What are you being called to do? What activity do you lose yourself in, when you are doing it? Creative Intelligence wants to be able to pour Itself into the channel that It created you to be. Mourn what you wish you were, or you think that you should be, and put that aside. Stop being exhausted and depressed from pretending to be something that you aren’t. Be true to your own individual calling. And yes, this message is meant for YOU to read it, to absorb it, and then, to go be it.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Elusive

****Happy Birthday, Big Red! (and little brown dog 😉 ) M, you were the first to make me realize the divine privilege and pleasure it is to be a mother. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you infinitely.****

So I have just spent over an hour trying to upload a picture that I took of Josie, our wonderful collie. I took the photograph this morning, through our sliding glass door, as I observed elegant Josie, out on our lanai, face towards the sun, standing calmly next to our abundant, bright pink, hibiscus blossoms. Josie, a full coated, tri-color collie, is total eye candy. She is truly a feast for the eyes. You’ll have to take my word for it. The best part of Josie is that she is a sweet, gentle dog. She has no idea how amazingly stunning she is, which makes her even more lovable and incredible.

We are enjoying a fabulous spring here which is making me take more pauses, during my days, to really soak in the beauty all around us. Our plants are having a particularly good blooming season, and it feels so good to marvel at the true beauty of the little piece of this amazing world which we live in. Last night, my husband and I sat in our tall, green, fragrant grass and we gazed at the almost full moon. I didn’t want to come in. I truly felt what it means to take a “moon bath.”

In my frustration with technology this morning, I have lost my focus on what to write about. Perhaps the lesson is to stop trying to explain (in the way of words), and to stop trying to capture (in the way of photographs), but really instead, just be completely one with the beauty of the moments. Perhaps the lesson is to feel the feeling of awe so immensely, that you almost lose the borders of your body and you forget that you are anything but awe. I think that this is what is happening to me this morning and this spring. Words and pictures can never fully and completely convey experience. Words and pictures become their own experience, while the actual sensory experiences can never be taken prisoner by time, or by words, or even by film. Our every moments are precious, elusive, fleeting gifts and our only requirement is to savor them as they happen.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Cheapest Loss

***Happy Birthday to the love of my life. What we have together is my greatest treasure, and where all of the most amazing experiences of my life originate. Lucky, lucky, lucky – just like I said.***

I read a good quote yesterday that I had to ruminate on a little bit. It’s a common proverb, often used among the financial broker/trader community:

“Your first loss is your cheapest loss.”

No one gets a “loss-free life.” There are losses all along the way – loss of innocence, loss of youth, loss of relationships, loss of jobs, loss of money, loss of health, loss of loved ones . . . .if we can come to an acceptance that loss is just one of those least favorite experiences in life, we can have an easier time “cutting our losses” and taking the hard, but valuable lessons which they often bring with them.

The problem is, we don’t like to accept that loss is part of life. We have turned loss into meaning that we are “losers”, and that gets us in the gut. And so we become maniacal about holding on to whatever it is that we believe we are losing, and we make worse mistakes and create even bigger losses, to the detriment of ourselves. (Ask any reformed gambler.) Sometimes we get so caught up in “not losing” that we start hanging on to things that we don’t even want.

We’ve often heard the proverb, “Don’t throw good money after bad.” It’s hard to do. I’ve done it. (Ask me about a once beloved house in Carolina that evolved to become a detested noose around my neck.) Haven’t you? We are a hopeful lot, and that is good . . . .until it isn’t.

If there is something in your life that needs a rational, reality check, be honest with yourself about it. Stop. Think. Don’t dig a deeper hole for yourself. None of us are perfect. None of us have all of the answers. None of us have never made a mistake. You can’t go on to make a big catch, if you don’t cut bait with what isn’t working and isn’t workable. Take the lessons from the last unsuccessful cast, and move on to broader horizons.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Monday – Funday

credit: @PoemHeaven Twitter

The point is, one point at a time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The other day, I was getting a replacement crown on my tooth, and so I was a captive audience for my dentist’s assistant. She is actually quite charming and entertaining, so it was like listening to a delightful podcast. Before going to school to work in dentistry, the dental assistant spent her teens and twenties in Miami, during the 1990s, working at an exclusive resort on South Beach that catered to the rich and famous. This was an era that my dental assistant claimed that South Beach was one of the most beautiful, glamorous places on Earth. She named dozens and dozens of celebrities she had met throughout the years. She said that she was petting one guest’s cute little dog, only to look up to see that the owner of the dog was Elton John. The dental assistant said that Elton John was absolutely delightful. She said that most of the celebrities she had met were kind, warm, polite and had well-behaved children. Out of her many experiences (Janet Jackson’s personal chef made delicious pies for each of the eight pregnant employees at the resort), she only had two negative experiences with arrogant, overreaching celebrity customers. I won’t relay the gossip.

When the gauze was removed from my mouth, I asked my dental assistant a question. She had dropped out of college, to support herself and her mother, during that time when she was working many long hours at the luxury resort in Miami. Her family was a working class family who had moved from the Bronx.

“B, did you find the ridiculous displays of wealth annoying? Was it hard to cater to these types of people?”

She scrunched up her face when I asked her this. I think that I disappointed her with my question.

“No! I’m not like that. Baby, we all do the best with what we were given in life. I was a cute, bilingual Latina girl and I know that is why I got the job there. It was a wonderful time of my life and I made good money. You can’t blame people for their talent or their parents’ money. You only judge people on their character.”

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Soul Sunday

Good morning. I hope that you have a nice warm cup of coffee (or whatever your favorite morning beverage is) right near you, as you read this post. Sundays are for poetry on the blog. I also hope that you have a neat little notebook and a pen that you particularly love to write with, right next to your neat little notebook. I hope that you plan to write yourself a poem this quiet, beautiful morning. Poems are love notes to yourself.

Years ago I wrote a blog post that people seemed to really like and relate to, as it pops up as being read again and again, throughout the years. Here it is, if you are interested: https://kellyfoota.com/?s=thank+yourself or you can just search “Thank Yourself” on my blog search function.

I found this poem yesterday by a writer on Twitter, that has that same tone of my blog post. I love it, and as April begins, it’s a good poem to start the month out with, for sure (credit: @ronwritings, Twitter):

Another post I noticed on Twitter yesterday, was a post by Dr. Nicole LaPera. She asked her followers: “When was your first memory of feeling loved?” It hurt my heart, to read so many posts by readers that stated that it took well into their early adulthoods to feel loved. Some people posted that they have never felt loved. After reading a few of these tweets, I went right to our family chat, sent my family a picture of that tweet, and I wrote to my four children: “I don’t know how you guys would answer this, but I hope that you know how much your Dad and I love you, from the very start. Where you’d you get your start?” and then I added six heart emojis. And that last question is an inside family joke. Of course, this text message then turned into a family lovefest, but it honestly wasn’t a fishing expedition of mine. I wanted to be sure that my children feel loved. People need to know they are loved.

People need love. People need to feel love, and to feel loved. Why would we ever be stingy about sharing the most abundant and renewable force of energy that exists in our world? Today, love yourself. Show love to people. Be love. Feel love. It’s everywhere and it’s everything.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.

Mr. April

“Have your feelings instead of your feelings having you.” – Ashwini Narayanan

I think that the statement above might be something which I will have to work on, for my entire life. I understand it, logically and rationally, but feelings have their own power like no other, right? When your feelings overcome you, you’ve been had, and it’s hard to tuck those swirling, whirling feelings back into their rightful place. Feelings “correct” place is that of being a helpful, useful navigation system.

I read a good piece by Cassandra Tyndall this week that talks about the difference between demolition and renovation, both in our individual lives, and in society as a whole. Today in society, it seems as though we have a lot of built-up, pent-up anger, and frustration, and pain that often explodes into a system (or even into our own lives) like a wrecking ball. (These are the moments when our feelings have us.) But very few things, need to be completely demolished to start anew. With a little tweaking, and updating, and making a few changes here and there, a whole new system, entity, (or person) can emerge. When we have our feelings, and we explore what they are telling us, most things (industries, ruling bodies, relationships, structures, etc.) can be adjusted and renovated, versus burnt to the ground and annihilated, precipitating a long, hard all new start-over.

I remember when I was teenager, and first learning to drive, I would move the steering wheel quickly and wildly, trying to shift lanes instantly, which made my father turn ghost-white more than once. My father would often remind me to just made small corrections all of the time. Big movements are not necessary when driving except in dire emergencies. When we are driving to our destinations, all it takes is small corrections to keep us safely on our path.

Are you passing on love or are you passing on pain? Heal your pain and pass on love.